Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Thanks for that! I don't have anything in the house and definitely won't go out again.. it's almost 6pm and after a taking a bit of a nap and thinking things through.. having a Lassi as a different sort of drink.. I'm feeling more confident. This morning, late last night even, I was tempted to sign on and pretend like I'd made it through day 1.. it felt so humiliating not to have and I was worried I might run off with it again. But I remembered that I'd done that once before.. didn't admit to having decided to drink.. thinking it might not be such a big deal as long as it never happened again. That didn't work at all.. the lying, the little lies are what will get me in to trouble every time. I know this. I know I have to be relentlessly honest with myself.. and if I'm lying to you all then I'm somehow lying to myself as well.
So even though today as been kind of sucky.. a big fat fight convincing myself that I don't want it anymore, I feel good that I'm remembering how it's done and am doing it.

[KENSHO]

Morning All! I'll tell you, I used to feel deprived, until I gave myself a good long time without alcohol. Then, slowly, I began to realize how much better life is without it. I had to give myself the chance to build new better things though - then it became no contest. I don't WANT to drink now - because I don't want a hangover, because I want to feel clear, sleep well, appreciate moments, and most importantly, be proud of and believe in myself. It gets good the longer we are without it, so keep plugging everyone!!

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Nesters!

Hope everyone's Humpday is going well, ha ha!

LC, being honest with myself was a big thing! I had been BSing myself for years as a way to justify continuing to drink. Changing our thinking & setting out clear goals for ourselves are vital for success. Glsd you are 'honestly' on board with us now

Pauly, turning to AL to handle bad news is a bad habit we all learned somewhere along the line. We can unlearn bad habits, I sure know I had to at the start of my quit. That's why we need to update our plans with new & healthier ways to handle life's stuff.

Byrdie, good luck today & drive safely.

Have a wonderful AF day everyone!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

WELCOME BACK, LC! Glad to see you - you are someone I think about. I am glad you were honest. The lies are what kept me from accepting that I had to quit. I could minimize what was happening to me by making a series of small lies - I'm stressed, it wasn't THAT much, I can control it THIS time. What helped me, in addition to MWO, was being completely honest about my drinking - COMPLETELY honest about when, why and how much I was drinking, with two people, my husband and my counselor. Once the truth was out there, I couldn't take it back. I could continue the small lies to myself, but I knew that they knew the truth. That kept me accountable, and I came here for support and understanding. We are here for you, use us!

JustMe - Sorry for the stress, but what a relief you are sober and confident now!

Pauly - Sorry about what you've been going through. Glad you're back on track. Keep it up.

NS, you DO have a way with words.

A couple of long and stressful days here. I have a big meeting next week, and I am really nervous about it. I'm sure it will be fine, and what a relief I am clear headed and confident going into it.

Happy SOBER Hump Day.

Pav

[NoSugar]

This morning, late last night even, I was tempted to sign on and pretend like I'd made it through day 1.. it felt so humiliating not to have and I was worried I might run off with it again. But I remembered that I'd done that once before.. didn't admit to having decided to drink.. thinking it might not be such a big deal as long as it never happened again. That didn't work at all.. the lying, the little lies are what will get me in to trouble every time. I know this. I know I have to be relentlessly honest with myself.. and if I'm lying to you all then I'm somehow lying to myself as well.

Hi, LC
I'm so glad for you that you told the truth about what's going on. I don't think there is anyway for an anonymous online forum to work without complete honesty. When I joined in what felt like a last-ditch effort to save my life, I promised myself, with what little self-respect I had left, to never lie about drinking here and to always post before drinking so as to give the forum the only chance its got to work. People have lied here, of course, and it may have made others feel exasperated but the only person who is actually damaged is the one who has let addiction yet again drive them to be someone they don't want to be. It was such a relief to me to admit what I'd been doing, ask for help, and commit to being honest. Hang in there!

[Lavande]

NS, the biggest promise I made to myself was to immediately stop the lying, it's BS. I wanted to feel good about myself again & the only way I could do that was to be completely truthful. I will be forever grateful & will honor that promise forever

Pav, I have a feeling you don't need to worry ahead about your meeting. You are at the top of your game & can accomplish anything you desire!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[tonyniceday]

Afternoon nest,

Busy busy here today. Hope everyone is ok and I'll check back in properly later.

Tony

[paulywogg]

LC,I could never lie on here,so even though I may look like the biggest douchebag over and over throughout the years,at least I'm an honest douchebag on here haha,now to work on the lies I keep telling myself, that's a lot harder, hope you're feeling good and strong

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

I've been feeling real sick the past few days. In doctor's office now, waiting for appointment, so the complaints at work can wait. It is true, I don't have to stress about it.

LC - you might feel bad to post such honest things, but it helps someone like me more than you would know. It reminds me of the countless days my intent was not to drink, but then I stopped on my way home. It broke down my confidence. I treated myself badly and thought I didn't deserve good things in my life, because look at what I do! Look how weak I am!
It serves as a strong reinforcer why I don't want to drink anymore.
All the past tries and relapses built up as experience to the quit that sticks.
Wish you find your quit and know that those horrible feelings is part of the disease. Not you. And you deserve to feel good about yourself.

Kensho - deprivation! That was a prominent thought for me 5 years ago. Would watch people's drinks like a hawk and imagine the smell, the taste, the feeling...
Now I just think No Thanks! I don't want that poison.

Byrdie - good luck and safe travels.

Till later

[KENSHO]

Fly by this morning. We're all fighting something in my house and feeling tired - and I woke up yesterday with a "crick" in my neck, so painful ! I had that distinct feeling of wanting to escape last night, but my head knew alcohol wasn't the answer so I went to bed early. I know that every time I tell alcohol to FO, I get stronger. And that makes the tired, stressful and hard things have a silver lining

[lifechange]

Afternoon, Nesters.
You're all so right about the honesty thing.
I am feeling a hundred million times better than yesterday. There have been some thoughts trying to get in, but no nagging voice, no pressure. I am so happy to be getting through day 2.. very tired and need to catch up on lost sleep and recover from the damage I put my body through. I have many more gray hairs and my skin is so dry. My goal is to practice self-love instead of what I have been doing to myself. I'm reading back in the toolbox and getting my physical toolbox back in place. That helped me before. I'm trying not to think about the future, forever.. just now. Several times today I brought myself to the moment.. and that is always something I can deal with. This very moment.

Kensho, I hope that crick in your neck is feeling better soon..

Wishing you all a good day..

[NoSugar]

LC,I could never lie on here,so even though I may look like the biggest douchebag over and over throughout the years,at least I'm an honest douchebag on here haha,now to work on the lies I keep telling myself, that's a lot harder, hope you're feeling good and strong

Pauly, I know you're kind of joking when you call yourself things like this but it always makes me sad because you're sending yourself a message, even if in a teasing sort of way. Teasing can really hurt and it strengthens a negative self image. Anyone who lands in MWO needs to do everything possible to develop a positive one and to remember that we are worthy of love and respect - from ourselves as well as from others.

I know you never talk to your friends here like that and I bet you don't speak to your children that way, either. Maybe imagine you are writing about one of your friends when you write about yourself.

I like how LC's plan sounds:

My goal is to practice self-love instead of what I have been doing to myself.

And AG wrote this in another thread:

Her thinking was if I could try to have that voice be more compassionate and strong, such as I do with my kids. (e.g. ok, you've got this, you're alright, this will work out, etc.) By building up that compassionate confident voice, the thought is that it will drown out the negative voice and also help me when tempted (e.g. do you really want that? it is not going to make you feel confident and strong . . .)

As TurnAgain suggested awhile ago: do a SuperWoman pose in front of your mirror each morning and tell yourself what a deserving, strong, and wonderful person you really are!

xx, NS

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Nesters,

I'm just home from a lovely morning watching my daughter graduate from a health science program. She decided to change career paths & move out of the business environment into healthcare. She's worked hard doing all this while raising my granddaughter, I am very proud. Grateful that I have been able to help out with childcare & whatnot

Honesty is always the best policy kids
Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a loved one!

Have a great AF Thursday!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Busy day in ByrdieVille. Holy moly! They got their money out of me today! I have another meeting tomorrow! Looking forward to it, but will be out early doors. Im getting too old for this! The new job is keeping me hopping but uts all good so far!

Great posts today.
I ran across something I wrote down some time ago, it sums it all up...
Addiction is chasing the relief that maintains the distress. That sounds like something NS might have written!!
Strength to all, Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Having a craving tonight - I think mostly because I'm tired. So I ate and ate and ate instead. Now I just feel full and fat! Kind of like alcohol... we crave it and crave it and crave it - then we just feel sick and out of it. I have to remind myself that sometimes we just feel "off" and that it goes away (and it goes away faster if we don't indulge!)