Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Good evening, nesters, great to see everyone making progress.
Moni, I read a quote somwhere that really stuck with me, "Regret of the past and fear of the future are the twin thieves of today". So true, isnt it? Time will help you move on and AF time will really make things better! Glad you are back and ready to put in the work!

Busy day today and hotter'n two rabbits in a wool sock (Ava, is that your line?). Hope everyone has an easy evening! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Yep, still hot here too Byrdie even though we had some predicted thunderstorms.

Forgiving ourselves for our past sins opens the door to a better, light-hearted future, I promise. It's not an easy thing to do but I found it a necessary step.
Just keep moving forward, the past is history & it can't be changed. Keep your goals in your line of vision, always

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[bobby boy]

Morning nesters .. How is everyone on this Friday morning ?
My first sober Friday I felt a bit nervous about facing the weekend and all the social drinking that takes place no matter where the heck you go .. but this is my third Friday and I am doing great ! Looking forward to the weekend and some quality time with my family . I am even confident enough to go and watch the rugby at the stadium on Saturday ... I used to sneak my wine in by pouring it into an empty Ice Tea tetra pack .. because they only sell beer and alco pops in plastic cups ( yuck ) .. Gosh , I must admit .. what I used to do in order to hide my daily dose of poison was quite cunning !
I watched a documentary on BBC last night called HOW MUCH DO I DRINK ? It was very informative , shedding light on the whole genetic mutation issue . ! What I got from watching was quite simply one thing .. I am an alcoholic ! I can call it my disease ,my genetic mutation , call it what want you want , its still alcoholism ! There I said it !! The cold hard truth ... Liberation is what I feel right now , free from the slavery of alcohol , my poor liver is shouting out THANKS !! No more stupefying my brain and setting my nervous system off balance ! I have so many regrets though , about lost opportunities , lost friends ... I know that I am mixing up all of my thoughts right now but I am writing from the heart , knowing that I feel ashamed and guilty at the same time . knowing that I cant and wont ever go back to waking up in the morning .. feeling as though a steam roller has passed over me .. looking at myself in the bathroom mirror with both loath and worry . The presenter of the documentary recognised something in himself being that he really liked to drink and was so worried that the doctors would give him some bad news and that he would have to give it up !! I was confused at the end of it because although the doctors and scientists gave him the all clear with regards to his health and him not having inherited the genetic mutation ( an expensive MRI / ethanol test ) , he felt happy ! He ended by saying that he would always just have to control the amount that he drank and never let his guard down ! I hope he has a change of heart ..

Sorry folks I realise that I am writing a long story today but felt the need to share with my cyber AA group .. Feel great just by off loading .. Hugs from Sunny South Africa x

[available]

Evening nesters

Feel like i have been run over by a truck after my procedure today but something less to worry about now.

Bobby you learn as time goes by to forgive yourself and just live each day. I am so proud of myself that i dont drink and i am not going to be a statistic to al. Being sober is a journey to like/love ourselves again and to just deal with life without a drug. I was at my course the other night and we were role playing with me being the client and i said to the teacher that i now like myself and sometimes love myself. For me this is what it is all about. I am learning still to live sober and each damn day gets better. I can do this course, i can become a counsellor but ask me that 2+ years ago and i never ever would have believed in myself at all.

I also call myself an alcoholic. Its not a label to me,it is who i am, it reminds me that there is a reason i cant drink. For years i denied i had a problem and justified why i drank. You are doing so well, it gets better and easier.

take care x

[tonyniceday]

Hi Nest

There seems to be a theme going on at the moment about dealing with what we've done whilst drunk. I've been reading a book recently (not actually finished it yet though) and this really is helping on this topic.

I think someone else actually recommended it on here at one point. It's called "The Happy Addict" (How to be happy in recovery from alchoholism or drug addiction) and it's by Beth Burgess.

Tony

[Eloise]

Anybody seen Panda around? She needs our support too guys.

[abcowboy]

I see she has been here reading a bit at least Eloise. I really hope she didn't take offense to my words about mixing meds with alcohol. Sometimes when you think you're saying the right thing doesn't come out the way you wanted it to.

[Eloise]

Oh, I hope not Cowboy. It is tricky in the beginning because she doesn't know us well yet, I know you mean well.
I also know what you have been through and that you do not judge anyone, only want to help.

We are here for you Panda. I wish I could fast forward you to two week sober.

[Matt M.]

Quick Check in for me, all is well. Looks like i have some catching up to do and some new people to great! Which I will do soon......
Stay Hard my friends

[abcowboy]

I’ve received a couple of pm’s from members asking why I don’t post in the Newbie’s Nest and as I told them, there are people like Byrdie, Lav, Available, Eloise, and others who do a remarkable job of lending their experience to the newcomers. I’m not sure what the total AF time they would have if you add it all up, but it is definitely a lot. And we all see where people join MWO because they think, no, they know they have a problem with alcohol, and they are looking for a way out of their own alcohell. But too often they are here for just a short time and then disappear. Maybe the forum isn’t what they were looking for, maybe they found another support group, or maybe they went back drinking. We’ll never know unless they come back and reach out again. But if you did join and had a slip or relapse and shame or embarrassment is keeping you away, just listen to the words from one of our members, she pretty much sums up what we are all here for..

TWICE in the last few months I have heard of long term posters (hence long term sufferers of the effects of alcoholism) saying that they are 'embarrassed' to come back posting (on MWO?? on an alcoholics support forum?????) because they have relapsed..... WHAT????

I’ll bet no one here had an easy time of quitting and staying quit, I know I didn’t. But if you’re here it’s because you want to quit and stay quit. I attended AA when I very first started my journey and they gave me the hope that I could do what they had done, that I wanted what they had and there’s a reason for their rule of thumb of “90 meetings in 90 days”. If you’re using MWO as your sole means of support, as Byrdie says, you should be here every day, reading and posting, and NoraC is a good example of that! She kept her support group close and celebrated a year’s sobriety just a few days ago. And if you’re too embarrassed to admit you slipped up, then don’t. The only person that really needs to know that is you. But confession is good for the soul they say and none of us here will judge you for your mistakes. We’ve all made them as well.

This journey is hard enough to travel and as another member with almost 2 years of sobriety says

There is a 100% chance I can't do this by myself!

And I don’t think any of us can! So whatever you’re using for support, hold on to it, don’t let it go because your journey will just get harder.

As you can see from other posts, most of the members here are genuinely concerned for you, they wonder what happened when you don’t post. And yes, reading the other posts will give you some support and inspiration, but there is a lot more support and wisdom to get if you post as well. Sometimes we don’t like what we hear, but any support offered is done so with empathy, in the spirit of trying to help. And just like they say in AA, take what works for you and leave the rest. So if nothing else just a simple post like “I’m here and I’m still trying” or a post on the Roll Call, or any of the other threads just to let people know that you’re not giving up.

I guess I should quit for now because, as one member put it, I can get to “blathering on”. But this is something I really believe in, we can’t help you unless you’re here, no support group can.

[Lavande]

Greetings Nesters!

Hot & sunny in my portion of the nest on this Friday afternnon

Good to see you Cowboy!
I hope everything is OK with you & hope you continue to visit tge nest frequently.

Matt, I heard it's someone's birthday today - have a good one

Ava, glad to hear your procedure is done, wishing you a speedy recovery!

Bobby boy, the first few AF weekends, the first few AF holidays, the first few anything were nerve wracking for me, ha ha! The trick is to remember to stay on your path, no matter what & a little bit of fear (of the unknown) won't kill us. AL, on the other hand will kill us if we keep letting the bastard control us!!

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF afternoon!

Lav

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

This is my favorite night of the week. The week is over and the weekend just begun.

Thought about this al journey while driving today. It is as much a journey in as it is out. When listening to Bubble hour, it is always interesting to hear how others got tangled up in alcoholism. How a person's drinking changed and why. I really identify with the loss of control when motherhood hits you. And there was a great podcast about the science of al addiction. It takes a couple of times (on average) to get to a long term quit. Guess I am an average alcoholic

Ava - the best part of being almost 4 months sober, is liking myself again. Self love is still a bit tough, but sure it will come with time. Glad you are ok and enjoying your course.

Cowboy - I didn't come back to the Nest due to shame, but the bigger part was my thinking. To drink again requires some justification. Then I think differently about al, but back then I still wondered if I really am an alcoholic, and quit to make a point. Also saw alcohol as natural, because fruit ferment and animals get high when they eat it ... thoughts like that. But I really regret avoiding the Nest for 5 years. Could have safed myself some mega real life shame.

Have a wonderful night!

[Justme Again]

Oh, and thanks Byrd for bumping the thread : you know you are an alcoholic when...
Read it 5 years ago and enjoy it even more today!

[Byrdlady]

Hey, Nesters!
I worked hard today but didnt get any real promising leads, dang it. But I made some good contacts and I know who is not a good use of time in the future. So it was a good day.

Here on a Friday night at 7:15 and I haven't thought about AL at all today. This is a miracle. I remember wishing and hoping for the time when this would happen. I thought it never would....amazing to think how important Al used to be to me, almost to the exclusion of all else. It was truly a complusion. It took a lot of work to get here, and I dont plan on going back.

Justme, I had to laugh when you said you were an avaerage alcoholic....Im not one to brag, but I was a really GOOD alkie. Hiding booze in a hairspray bottle in my purse.....hiding it in the lining of my suitcase....hiding it in my closet behind my shoes, stashing the empties in an ottoman no one paid attention to. I put a lot of work into being the best alkie I could be, and I succeeded. Im glad I now put my time and energy into staying sober. I was pathetic and I was the last one to see it, I thought I was clever. Unreal. I wouldnt take anything for my sober life now.
Do whatever it takes to get and STAY sober, you wont regret it!
Happy Birthday, Matt! You have another birthday coming up in a week!! 2 years, if memory serves! So proud of you!
Hope everyone has a peaceful night, Byrdie

[TJAF]

Well today is my third anniversary. Thought I'd pass along some thoughts. The road to recovery is different for most folks but I believe that there are some common threads worth repeating. First off since many if you are new to me a little background. I started out as a binge drinker in college. In my 20s I was mostly a weekend drinker but over time I gradually began drinking daily. When I started to drink more than two drinks a day I began to hide it. My last 10 years I drank heavily but only at night and mostly in secret. When I quit I was drinking over 1/5 of vodka a night...ah who am I fooling more like half a handle. So what works. To begin with moderation is a myth. The only way I had any success was when I finally just accepted that no amount of booze was ok. You see I had no switch. As soon as I took that first sip I was already thinking about that second drink. Secondly, you can't do this alone. I quickly came out to my family. Once I did that I took away my safety blanket. There was no turning back. I also found that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself meant that I gave myself an excuse to drink. I also had to allow myself to be comfortable with the truth that I am an alcoholic. I do so now without shame and without remorse. It is simply the case that this is what I was and being sober is who I am now. I wish all of you the same success. I can tell you that there will be a time when you will be comfortable in your own skin. That being alive and happy away from a bottle will be second nature. Thank you all for being my sounding board in the early days. Keep leaning on each other. The reward is wonderful.