Newbies Nest

[Eloise]

yup, sometimes we do just feel off Kensho.
Just have to find a way to work through those moments, with this comes new skills I find.

[okoren1]

Having a craving tonight - I think mostly because I'm tired. So I ate and ate and ate instead. Now I just feel full and fat! Kind of like alcohol... we crave it and crave it and crave it - then we just feel sick and out of it. I have to remind myself that sometimes we just feel "off" and that it goes away (and it goes away faster if we don't indulge!)

Kensho, way to go! Good instincts- do just about anything to not cave in to those cravings.

I know you've heard about L-Glut here. Does that work for you?

[KENSHO]

Hi All! OKO, I have tried L-Glutamine. I got a headache after taking it, but I was also trying a few other natural products which could have caused it. Mostly now I just eat sugar or ice cream...

I'm SO happy it's Friday, it's been a doozy workweek. Hope everyone is having an easy day. Remember that alcohol doesn't solve any problems, it just delays and worsens them.

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters..
I'm also soooo happy it's Friday.. my morning started great but i was in such a BAD mood at work. Everyone got on my nerves. Afterwards my youngest and I went to an outdoor pool with an amazing slide to celebrate finally having a warm, summer-like day. Being in the water and the rush of the slide bettered my mood. A few thoughts of drinking entered my mind on the bike ride home.. but I came straight here to read and decided not to go out to the store to buy cat food.. they got leftovers I was able to scrape together. I also ate something and noticed that as soon that I was 100% sure that I wouldn't drink.. as soon as I stopped giving any attention to the thoughts, I was ok.
I'm feeling really good, anticipating a restful sleep and the most delicious morning coffee..

[Byrdlady]

Crazy day here. Had a good meeting, so things are going well. The paperwork is nuts and the emails! I always thought I was organized but I sure have some things to learn!

I cant help but think about those Olymipic swimmers. AL is claiming more victims there. I heard on the news that Loctke guy is losing between 5-10 million in endorsements. All because of poor choices while under the influence of AL. I think of Michael Phelps, a recovering alcoholic, gosh the scores of lives that are effected by this stuff is scary. Its a shame. Nobody is immune to becoming addicted.

On my long drive today, I had an opportunity to think of the many people that come and go thru MWO's doors. Recently, I was reading about a fellow MWO'er who was describing the situation he/she had with Al. These arent the exact words, but the jist is there. "I never lost a job, or had a DWI or sneaked drinks like many do here, but I have 3 or 4 glasses of wine sometimes, I do drink every day but hardly ever to excess". I thought to myself, let's look at the facts: You joined and have participated in an AL abuse forum for years. You have tried many, many times to stop drinking and you realize you can't. Yet you think that because you havent hit rock bottom you arent as bad as all of these other people? Here's the thing....you are ON the alcoholic spectrum, how bad do you want it to get before you say NO MORE? I didn't always hide booze in a hairspray bottle either, I started out as a binger who slowly, yet surely, binged every day. By the way, 4 glasses of wine is a bottle. Thats the other thing about this disease, we develop a tolerance to the darn stuff, so it takes more and more to get the job done.

If you are reading my words and Al is still part of your life, you have a decision to make. When do you want the madness to end? It can end today. It IS our choice. You can keep chasing a delusion thats never gonna happen or you can get your life back. Two choices, stop or get worse. If you took the time to read anyones history on this site, the writing is on the wall.

Like I said, had a lot of time to reflect today. Im so glad Im sober. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a wild & crazy day starting before 7 am. That's what happens when a 5 year old moves in for a 5 night stay, ha ha!

Byrdie, I'm so glad I'm sober too
Your new job has you on your toes, you're doing great!

Kensho, just keep eating & keep distracting yourself. Your subconscious will get the message one of these days & thoughts of turning to AL will be in the past

LC, good job distracting yourself & staying safe!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[available]

Afternoon nesters

A busy week for me, had to have a day off work or it was "crash and burn". At no time though did a drink enter my thoughts. I dont need that shite in my life now. Ive been through the hell of withdrawal and learning to relive my life sober and arrived at the other side. I dont need to fight with myself or al anymore, i have won, i feel as if i have won but i will forever be cautious with regards to al. I dont need to tell people why i dont drink as i dont drink, it is who i am, a non drinker. If they delve further then i have no need to hide that i am an alcoholic and one drink away from being that person again. I have made a choice not to drink. I did eat rum and raisin chocolate last night and did think "god i had rum" but damn it was nice chocolate and im not on day 1 and i have no urge to rush out and drink. It is a great/peaceful place to find myself.

Oh Byrd when i read your hairspray drinking i thought i was so not as bad as you but yes those 4 drinks a night are a bottle. i always said i drank 4 plus drinks a night and that was ok but they were big damn glasses so it was 1 plus bottles then it became 2 and it was only a matter of time before it became 3 bottles. We can justify and justify but i came on this site as i had a drinking problem and i wanted help to stop. My brother never got help, i never understood why he could just not stop until i looked in the mirror and saw that i was the female version of him. He died, alcohol kills us and i knew it would eventually kill me.

I have gained 6kgs since stopping al and i freaked out about that one too but i excercise and kind of eat right but i am healthy. A hell of a lot healthier than when i was drinking. My blood tests are normal, i am not bloated, i have energy, i am reliable, my anxiety and depression have abated and i am happy mostly. I call myself normal.

I could never get it when Lav and Byrd said to be grateful you have stopped. why should i be grateful when i felt i had lost everything dear to me but i listened and pulled every bit of grateful i could out of my ass and somedays i felt i had zero to be grateful for but at the end of the day i was and am grateful for being sober another day.

Today i am grateful i had a lovely time with the man, i am grateful my son is visiting, i am grateful my bills are paid, my nails are done,my hair is dyed and my homework/assignments are complete and i am totally grateful for MWO for getting me to this place.

Take care x

[jane27]

Hi Nesters,
Still mending from the car accident I was in 2 months back but getting better every day. The experience has given me a brand new view / context about my life, feelings, moods, day to day gripes. I an so friggin grateful not to be chained to the bottle these days....alcohol is so pervasive in media and society that it gets taken far more lightly than it should. I was a slave to it...a junkie. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it. The secret to quitting for me was blind resolve, repetition , the accumulation of time, and daily interaction right here on MWO. Wishing everyone that wants sobriety the will to make it happen. You just have to want it badly enough. It's worth the work. Love to all

[Eloise]

I was that person too Brydie, who has been on and off here for years, and just couldn't seem to quit for good.
I was thinking recently it is sort of a miracle I finally managed to stop. Seriously. I can a imagine a little band of angels deciding 'okay guys, let's save this one from herself.'
It was hard enough that I do not EVER want to have to quit again. The idea of drinking is no longer appealing, but it took a long long time.
And, I had to do a lot of things to physically and mentally distract myself.
It isn't enough to finally decide 'okay, I am done' because then you have to figure out what to do with all that free drinking time.

Life is not a walk in the park because I do not drink anymore, no, that is true. But it certainly is a lot easier now. No comparison actually.

[tonyniceday]

Good morning nest

I've been very busy over the last few weeks and have not been on here as much as I should. I've just read the last day or so and I think that where I am is still in the midst of getting what I call "mini cravings". Byrdie said a couple of weeks ago that we shouldn't forget that Al is out there in the parking-lot doing push-ups and getting ready to pounce on us. I am determined not to let that happen, but the cravings do still come and go.

In my life at the moment, Al is there still trying to tell me that I could have a drink and there are situations in which no-one would ever know - how stupid is that? Of course the main thing is that the one person who would know is ME!

When I get the thoughts or cravings I just think back to my final drinking session. Byrdie said that we don't all reach "rock bottom" but maybe "Rock bottom" is more subjective. I was completely wasted on that last session and still went out for a walk along a river path armed with yet more wine. Forget the glasses, this was coming straight from the bottle neck. I was in danger on that path from 2 things, I could easily have slipped and come to grief on the riverside rocks, or I could have just collapsed in a heap and not been discovered until it was too late. I knew that at the time. As was said a couple of weeks back on here, the point was that I DID NOT CARE that I could have died.

That to me was my rock bottom. I didn't lose everything and go sleep on a park bench, I didn't lose my home or my wife or any of the material things, I didn't lose my job or business, but to me, in my head, in my way I was at the depth of that alcoholic pit.

The recollection of crawling out of bed the next morning (How did I get home? How did I get to bed? What did my wife think or say when I got home? - I do not know the answer to those questions!) and there in the kitchen was the Doctor, called by my wife, and the embarrassment of that situation was excruciating.

When I think about a drink now, I just think back to that day, soon to be 10 weeks ago, and, like Eloise said above I never, EVER want to go back there. That is what just one drink would lead to.

Jane said that she was chained to the bottle, a slave to it... that is spot on. I never EVER want to be there again either.

Are things better now? Hell Yes!

Is there still a long way to go? Hell Yes!

Do I regret quitting? Hell No!

Hang in there everyone

Tony

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

Great posts you guys! The difference without al in our lifes is remarkable. And the small and bigger things we are thankful for now just makes me smile. I really appreciate being able to communicate with people who understand.

I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself. Being sick, work issues. Changes that I want in my life, but don't know how to go about everything. These feelings don't last long if I compare it to my life a short few months ago.

Happy Sober Saturday!

[Byrdlady]

Wow, a series of great posts, indeed!
Jane, seeing your post is the bombdiggity! I hope you are healing in every way. Please dont be a stranger! Sending you all the mending vibes my bandwidth will bear!

Tony, like you, all I have to do is conjur up that awful night, Jan 19, 2011 when my hubs left me. I dont remember my last drink, but I do rememebr being in utter dispair....I openly wept (sobbed) and my dog was upset, too, it was crazy how she knew things were very wrong. The scared, worried, disappointed look on my husband's face the next day is something I never want to experience again. No drink is worth bringing all that back.

Ive never regretted being sober, but I have countless regrets about drinking.
Strength to all today. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I just read all of today's posts & I'm sitting here totally smiling
It truly makes me happy to see so many folks working their plans & moving forward - away from AL.
Developing that attitude of gratitude early in my quit was instrumental for me. It helped me remember that I never have to worry about getting thru another day 1 or falling on my a$$ & making an idiot of myself (that was a big one for me)

Keep up the great work everyone & have no regrets, not ever!
Jane, I wish you a full & speedy recovery, great to see you.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Morning Nesters!

I'm up with the birds today.. even though it's Sunday and I'm allowed to sleep as long as I want. It's ok. I like to have quiet time to drink a coffee and read here before the girls wake up.
Great posts yesterday! I know it's important for me to remember/keep in mind that the cravings can go on for a long time and jump out at any time. I think that's what happened to me when I decided to drink. I was feeling confident, really good and was thinking I had it more or less under my belt.. I know that at some point I thought, I'll just try one more time. Just a beer here and there. I remember being quite happy with the decision and sticking with it for quite a long time. It worked until it didn't, right? And it will always come back again to not working for me, no matter how many times I try. I've got to be vigilant + more honest and creative about playing it through to the end.. what does 1 drink REALLY mean for ME? Many of you have explained well how you do that and it's so important, isn't it? Otherwise it can be so easy to lie to oneself.
Another thing that NS mentioned a couple of days ago, is that I should plan, make the commitment to myself now to post here each and every day for much longer than I might think necessary. I'm not quite sure how to do that at this point.. to name an actual date? or to just know it in my mind and heart?
ok. Off to read around a bit.
Wishing everyone a relaxing Sunday..

[lifechange]

I forgot to mention that the bloating in my face is gone, the ruddy redness, and my eyes have cleared. Damn, I was looking like crap last week. Really bad.. not just physically, my whole demeanour.. not wanting to look people directly in the eyes.. the shame and sadness.
I see the sparkle, the life in my eyes coming back. Big sigh of relief. I really don't ever want to go back there. I feel ready. Said a thousand times.. but I'm seeing that many of you have had the same experience.. time and again, but then it sticks. That's what I'm working for.