Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Off to the races here.
OKo the collateral damage to our drinking is mind boggling. After all was said and done at our household, my hubs was just glad to have his wife back. I had been slipping away for years. AL covers up a LOT of stuff, not all of it is pretty when you lift the rug.

Hope everyone has a peaceful Monday! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

OK, I don't have much to add to your thoughtful post. The main dynamic that changed in my house was that I once again became assertive, as I had been before my shame about my addiction stripped me of all self-confidence. I had reached the point that I didn't think I deserved to have things "my way" and I certainly didn't argue about things that had occurred in the past because I didn't trust my memory. As I started to express my opinions more freely and defend my memories of past events, we all had to adjust to me not being so passive and compliant. It was a challenge for me, too - I was so used to not really caring about myself and to not having opinions, it took some effort to figure out what I really thought and wanted.

We slowly changed as we became addicted and those around us for the most part adjusted and in my case, didn't fully understand what was happening. In the same way, we evolve to be our sober selves and as long as we treat others as they deserve to be treated, with kindness and respect, I believe it can all work out.

[NoraC]

NS - LOVED YOUR POST! Thank you. Yes, I have changed as the 'shame' has lifted.

[Rusty]

Byrdie...hey, I don't usually post on this thread but do you mind if I "butt" in. Old, tired pun. Sorry. I have colitis, too so I have to go for the "colon blow" every 3 years. I don't know when it is but if you haven't bought the "kit" yet, ask your doc if you can do the "mild" prep with Miralax. Really...it's a piece of cake. Soft food two days before the exam and it makes things much gentler for you.

I've had so many GI tests I can't keep count.

Good luck and let us know how you're doing. Hope your new job is going well, too.

xo
Rusty

[Lavande]

Good Monday afternoon Nesters,

The heatwave continues in Lav-land, not nice at all.

NS, I could have written your post. You described me perfectly, glad to know I wasn't alone. The problem I encountered was my husband not being able to adjust to the new & improved Lav. So much so that he took off 15 months after I quit to go brood. After exactly 4 years of brooding he wandered back without explanation. I have spent the past 2 years being distantly cautious. I am not going to allow him to interfere with my sobriety. Life goes on I suppose.

Hey there Byrdie, Justme, Nora, Rusty & everyone. Have a great AF day

Lav

[lifechange]

hi nesters..
i've been here for years. each and every time i think i can manage it on my own i fail.
i always have an excuse, i always think after a while of being sober i can do with a drink or two, in the right situation.,. it's of course, what i still want. to drink a couple of beers or a glass pr 2 of wine and have an amazing evening /conversation with (most of the time) some random person.
i can usually "handle" drinking for some time. but i always come to a point where i can't.. that means that every night i wake up at 3am with my 11 year at my side, not having done anything really "wrong", but not feeling good, knowing full well i'm wasting the years away and will have regret..
so now. i have been saying each night for one week that i won't drink. and i haven't kept my promise to myself. and i know i could probably go one as i am because i do well at work, i keep my appointments, etc. but i am not myself, i am turning so grey, i am forgetting things, i am losing myself and my life.
i've been here so many times asking for help and i feel like a fool for landing in the same place each and every time.

[KENSHO]

LC, glad to see you here Keep trying, it will click.

NS - YES! Yes, yes, yes. I feel the SAME way! I had no confidence because I was ashamed of myself - but now, I ask for what I want and confront poor behavior. It is THIS me that has caused some growing up on my husband's part too. I guess he doesn't want to be left behind. Thank you for that post!

Good day here - kids back to school tomorrow. I'm focusing (I know - a very hard thing for me!) on getting accounting done today. Yuck. But back to the numbers. I don't want a drink now or ever. I'm sure random cravings will hit, but I FULLY and COMPLETELY understand WHY I don't drink, and I am very at peace with it.

Ciao!

[actiongirl46]

Welcome back LC!!

[available]

LC so good to have you back. I remember when we started together all those years ago and i fecked up and you kept going along sober. i was so disappointed in myself and could not seem to get back on board until i wanted to be like you. You were in your 100's and going on hols and i wanted to prove to you that i was sober when you got back and i was and i still am. You can do this, we get sick of being sick and tired, i know i was. The nest was my lifeline, still is on occasion and i am each and every day accountable to everyone on here. Lots of nesters in their early days to stick close to, QW, AG, Kensho, all ready to have a buddy i am sure, and you have your old friends still plodding along. Stay close and make this your last quit, the life you will have sober is not worth one drink after you have done the hard work.

Off to work i go

Take care x

[abcowboy]

Welcome back LC! Just one day at a time, everyday, and you'll be stronger than ever!

[NoSugar]

i've been here for years. each and every time i think i can manage it on my own i fail.
i always have an excuse, i always think after a while of being sober i can do with a drink or two, in the right situation.,. it's of course, what i still want.

i've been here so many times asking for help and i feel like a fool for landing in the same place each and every time.

You're not a fool, LC, you're a wonderful worthy person who is addicted to alcohol and I'm really glad to see you again :hug:.

You know how to Not Drink -- you've done it for good long stretches before! And I remember how you loved to feel good, eat right, be confident at work, be there for your girls... Maybe this time the variable to change could be the commitment you make to using your program of choice. If that is AA, commit to some number of meetings per week for a specified (sufficiently long) period of time. If it is MWO, commit to reading and posting here daily for a time considerably longer than that at which you've in the past thought you'd be ok. Circle that date on your calendar and when you feel like you're sick of this whole business and want to drift away (and drink occasionally), remember that you promised yourself you'd give yourself every chance to succeed. It's important to make these plans now, while your rational brain is in charge and the pain of a drinking life is still fresh so that there's no room for your lizard brain to put up a fuss. When it tries, you can just ignore it, knowing that until such and such a date, you're not drinking and you're participating on MWO, going to AA, or whatever you choose.

It's amazing how we can trick ourselves into thinking "this time will be different". I just don't think the trial is worth the risk of your health, your self-image, and potentially, your life. xx, NS

[Byrdlady]

NS you are an amazing writer. Thank you for expressing so eloquently what eluded me. B

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Getting a bit of rain here but it's not helping with the heat & humidity situation. Yuck.

LC, welcome back! Get yourself situated in the nest & stick around. You can clearly see that a good number of us seem to have sprouted roots & are still here after all these years.
I am so happy not to be disappointing myself anymore & I know you can get there too. Stay with us!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Justme Again]

Morning Nest!

Tuesday started with more drama than Monday. Why are adults acting like children??
It is remarkable to me how much different I react to work issues these days. The confidence of knowing that I am sober really is a great feeling. I also don't take things that personal anymore.

LC - welcome back! Your post brought up some memories of the despair. The feeling that I cannot beat the beast. Its a very sticky addiction. Hope you feel better soon, because you are really not alone.

Have a great Tuesday Nesters!

[NomoreJim]

Early start at work today. I read back through some earlier posts about how being al free affects our families. Our al soaked brains won't allow us to act like we should and we are so used to making excuses about why we are acting like we do we convince ourselves that's how we really are. Once we sober up we realize we need to change that thinking. Our families are the first to see that. Some have gotten so used to that alcoholic person that they can't handle the sober one. I deal with that daily at home. Maybe one day she will understand maybe not. I have decided that I am going to live and be happy with me, she can come along or not her choice.