Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

I absolutely was taking my own life.

And the worst thing was, I didn't really care.

[abcowboy]

I knew it was killing me but I couldn't/wouldn't stop. I was taking my own life.

And in fact, I almost did. That's as "rock bottom" as you can get unless you're 6 feet under.

[NoraC]

And the worst thing was, I didn't really care.

NS - you gave me the chills. You are right - I didn't care. :sad:

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Nesters,

NS, I didn't care either
I knew I was depressed, I just didn't know how depressed I actually was. Grateful to have finally seen the light. I am never going down that dark hole again.

Byrdie, I am sorry to hear about your neighbor's sad family tragedy.

Hello to everyone dropping in today. I have been out for some exercise & a stop at the food store. It's so hot here I am staying inside, only running out long enough to take care of my feathered friends
Have a great AF day!!

Lav

[Inthesky]

Good Monday everyone,
Just reading back on everyone's posts I would like to welcome Panda and Maitae!

Byrdie I'm very sorry to hear about your neighbour so much tragedy for one one family. The reason I joined MWO was because of a dear friend (my first love)who had it all except his addiction to AL. Last spring his wife left him and he just about lost his job so he spent last summer in rehab. I talked to him day and night before and during rehab and for a bit after. Since most of our talks I was drinking, when his rehab ended and he started his new phase in life our late night convos ended too. I knew I had a problem and should stop drinking back then...but I couldn't. On December 1 he took his life. I don't know why he did it but since that day I've known I will have the same fate as him if I didn't quit drinking. If AL can put someone who is loved dearly by many and had a love of life like no other to the breaking point of taking their life it is perfectly wrapped poison. I makes me cry to even write that.
On another note Panda I totally understand your need for the numbing the pain from an accident. My hubby was in a horrific accident about 4 years ago and he has gone from painkillers to alcohol and back again over and over after each operation. When he cuts down or stops painkillers his alcohol consumption goes up. But so does the depression and anxiety. (He is taking Benadryl for anxiety) We are trying to find alternatives for pain management right now as he is just 4 days off pain killers and well he basically has substituted it with alcohol and me being sober has been an extra challenge. But really worth it as I feel more in control of my emotions and my mouth. Lol
I'm super proud of you Daisy for leaving the wine in the fridge. Yesterday was one of those days for me. Ugh
On a lighter note I'm happy the weekend is over, I went and bought myself a Fitness tracker (vivo fit) it helps me to remember that I need a walk or time out. It amazes me that a walk can have such a calming effect. Should have started this years ago. Just getting the last of my packing and organizing done and will be moved by weekend I hope. Onward and upward onto a new adventure.

Have a great AF day everyone!
Sky

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest!

I see it was a busy Monday in the Nest too!

Panda - this is why I love this site. Each to their own. You will figure out your own way with al.

Maitae - the wine down on the couch sounds very familiar , also the mornings

Bobby - you sound good!

Byrd, Sky, Lav, Pav, Nora, NS, Cowboy - I think most of us had that knowing of slow suicide. I think a lot about my father who had no interest in sober life. He was a great guy, but I realise he must have felt he couldn't beat it. Really ripped him of self confidence and cut his potential in half, maybe more.
A couple of weeks before my quit I thought out loud in my car on my way home: yes, I am an alcoholic, but don't want to stop drinking. It's what keeps me going. I will work and drink and pay policies so my kids will be better off than me.
That was my sad plan. Tired of quitting and failing.
Till that co-worker shouted about me smelling like al in an office meeting.
That interfered with my plan, even if it was a sad plan, it was all I had at that point.

This wonderful Monday morning me and the very same co-worker had another fight in front of the CEO. I was amazed at how easy it was not to get overly emotional / aggressive.
I had two thoughts during the argument: A rising blood pressure is a very effective way to warm up on a cold winter morning and,
If he only knew how much he helped me...

Sober thoughts - love it!!

Things are so much clearer for me now and my emotions way more stable. I understand that I ticked people off. I get the impression I was all over the place and highly reactive. Didn't feel that way back then.

Right now it feels good to be truly tired and sleepy. AND to have more than one plan for my future

Good night Nesters

[Maitae]

Well I made it through the day. The evening was hard but I distracted myself with a Pokemon go walk. That game is addictive..... Eating a proper meal helped.

[Lavande]

Good Tuesday morning Nesters!

There was a huge thunderstorm in my portion of the nest last night but it didn't do much to clear the air. It's still hot & humid & uncomfortable. Grateful for the AC, ha ha!!

Maitae, great on your 1st AF day!
Distraction was the key for me as well. Even something as little as a 5 minute walk worked

Inthesky & Justme, being in control of our emotions & regaining the ability to clearly think things through have convinced me to stay on my AF path. It becomes our new normal & I wouldn't change that for anything!!

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF day!

Lav

[SouthLondoner]

Just checking in - I really want to enjoy life without booze. It seems no matter what I do on the weekends, I have to end a social outing with a drink.

Do I need to isolate myself for a while from all social situations? And then slowly reintroduce social settings. The enjoyment for outings for what they are isn't existent at the moment.

I do remember a break through a couple of years ago, after about 60 days of AF. I enjoyed music for music, and socialising for socialising. No AL needed - but there was not a long term maintenance plan in place, I got ahead of myself and am back in my usual cycle.

Does isolation work in the short term?

EDIT: I am realising the amount of time I have if I cut out the unnecessary distractions. But cutting out the distractions then leaves me facing some life truths that I normally numb out to.

[Byrdlady]

South,
I read something on FaceBook yesterday that I tried to copy and paste, but somehow couldn't figure it out. It said, "You have to want to CHANGE more than you want to stay the same". I think it's safe to say that we all know what 'doing nothing to change' does. It does, pretty much nothing! If you remember 8th grade science, you remember when we did experiments we had to change a variable in order to see what effect it had on the experiment. In your note, you mentioned that you knew that going out meant drinking but in the past you were better able to enjoy the surroundings once you had AF time. I'm sure you know the answer to this already, but keeping ourselves out of temptation in the early weeks is very important. Otherwise, it's like going to an ALL YOU CAN EAT buffet when you are on a 500 calorie a day diet....it just doesn't pay to put yourself in that environment if you want to have an easier time of quitting. I know this is hard to do and it isn't always possible, but MOST of the time, we do control what we do! I avoided temptation for weeks early on. It paid off and I was glad I did when the time came to venture out. I had such an investment in my quit that it kept me solid. We should know by now what doing nothing to change does.... This takes CHANGE!
This is not the time to feel sorry for ourselves, either, remember we are saving our own lives here! This is a time for self care! There will always be time for going out in the future when you are ready. Right now, this is YOUR time to heal.
Hope that makes sense. None of us are superheros..... take care of yourself first!!
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[bobby boy]

Hi everyone . Wow .. a lot happens in 24 hours .. Byrd so sorry to hear about your neighbours ... I see that all of us here share the same sentiments . SO SAD ! Thinking of you all and sending good positive thoughts ... just a bit hectic here on my side , hope to have a chance to connect and have a proper catch up ! hugs x

[tonyniceday]

Hi Nest

Nora - It's leap year so as today is day 366 for you - happy anniversary and congrats again - an excuse for extra chocolate cake I think, Win-Win

Byrdie - That's just awful about your neighbours. Words cannot express...

Maitae - Well done on getting through day 1 - it does get easier as time goes by. Remember, though, that only today matters for the moment - get through today and worry about tomorrow later.

SL - good to see you back - What Byrdie says is so so right. If you can't swim - don't jump in the deep end of the pool!!!

Sky - Hang in there - only a few days until your new chapter starts!!

Lav - The Scottish summer is wet and cold this year (well, every year actually) - please can we have some of your weather?

Off to work now - will check back later

Tony

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

Maitae - so happy for you sticking through day one! Staying full helps a lot. Creamy pastas calmed me down.

South - a couple of weeks avoiding socials is a good idea. It also gives time to deal with the stuff we used to numb out. It is actually a special discovery time.

Glad this day is over. This whole week should just fly by, because then I will be on 2 weeks leave.... can't wait!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Tony, please, please take this hot weather off my hands. It is absolutely deadly

Staying home for a few months after my quit helped me immensely! You need time to completely detox, get your thinking, plans & goals straight & strengthen your AF muscles. I wondered who I was going to be as a non-drinking adult. I realized that I could be anything/anyone I wanted to be. It was my choice
Friends, I know you can all do this as well, you just have to work up the desire & make a good plan!

Wishing everyone a peaceful night in the nest!

Lav

[bobby boy]

Good afternoon everyone
Just a quick hello as busy time right now for me . Love reading the posts , thanks to everyone for keeping them coming ! Doing an online course so its taking up a lot of time in the evening ... NO time for thinking about drinking ! Keep it up guys . x