Newbies Nest

[available]

evening nesters

Hi Siren and welcome back.

LC glad you realise the changes in yourself and being sober we learn new skills everyday. As hard as this journey is it is amazing to me how much more grown up i feel now. Stuff still scares me but i definitely no that al will make anything better.

Glad you were unscathed Byrd. i am not a fan of thunder or lightening when i am by myself and the dogs hate it also.

Tony glad you made it through the event sober. Another first done and dusted. i wonder also how my children dealt with me drunk, wanting to drink more, being annoying as all hell when they had friends visiting, the embarrassment they must have felt. Now they will tell anyone how proud they are of me. life has many twists and turns especially sober. dont beat yourself up, your wife loves you for better or for worse. now she gets the best.

Hope you had a good camping trip kensho.

having some lovely spring weather now. not wearing as many layers which is fantastic and washing now on line to dry instead of the chinese laundry look. Soon i will complain about the heat.

Take care x

[Guitarista]

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

G, click on your name to get to your profile page. Look for 'Mood' then click on the pencil to change your mood. So, what is your mood these days? Ha ha

Lav

Thanks Lav. Well, my mood is....................................a combo of Yeehaw and cool. Not too sentimental, not too temperamental. Cruisey and determined. I am not going back to day 1. The return of a few MWO members back from the brink is added motivation for me. I'm sick of my previous stupid, useless, timewasting cycle.

Hi Siren! Big waves to all.

[paulywogg]

Hi Siren, glad you're back

[Byrdlady]

Hey Siren, great to see you! So glad to hear you are sober, too! How long has it been? Congrats to you!
A beautiful day today! Sunny, upper low 70's, low humidity....a picture perfect Labor Day.

Tony, I cringe also when I think about what I put my hubs thru. As long as I stay sober, that is but a memory. I dont want to live that again. I find drunk people to be so obnoxious! Ugg, I sure wrote the book on that, Im sorry to say.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day, time to put away the white shoes! Bah! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Nesters,

Happy Labor day here in the US
Sunny & not too hot, not sure where the storm went but that's OK!

Welcome back Siren!

Tony, a big part of this process is learning to forgive ourselves for all the stupid shit we did
That was hard for me but I worked my way through it & you will as well. I hope uour wife is not too hungover, ugh. Grateful those days are long over.

Hi there Ava, Byrdie, Pauly, G & everyone.
Have a wonderful rest of the day AF.

Lav

[Siren53]

Hey Siren, great to see you! So glad to hear you are sober, too! How long has it been? Congrats to you!

Not long enough, I've got several weeks in completely AF now. Just prior I wasn't completely AF, but was within "normal", socially acceptable limits. Healthy, more or less. Alcohol just messes with my sleep patterns, which in turn affects my depression, which then affects my drinking. So I started concentrating not on drinking less, but on doing whatever I had to do to get more sleep. It turns out that when you go to bed at 9:30 PM instead of 1AM, there are fewer hours in the day to drink. Shocking!!

I hope everyone had a great sober weekend!

[NoSugar]

Hi, Nest

I've been recommending this book in other threads and thought I would share it here, too: Death Wish: The Path through Addiction to a Glorious Life: Steve Chandler: 9781625116: Amazon.com: Books

Like the author, I believe that by going through and overcoming an addiction, we can have more glorious and meaningful lives than if we'd never had the experience. It seems like a mighty high price to pay in some ways and I certainly wouldn't recommend that anyone become addicted as a life-improvement technique :ambivalence:, but since we all did it, we might as well reap the benefits!!

[lifechange]

So, I've been thinking the whole day about whether or not to write this.. but I can't run away because that's what I've always done and it doesn't work for me.. and I want this so badly..I feel like two completely different people, fighting a war. The one side, completely unable to deal with certain stresses, completely blanking the side of me that wants to find new ways to deal. Yesterday, after a more or less ok/good but very crowded weekend, I couldn't stand to be around anyone and drank, here at home and hiding it, to "escape".. I know what I could have done instead.. I have a list of things to do. And I'm so disappointed in myself for giving in.. I had terrible nightmares and woke up with the same old dread, the dishonesty again with myself because I know I don't want to drink and do it anyway. But I won't continue on.. I can see a pattern that I have.. after just a couple of weeks, I begin to slack here a bit.. because I'm feeling confident and more like my real self I let my guard down a bit.. It's always fairly easy for me, if I get past day 1, to go for a couple of weeks without drinking.. but I don't have a lot of experience with getting through really tough patches.. real "urge surfing".. I think I've always given in.. whether it happens in 2 weeks or 2 months or more.. that's what I'm seeing now.
Anyway, NS, that book looks really interesting and I've just ordered it. I do believe it with all my heart.. I KNOW, through all I've read and the people here who have done it!, that that is what's on the other side.

[KENSHO]

Hello Nest! We had a really lovely camping trip. Maybe the kids are just a little older now, but we all had a great time hiking, biking, telling campfire stories and playing games - it felt easy

Tony, congrats on making it through your event - and helping your wife. Such perspective, no?

Justme, sorry for the predicament you are in. Sounds frustrating! No situation is the best on ALL fronts - decide what is most important to you in the long term and make that happen

AVA, I love feeling like a grown up too

G - I love "cruisey" - going to use that! Keep working it, you got this.

LC - Glad you were honest. Sorry you drank. I think when you decide you've just had "enough", you will not go back. It takes more times for some of us than others. For me, I have regretted every single time I chose to drink. At some point, no amount of craving will change what we know will happen when we drink. When you are ready, you will not go back. Hugs!

As for the husband, at a recent DR. appt, he was questioned about his alcohol use. He asked me if I ever worry about his use. I was surprised he asked me, as he has been defensive in the past. I generally avoid commenting on others' alcohol use. I told him that I didn't "worry" per se, but that I thought it wasn't doing him any favors. I said I thought it was in the way of the inner peace he is wanting, and that I think alcohol is destructive to everyone who consumes it. He just listened. It's the first time I saw him honestly question his relationship with alcohol and not deflect the conversation. INTERESTING!

[NoSugar]

So, I've been thinking the whole day about whether or not to write this.. but I can't run away because that's what I've always done and it doesn't work for me.. and I want this so badly..I feel like two completely different people, fighting a war.

Yep, LC, that is exactly what it feels like. One of the greatest gifts of some serious AF time is feeling like a fully integrated human being!! I bet most if not all of us felt almost destroyed by that internal battle.

You did something different this time - you came right back! I think the trick is not to keep repeating the same experiment over and over. And you didn't! Maybe now would be a good time to figure out the next variable to change if/when you start feeling like you did last evening. As you said, there are other ways to deal with whatever is happening.

I highly recommend that book. In another thread Tony said it is free on Kindle Unlimited so people could do a free 30-day trial if they're interested. You can get a Kindle app for computers or tablets or phones.

[lifechange]

It's true, NS.. and that's the only thing keeping me from sinking into a depression today.. that I am coming immediately back and not letting the fear of what I think everyone probably thinks of me get in the way/use as an excuse to stay away. I know I have to try not to overthink things right now. I'm just so sick of myself, putting myself in the same place over and over again.. I really feel right now like that stupid wind up dog that continuously smashes against the wall. I'm exhausted, so tired of it. I have to try to stay in a positive state of mind..

[Byrdlady]

LifeChange,
I wrote many a note like yours as I was trying to find my way.

Lav finally said her famous words and they sure hit home...I'll boil them down, she said it nicer than this, but the message is the same. Stop Bull Shitting yourself that you are not an alcoholic. Once you admit that, it's pretty clear that AL in any amount needs to be off the table. That was a big one to swallow. If I admitted being an alkie, then my hopes of drinking like a normal person were out the window. Everything was out the window. How could I live the rest of my life without AL in it, even just a little here and there? I grew a backbone instead of a wishbone (Erma Bombeck). The truth is, I'm living GREAT without AL! I don't need, or WANT a little here or there, or just on special occasions. I've had it with the effects of AL on my life. Period. I had sleep issues, depression issues, high blood pressure, GERD, indigestion, and they all went away once I finally got AL OUT FOR GOOD. Ive said it many times, it wasn't easy....but it has certainly been worth it. Learn how to surf the urges and know that you can overcome them, and every time you do YOU GET STRONGER and AL gets weaker! Adopt an attitude of NOT ONE, NOT EVER! It has served me very well! I can now see AL for what it is....not something to be longed for, but something to leave behind. It is out to kill me. I know it lays in waiting to pounce again, that's why I'm glued in here every single day. I never want to forget what AL did for me. What AL did TO me. Take that leap of faith and say NO MORE. It will be the best decision you've ever made. It has been for me. Hugs dear lady, Byrdie

[Siren53]

LC, your words remind me of the classic definition of insanity - To repeat the same behavior time after time and expect a different result. Could I "drink like a normal person"? Sure - maybe for a while. The next thing you know I'm convincing myself that it's perfectly normal to drink by myself on a Tuesday afternoon, even though I'm supposed to be working. Then I'm back to drinking all day every day. It's nuts. The only way to ensure that I won't go back to where I was is to make sure that I don't even have one.

[lifechange]

Thanks for that, both of you, very much.
It's true th.at I've been bullshitting myself for a very long time.. always leaving a crack, a little space open for questioning. I have been really acting insane, just like you said.. doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I know there are certain situations and people I have to move on and away from and that's been part of the problem.. but I shouldn't worry myself about such things.. I know, deep inside, that when I'm securely sober, my life will look very different to me than it does now..

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I don't know how the entire day got away from me but it did

LC, before this quit, my last & forever quit, I did the same thing over & over again too. But when I finally got so damn tired of disappointing myself & sick of being stuck in that rut, I made a changed. I changed my thinking about AL. I said my goodbyes & committed myself to an AF life! That was, hands down, the best decision for me & probably for most of us. Once we cross that certain line, there's no going back. Our off switches are broken & cannot be fixed - at least mine can't be fixed. Why would I even think about testing that switch now after 7 1/2 years? NO WAY
You can do this too if it is really what you want. We are all in this boat together!

Hello to Siren, Byrdie, NS, Kensho & everyone!
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav