Newbies Nest

[Justme Again]

Congratulations on 8 weeks Tony!!!:welldone:

[Byrdlady]

8 weeks is EPIC, Tony!
:rara::rara::rara:

[available]

Afternoon nesters

All clear from my skin cancer which is great news. That could have been the cause of my sleeplessness, i hope so.

Tony i bet your dogs are happy now they get fed sooner. I was like NS and gave my dogs a haircut when drunk. the amount of times i cut them was cringe worthy. I do a much better style now! I so cant wait for the pic of the gate. If i could figure out how to post my vomit beanie i would.

NS the only thing i creatively did was drink or put so called funny/intelligent posts on facebook. Now when fb share memories for me i just cringe and there is no way i would share any memories of those times.

Lav thanks for putting a name to what my daughter has, i googled it and spot on. I keep telling her she could do this again if she doesnt take it easy. She wont listen and she's only 29!

just completed my 5 yearly census form so the government do their stats and tell us how happy we are. waste of money. Now back to more damn homework and sleep.

Take care x

[Byrdlady]

Ava, I used to cut my own hair while hitting the bottle....what a mess! My hairdresser would ask me if I'd been in the 'hair cutting wine'. UGG.....
NS, my legs also look like I shaved with a chain saw... I would whack the hell out of my legs, I sure don't miss that.

I hope everyone has a happy Toosday! Remember, no good will come from AL! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[tonyniceday]

Hi Nest

Byrdie - I cut my own hair once when drunk... Enough said

We seem to have lost a lot of fledglings in the last couple of weeks...

[Byrdlady]

Yes, we have lost a lot, Tony, I was looking back over the weekend and a month ago we had a nest-full..... not so much now. Quitting and breaking this cycle is HARD, as you know. You will notice that attendance ebbs and flows....I know that people are in back to school mode, etc. I imagine that once school starts, we will have a surge once again. This is surely the time to get things underway....the holidays are around the corner and we need as much sober time as possible before all that hits. You were smart to start when you did! Hang in, Byrdie

[Eloise]

omg... cutting your own hair while drunk? That is one I had never thought of (thank god!!).
:egad:

[SouthLondoner]

Today's journaling has turned up the fact that distractions - drink, computers, TV, daydreaming etc. all serve to keep me temporarily comfortable. But long term I am uncomfortable.

Taking away the distractions means I need to learn to reconnect with myself, connect with others and risk pain and failure. The temporary release of AL has to disappear, even just 'one' serves as a reminder that I can numb out when I want.

Slowly exposing myself to new environments and situations is the key. Too much too soon means I risk relapsing, as I do not have the capacity to cope with the demands.

SL

[KENSHO]

Howdy Nesties. I'm pretty upset with myself. I managed to get through the concert without any substance use - and enjoyed the music. I DID NOT love, and was completely disgusted at, the drunken scene there. I am absolutely done with this type of environment - 20 yr. olds getting completely trashed and ushers cleaning up puke, etc... YUCK! My husband partook and wasn't necessarily annoying, but I was disappointed that he and so many people want to get so numb and tune out reality. Husband made comments that I was "tight". Really??? Or was it that I wasn't being stupid? If he can't take me without substances, then he can leave. I am willing to learn alternate ways to loosen up, like NS said, but I'm so tired of him pushing me to imbibe. It's like he gets it and supports me, then turns around and shoves a drink in my hands. WTF?

I complain about others wanting to get numb, then I turn around and do it. I gave in and had two glasses of wine the following night, and one shot last night. I have felt really stressed in general and have been amazed at just how much I've craved the stuff. Until now (since my vacation), I hadn't really had cravings. Testament to the fact that we can "un-wire" the great "re-wiring" we've done.

So I'm uncomfortable. But I remember how I felt at 4 months / 6 months sober - amazing. Balanced. Stable. Complete. Strong. Healthy. Assured. SO I will deal with the discomfort and look forward to that. It confuses me when I am able to moderate for awhile without any apparent consequences or increased cravings. But with some time, I seem to return to a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. Not worth it, and I'm now back in the beginning - YUCK! Don't go there!

ON the topic of messy endeavors while drinking, I used to be amazed when reading my journals or poetry days after writing them with a drink in hand... I could barely read my scribbled handwriting!

Okoren, my race is a sprint triathlon, so not as impressive as the real thing. I love that it is three sports - so variety. I'm looking forward to it on Sunday, even though I haven't trained as hard for this one as years past. I love the excitement of races though and pushing myself!

Have a good day everyone.

EDIT: I should add that last night I fought with myself quite a bit, and actually stopped and bought some candy INSTEAD OF going to the liquor store. I thought I was good, and then got home and immediately went to log on and reach out for support and internet was down. Point is that I KNOW how helpful it is to consistently be here in the beginning and accept the support when it is offered and when I am struggling. I will make every effort. I hate needing help But I SO appreciate you all.

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

SL - you are connected enough to yourself to have taken action after you realised something you do is bad for you. Slowly, with time it will be ok. Just like the plan for your social life. Sounds like you have the right thoughts.

KENSHO - sorry to hear about the challenges you faced. Must be frustrating. 5 years ago, with my first serious quit, I had to explain in detail to my then husband WHY.
Yesterday he told me he supports me never drinking again. But I think my sloppyness in the end made him realise that I can't / shouldn't drink. Glad that you decided so quikly that you don't want to drink.

Byrd, Lav & Tony - I remember way back how busy the nest was. Felt really bad when someone slipped or never posted again. And eventually I took it as a reason to drink again myself. This time it helps to see it, since it makes it clear why and where in the process of recovery I still needed to work.

I had a great day. And a lot of it has to do with the fact that there was no al drama to deal with.

Good night

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a perfectly crappy day with one of my grandsons. He is difficult & lashes out easily at people, even me. Thankful that his mother took him home before 7 pm.
I raised two kids of my own & have realized tgat they were never the reason I drank. I didn't get into this situation until they were grown & I was left with a grumpy, self-absorbed spouse & myself. That was what my drinking was trying to numb

Kensho, when it truly becomes important enough to YOU to quit & stay quit you will. I had to get to the point of being so tired of disappointing myself that staying quit was my only sane option.

SL, do you know why you feel so disconnected from yourself? Is there a trauma or memory that you are trying to escape? Perhaps you need to work on the real root of the problem so you can make your AF path easier.

Justme, early in my quit I used to feel scared seeing people fall out of the nest & disappear. Quite a few times I thought 'what if that happens to me?' At some point I decided that I can follow them or I can strengthen my resolve. My choice was to keep my quit no matter what

Hello to everyone & wishing for a safe & peaceful night in the nest for all.

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Yes, Lav and Justme. When I first started there was another woman here who was with me at the beginning (in addition to the lovely Ava!) I really freaked me out when she started drinking again because I wondered why that wasn't me, and if it was just inevitable that I would drink again. i reached out to some wise mother nesters who assured me that I am my own person, and I can control whether or not I drink. There are many who I think and worry about all the time, but I do know that each person is on his or her own journey.

Kensho - glad you're back. I was so surprised to find that I actually like live music significantly more now that I don't drink! I can sit and watch the whole set, for one thing, instead of constantly leaving to get a beer or pee. Also, I can really appreciate the music, and remember the show! Imagine that! I agree that the drunk 20 somethings can be annoying, as can drunk husbands.

I hope that people reading this can jump in and kick alcohol to the curb. The benefits are SO MUCH MORE than I even expected.

Off to watch the Olympics - I'm hooked!

Pav

[KENSHO]

Checking in before bed. Not an easy night; I'm really struggling with my husband. BUT I didn't drink.

[Dutch1988]

Seems quiet around here, other than a few normies =P

been trying to get my hand back to full strength, It's probably at about 30% right now, the battle continues. I wish I could say I have reached some kind of blissful place where I am not irritated by my inability to pursue my favorite activities, but I accept that I am pissed and try to just keep focusing on the things I can do. Checking in because i have a long week and I have been tempted more than usual to drink, I am clocking in 520 days tomorrow and a super stressful day still makes me think about drinking. But on the flip side, my vacation I took for my wife and my anniversary was great and drinking barely crossed my mind. Definitely progress from my first vacation, of course my in laws and roaches were not around either....

Wish I was around more to connect better with everyone. i listened to Change or Die, which I highly recommend to anyone on here working on their decision to never drink again. A few of the things in there struck me, like finding a community you can trust(look around haha), a mentor(pretty much anyone on here with long term sobriety, I pretty much listen to w/e lav and byrdy say =P), and that hope that you can take charge of your life. Also read a book called the compound effect which has helped me make some smaller positive changes in my life, for awhile not drinking was enough, but that quickly can stack with other positive decisions as well. I hope the best for everyone on here, still very grateful for finding this community and having it in my back pocket as a tool in my AF box.

PS Kensho, you've been on here for so long, I wonder what would happen when the internet was down if you wrote a post like you were going to submit it, and just imagined what some of the long timers on here would respond with. That's stopped me from indulging a number of times, best of luck!

[Byrdlady]

Dutch, it's great to see you. You were smart in seeking out your support when the pressure was piling up instead of pushing it away.

Alcoholism is a very complicated disease and it is baffling to me why I can't stop someone from drinking when they have already done the hard yards....why can't I find the right words to say to make them realize that the drink they are about to take isn't going to do anything but make things worse? You would think that an alkie would know exactly what to say....but alas. AL is such a strong force, once it takes root, it's hard to reason with folks. Of course, in hind site, we are full of regret and shame....but how can we show that BEFORE the damage is done? I wish I knew, that's one of the big frustrations in all of this.

Many times I've said that MWO is like 'A Christmas Carol'. In others, we can see our past, present and future. MWO is an incredible tool, IF we use it. I would dare to say there isn't a topic that hasn't been discussed here.....in spite of each of us wanting to think we are special and unique, it just isn't the case. Life happens to all of us....good, bad, and ugly. When someone has a good amount of time, I wish I could be like the ghost of Christmas future and show people how their drinking is going to play out. It's not a mystery, really....we all know that it's going to get progressively worse until 'something happens'. That SOMETHING also depends on how low we are willing to go. I was able to ignore A LOT OF AWFUL CRAP caused by AL, until it came to a non-negotiable (losing my husband). I also wish that same ghost of Christmas present could show the person his/her life having eliminated AL completely. Showing that they CAN be happy and enjoy things. Demonstrating that you don't have to take the edge off of anything but your thinking! I wish people could see themselves in the future without AL, because it's a lot better place than the other way. You can trust me on that. It's just a shame that AL holds such power over us that we are unable to see and hear reason. We KNOW what we SHOULD do, we just can't do it (or think we can't....we really CAN).

Thank you, Dutch, for sparking that thought vein. I hope you continue to heal and that wrist is 100% sooner than later! When is the baby due?
Happy Hump Day! Byrdie