Newbies Nest

[TJAF]

Well today is my third anniversary. Thought I'd pass along some thoughts. The road to recovery is different for most folks but I believe that there are some common threads worth repeating. First off since many if you are new to me a little background. I started out as a binge drinker in college. In my 20s I was mostly a weekend drinker but over time I gradually began drinking daily. When I started to drink more than two drinks a day I began to hide it. My last 10 years I drank heavily but only at night and mostly in secret. When I quit I was drinking over 1/5 of vodka a night...ah who am I fooling more like half a handle. So what works. To begin with moderation is a myth. The only way I had any success was when I finally just accepted that no amount of booze was ok. You see I had not switch. As soon as I took that first sip I was already thinking about that second drink. Secondly you can't do this alone. I quickly came out to my family. Once I did that I took away my safety blanket. There was no turning back. I also found that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself meant that I gave myself an excuse to drink. I also had to allow myself to be comfortable with the truth that I am an alcoholic. I do so now without shame and without remorse. It is simply the case that this is what I was and being sober is who I am now. I wish all of you the same success. I can tell you that there will be a time when you will be comfortable in your own skin. That being alive and happy away from a bottle will be second nature. Thank you all for being my sounding board in the early days. Keep leaning on each other. The reward is wonderful.

[jane27]

Hi Nesters,
Nice to read back a bit....catch up on the goings on of some veteran nesters, and also to see some newbie nesters settling in..
TJAF, many congrats on hitting your 3 year milestone! Your posts are top shelf, uncut and always poignant. So glad you continue to post and share your experience- it's certainly been helpful to me and I'm sure many others also.
Belated happy birthday Matt! Your journey has been fraught with determination, spirit and a great sense of humor. I hope your bday was a good one!
Great to see you Lav, Byrdie, NS, Pav, Ava, Cowboy, Eloise, Nora, Daisy.
As for me, I was in a pretty serious car accident 6 weeks ago, and it's taken a toll on me physically & mentally. Every day I feel better. Drinking hasn't been a source of temptation, but I definitely have anxiety issues I need to get some counseling for.
January 7th will mark 3 years for me. I've got my eyes on that and I don't plan to lose sight of the lighthouse.
Wishing everyone love, strength, and fire-in-the-belly desire to change- to do things differently. There's proof all around here that it can be done. You just have to want it.
Xoxo Jane

[tonyniceday]

TJ Thank you for sharing that here on the nest today. Congratulations on your amazing 3 years! I'm still very much at the ODAAT stage but I see things like your story, and look at others as well, and I find them truly inspiring and I start to believe that 3 MONTHS really is achievable and that would be great in the short term.

I would like to ask you a question, though, and I also put this to Byrdie, Lav, Ava, Eloise and anyone else who is a "long-timer". There must have come a point when those people around you who knew you were a drinker, generally, started to believe you were serious, and started to see you in a new light and accept that you are an ex-drinker. I know this may vary a lot, but I just wondered when people you know, generally, started to believe in the new you, and not say or think that you would fall off the wagon again?

Tony

[Justme Again]

Happy, peaceful Saturday morning here.

TJAF - congratulations!! And thank you for your contributions in posts from the past.

Jane - sorry about your accident. Hope the anxiety leaves soon.

Matt - missed your birthday, but hope it was a good one!

Tony - good question... would love to hear the old timers respond.

Man, I feel great this morning! 10 hrs sleep after a busy week - should remember that.

Happy Saturday Nest!

[available]

Evening nesters

a quiet day for me, should be doing homework but nope not today. i still procrastinate about a lot of things that didnt go after i stopped drinking!

Just, i for the life of me pinpoint when my drinking went to out of control. I did drink to get drunk when i had my children but it was not fun being hungover with 4 littlies so i used to get drunk on a Tuesday, that was my day, god knows why Tuesday but as the children got older it went to Tuesday and Thursday or Friday or when friends came over. I think when the children became more independent i could relax a bit more with a few too many wines and from there well off i went. Consistently drinking and drinking more and more until BOOM and GOTCHA. Then i justified my drinking with a myriad of excuses and i gathered more and more excuses as time went on. It doesnt matter now, all that matters is i am sober.

El as we know we cant make anyone post on mwo as much as we wonder and worry what they are doing. I wish a lot of people i first started on my journey with were here but they are either drinking or enjoying their life sober.

Byrd i think i was a mediocre alky, i didnt bother to hide my wine in anything other than it bottle but gees i had bottles under my bed in my drawers. I was an afternoon drinker till blackout time but at the end of my drinking career i did start drinking a couple of times in the morning to stop the DT's.

Happy birthday Matt and Daisy, i hope you both have a lovely day or had! Sober birthdays are the best. I have now had two of them. Birthdays were always a great excuse to get blind and no one could say a word as it was my birthday.

TJ what a lovely post and so true. I knew if i could get the support of my family then i had to give it my best shot, i was over letting them down and never being able to do anything for them as i was too drunk or hungover.

Hi Jane, nice to see you and hope you are on the mend. I have the prize in my eyes also.

Tony when i told my children i was giving up drinking my daughter bought a bottle of wine around the next day. Goes to show how much faith they had in me! I turned 50 in april after stopping in december and i think when i didnt drink then they kind of started to believe i was serious. They still watched me like a hawk when al was around but i knew they did not want me to drink and i told them i would not let them down again. I really think when i made it to a year that they knew i was on my way, they could not believe a year and neither could i but they could see the changes in me and the determination and fierceness i had in protecting my quit. I fucked them around for 10 years with my drinking, i could not expect them to believe me in a short amount of time. Each time i tell them how many days i have, i can see how proud they are of me, they tell their friends of my addiction and how i did it myself. I tell them i certainly did not do this by myself, i had them and i had mwo. Our joke now is that when i reach 1000 days i am going to have a bottle of scotch, 6 bottles of wine and some beer just to celebrate! What they know i will have is a cup of tea. I do know they trust me implicitly now that i will not drink but i have also said to them that this is a disease/addiction that i live with daily. No family member of an addict has any idea of what we go through but they certainly remember what we put them through.

Take care x

[Eloise]

Jane! Very sorry to hear about your accident. Wishing you a speedy recovery and glad drinking thoughts are not a problem.
Lots going on here.
I have to make this brief, popping on and off as time permits. I am looking at my new job with fresh eyes; there is a delay in the start date.
It has nothing to do with me so I won't start overthinking and turning this around in my mind to make any of it personal.To be able to do this is a HUGE relief.
Good luck out there campers!!

[Lavande]

Good Saturday afternoon Nesters,

Same old heat, humidity & rain going on in my portion of the nest. I would love to spend more time outdoors but the weather is prohibitive.

TJ, a big CONGRATS to you on your 3 years AF :welldone:
I bet you feel quite accomplished today, great work

Tony, I figured out pretty early on that the opinions of others just don't matter. What's important is what YOU think about your decision to quit!!!!
7+ years later I still haven't a positive word from some people but it just doesn't matter.
Be your own cheerleader & we will continue to reach out & give you a pat on the back

Jane, I'm so sorry about your accident but glad to hear you are healing. Stick around with us now for an occasional hug :hug:

Hello to Justme, Eloise, Ava, Matt, Byrdie & everyone checking in today!
Have a wonderful AF rest of the day.

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Wow, a busy nest today! TJ, thank you for checking in with us. Three years feels really good, doesnt it?!

Jane, so good to see you. Im so sorry about your car accident and I hope you are healing mentally and physically every day. What a horrible trauma and Im so sorry that happened. Life can change in the blink of an eye. We have to cherish and protect each day we have. Im so glad you checked in, we've missed you! Hugs to you.

Tony, what an interesting question. The only person who really knew my struggles with AL was my husband, so he was the one whose trust I had to gain. I had tried and failed many times over that last year, I got as far as 12 days twice, so needless to say, I had to get over that hump. I would say that he actually trusted me once I got thru some milestones, like St Patrick's Day, 4th of July, my birthday and of course, the biggie, THE HOLIDAYS. It wasnt really after so many days, it was earned over time for sure, I had a lot of UNdoing to do. I's say his jitters settled down for the most part after I passed 6 months.

Hot as heck here! The dog and I are happy right here in the house! Hope everyone has a peaceful day. Byrdie

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

A quick little insight I had today.
Went shopping and it took longer than usual. Shops packed because it is winter sales. Bought some pieces of clothing, but skipped the shoes.
Kept thinking about shoes all day... I have decided a couple of years ago that high heals are unhealthy and evil. Just another mean way women are forced to dress a certain way.
Then it hit me - that was a well crafted lie I told people. And myself.
The truth is I couldn't balance on it anymore. Even when I was "sober" during the day, my brain was still numb and my balance off...

Going to dream about shoes tonight!

PS: Stilettos are still evil.

[TJAF]

Tony. Good question. Most folks that know me don't make much of the fact that I'm not drinking or if I'll start again. Some deny I ever had a problem. A couple others continue to ask if I want a drink even though they know the answer. My wife and kinds are happy and hopeful but all are wary. I understand, Not sure I'll ever enjoy total confidence from friends or family but it's not a negative. Hell I am wary of myself. I said once here that I am not worried about the idea of not drinking ever again I scared to death of drinking. Mostly at this point i am indifferent to the opinions of others I've come to terms with who I am and who I am not.

[tonyniceday]

Hi Nest

Thanks to Ava, Lav, Byrdie, & TJ for your responses - I was just interested to know what you had found as this came from a conversation my wife had with a former drinking partner of mine from a while back. My wife told him I'd stopped drinking. Apparently he laughed for quite a while and referred to me as "bucket of wine man" (which I can hardly say is slanderous!!!) and then said to my wife "well that won't last".

I'm not worried about it, far from it, I actually found it quite incentivising as I'm thinking "I'll bloody show you, Pal"

I just hope there may come a time when people will simply say "oh, there's Tony" rather than "Oh there's Tony, the drunken bum"!

Anyway, it's Sunday here now so off to bed. Catch up later.

Tony

[Eloise]

That wasn't very nice of him Tony. I am sorry, that kind of comment would really hurt my feelings.

I guess you just have to feel bad for him as he has to be in a pretty negative state of mind to say this kind of thing.
He could have thought it, but actually say it? Anyway, it seems pretty clear you don't need friends like that.

The fact that you don't drink anymore will most probably become a 'non-topic,' if you know what I mean?
At least for me the longer I do not drink the more routine it becomes. Kind of like discussing if the refrigerator is still working? Yeah, it is still cold. Good.
Next....

[paulywogg]

Tony,that was a rude comment by him! People talked about me like that too,hell I just.use it as more incentive not to drink, pisses me off when some of my drinking buddies were drinking just as much or more than me and still felt the need to make comments like that,irritating!

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters.
Hot, hot, hot!
A lazy Sunday here, just the way I like it.
Tony, I wonder if your friend has issues of his own with AL. Usually disparaging remarks like that come from fellow AL abusers who KNOW how hard this is and who are jealous of our success. You may have noticed some attacks on me this past week on MWO. As long as I stay sober, those remarks dont have legs. This is HARD and people with AL problems know it and if they cant do it, they dont like seeing YOU do it. All I can say is that, like you, it makes my resolve stronger. Stick with this and like Eloise says, AL will simply be a non-issue.
Hope everyone has an easy day. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good Sunday afternoon Nesters,

Yep, still hot & humid after a half a ton of rain yesterday. Geez, what a summer!!!

I'm trying to work ahead a little in preparation for a busy week watching my grandkids, ha ha. Some days it will be just one, some days two & probably all three on Friday - look out!!!
Now I am 100% sure that I would not be doing any of this if I had chosen to remain attached to the wine bottle. These are the times I am especially grateful for my quit. There's no going back, not ever

Wishing everyone a great AF rest of the day!!

Lav