Newbies Nest

[20/20]

What a great community in the nest! Just fun to read everyones checking in posts. Congrats everyone on giving your very best today. Goodnight nesters!!

[Pavati]

Hiya, Nest:

Byrdie and Ava - so good to hear you learning new things. Staves off the... the... ah, memory issues. Ava, I agree. You are MEANT for counseling. You'll be great.

Hi to all you newbies. I have not been around lately, but I am going to be more often. Deja - I talked to a counselor and I agree with you - it really helped to talk to someone in person, and to commit to someone I hadn't spent ANY time trying to bulls&$t. I could lie to myself pretty easily, but not someone else. I also had a SERIOUS talk with my husband, my drinking buddy, about the seriousness of my staying sober. To my utter SHOCK he agreed that I should probably quit. Hah. I thought he'd miss his drinking buddy, but really he was missing me. That was a good milestone, too.

That "one day at a time" became clear to me after talking to someone, too. I was worried about a vacation I had planned for 8 months away, and I got advice to take it just one day at a time. So for me it is both - I have quit forever, and I am trying to just think about today.

I was out with friends this weekend, and everyone got a different beer. It was a hot day, and we had been out on a hike, and they were all tasting each other's COLD beers and talking about how great they were. I have to confess to a moment of wistful hankering. Good think I have NoSugar, Byrdie, Lav, Ava and everyone else to remind me that thoughts are just thoughts - I don't have to act on them. The pity party went on for a short time, and I ate the dessert with zeal having not consumed 600 liquid calories.

Well, there's a waffle for you.

Hope everyone is well - I didn't read back too far.

Pav

[tonyniceday]

Good morning nest.

Byrdie, I've been through Atlanta a couple of times when visiting the States - its got to be one of the biggest, most spread out airports I've come across. On one occasion we had my Mum with us and she went to use the bathroom and it was about 40 minutes before we found her again (she'd gone out and turned the wrong way!). Also had to do all the immigration stuff there before getting the connecting flight so we were very tight on time. Hope you made your connection and had a good day.

Lav, The meds are going to be changed (apparently the ones I'm on can become addictive so probably not best to swap one addiction for another!)

We lost internet yesterday afternoon in the whole village so I couldn't get on last night. Went to the Psychiatrist yesterday and she's told me I don't need to go back unless I feel it's needed and has "released" me into the care of the local Doctor - strange thoughts about that one... I know it's a good thing but in some ways whilst I still feel I'm "walking a tightrope" it also feels a little like one of my safety lines has been cut - but on the otherside, she feels I've turned a corner and was impressed that I'd been AF for 3 weeks plus now.

The garden is now getting towards being a "blank canvas" rather than the wilderness, so I'll do one more cut today and then I'm going to start putting the plan down on paper and deciding what I start with first - wrong time of year to get any great results for this season but it gives me the rest of the summer and autumn to get all the hard work done.

Hi to Justme, Ava, Eloise, Deja (are you still with us Deja - hope you had a good weekend!) and everyone else.

Tony

[available]

Evening nesters

Welcome Madon back. Never in my wildest dreams did i ever think i could get my head around not drinking but nearly 1000 days later (counting down now) life is great. Sobriety to me is like waking up in the morning, i am thankful for both. Take each day as it comes, post on here often and read.

Neo dont think about would of, we cant take back what we have done just live for today and dont drink. It takes us all awhile to get our head to the place of acceptance, i know i was very resistant to changing my life but i have no regrets now. I cant imagine me having a drink now even if occasionally i want one. Oh i was never a vomiter either, i had passed out before that happened, 2 bottles a night for me, every night of the week and more on weekends in celebration of making it through the week.

20/20 glad you flew over to the nest, its a great place to get to know others and see we all have the same problem with al.

Justme, wow 90 days, be proud of that one girl. A huge step in the right direction and isnt life so much better now. No more guilt shame or remorse for you.

Lav a bit of heat blown this way would be appreciated. It is very rainy this winter which makes everything more miserable.

Pav lovely to see you, knew you would not be drinking but have missed you checking in and thanks for the cudo's. Never would i have attempted anything when i drank.

Hi Dutch hope your hand heals and your fam are good.

Tony that seems a bit early to be let go by your counsellor. Its great she is happy with you but if you feel you need more interaction then look for another. Nothing should get in your way of your quit and do what you feel is best for you. You are doing so well.

I had a right royal dummy spit at work today and told my office manager that if things did not change i was going on stress leave, i am over trying to run a department and being blocked at every turn by morons. So i let it all out today, very calmly but i stated how i felt and who was the main culprit of my stress, which is general knowledge. If things dont change, which they havent for 8 plus years then they will lose a very efficient secretary (me!) I live in hope but this is something i would never ever have had the courage to do if i had drank. Life can only get better as i do love my job.

Well enough waffling from me
take care x

[KENSHO]

Hi Everyone. The nest seems positive! 20/20 and Madon, glad to see you here!

Neo, I found diet and blood sugar to impact my cravings on a monumental level. We eat very few grains now and my blood sugar has regulated and I don't have those mid-afternoon cravings. Keep on that track, I think it's really helpful!

Justme, I love the garden! I wish I had something with that organization in my little plot of dirt - good going!

Byrdie. I recognize myself in you, wanting to be the best at all you do, and right away. Hang in there and try to appreciate the journey

Its not just feeling "happier" when I don't drink - because I'm not always happy. It's more of a feeling of being spiritually connected with myself. At peace - even when things don't seem to be going my way. There's something so much more meaningful about life when I make the decision to live every moment and not cloud life with the haze of alcohol. I wish it was never introduced to our society.

Have a good day everyone.

[Eloise]

Glad you are doing fine Tony.
Looks like lots of positive stuff happening here, happy to see some newbies too!
We had a little break and now back to sorting ourselves before the new job.
All I can say is wow.
Our new dog sitter has turned out to be great, which is a real blessing.
I am optimistic guys!

[tonyniceday]

Hi everyone

Just finished work so I thought I'd do what seems to be becoming my usual post-midnight check-in here!

It's been a funny old day. I went to the local Doctor this morning who cannot understand why the Psychiatrist doesn't need to see me anymore (read into that what you like!!! definitely a 2 edged sword here!) But hey ho, meds changed and no effects so far so I am happy with that!.

Eloise - glad you had a good break - guess it's back to the grindstone now!

Byrdie - hope your business trip is going ok

Ava - my Doctor seems to agree with you!

Lav, oh Lav, I had thoughts of you today when I was doing the gardening. I've had one rectangular area on what is supposed to be grass which is REALLY lumpy. It forms an almost perfect rectangle of about 1/3rd of the grassy area. The strimmer and mower kept getting caught up in wire... It turns out the previous people here kept chickens and that was the coop!!! What a mess! The chickens had obviously scratched away at the soil (causing the unevenness) and they (the people, not the chickens!) had put chicken wire below the surface, I suppose to stop the birds scratching their way out. I can't hire a rotavator to sort it as that will just get snagged in the wire so I have to face digging all that wire out by hand before I can level it (Sorry Lav, I know it's not YOUR fault but the chicken thing just made me think of your brood!)

Hi also to Justme and Kensho and special hello to the newbies who are newer than me (!) 20/20 and Madon - You're DEFINITELY in the right place here!

Anyway, safely into day 24

Goodnight all

Tony

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

Bit of insomnia here. Struggle to wind down after a busy day. Al used to make sleep happen, but I still feel 1000 times better with little sleep than hung over. AND I can handle whatever happens during the day and not react with severe aggression or anxiety.

Today was a personal admin day. A tender thing to do, because I have to search in 4 or 5 places to find the right documents. It feels like al took away my ability to organize or plan things in a logical order. My organizing skills and neatness used to be my pride. So, things like a paper battle makes me want to cry, because it reminds me of the damage al caused in my life. It was tough up until the point I got it all done in one day. Then I thought - see? It works! Its ok. I am healing and will be able to do it again, maybe even better than before.

This reinforces my willingness to be sober, because the alternative will mean a lot of days like today or much, much worse.

I am really thankful to be sober today.

Hi to Eloise & Kensho!

[aihfl]

Hi Me, I've been a chronic insomniac for about as long as I can remember - one of the reasons I started drinking regularly in college as a matter of fact. Worked great, until it didn't anymore. Little did I know that alcohol while putting you out, actually disrupts your sleep. So the more I drank, the less I actually slept. Almost four months in and overall I've never slept better. I am glad though, that the psychiatrist still gives me a script for Ativan. My mother made me so angry last night that I was having trouble slowing my mind down enough to be able to go to sleep. She will not help me apply for a mortgage (I need no money from her; I may or may not need a cosigner) and made snide comments about how at my age she is ashamed that I would ask for her help when her friends' children have been independent for so long and give back to their parents. My therapist suggested that I break off contact with her and I think this is the perfect pretext for doing so. She has been an emotional abuser all my life and it's not something I want to deal with in early recovery. Or ever. I am grateful for I had the Ativan to reach for, because I did a mental calculation to determine if I would be sober by morning if I drank a bottle of wine. Sure glad I didn't.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Great to see all the happy faces here

Tony, it takes some time but our brains do heal. You can't rush the process but trust me, everything will be fine.
I should post a picture of fenced chick yard so you can see the holes (craters) they dig, ha ha! I had no idea they could do that, A few years ago I had to pull a hen out of a situation where she dug under the fence rail (trying to escape?) & got stuck halfway - geez. They are not exactly the brightest bulbs in the pack, ha ha!
Glad you are off the meds, no need to toy with any more addictions. Stick with us, we'll help keep you in line

Pav, great to see you! Forget the 600 calorie beer, yuck!

Hi there 20/20, glad you are enjoying your stay!

Greetings Ava, you can have all of the heat this week. Heading up near 100 degrees tomorrow, ugh! I hope your work situation improves!

Kensho, Eloise, Justme, Byrdie & everyone - greetings to all.

I had a peaceful day today, no grandkids here, LOL
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[aihfl]

Glad you are off the meds, no need to toy with any more addictions. Stick with us, we'll help keep you in line

Uhhh, I just have to say something about this. Those words are exactly are why I stopped attending twelve step meetings (I dumped my first sponsor for continually telling me to stop taking my psych meds). So taking my prescribed medications as directed makes me an addict? Being a depressed, anxious basket case jonesing for alcohol and a pain pill is preferable? Lav, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt this time, but I hope you are able to understand how this remark is glib at best, thoughtless and rude at worst.

[20/20]

I am grateful for I had the Ativan to reach for, because I did a mental calculation to determine if I would be sober by morning if I drank a bottle of wine. Sure glad I didn't.

So glad you didn't! Ativan every night if it keeps you from the bottle!!!

[Choices]

Hi nesters I've been away and coming back... I am so sick of being in this come back rut.. But I'm here. I feel pretty positive aside from going through a physically painful withdraw.. Maybe it's because I know, well have learned the hard way.. Beating myself up isn't going to help. Hope everyone is doing well.. Just jumped in so haven't done any reading.

[tonyniceday]

Uhhh, I just have to say something about this. Those words are exactly are why I stopped attending twelve step meetings (I dumped my first sponsor for continually telling me to stop taking my psych meds). So taking my prescribed medications as directed makes me an addict? Being a depressed, anxious basket case jonesing for alcohol and a pain pill is preferable? Lav, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt this time, but I hope you are able to understand how this remark is glib at best, thoughtless and rude at worst.

Hi Aihfl and Lav
Really sorry, I didn't mean to cause any conflict here and perhaps I could have given a slightly better explanation of what happened.
When I completely crashed out and probably got more drunk than even I had been in years, just over 3 weeks ago, the family Doctor came to the house (called in by my wife) and they (my wife and the Doctor) got me to start taking the Antabuse which I did and have done every day. The Doctor also said that I had been on such a bender over several days that I should also take some more detox medication and I already had some left, which was Chlomethiazole. Within a couple of hours of taking these I came out in a rash, literally all over my body, and went straight back to the surgery.
The Doc thought that it was probably the combination of drugs and that the Chlomethiazole was likely to be the main cause. He told me to stop taking them immediately and gave me a couple of injections after which the itching stopped immediately and the rash faded within an hour and completely disappeared within 2 hours.
To replace the detox drug he gave me Chlordiazepoxide (a generic Librium) which proved to be extremely effective but, whilst he did not tell me this at the time, it is also apparently addictive.
I have taken these over the last 3 plus weeks and when I saw the Psychiatrist on Tuesday, whilst she said I didn't need to see her anymore, she also did not give me a prescription for these tablets or for any alternative. The drugs were effectively just terminated.
I went to see my local doctor again the next day and told him what had happened. He was not happy and is currently in contact with the "Substance Abuse Clinic" to see if I really should have been discharged from their care. Alongside this he has prescribed me a 4 day reducing dose of the Librium to wean me off that so that it is no longer just a "cut-off" and has said that as that dose reduces that I can re-introduce Baclofen if I want to which can be taken over a longer term.
He's told me to go back to see him next week when the Librium has run out so that he can then review the medication and make a "non-addictive" plan going forward.
Aihfl it IS good that overall the addictive medication is being stopped.
I should have made it clearer in my post and had no intention of creating any dispute or conflict.

Tony

[Beaches1]

Good morning/evening everyone. Although I am not new to the MWO site and community I am new to the nest. I have been away a very long time and guess I didn't really embrace this recovery the way I needed to...clearly. I have been reading many of your posts, learning and ready to make changes in the way I think.
Will continue reading...it's refreshing to be back and know I am not on this journey alone.