Newbies Nest

[bobby boy]

Morning everyone . Taking it one day at a time and so far so good . I have ( once again ) told my hubby that I am going to stop drinking .. Bless him he is so patient ! I work for him and he said I should take as much time as I wish to gather the support that I need, be it reading books or chatting with whoever wants to listen to me rant away about AL . I have actually managed to finish the Allen Carr book ( read almost non stop ) ... will start the hypnotherapy straight after I post this ! I have read through a few other threads and wow I can see that I was in the same boat as many . I don't want to dwell on the past failures anymore as this time things are very very different. This site , the book and my realization of a brighter future are a few tools for me succeeding this time round . I have admitted to myself that sneaking into the pantry ( my hidden stash ) filling up my coffee cup and making everyone else tea / coffee whilst I drank my wine is a thing of the past . I feel the need to put in down on paper as to just how much I was drinking ... easily a bottle and a half of wine a night ... weekends sometimes more ... you loose count after a while especially when there are several open bottles and box wine ( for cooking) ... I am busy writing cards to my three children and my hubby to ask them to please forgive me for always being so self righteous and obnoxious . They all noticed that its been 2 nights without wine on the table . My oldest son had suggested a few times that I get real help . Please don't let any of them have this disease !!! There is a huge drinking culture here in South Africa ... so easy to get caught up and whoosh away we go ... I have confided in one or two of my closest friends and they all say the same thing ... you don't have a problem ... who will we drink wine with ... you will be missing out on all the fun if you don't join us ... well then I will probably lose some of the friends but that is to be expected .OK think I am rambling on here but I just needed to get it out of my head ... thanks again to MWO for existing.. and to everyone for the support . x

[available]

Evening nesters

its colder than yesterday if that is possible.

Sky just deal with what you can and put the rest on hold. Stress is a big factor that drives us to drink as we get the feck its thinking life is no better than when we drank and then we drink and then the merry go round starts again. i used to walk away from a lot of things very angry with whoever and myself but the only thing i could deal with was not drinking.

Lav i am so jealous of the enjoyment you get from your grand-babies, i so cant wait for that day, not looking promising at the moment lol.

20, great work on saying no. Having so many newbies on the nest brings back those 'early day" memories and it is good to be reminded of what i went through initially and reminds me to appreciate every day i have sober and it does get so much easier.

Bobby it is great that you have hubs to support you and believe in you. i didnt realise the hell i put family through with my drinking until i stopped. They are lucky to have you as a mum. my children were worried that i would drink myself to death like my brother did so their support was invaluable to me and still is today. it would break their hearts if i ever drank again and i feel i let them down (in my mind) for years so there will never be any drinking for me again and i dont miss it at all (well maybe a teensy bit sometimes). And avoid your drinking friends if they are not supportive, this is your life you are protecting.

i have a son who drinks too much but i can only lead by example. he is 22, we have had the talk, he stopped drinking for two months, felt he was missing out when he was with his mates but he is someone who once he starts he cant stop. in that two months thought he felt so good so hopefully it is a memory he remember.

Well my bumper bar on the car hasnt fallen off, marvelous tape i found to stick it together! Work is a madhouse and i am trying to sort out issues with a work colleague, everything has to be documented and when i try and remember, i have forgotten!

Take care x

[Choices]

Hello nesters,

It has taken the better part of 2 hours to get through from the last time I posted! All I can say is she is finally ASLEEP! Breathing heavily next to me. She wants to know why I'm on the laptop.. so I finally came up with a good explanation. I'm doing my homework. I do have homework for a course I'm in.. but ah... my mind is mush now. Tomorrow my girl is back at school. So I'll just go from what is in my head. I read Allen Carr the easy way to quit smoking and it flippen worked! I was a pack a day smoker for just under 20 years. I've been quit since October 2010. And haven't missed it at all. I really wanted to quit. I think that was the key. My first time going AF was August 2010 and I got so into the health side of it that smoking felt really counter productive. Quitting smoking was harder initially but because no one smokes anymore I have found it really easy to stay quit. I should read the Easy guide to quit drinking... I guess. I've got everyone on my mind but really felt for you bobby in your last entry. I've felt so down in the dumps over my drinking, and could really empathize with your plight. I think your doing a great job. For the first time, since joining MWO in 2010 under the name choice.. I am oddly finally feeling like I fit into the nest. I'm not sure if it's just a really good mix of people I can relate to or if I'm really ready for.. ug, I still freak out unless I keep my goal 2 weeks.. One week down.. As I struggled to get dinner made, a fire stoked, bath time, and my goodness... 6 bedtime stories.. One of them 4 times.. (I don't normally do that.. I have often drink wine instead... while hubs is away.. and he usually does bedtime routine.. ) I have to be honest again.. the thoughts came in and out... but I just kept thinking of how sick I felt my last hangover.. how I don't have control once I start.. how I want to not be as overweight.. puffy. I want to be more aware, present. All the good stuff. It's not like drinking wine would have made the evening go any faster.. I think I'm looking for peace. And there is no reason why I can't just feel peaceful just being. I'm not sure what or why I keep wanting to escape.. but at the same time wanting to be in the moment.. It's a contradiction.. I am well and truly rambling! But I am not drinking! whooohoo!

[daisy45]

Hi Nesters! Been away for a while. Doing a lot of reading and happy to be 29 days AF today.
I am finding a lot of good motivational reading on Sober Nation on facebook.....helps a lot and seeing the before and after pics of people celebrating their sobriety is inspiring.
My wee granddaughter is 7 weeks now.....I am in love! It is so hard to describe, but this is the best thing to happen in my life since the birth of my own children. She makes every day worth looking forward to......does something different each day. Her smiles and little oohs and ahs delight me.
People told me how being a grandparent was a different kind of special and now I know......
This little Daisy (her name) has given me my best reason to stay sober.
I met with Byrdie and Mick 3 months ago.......Don't know how to put this but I feel I am more determined and strong since meeting them. Being face to face with people from here makes it more real. Maybe that is where the AA works for so many.
I want to meet up again and I want them to be proud of me when we do. Can you see what I mean?
Participating more in my support group is my next step.....hello again! Getting back to exercise is another.....cycled this past 2 days so a wee start!
Anyways, good to be back and I will need to spend a couple of days reading back to see how everyone is.

[bobby boy]

:thumbsup: choices .. Thanks very much for the kind words and great advice ! I have all these quotes in my head and keep trying to remember them all. The one that is really standing out for me is just what Alcohol is .... an antiseptic ,a detergent ,an anaesthetic and a fuel . It has NO other benefits at all ... : Have a great day all .. got to go spread my wings but can wait to come back to this nest . x

[bobby boy]

Daisy ... Such a lovely post . congrats on being a GRANNY . I like the idea of meeting up with MWO people but so far and its only been 3 days I don't see any South Africans ( Johannesburg ) ... enjoy your little Daisy x

[Mr Vervill]

A quick drop in, gotta run to the dentist. So nice not to be smelling like a distillery, breathing on folks.
A a big shout-out to Tony on 30 Days! Well done. You sound stronger every day.

[Byrdlady]

Well, I had a great thought and lost it.....ehehehe.....

InTheSky, When I look back at what my day count COULD have been, it makes me sick. I COULD have celebrated 2000 days 365+ days ago, but I chose to fight to the bitter end and prove everyone wrong on MWO. Major backfire. I could have invested in Microsoft or Google, too, but I didn't do that, either. My day count is what it is! Funny how we beat ourselves up that way. Be proud of what you have, I say...someone else would LOVE to have your days!! There will always be people in front of us and people behind us (in every situation, not just here). I'm PROUD of you!!!

Daisy, it was just amazing to meet you and Mick, also. These really are ACTUAL people behind the words. I'm so happy for your 29 days! AND for the G-baby!! :hug:

Choices, good for you on not glamorizing this stuff. Whenever I find myself with 'Misty Watercolor Memories of the Way We Were," I am quickly reminded of just who we are talking about here. Imagine a middle aged woman sneaking to her closet and drinking 7 gulps of vodka out of a bottle hidden in the lining of her suitcase. Or small bottles hidden in shoes. Imagine 37 empty, flattened 1 liter and 2 liter boxes hidden in an ottoman in my office with stuff on top so nobody would look inside. Having to sneak and empty that out when my hubs was gone for any amount of time (to make room for more). That is MY reality with AL. I see thru its siren song! It is nothing but POISON to me. That may not be the case for friends of mine, sure, they can drink whenever they want....that is their business. They don't know what went on in my head as far as AL is concerned. YES, I tried to make it look like I didn't have a problem, that was the goal, so when someone says to you, "You don't have a problem!" Conjure up yourself chugging it from hidden spots in the house or garage...or topping off when no one is looking. It works for me! Don't be fooled, AL will tell us ANYTHING to get back in the door....I mean ANYTHING! It's a trick. You did GREAT!

I wish I could remember my thought.... I think it had something to do with life being simpler without AL. I had no idea how complicated it had gotten. It feels good to be true to myself and my hubs. AL is the big lie....don't fall for it.

Hugs to all! If my thought comes back, so will I! Byrdie

Edit to add: Congratulations, Tony, on 30 big days!!!!! Eloise will be along with your PRIZE! We are so proud of you! :rara:

[Choices]

Congrats Tony! Well done!

[Inthesky]

Good Morning all,
Well I made it through a birthday sober and onto Day 5! Tony my quit buddy I'm so proud of you and so blessed to have you as a friend to call on and bounce ideas off !!! Happy Day 30 you make me proud.:love:
As I sit here reading the posts, I gotta say I take so much from all of your insights, struggles, compassion and because they are real.
20 when reading about the landscaping project and having friends help, in my world a beer was always a reward. Not sure if it's habit or just common courteously. I had a talk with hubby last night about that very thing. Because I'm going to have to tell a white lie like I'm on a special diet or doctors orders etc....when offered an AL beverage but I need him to have my same story. Lol you did awesome.
Bobby I have been having the same feelings as you all week, they are torturous. There is a thread by Abcowboy "Do you want to be Sober" it is helping me look for the silver lining in the mistakes I have made while using AL. Hang in there the mind does start to clear and I believe the best amends we can give those we have hurt is by action (being AF)
Daisy the love you have for little daisy off the page.
Lav I don't have any grandchildren but I have two amazing God children who I would love to take out and spend more time with. Being AF will hopefully afford me this honour and the energy to keep up.
Choices just keep going the way you are. Your doing fantastic!
Byrd thank you so much for the encouragement, this quit feels different somehow, I am protecting it like a small cub and I'm the Momma Bear. I'm more aware of the AV and how powerful and manipulative it can be. Enough of my ramblings.

Have a great day everyone

[tonyniceday]

Hi All

Just a quick one to say thanks for all the messages and there is so much here to catch up on as well today!. Got to go back to work and feed all those hungry people in the restaurant so I'll catch up later/.

Tony

[available]

Morning nesters

congratulations Tony on your 30 days of sobriety. Keep smiling today you deserve it. Keep plodding along and enjoying life sober. It gets better and better day by day.

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Nesters,

I should be making dinner but I'm not, ha ha!
Why do we think we will have all kinds of extra time on our hands when we retire? It's a lie, don't believe it for a moment, LOL

Tony, CONGRATS on your 30 AF days :welldone:
Keep moving forward, never look back!

Inthesky, glad you had a good AF birthday

Ava, we don't have any control over WHEN grandchildren will arrive but we can be sure to make ourselves healthy & ready to accept them when they do get here

Hello to everyone & wishing a great AF rest of the day for all!

Lav

[madonmehndi]

Evening all,

I made it to Day 10!! Feeling really happy, positive and optimistic

[Choices]

That is fantastic Mady! I am still on your and 20/20 heals. And bravo 20 bravo on not having the beer out of your beer fridge with a friend after hard good hard physical gardening! Especially feeling so good about what your doing. That's when I can be hit by a why not attitude and make a bad choice. Well, hubby comes home today and I am glad. I didn't realize how much he contributes to our morning routine! This has been the third morning without him and well, just ready for him to be home again. .. now just need to think about dinner again! I love cooking.. just not in the mood everyday?! haha.

Wow, so I am at a week.. and have a week to go. Because I made that my first goal.. I found the first week easier. But am freaking out about what happens after this next week. I'm sure that contributed to my anxiety last night. I don't like anxiety, who does? It's such a mind game quitting AL... I'm over it but it's not like I can just coast and all of a sudden be a non drinker again... So, here I go.... I'll go another two weeks. I'm just going to do this in two week stints. Adding on two weeks whenever I want. For example.. say tomorrow.. I can say I'll go another two weeks.. etc.. and just keep gaining.. Kind of like the 24 hours.. only in weeks.. And see where it takes me. So, after a week... I'll take on two more. I hope I don't sound crazy! I just get really anxious at forever and get sad. It's ridiculous I know. Gah! enough.. of this head game I'm doing with myself. I think today, and last night were tough because I put off feeling this way for the first week.. Some feelings are unavoidable. In saying that... I'll still just go two more weeks...

Ok.. everything I thought I was going to do today is on hold.. I'm going to take myself for a walk and try to think about nothing.