Newbies Nest

[Wilson1]

Eloise, sorry you have to be so close to that tragedy. Sends shivers down my back! I was happy to hear more about your upcoming job. Happy for you! I love adventures, and that sure sounds like one!

I had a heart to heart with my husband. He listened, for a change. I told him that if it came down to sobriety or our marriage, I would choose sobriety. I think that made his jaw drop. He VERY CLEARLY understands how serious I am about this. I also told him how sad I was that he has made me feel "boring" when not drinking. He apologized, and clarified his statement. I think we can work this out if we keep communicating. Alcohol contributed to this problem once again - as when I drink, I distance myself from him so he won't know, and don't talk with him or go to bed when he does... how in the world could that be healthy for a marriage? One more reason to get rid of the beast once and for all. And he supports me spending less time with his family if they continue to pressure me.

It doesn't take much time at all to feel so much more in control of myself and sure of myself. I know how it feels to be 6 months alcohol-free and it is amazing - can't wait to get there again and beyond. I no longer have a reason to touch the stuff ever again - I've made peace with all the demons that spurred my alcohol use. I have finally arrived at the place that LAV and AVA and Byrdie talk about - that place where nothing or no one is more important than taking care of ourselves - choosing happiness and choosing to be alcohol free.

This is one of the best post that I have ever read on this forum.
Thank you.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Just wanted to wish everyone a peaceful night in the nest.

Eloise, speeding anytime let alone when drinking scares the hell out of me. I hope you can rest & not focus on the accident. We cannot change what has happened as much as we wish we could :hug:

Kensho, I'm glad to hear you finally got your message thru. It's always about communication, don't you think? Good for you!

Hi there Byrdie & Wilson.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[available]

Afternoon nesters

I had such a lovely day yesterday with number 3 and 4 (children) as i call them. I always forget their damn names still after 20+ years. Lots of laughing and just not being stressed. Spent too much money but i had a care factor of zero on that front.

El that is such a tragic accident. I work in a major trauma hospital and the young drivers they bring in is heartbreaking and seeing their parents is terrible. It used to worry me enormously but i suppose seeing so much of it you do get hardened to life and death. I cant ever imagine it being one of my own though.

Oh lav your poor chickens, nothing worse than seeing them panting with their wings wide open. maybe you could pluck them now that would cool them down!.

Today i received my brothers death certificate from his ex partner, she found it while moving house. So many emotions and sadness when opening that letter. I never knew what his certificate stated but he died of sepsis, bacterial peritonitis and alcoholic liver cirrhosis. The death of an alcoholic. The loss of my brother to this fecking addiction, i think i feel so angry at al, he was my only brother, my only sibling and al took every single thing he had from him until it took his life. He was 46 and he will have been dead 9 years in December. A reminder to me of why i can never drink again, a sadness that he is not here for his only child and to be an uncle to my children. All my children remember of my brother is that he drank a LOT. A gratefulness that I am sober and able to appreciate my family but sorrow that he is not a part of our life anymore. I am lucky to hold special memories of us growing up, just him and i against the world so it seemed until in his early 20's al became his best friend and confidante. This was my brother Andrew.

Take care x

[Eloise]

Shame, very sorry to read about your brother available.

I guess if you work in a trauma hospital these young drivers are 'just another one' for you. Statistics.
For me it is yet another of life's sad mysteries. Much like the life your brother lived. Sad for him, sad for you, sad for the entire family.
I hate AL too. It should be illegal.

I am going to try and have a nice day today and working on my painting.

[available]

I guess if you work in a trauma hospital these young drivers are 'just another one' for you. Statistics.

No loss of life El is "just another one" and i am sorry if you took it that way. You just witness the heartache and pain on a daily basis which makes you learn to deal with the pain you see around you. Every single persons life is precious.

[Mick]

Afternoon nesters

I had such a lovely day yesterday with number 3 and 4 (children) as i call them. I always forget their damn names still after 20+ years. Lots of laughing and just not being stressed. Spent too much money but i had a care factor of zero on that front.

El that is such a tragic accident. I work in a major trauma hospital and the young drivers they bring in is heartbreaking and seeing their parents is terrible. It used to worry me enormously but i suppose seeing so much of it you do get hardened to life and death. I cant ever imagine it being one of my own though.

Oh lav your poor chickens, nothing worse than seeing them panting with their wings wide open. maybe you could pluck them now that would cool them down!.

Today i received my brothers death certificate from his ex partner, she found it while moving house. So many emotions and sadness when opening that letter. I never knew what his certificate stated but he died of sepsis, bacterial peritonitis and alcoholic liver cirrhosis. The death of an alcoholic. The loss of my brother to this fecking addiction, i think i feel so angry at al, he was my only brother, my only sibling and al took every single thing he had from him until it took his life. He was 46 and he will have been dead 9 years in December. A reminder to me of why i can never drink again, a sadness that he is not here for his only child and to be an uncle to my children. All my children remember of my brother is that he drank a LOT. A gratefulness that I am sober and able to appreciate my family but sorrow that he is not a part of our life anymore. I am lucky to hold special memories of us growing up, just him and i against the world so it seemed until in his early 20's al became his best friend and confidante. This was my brother Andrew.

Take care x

available...just had to post..."the death of an alcoholic".....5 words strung together..its like a title..the tears of a clown,the merchant of Venice ,Last tango in Paris..the words have almost got a rolling way of joining to gether...not in the slightest bit indicating the pain,struggle,tears and sorrow that both he and the rest of his /your family went and go through..he was your friend ,sibling playmate rival,until the drink took him...may you have fond memories of him as he was

[Justme Again]

Morning Nest

Eloise - hope you have a great painting day and that your mind would rest. Went through something similar last year. Had to take a week off work to get over it, but to be fair, I was still drinking heavily...

Kensho - glad you had some good communication with your husbband. It could be the start of something better you ever had together.

Ava - reading that cause of death is scary. Sorry you lost him in such a way. The cost of al is too much.

Lav - hope your chicks are better now!

Byrdie - the first 6 months with a new job is draining. What takes so much energy now, you won't even think about after a year. Your posts remind me of what's waiting for me. New stuff and more responsibility. But what is the alternative? If we don't try it, we will be missing out on great opportunities.

Have to get ready to drop my kids off today. Mixed feelings.

Enjoy your Saturday.

[Eloise]

I get it, my auntie is a nurse. No one can internalise take that kind of thing on a daily basis.
Their dog was howling last night. Poor thing.

I am going to try and approach the first 6 months of my job, when if finally starts, with Joy.
Gonna call it the New Job Joy Challenge.

No loss of life El is "just another one" and i am sorry if you took it that way. You just witness the heartache and pain on a daily basis which makes you learn to deal with the pain you see around you. Every single persons life is precious.

[tonyniceday]

Hi nest

Well it's just another ordinary day here in Scotland, but we had some news yesterday which I think is probably a good thing, wrapped up in disappointment...

We were supposed to be working on the next business project which has already been in the planning stage for around 18 months and as some of you will remember this was to be a pub...

The project has fallen through and will not be going ahead now. Although, from a business point of view it's disappointing, I think from an Alkiy's point of view it's no bad thing. So we'll just be looking at other things as time goes on.

Anyway, as I said elsewhere, I'm nursing "man flu" this weekend...

Have a great AF day everyone.

Tony

[Eloise]

Way to look on the bright side of things Tony!

[actiongirl46]

Hi all! I've been posting in the Steppers thread but would like to join in here too . . . some awesome posts over the last few days!

I've been here on and off for awhile. Back to Day 1 again today. Nothing traumatic happened to trigger this (thankfully), I am just sick and tired of being sick, tired, unhappy, angry, and bored. I really need to do this.

Kensho, I too am struggling with my 17 year marriage right now. It is so hard to communicate and I feel like I've given up trying. Which is not the person I want to be. So, I'll focus on me right now and hope he has the patience to continue to hang in there. He does not want me to drink. My challenge is I feel he puts the success or failure of this marriage all on me. In other words, if I am not "perfect" (e.g. abstinent), we fail. Not a healthy place to be and in the last few weeks it has created a lot of resentment on my part. I allowed myself to get angry and do whatever I wanted to (e.g. have a few beers) which, as you all know, did not help. Anyway, I'm just going to put that aside. I do want this for myself (maybe for the first time??) and your posts were really helpful in clarifying that for me.

I'm so glad to see so much success here! Hang in there all. More later - AG

[tonyniceday]

Hi AG
Good on you for starting again.

I think that sometimes our partners do bring a pressure that they do not see themselves. They look on us having abstained for a period before (whether that is days, weeks, or months) but do not understand the addiction.

We all know we could fall off the tightrope and they don't see that we can't necessarily just get straight back on.

God knows what I'd get from that direction if I relapsed now!

It's another case of "only an alcoholic can truly understand another alcoholic". But you're right to do it for you and not for anyone else!

Tony

[Pavati]

Good Morning:

Kensho - yes, I believe communication is the key. We think we know what others are thinking, but often I realize I am wrong. My teenaged son is having trouble with a friend and I keep coaching him toward direct communication. It can be hard, but ultimately people appreciate it, and you can cut through a lot of BS.

El - That is so awful. Sorry for that family. I can imagine all the second guessing that must go on in a situation like that.

Tony, I am nursing a bad summer cold, too. To think that I used to use a cold as an excuse to drink whiskey (calms the cough and helps me sleep!). Dang, the things I told myself. I did manage to get over 9 hours of sleep last night which felt good...

Ava - So sorry about your brother. I can imagine the feelings that brought up. I wonder all the time how one person is able to get a hold of their drinking and another is not. I can imagine that must be a strong question with a sibling...

An old friend of my husband's was visiting this week. His marriage recently broke up - he was telling us that it was all because of an addiction he had to prescription pills. Meanwhile, he was steadily drinking the whole time. Steadily and heartily. It made me so uncomfortable because I really saw how unhealthy and in denial he was, but I know that is his road to take not mine.

Ok, off to get back in bed and complain to my husband more. I am glad I have no responsibilities today and can just take care of myself.

Happy SOBER Saturday.
Pav

[Byrdlady]

Good afternoon, all. Great to see everyone. The nest is a great place to get your sober legs. I look back now and I am amazed at how hard I clung to 'being able to drink'. The joke was on me....now being able NOT to drink is much more of a blessing.

Going out with neighbors tonight, they are heavy drinkers, they called and asked if we wanted to car pool...so I volunteered to drive. This would have never happened 6 years ago. Hope everyone has an easy Sattidy.
Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Just got through the hottest day I think we have ever had here - UGH!
My chickens are coping, bless their little hearts.

Ava, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. Such a harsh way for a young man to die. I hope you can remember him from better times & keep him close in your heart.

AG, welcome back! Glad you hopped into the nest again. We definitely have had some newbie success going on around here lately

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav