Newbies Nest

[Matt M.]

Well today is my third anniversary. Thought I'd pass along some thoughts. The road to recovery is different for most folks but I believe that there are some common threads worth repeating. First off since many if you are new to me a little background. I started out as a binge drinker in college. In my 20s I was mostly a weekend drinker but over time I gradually began drinking daily. When I started to drink more than two drinks a day I began to hide it. My last 10 years I drank heavily but only at night and mostly in secret. When I quit I was drinking over 1/5 of vodka a night...ah who am I fooling more like half a handle. So what works. To begin with moderation is a myth. The only way I had any success was when I finally just accepted that no amount of booze was ok. You see I had not switch. As soon as I took that first sip I was already thinking about that second drink. Secondly you can't do this alone. I quickly came out to my family. Once I did that I took away my safety blanket. There was no turning back. I also found that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself meant that I gave myself an excuse to drink. I also had to allow myself to be comfortable with the truth that I am an alcoholic. I do so now without shame and without remorse. It is simply the case that this is what I was and being sober is who I am now. I wish all of you the same success. I can tell you that there will be a time when you will be comfortable in your own skin. That being alive and happy away from a bottle will be second nature. Thank you all for being my sounding board in the early days. Keep leaning on each other. The reward is wonderful.

Happy Belated Born again HARD! day TJ- What an incredible feat!

[Justme Again]

Morning Nest

My leave starts Wednesday, so its going to be a short week.

Happy Monday

[tonyniceday]

Hi Nest

Just checking in on this Monday morning of what is going to be a very busy week here!

Byrdie, Eloise, and Pauly - Don't worry about what the "friend" said about me - It has no negative effect on me. Yes I think he does have a problem with Al himself but, as we all know, that is for HIM to work out and not for me to tell him! I know I wouldn't have taken any notice of him saying it to me if things were the other way around.

Lav, we still need more of your hot weather - this summer is really cold in the North East of Scotland... We've just booked a holiday for January - guess I'll have to wait until then!

Have a great holiday yourself, Justme... are you going anywhere nice?

Have a great week, everyone.

Tony

[bobby boy]

Morning everyone

I haven't been able to post since Friday ... some internet problems ! Happy to say I have made it through another weekend AL free ! I am so happy because I had so many people around me that were drinking on Saturday at the Stadium and it didn't even bother me . Tony , I agree with everyone else with regards to the 'pal ' .. Please only yourself and those closest to you , forget what he says . I am happy to read new posts from long MWO timers . Thanks for all the input and wisdom . I keep this list on my phone as a reminder of why I am a non-drinker .. BETTER HEALTH ,FEWER MOOD SWINGS , BETTER RELATIONSHIPS , HIGHER SELF-ESTEEM , LESS STRESS , BETTER SLEEP , BETTER CONCENTRATION , MORE MONEY .. Thinking only about all the positive things . Hugs to all x

[Eloise]

i was thinking today Tony that we have no control over how other people view us or say about us.
None.
I think that the guys comment was more about himself than you.
Anyway, he doesn't deserve to have a friend like you! :victorious:

[Lavande]

Good Monday afternoon Nesters,

I'm sitting thru yet another rain drenched thunderstorm. Here's hoping this one brings some hest/humidity relief

Eloise, I've been telling myself for years now that other people's opinion of me is none of my business, ha ha! It really does take the pressure off when you add that to your tool box.

Justme. Enjoy your short week, yay!

Bobby boy, I had written reminders pasted all over the place when I first started on this journey. That's almost as good as having your very own cheerleaders following you around all day, Lol. Whatever works, right?

Hello to the whole crew & wishing everyone a great rest of the day AF!

Lav

[Mick]

TJ Thank you for sharing that here on the nest today. Congratulations on your amazing 3 years! I'm still very much at the ODAAT stage but I see things like your story, and look at others as well, and I find them truly inspiring and I start to believe that 3 MONTHS really is achievable and that would be great in the short term.

I would like to ask you a question, though, and I also put this to Byrdie, Lav, Ava, Eloise and anyone else who is a "long-timer". There must have come a point when those people around you who knew you were a drinker, generally, started to believe you were serious, and started to see you in a new light and accept that you are an ex-drinker. I know this may vary a lot, but I just wondered when people you know, generally, started to believe in the new you, and not say or think that you would fall off the wagon again?

Tony

Tony,just read this post....very interesting...I used to drink secretly,but also liked a good few drams in public...like you I come from up the road,and the accepted perception of jocks is hard drinking argumentative etc ..so when told people I didnt drink ...(I never said that I was going to give up drinking)initially it was greeted with the sort of yeh ok..as time went on, the questions changed from "you drinking yet"to "are you still not drinking?"nowadays no one bothers,apart form every now and again you get..a jock that doesnt drink? but apart from that nothing

[Justme Again]

Hi Nesters

Tony - no, not going anywhere special. Just soo looking forward not to have to think of any of my jobs for 1,5 weeks. And to spend quality time with my kids. Sober time for a change

Similar to Tony's question... it really bothers me at times to think how many people truly suspected/knew I had a problem? Group conversations at my last 2 permanent jobs where they discussed someone else who drinks a lot - was that aimed at me? Or in rare one on one situations with coworkers where they asked: do you drink? But when they where going to a party and is on their way to buy al. Stuff like that. Back then I thought - if they only knew! Now sober, it really bothers me.

I am trying new things in my life and career with this new found sober confidence, but then that little doubt (who knew?) just stings! Would love to hear how well you Nesters think we hid it?

(I know I was called out at work for reeking, but there were years before that! The slippery slope was really bad for the last 6 months.)

I clearly need a break. Going to bed so Tuesday can arrive faster.

Sleep tight!

[Justme Again]

Congrats on 3 weeks Bobby!!!:welldone:

[Byrdlady]

Good evening, Nesters!
Justme, Im not sure how well I was hiding it. I THOUGHT I was doing ok, but now when I see someone drink too much I can sure tell it. My eyes always gave me away. I cringe when I think back, but thankfully, no one mentions it now. In the course of an evening you can see how AL effects people and I was certainly no different other than the fact that my tolerance was so high.
A busy day here, trying to get business going. We had a bad July so tomorrow we have a group call to "understand the numbers". Julybhas always been a bad month for me, people taking vacations and such. Im going to play my 'Im new' card!!! Bahahaha!
Hope everyone had an easy day! Byrdie

[TJAF]

Thanks for the congrats. I do appreciate it. Some things I failed to mention My liver function test has been normal for two years. My blood sugar levels are close to normal with minimal drugs. My blood pressure is normal again with only the minimum of prescription medicine. My cholesterol levels are great and I've lost close to 20 lbs. in addition my short term memory is getting better and PAWs is slowly becoming a distant memory. Prior to quitting all of those things outside of PAWs were spiraling out of control. Just saying

[tonyniceday]

Morning Nest...

Eloise and Lav - you're right about not being able to control what others think etc. Lav I just love your line about this and I'll use it silently, if not out loud "What you think of me is none of my business" Just love that!

Byrdie - as to hiding it in the past, I just wonder now whether I ever really did - all the mints, the mouthwash etc, was it worth it. I may be super-sensitive to the smell of al right now, I don't know, but if someone has had just one drink I can smell it immediately. I just don't know how we ever truly hid it.

Mick - A confession - I'm an imposter, an ex-pat... I'm an Englishman LIVING in Scotland and not a true Jock!!!

I'm reading "The Happy Addict" at the moment (about happiness in sobriety) and just read the following:-

" So, when someone insists on pissing all over your rainbow, just remember it's your rainbow and it's there to make you happy. So stick with it!"

Tony

[bobby boy]

Hi everyone

TJAF - Your health is sounding good . On track to a long life by staying AF . Well done .

Just me - You asked about hiding ? At first no one suspected that I was putting wine in my tea cup until I added ice ! My daughter asked me why I put ice into my tea and proceeded to look into the cup ... caught !!! ... One time, when all I had in the house was a few bottles of sparkling wine , I tried to open one secretly ... it wasn't cold so .. cork popped out of that bottle like an atomic bomb, alerting all in the TV room ... caught again . Could tell stories all day but what I get from this is just pure relief .. never having to be deceitful or sneaking around or ever seeing that look of pure disappointment on my children's faces . Tony , I got that book ' The Happy Addict " looking forward to reading it . I have just finished reading a book by Sam Cowen called From Whiskey To Water ... She is a radio talk show host and TV presenter here in South Africa and her story is quite remarkable ! She has been sober for over 14 years and literally went from drinking to eating and then found her redemption in long-distance swimming ! An inspiring read ... I laughed and cried ! I will leave you with this exert from her book .. " Sometimes it gets you later, long after adolescence and crazy student drinking days . Its like a virus . You cant tell who is carrying it , not unless that person is close to the end of their physical one .The people in my support group were all bruised and confused. We had come to the fire pit by different roads but we were all sitting in the same ash . " Happy Tuesday everyone . Hugs x

[Mick]

Morning Nest...

Eloise and Lav - you're right about not being able to control what others think etc. Lav I just love your line about this and I'll use it silently, if not out loud "What you think of me is none of my business" Just love that!

Byrdie - as to hiding it in the past, I just wonder now whether I ever really did - all the mints, the mouthwash etc, was it worth it. I may be super-sensitive to the smell of al right now, I don't know, but if someone has had just one drink I can smell it immediately. I just don't know how we ever truly hid it.

Mick - A confession - I'm an imposter, an ex-pat... I'm an Englishman LIVING in Scotland and not a true Jock!!!

I'm reading "The Happy Addict" at the moment (about happiness in sobriety) and just read the following:-

" So, when someone insists on pissing all over your rainbow, just remember it's your rainbow and it's there to make you happy. So stick with it!"

Tony

likewise..Jock living in England!!!

[available]

Evening nesters

There is nothing like coming to the nest when days are crap to be made to feel normal.

Today i had a so called friend say my ex son in law probably didnt like me when i was an alcoholic but would probably like me now. I happened to mention that he had known me sober for 2 years and i still am an alcoholic. god i was furious and hurt. This is someone who told me that if i gave up drinking then certainly she could, as she was only a binge drinker. This may sound totally bitchy and catty and i have never ever said this to her but i always think "honey if you lost 80kgs and looked after yourself you would probably not have diabetes, heart problems, musculoskeletal problems etc etc". But i dont and i never will as that would be hurtful. she has an addiction to food which she denies and yet judges me. Ok my rant is done, now i will carry on.

I then read from Tony:-

" So, when someone insists on pissing all over your rainbow, just remember it's your rainbow and it's there to make you happy. So stick with it!"

Then i read Bobby:-

"We had come to the fire pit by different roads but we were all sitting in the same ash . "

So yes i still am judged after 2 years and 8 months sober but all i need to realise is that i have grown so much in those years and maybe this person is jealous of me. I need better friends!

Congrats on 3 weeks Bobby.

Happy holidays Just.

Off to feed the dogs and do two hours of homework sober and with a smile on my face.

Thank you, xx