Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

NS, "like" that post seems trite... I want to EAT that post! Where's the "yum" button? Thank you for sharing it... such hope and clarity and perspective!

PAV, PAV, PAV!! WAY to go on 1000!!! Thank you for being here; I love your posts!!

I had a strange and delightful sense of happiness and peace this morning. I found myself smiling real smiles, and often. I have often felt that the biggest rewards come after I flex that sober muscle and say no to AL - because I am forced to solve a problem another way. In those times I grow and stretch and become wiser.

Thank you for the support!

[available]

morning nesters

Thank you so much for the congrats. As the old timers say it is a freedom being away from al. I never believed them, never believed much they said actually but decided to at least listen to their words and try what they said and it worked. Well i'll be ....... funny that.

G you have such grit and determination to beat al, i know i would never be as determined as you are. If i drank i would drink and never come back. I admire you for you doggedness in getting al out of your life. That button will click to off and you never give up giving up. You know the drill my friend.

LC the firsts are the worst and yes in time you will be comfortable in your own skin. People who i used to love being around drinking now bore the bejesus out of me. They are not funnier or wittier and they deteriorate the more they drink. Pull out your "grateful" list of why you dont drink. My niece was married last year and i spent most of the time outside and away from all the drinking, social occasions with family were a huge trigger for me drinking so even though i had and wanted to be there i did feel deprived so removal of myself while still being present was the best option. Even after nearly two years i felt deprived of why could i not have just one. I was grateful though to wake up without a hangover like 99% of the guests. Always having a plan was a big motto of mine.

Today i am going to do some lawn work, need a man! Do some homework and cook some meals for the week and try a juicer/blender i bought for my 1000 day present. This is the life i have earnt by not drinking and it feels good.

HAPPY 1000 DAYS PAV.

take care x

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Enjoy the juicer Ava - that's a nice, healthy gift to yourself
Don't worry too much about the lawn care, ha ha!

NS, that was a great post, thank you!
The joys of being AF are endless

Hey there Kensho, Byrdie, LC, G & everyone.
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[lifechange]

morning nesters!

Kensho, sounds like you had a lovely day! You said it beautifully.. that feeling after having come through a storm. I'm sure I'll feel a bit of that, too, after getting through this birthday party today..

Ava, thanks for that.. it helps. I've decided to take it as it is. I'm going because it's important to my friend that I'm there.. but I won't worry about how anyone else sees me. I'm going to take an old analogue camera I got a while ago and will take some nice photos for her.. It's strange, because I don't feel like I missed out last night because of not drinking.. I just felt like I couldn't experience the event/time fully because I was so reserved/afraid/stuck in my head.. Like I was a spectator, or watching a film, but not really there in heart. It wasn't real.. Is that also how you felt sometimes? Enjoy your juicer/blender.. what did you make first?

Lav, :hug:

Hope you all have a lovely Sunday..

[KENSHO]

Husband got drunk last night and left his credit card at the restaurant. SO glad I don't make stupid mistakes like that (because of AL at least!) any more!

LC, what's the longest sober string you have had? I got to 6 months, and I felt like a lot of that social stuff got easier over time.

Have a good day everyone!

[Lavande]

Goid afternoon Nesters,

I hope everyone is having a nice Sunday
I guess the site was down for maintenance this morning so I am just now stopping in to say hello.

LC, take some nice pics for your friend & try not to worry about your own discomfort. All this really does get easier, I promise

Kensho, grateful that my stupid mistakes are just that. No regret or bottle to blame anymore, ha ha! Enjoy your day.

Have a great AF afternoon everyone!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

morning nesters!

Kensho, sounds like you had a lovely day! You said it beautifully.. that feeling after having come through a storm. I'm sure I'll feel a bit of that, too, after getting through this birthday party today..

Ava, thanks for that.. it helps. I've decided to take it as it is. I'm going because it's important to my friend that I'm there.. but I won't worry about how anyone else sees me. I'm going to take an old analogue camera I got a while ago and will take some nice photos for her.. It's strange, because I don't feel like I missed out last night because of not drinking.. I just felt like I couldn't experience the event/time fully because I was so reserved/afraid/stuck in my head.. Like I was a spectator, or watching a film, but not really there in heart. It wasn't real.. Is that also how you felt sometimes? Enjoy your juicer/blender.. what did you make first?

Lav, :hug:

Hope you all have a lovely Sunday..

Just able to get into MWO!
LC, I agree with Ava, the first parties are weird and awkward. After a while tho, you can have fun with them.....ACT DRUNK! As the others get louder, you get louder....one big difference, you know the line between being fun anf being an ass! Parties are a challenge, but once you get the hang of them, you really can enjoy them! I certainly know how to ACT drunk, after all, I was a master at it.
Happy Sunday, all! Byrdie

[lifechange]

Thanks for the support!
It ended up being such a nice party.. they served drinks upon our arrival at noon and several people were looking worse for wear..and then that was it for drinks. it was much less formal than the night before, we had all at least seen each other and had said hello.. I had watched a wonderful 3P's webcam that NS posted yesterday on the thread before going, and I was set.. just thoughts. It helped me a lot on the way over and once I was there I relaxed and more or less did it..and completely enjoyed myself. On the ride home I told my 2 other best friends that I'd been dreading the party a bit.. but that it turned out to be much easier for me than the night before..they both said that they would have had a difficult time if they had been sober! Damn alcohol! Anyway, I'm very happy to have had a full weekend without drinking..NO REGRETS! I felt so sure of myself.. Following Kenso's footsteps.. Nothing will get in the way of my sobriety.. I don't care how long I have to sit uncomfortably.. and the 3P's.. amazing! And I'm sure at some point I'll be able to have fun with it.. I do remember doing that before, acting like a loon... but more with close friends.

Kensho, I can't remember exactly how long my longest streak lasted.. I think around 5 months. That was one time that at some point I decided to drink and not be honest about it here.. so I lost track of the time. But during those months I didn't go out at all as far as I can remember. I was on a super health kick and spent all my spare time here and at the gym.. was never so fit! Could use a bit of that motivation now!

Tomorrow will be a wonderful Un-hung Monday!!

[KENSHO]

When I don't drink, things get difficult with my marriage. He feels I get picky and defensive and upset at every little thing. I think it is because I finally have the guts to stand up for myself and draw some boundaries. The problem is that I've overlooked a lot of behavior for 15 years. I would get mad at him and go get a shot, not deal with it. When I don't have the option of ignoring the problem, the only other thing I can do is deal with it. SO he feels like I'm on his case all the time. I can understand that that might feel different and not be comfortable. But I don't feel wrong for telling him when I feel disrespected or calling him on his bullshit. He is a master at manipulating an argument to be turned back on me or the subject shifted, and I'm not letting that happen, so he feels I'm difficult. He is also telling me that I am not fun, high strung, boring and prickly all the time. Some of that is true. I really feel I have some form of ADD, and my brain is swirling ALL of the time - if I don't focus completely on the tasks that need to be done (and I have a lot of them in the house), they will not get done. He said maybe we need to live apart. Because I am not fun, and because I get on his case. SO today sucks. I would LOVE to feel like I can sit and chill and socialize with my family, so I'm going to try to address this ADD thing. The reality is that I am an introvert, and I have a lot on my plate and I feel overwhelmed all of the time, so it is unlikely I'm going to become a bubbly social girl who just shoots the shit with him on a regular basis. UGH! This is HARD!!! It is the reason I started drinking again after 6 months AF.

[NoSugar]

Hey, Kensho
I wouldn't presume to give you marriage advice but I do think that if on a day you feel clear and calm, you come back and read the posts you've written over the months on MWO as if you were reading someone else's posts, some new, good ideas will come to you. xx, NS

[abcowboy]

Kensho, I don’t see much wrong with the way you are feeling, I felt the same way. But I knew that if I held my ground, something would have to give, so instead of ultimatums, Bubba and I compromised. When I was drinking I used some not so nice ways of saying how I didn’t care for her family, not that I didn’t care about them, I just didn’t need to spend as much time with them as she wanted to.

I think Bubba figured that after some sober time I would realize how “silly” I was being and we’d spend a lot more time with her family. Well, it turns out she was wrong, I spend even less time with them now because I don’t feel guilty about being a drunk, and I think I made my life miserable by trying to make up for being a drunk. No more of that, if I don’t want to do something, I don’t. Not because I’m trying to prove a point, but because a marriage is about compromise, from both partners. I’m not going to be the one doing all the compromise because of guilt, this is the new sober me, and she has to like all of the sober me, not just the parts she wants. It took a while, but our relationship has grown even stronger because we can both speak our minds openly and honestly. Your hubby is experiencing a new partner, give him time to adjust to the new affirmative you, and don’t be afraid to compromise when it’s required, it takes two to make a relationship successful.

[Darkest Diamonds]

Just able to get into MWO!
LC, I agree with Ava, the first parties are weird and awkward. After a while tho, you can have fun with them.....ACT DRUNK! As the others get louder, you get louder....one big difference, you know the line between being fun anf being an ass! Parties are a challenge, but once you get the hang of them, you really can enjoy them! I certainly know how to ACT drunk, after all, I was a master at it.
Happy Sunday, all! Byrdie

This is so funny ... love it "act drunk" of course we should all win Oscars for this!!

[Darkest Diamonds]

No Sugar,
I love what you posted, I could relate to all of it, the part about the police car and almost wanting to be "pulled over" made me smile, one of my AA friends was pulled over by a policeman and asked when he had his last drink, he replied "32 years ago", he did feel smug! DD

[Lavande]

Jumping back in to wish everyone a good & safe night in the nest.

I know that we want to 'fix' the world's problems immediately after going AF but we just cannot. Learning to be patient & just allow the dust to settle by itself was a big deal for me as well. I guess we just need to have faith & trust that everything will be OK :hug:

Peace to all!

Lav

[Pavati]

Have to check in on day 1,000 sober!

I am back from a trip and have been traveling all day, so I'll catch up tomorrow. Must...go...to...sleep. zzzzzzzz

xo
Pav