Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good Saturday morning Nesters

It's shaping up to be a pretty hot & humid day ending with big thunderstorms later this evening. Such is summer in Lav-land!

Tony, don't you just feel sorry for people in such a drunken, messed up state like that? Makes me so grateful for my quit & desire to keep it going forever
I have to admit I LOL at Ava's beanie/dog puke story too, ha ha!!

Ava, good luck with that beanie project & congrats for not killing or maiming anyone this week. I totally get that!!!

Hello to everyone & wishing a great AF day for all!

Lav

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

Matt - congratulations on 2 years!!! Really remarkable!
Did you feel brain activity increased after 18 months?

Ava - ... I would ditch the beanie!! Good post on your thoughts on al. It is true.

Tony - I am sitting at a restaurant while the kids play with the intention to make a list for next week. After I posted here. I used to be very good at it, but two decades of drinking let that "crisis management" take over. A hung over reaction to problems. Still adjusting to pause, think, make a list and then do it step by step.

Heard on a podcast last week how physical brain damage (like a boxer) and an alcoholic's brain present the same on an xray... its awful. I really feel it when I try to plan and do something. I have good intentions, but damn!!

Time and healing. Rome wasn't buildt in a day. Thanks, I take that with me today.

Really happy that I am out of the dead lock grip of al.

Till later.

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, nesters!
Ava, soory about your knitting project. Amazing how dogs target the thing most vulnerable to hurl on. Good luck rinsing that out!

Oko, I never drank for the taste of it. If Im honest, who COULD like the taste of vodka? Seriously? Its like rubbing alcohol and burns like it when you drank it like I did. It made my eyes water! Wine? The same thing, the first time I tasted it, it seemed 'OFF'. Like drinking tea after drinking Coke. Of course, I acquired a tatse for it....well correction, I tolerated the tatse so I could get the effect. I actually remember sneaking into my closet and gulping vodka or wine out of a hidden bottle and gagging on it. I hoped I didnt spew it but sometimes I did, then Id have to wash my face and brush my teeth for fear of smelling like a winery. Gagging on AL but drinking it anyway.....thats pretty sad, but it speaks to the power of addiction.

Daisy, if you are feeling vulnerable, please do everything you can to shore up your plan! Get your kids on board and let them know you need thier support. Glue yourself in here, dont pull away! Read books about our disease, watch You Tubes.....pull out all the stops! We have all been in that spot and we look back and say 'Why didnt I do such and such?' Lets re- write history this time and push thru this with all you've got. As we all know, nothing changes if nothing changes. I just kept repeating the same mistakes....until I didnt. You can do it!

Nothing planned today, and LOVING it! Hope everyone has a peaceful day. Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Hi Everyone. Justme your post is an example of how I've been feeling - like I'm doing damage to myself. My reluctant one drink in Puerto Rico after 6 months eventually spiraled into a little more, and a little more, without many negative effects, to wanting it and sneaking it daily over the past few days. I can't say I've even been drunk since then, but I am tired of thinking about alcohol and not my relationships and workouts even. I have a triathalon next weekend and I was excited to train for it this time without alcohol. Didn't happen On a spiritual note, and on the same page as Justme's post about the brain scan, I have read that drinking rips holes in our energy fields. It is damaging - and I need to get back on the path of none and remember that nothing GOOD comes from any alcohol at all. I'm really MUCH happier just having NONE.

Matt, big congrats on your 2 years. Way to get there and not look back. I'm happy for you.

Eloise... China? Wow. That's a big change! And exciting! Would love to know more.

Okoren, I feel the same as you. Tired of it. Let's say done and not go back, ok?

Byrdie, Your job sounds like such a whirlwind. You seem to be handling it with grace! You've always taught us to tackle discomfort and growth ensues. You sound brave and strong

LAV, nice to keep hearing that you are enjoying your grandkids. I want to be that for my kids and eventual grandkids someday

AVA, I liked feeling "grown up" so much. Excited to get there again. Congrats on your new career pursuit.

Daisy, glad you are hanging in there, even though cravings are hitting.

Bobyboy, Tony, nice to meet you.

We are headed to a concert tonight with friends (no kids) and I offered to drive, as I will not be drinking. Alcohol slowly turns me into a version of me that isn't my best. I have too much to live for to waste that time. Thanks for being here.

[okoren1]

I have a triathalon next weekend and I was excited to train for it this time without alcohol. Didn't happen

Okoren, I feel the same as you. Tired of it. Let's say done and not go back, ok?

Kensho, I'm with you- lets say done and not go back!! Hang in there- I will pay special attention to your posts- very encouraging.

On the topic of Triathlons, what kind of distances is this one? I've never done a Tri, just road racing/ training with some occasional mountain biking, Ah, Colorado!! I used to do marathons, but too hard on my knees.

On the topic of training while still actively drinking, I am not great at drinking fluids during a ride (bad habit, I need to stay more hydrated), but when I was steadily abusing AL, I would occasionally have terrible training rides! As you know AL is a diuretic and at least for me, could really make me dry and parched on a ride the day after drinking, and that combined with not being great about fluid intake during a ride has caused some disastrous rides! Especially climbing in the mountains here. I'd have to pull over and try to re-hydrate- almost impossible, usually pretty hard to do at that point. Not to mention the loss of power from being de-hydrated on a long ride. I decided that I like cycling a lot more than I liked drinking, which made quitting significantly easier. Make sense?

[Lavande]

Jumping back in to wish everyone a safe night in the nest!!

Lav

[TJAF]

Congratulations Matt Good for you!

[available]

Morning nesters

I had to go and play caring concerned mum to my daughter yesterday, when she gets sick its "man flu" sick (sorry guys) but she is bad. We all have a laugh at how sick she gets but she was/is not well. It was lovely to take care of her and she has strained a muscle between her ribs and lungs and its pretty painful. Today she is a tad better. I did get to see all of her Europe photos and wait on her. Sobriety has bought me this closeness with my children now. I could drive to be with her yesterday at 2pm instead of giving her a myriad of excuses as to why i could not when i would have been either drinking or timing myself until i could drink.

Kensho good to see you back. You will have a great quit buddy with Oko on board. As we know al does us no favours. The normal drinkers dont think about al being in their life. The guy i am seeing atm has al all over his house. I said to him that he is so not a drinker as i never had al in my house, always drank it!

Tony i hope you are still gardening, i so want to see the end project of how it ends up. Winter is not too far away for you as its kind of getting warmer here. I will keep you informed on the beanie issue, im definitely in a quandery but the vomit is dry now!

Byrd i am with you, a $2.50 bottle of wine tasted no different to a $15 bottle. I drank to get drunk. I hated when i went out and would have to taste the wine when i didnt care about the taste, i just wanted my glass filled up, then i was happy.

Just, i thought i was getting alzheimers when i stopped drinking, my brain just didnt want to work somedays. The damage i must have done over time was scary to think about but now i am just plain forgetful.

Well i am off to defrost the freezer and do some homework. I have 20 days till i am into the 4 numbers and the last few days i have been thinking about how my life has changed for the better. Never when i stopped drinking did i imagine i would ever celebrate such a milestone, i always wondered how the hell others made it when it seemed like an eternity away. Ive been sad for the wasted years when i could have achieved so much more but i am so happy i have what i have now. As long as i am accountable to my fellow nesters and to myself and children i will always be sober. There is nothing in life that can ever ever be so bad that i will drink for, not now!

Take care x

[Justme Again]

Morning Nest

Good conversations we have here.

On this vaca I had my kids paint on two canvases I used over the years for "experimental painting". (it didn't turn out the way I drunkenly thought...)

Also made "wool" of leftover material and knit a carpet.

It is a physical way to engage and accept that al played a major role in my life. Like the threads of old material tangled into something new and useful. On the paintings my drunk efforts are the background now and my kids creations becomes the focus.

I always painted and did needle work heavily buzzed. It was much better this time, sober.
Now I can look at it every day. Never to forget. My alcoholism blessed me with a whole lot of understanding for the human condition. But it doesn't have to be in the foreground. Its not everybody's business. It is ok.

Hope you enjoy the pics.20160807_105403.jpg

[Justme Again]

20160807_105757.jpg

[bobby boy]

Good morning everyone .
Firstly , thanks to everyone here for all the very good advice .. Awesome ...
Sunday mornings have not felt this good for a few years !! I am happy to report that my lunch / dinner went so well ! I managed to say NO to all types of AL .. . It was amazing to sit back and watch how all the drinkers became more and more silly as the evening progressed . My husband is not much of a drinker and only has the odd glass of red wine with dinner , but I was able ( for the first time in years ) to say I am driving home !!! Having a super lazy day here today , watching the Olympics ... Happy Sunday to all x

[bobby boy]

Justme ... Good work !!! x

[Byrdlady]

Good Sunday morning, nesters!
Great to see everyone here and checking in. Justme, it was a paint-by-numbers set that really 'outted' there at the end. I thought I knew better than the numbers and began to freestyle it. I was so (drunkenly) proud of it that I showed my hubs. He was sickened by it. The next day, it was really hard to dispute, the painting looked like someone's nightmare, not a french bistro in autumn. I am amazed at my own denial of an AL problem.

If I were to ever write a book, I would devote a chapter to 'DENIAL: It's not just a river in Egypt'. There I was drinking during half my waking hours, hiding it, lying about it, justifying it, drinking to the exclusion of every other thing, and yet I maintained I WASN'T THAT BAD. I ought to go over to the thread 'You know you're an alcoholic when' and write this down.....If you've ever said to yourself as it relates to AL, 'I'm not that bad' then you know you are one of us. I fought it as hard as the next one, but I tell you, in truth there is freedom. Admitting to myself that this had to stop and seeking a way to MAKE IT STOP made all the difference. If you didnt have a problem with AL you wouldn't be reading this and I wouldnt be writing it. Do whatever it takes to get, and STAY sober. when I stopped BS'ing myself about AL, I was able to turn it around. If it takes outside help to get sober, so be it, dont let PRIDE rob you fo your life (like I did). I have a lot of regrets in my life, but getting sober isnt one of them.
Hope everyone has an easy day. Byrdie

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Back after a long an VERY relaxing vacation - I really did next to no work, and looked at my computer once. Very needed, I'd say. I really never wanted alcohol - so freeing, and so great to have no qualms about a holiday without.

Congratulations Matt!!! So excited for you and your accomplishments. I know I don't have to tell you this, but stay hard, my friend.

Hi to some familiar names. Welcome back!

Bobby - I listened to a podcast for my first year (The Bubble Hour - I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone). One of the hosts was a sobriety blogger, sober for five years, and one day found herself drinking the vanilla out of the cupboard. She had a host of stressors in her life which she didn't deal with, and she also never asked for help. That shocked me and let me know that yes, the beast is doing pushups in the garage. The good news is that it is relatively easy to keep that garage door shut - but it DOES take some doing.

Ava - YES! - you can tell a person who isn't an alcoholic by how much alcohol they have in the house. Mine was empty frequently, too. I just was with my cousin who got out a bottle of bourbon for my husband that was several years old. I can tell you, that NEVER happened in my house... I am looking forward to celebrating in 21 days with you - looks like I won't be on a plane to Australia, but thankfully we have the Internet.

Happy SOBER SUNDAY to you all.

Pav

[Pavati]

Just read back a teeny bit and want to say - WAY TO GO, TJAF! Your story sounds like it could be mine. Thanks for your steady presence here.

And also want to say Hi, Jane. So sorry about your car accident and glad you're on the mend.