Newbies Nest

[available]

Afternoon nesters

A rainy crap day here but gives a perfect excuse to potter around the house. My daughter came for a visit last night and her and her sister had a few wines and we had a chat and a laugh. Its lovely to spend time with them and remember it the next day.

Well Tony that was one hell of a last day of drinking for you. Like you, i didnt lose everything, still held a job etc but everytime i looked in the mirror i saw someone that was lost, alone and scared. Now i see wrinkles but life. Some of the crappiest things that happen to us can also turn out to be the best although we dont realise it at the time.

LC you question of how long should you be committed to posting on MWO is totally up to you. My daughter asked me today if i would ever leave this site and i replied with probably not. Its not that i could not live my life away from here but i am still wary of that al voice coming back and being accountable or reading takes 20 minutes out of my day. MWO reaffirms my committment to sobriety, it got me to 2+ years and i have read that at 5 years relapse is very rare. I will take the next two plus years checking in here anytime over drinking. I didnt get to where i am by myself, i needed to learn to live sober with people who were doing it. Just like the course i am doing, i am being taught to learn something different by someone who knows.

Just hope you enjoyed or are still enjoying your holiday. Be proud of yourself for not drinking and everything will eventually fall into place.

Off to feed the dogs and make some dinner. Work tomorrow.

Take care x

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters!
Lifechange, I wanted to address your question of how long do We need to keep checking in to MWO (or whatever support you are using).... All I know is what Ive seen first hand, and read. If I were to ask you this question based on what you have experienced and seen here, how would you answer? Prolly the same way Im going to. Most people, without support, will not maintain his/her Quit. Period. The people with the longest quits, even on this site, are the ones who actively participate. I have noticed this just isnt a spectator sport! Of course there are exceptions......but am I willing to gamble with something as important as my life? For the sake of a dam drink? NO! I need to keep my resolve on high alert. Complacency is the recovering alkies arch enemy. Society is telling us the exact opposite of what we must do....sticking with folks who are in the same boat is key. This is a disease who's only remission is found by abtaining. And here's the kicker, over time, its really not hard to do!!! AT ALL! But it takes time to achieve. Stick close! Thats what I do!

Still trying to get this spy cam to work! Dang it! I hate electronics!
Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[Rahulthesweet]

It'd been 900+ days since I came to this place. This hotel where I remember I came in with 6 large bottles of beer. Coming to this city if Mumbai for work and party in evening was a routine which I used to look forward to. Party meant drinking alone till I collapse.

But then it was in this hotel I hit my low.it in was in this place where I woke up middle of night with a dry throat, head spinning but still unable to sleep ... I did something which will take me to the path of sobriety ...

I created my account at MWO and logged in ..

And so it began ...

I recall this hotel was then under renovation with lots of construction on. The room handing with support pillars and cracks of pain in ceiling. Today it felt shining new and fresh. The lobby nicely decorated.

Kinda my state of mind ... I was in bad shape very bad shape like that hotel then .. needed a drink everyday just to be normal. Knew where to get and how.

900+ days can be a lot but it's not its the first 60 days where were hard. First week the hardest.

Today my life is so different. I have LOT more ... Kids, family and my new found passion of cycling.

As I see this hotel and I remember I have been here a lot. I remember once I was here alone on my birthday. And the staff saw that on my ID and surprised me withe a cake !

I am sorry I just barge in here without seeing what other people are talking. But when ever I introspect I always think of MWO....

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Happy sober Sunday.

Sweet Jane! So great to see you check in. I am glad you are still on the mend. I, too, am sending all my healing vibes your way. I miss your humor around here!

Hi, Rahul. Good to see you, too.

Tony - my last session I call the Thanksgiving massacre. About four nights in a row of drinking, a quick trip to a bar to make a fool of myself, and the WORST hangover I've ever had. I was so afraid, ashamed, etc. Hadn't lost anything except myself at that point - people are still surprised I quit. (Probably not the people who know me best, however).

I have a big meeting tomorrow. I am so nervous that my stomach already hurts. This meeting is the culmination of 1.5 years of work and I can say that I NEVER would be in this situation if I was still drinking. I lacked the confidence and the stamina it would have taken - not that I understood that at the time. Anyway - I know I can get through this presentation, I know I can make it great, and I know that I am confident and believable because of my increased confidence in myself. I am beyond grateful to not be drinking and to be in this situation - but will also be beyond grateful when tomorrow is over!

Off to tackle the day.

Pav

[Quit wining]

My excuse for drinking this last time was that my wife had been ill and has since been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease.

Now I'm focusing on what I need to do personally so that I can be there for whatever lies ahead. The first place to start is to give up AL. Day 6 is well underway, BTW.

I'm wondering if anyone in the Nest has experience in being a care supporter? I'm finding this role to be a challenge.

The diagnosis is recent and my wife has started on the meds in the last few days. There is no known cause for Parkinson's nor is there a cure. And the possible effects of the disease and side effects of the meds can be quite severe.

I've learned that we have to advocate for ourselves as we navigate our health care system and assemble a team of professional care givers.

So I'm looking for any help I can get in being a care partner. The one thing I know for sure is that I can't be a slave to the beast and do this.

QW

[abcowboy]

QW, you have the best attitude you could have right now, caregiving and alcohol don't go together! Have you tried something like this? Parkinson's Support Online | Parkinson's Social Network - MyParkinsonsTeam

[Justme Again]

Evening Nest

Rahul! Wow! 900+ days! Great story with the hotel and your life. You sound great!

Pav - all the best with your presentation tomorrow. Without al there is so many more opportunities for our lives. I hope to be you in a couple of months. Sounds like you worked really hard, so may it pay off in a very good way for you!

QW - your almost through the worst first week. Happy for you.
I don't have experience as a care giver or Parkinsons. I would just surf the web endlessly and keep asking questions. Wishing you strength with it.

I spent the whole day carefully wording reports to my place of employment to avoid attention from what people think they know about my (past) drinking habbits... ... it was exhausting. And emotional. And I never want to spend a day with words like that again.
I just want to be prepared for whatever might come.
Then popped into the nest to be reminded that the confidence we get from being sober is what helps us in many situations later. My confidence now, and the way I look (sober) will see me through this.

Gosh, its already Monday here. Should get some sleep.

Will see you guys a bit later today

[Byrdlady]

Rahul, once again, what a moving account of your journey. Thank you for sharing that with us. I have specific memories associated with booze and hotels, booze and various cities, booze and various airports....it makes me sick. Im so happy that you are continuing on your AF way!
Pav, as you know with this new job, I have stepped way out of my comfort zone. Practice, practice, practice, is all I can say! You will do GREAT!
Good to see everyone!! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Having fun here with a very busy granddaughter - fun times

Rahul, great to see you & congrats on your AF time! You have completed a full circle, good for you!

QW, I did my full career in nursing & have cared for many patients with Parkinsons. They are all different & require varying degrees of care. I hope, in addition to meds your doc suggested exercise & PT so maintain strength, balance & flexibility. At some point talking & swallowing may become an issue but working with a speech pathologist & altering diet textures may be helpful. I don't specifically know what services are available in Canada but you should check with your doc. Kindness & loving care go a long way to help someone cope with chronic conditions. Take care of yourself, great on your 6 AF days!

Wishing everyone a safe & peaceful night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Hi Everyone. Camping last night, and not a desire to drink in sight. Thought about it today when a wine commercial came on the radio. I've been feeling like a bad mom. My 7 yr old is challenging me and I get frustrated. Why is she so headstrong? Of course, I know the answer to that... she is a little reflection of me in so many ways. Still, I struggle to waffle between nurturer and hard. She seems to require more "hard" than my son or I did. I can only imagine what the teen years will have in store for us.

QW, you are strong and I'm sure you will find your way with this situation. I think of you often and send good thoughts your way.

Rahul, always good to hear your success story. Thank you!

Happy new week.

[TJAF]

Lifechange I enjoyed your post. It was heartfelt and honest. You are absolutely on the mark about how easy it is to imagine having an occasional drink. To be normal when it comes to alcohol. The reality though is far more complicated. For folks like us, one drink is never enough, and the ease in which we can fall back to the old habits is very real. I look at it everyday in a very straightforward way. There is no scenario where I can simply have a drink. I made up my mind a long time ago to push that thought to the side. I know without any doubt that one drink will lead to many. I don't question that in the least. Keep up that honest line of self questioning and honor what you know to be the truest thing in your life. There is no such thing as one drink to an alcoholic.

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters!

Thanks for that TJAF. I know now, with a bit of clarity, that it all comes down to honesty with myself. I'm choosing not to ignore that any longer.. not just with drinking, but with other things in my life. Whenever I'm drinking, it's inevitable that I'm lying as well. I have to to keep it all going.. big full on lies, little white lies, what ever, I'm so sick of myself being that person. The first and most important part of my plan is no more lying and hiding from myself!
The girls and I had so much fun the past couple of days. I forced myself to be as present as possible.. I could tell their attitude towards me was better, they were more open, happier. too. My eldest (almost 15) has been struggling with a sugar addiction for the past few months. She had quit eating it for a year and then decided to take a break when we visited my family in the States in March..since then she's had such a hard time with it.. because of how it makes her feel, she's wanted to stop again. Her plan was when school started up again in 2 weeks.. but on Wednesday she came home in the evening to tell me she'd quit again. After a couple of days she told me how much better she was feeling physically, mentally.. I have never spoken openly to my kids about the depth of my problem with alcohol.. they know that I feel much better if I don't drink. They see how different I am at times. I guess I've resisted because I'm afraid of putting them on a roller coaster if I don't succeed.. which I can see is not the right attitude to have. I shouldn't be questioning whether or not I might fail. It's just that when I was a girl and my mom was drinking I always thought she was choosing alcohol over her family.. she was a non-functioning alcoholic which I, thank god, never was. Anyway, I guess I'll know when it's time to tell them..? They do know about their grandma, their great grandparents, how they'll have to be careful when and if they decide to drink.. that they should definitely wait as long as possible, until their bodies and brains are fully mature. I know the best thing I can do is show a good example.. which I now am. And I am SO much more fun without alcohol! This I know..

ok. off to a short day of work and then exercise..

Hope you all have a happy Monday. It really is much more manageable without a hangover.

[KENSHO]

Hi LC! I love hearing your raw honesty. It is just what it is. One of the things I appreciate most about not drinking is that I hold myself in higher regard - because I'm not lying to others or myself. It makes a giant difference in daily life to be happy and proud of ourselves. Has your daughter ever heard of Whole30? It is a 30-day eating plan designed to rid us of our addictions to sugar and junk foods. The first two weeks were a little hard, but by the end, we were amazed at how sensitive we were to even a little honey in a cup of tea. I'm not sure I believe in strict paleo for a lifetime - but the benefits for my husband and I were amazing. We eat 80% that way now and have kept 15 lbs. off and feel great. Sick less, more sustained energy without sugar crashes and fewer aches and pains (we were amazed that when the 30 days was up, we hadn't touched ibuprofen the entire month!). I have found that certain eating habits help stave off alcohol cravings a lot as well.

My son asked me if I had ever been arrested the other day. I panicked and said no, but I was arrested for a DWAI at a check point when I was 22. I was afraid of being a bad example, but I think I should tell him the truth and use it as exactly that - a BAD example. The kids DO so appreciate when we are present and - most importantly - happy with ourselves. And I want to teach him honesty as well. That is why we must start with US.

Hope the day is good everyone!

[KENSHO]

Okoren, what's up?

[Byrdlady]

Lifechange I enjoyed your post. It was heartfelt and honest. You are absolutely on the mark about how easy it is to imagine having an occasional drink. To be normal when it comes to alcohol. The reality though is far more complicated. For folks like us, one drink is never enough, and the ease in which we can fall back to the old habits is very real. I look at it everyday in a very straightforward way. There is no scenario where I can simply have a drink. I made up my mind a long time ago to push that thought to the side. I know without any doubt that one drink will lead to many. I don't question that in the least. Keep up that honest line of self questioning and honor what you know to be the truest thing in your life. There is no such thing as one drink to an alcoholic.

TJAF! This was so incredibly well-worded I wonder if you would put it in the Tool Box for safe-keeping? Thank you for these very TRUE words! Byrdie