Newbies Nest

[tonyniceday]

...Stop Bull Shitting yourself that you are not an alcoholic..... If I admitted being an alkie, then my hopes of drinking like a normal person were out the window...

You've hit the nail on the head AGAIN Byrdie!!!

That was so true for me... I really wanted to drink like a normal person. That kept me back so much in the initial attempts to quit.

I had a great deal of difficulty with the "A" word in the beginning. I wholly accept in myself now, and have for a while, that I am an Alcoholic I think that was a massively important step.

Thank you to all of you who made comments about me getting through the big weekend AF. It really was a huge thing which happens here annually. The "party atmosphere" surrounds the whole thing and let's just say there was a fairly impressive guest list at the top level of the event.

You know the thing is, I know and will continue to know, that I am still walking a tight-rope but I just didn't want a drink at all this weekend. Not to say I wasn't still tempted, but that is actually a different thing.

Anyway, time for bed!

Tony

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters.
Thank you again for all of the support yesterday..

Lav (and Byrdie!), thank you for telling me you made the same mistakes/had the same experience.. I felt like such a complete loser yesterday and was really afraid to admit to drinking again. I have such respect for you and it gives me strength to keep moving forward knowing you finally "got it".
Tony, I've also had a problem with the label "alcoholic".. but will adopt it for the time being. To me the word brings all sorts of very negative connotations and it's just a part of who we are all as people.. but when you say it out loud, or to someone, it becomes who you are.. or at least that's how I've witnessed it. I prefer to say it differently.. but to myself and to you all, I will just say it like it is.. that I'm an alcoholic.. which means I can NEVER drink any amount of alcohol and have it be ok.
I know that in the past I've been able to begin to rewire my brain..I've just never given it enough time..and I've never really said my complete good-bye's.. I thought I had, but obviously not.
So I am committing to check in here and write every morning and every afternoon/evening for 30 days, to start.. to have a manageable number, a goal I know I can reach .. finding the time and making it a first priority are very important to me. It keeps everything fresh in my mind and allows me to hone in on possible lurking problems I might not yet be fully aware of. When I slack off here I open myself up to trouble..

And, I really love all of you here.. It's so important to me to have this group of people in the boat with me..I don't feel so alone.

[tonyniceday]

.... I prefer to say it differently.. but to myself and to you all, I will just say it like it is.. that I'm an alcoholic...

LC I use the word here, and to those very close to me. BUT in terms of other people, I am not at the stage either, where I can bring myself to use the word "Alcoholic" generally.

I don't know what other people here think about this, but when the subject of me not drinking now, comes up in conversation, I tend to say things along the lines of "Well I was drinking a lot" or "It was getting a bit out of hand" and then tell people I've decided not to drink... I know it's got to be "forever" but I don't use that word generally either, I usually say that I'm not drinking "for now". Maybe that's wrong, but I don't feel able yet to make the full admission publically.

There is an older guy down the road from here who, when offered a drink, will answer "No thanks, I'm an alcoholic and I haven't had a drink since" (and then he adds a date sometime in the 1980's).

Maybe I'll do that one day, but I'm not brave enough to do that yet, and I don't think that matters right now.

[Eloise]

doesn't matter Tony, your right.
just keep doing what you are doing. you don't drink, period. you do not need to explain why, at least I do not think so.
if you neighbour doesn't like lavender soap do you care why?
should be the same for alcohol.
or not eating meat.
do i have to explain why i love wiener dogs and horses? no, i don't.
be free, that is what i say! :bellydance::flowerspin::upsidedown:

[Byrdlady]

Eloise, I'd like to know why you love wiener dogs and horses..... JUST KIDDING!!!
You make a most excellent point, it's nobody else's business.
There is a negative stigma about alcoholics and other then here and my hubs, I do not tell anyone. It's just none of their business.

I was at a neighbor's party across the street many months ago....HEAVY DRINKERS they are. They are all sitting there pounding back one after the other, their words slurred and their eyes heavy. They talked about another neighbor that lives behind them. 'You know she's an alcoholic...' NO! I said.....but here's the funny thing, she has been years in recovery and here are 4 people drinking as hard as they can every night talking about HER! So it's a weird topic outside of this forum. There are some people in my former job that strongly suspected that's why I quit. So you don't have to go around advertising it to the public, but KNOWING it in your heart and admitting it to the people here who identify and who are trying to help is extremely important. If I'm honest, once I started being concerned about how much I drank, it already had me. Certainly by the time I joined this forum, I was a stage 2-3 alkie. It's a pretty wide spectrum.....I wish I would have stopped at Stage 1, but I wasn't that bad! Amazing how long I thought that....even as I was getting worse. By the time I started here, I saw that some people were drinking morning, noon, and night....I was just noon and night! (how screwed up is that?). By the time we join a forum for AL, we are on the spectrum. You can let it progress (and it sure will) or you can stop it where it is. If only we could get thru the protective layers of denial we could help an awful lot of people. If only we could help them see that it isn't what's in your glass that makes life happy, it's the people you are with and the surroundings.

I've read so many posts of people who say, "How can I enjoy a vacation or wedding or moonlight walk with my sweet thang without a glass of wine?" How can I relax at the end of the day without a cocktail? How can I play a match of tennis knowing there's no _BOOZE_ at the end of the game? Exchange the words 'Flakey Pastry' instead of the drink you love into those statements. Does that sound any less ridiculous? It would not be the flakey pastry that makes the sunset so beautiful.....as it's not the glass of wine. Morale of the story, don't Romance being Stoned.....that's the AL clouding your judgement. I appreciate life 1000 times more now.

I HATE ALCOHOL....for what it has done to me and all my friends here.

Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[available]

Evening nesters

Good to see you back LC. i must say when i dont see people in their early days posting then its not a good sign but you are back and have learnt a great deal today by the sounds of it. i cant imagine doing the GSR ever again. You can do this girl, you were my inspiration in the beginning. We all help each other along in different ways.

Tony isnt it good to do firsts especially the major ones. I seen you kept on checking in here and to me that was so important and still is though life does tend to get away with me and i read so much more than post. Never could i have gotten to where i am without my daily dose and post on MWO.

I have just gotten home from my course and we discussed the 12 steps of AA tonight. Well that was an eye opener and not for me at all. I know it is what it is and it suits others but as i said being around fellow alcoholics is what we need. having people understand what we go through and how we feel and not feeling alone and being safe. Acceptance of our addiction and working towards becoming sober by gratitude, forgiveness and taking it day by day and hour by hour is what MWO provides for me and its open 24/7. If i ever become a counsellor i will just tell everyone to come on here! I had an interesting discussion with the teacher as my one regret is that i drank and she was like "but you must have had some good times" and i said yes but i do wish i never started. She didnt grasp why i was so adamant. I cant take back what i did drunk and the hurt i caused but i am sure being sober would have made lifes journey easier.

Well off to bed.

take care x

[abcowboy]

Interesting how we feel about the term “alcoholic”, who we tell and how we describe our drinking problem to others. I haven’t used that term since I left AA. And I don’t use “recovering alcoholic” either. If people ask why I don’t drink, I tell them the basic truth, I’d love to have one with you but I never know when 1 turns into 21, so if I don’t have 1 I can’t get to 21. People usually find that acceptable and a bit humorous.

Bubba could never understand why we call ourselves alcoholics. She felt it was negative reinforcement. If you keep saying you are an alcoholic, then you may as well drink like one. She felt it was an easy excuse to use when we thought we needed a drink.

I don’t think I’m an alcoholic, I think I’m someone trying to improve my life!

[paulywogg]

When drinking comes up and I tell peeps I quit, of course they ask baffled"why?" Especially in this town where drinking is not too frowned upon, I just say I couldn't handle the hangovers anymore, me and a couple girls at work say that,people are too nosy anyways

[KENSHO]

Good morning! Just checking in. Happy to be clear and without the poison of alcohol!

aihfl, I noticed that you are right about the numbers when I crumbled and thought I would drink again. Keep going strong - way to go!

[wagmor]

Hi all, not sure if this is where to (re)introduce myself, so please steer me in the right direction if I'm in the wrong place. My name is Jami, and I was an active participant on mwo for several months about 2 years ago. When the site moved and the login process got changed, I somehow lost access to my previous account and quickly fell off the mwo radar. I also fell off the wagon shortly thereafter.

I'm happy to say I found my wagon and have been steadfastly on it for several weeks now. Today is Day 46.

Can't wait to scroll back through and see who is still on here and who is new. Happy Wednesday everyone!

[NoSugar]

Welcome back, Wagmor! I've thought of you often and have hoped you're doing well. Still involved in crew?
The Ladies on a Mission thread is still around but not very active. You could help perk it up again :smile:!

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters :happy2:

Welcome back Wagmor! And good going on 46 days!

I'm noticing in a few areas of my life that fear is still a big issue for me..since a very early age, I've been one to procrastinate doing what I was supposed to or had to do, "fighting" against any sort of system. Now that I'm an adult I can basically choose what I want to do, but I still act like a child.?.. Spanish is my latest little example.. I've wanted to learn forever and was able to speak pretty well many years ago. I signed up for a 12 week course a couple of months ago that I went to twice (how pathetic! and what a waste of money) and I almost didn't go to my class today because I hadn't learned as much as I'd planned to.. I made it there and after a while, it was fine! My teacher friend told me I should commit to 15 minutes a day and even that small amount of time will make a difference, so let's see. My goal this week.

Kensho, I meant to say how interesting I found the conversation you had with your Husband. It sounds like he might really be listening to and understanding what you're saying..sounds very positive.

ok. off to make some dinner..

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Nesters, happy Hump day too

Looks like another heat wave is upon us here in Lav-land. Will this summer ever end??

Hello & welcome back Wagmor & great job on 46 AF days!
Stick around with us, we love the company.

LC, I have been a lifelong procrastinator too. I wonder if it doesn't have something to do with ADD......not sure. Have fun with your Spanish class

Wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Yo Nesters near and not so far.

Welcome back Wagmor!

Day 25! I'm not going back to day 1 again. No interest. L8tr g8trs.

[TJAF]

Interesting how we feel about the term “alcoholic”, who we tell and how we describe our drinking problem to others. I haven’t used that term since I left AA. And I don’t use “recovering alcoholic” either. If people ask why I don’t drink, I tell them the basic truth, I’d love to have one with you but I never know when 1 turns into 21, so if I don’t have 1 I can’t get to 21. People usually find that acceptable and a bit humorous.

Bubba could never understand why we call ourselves alcoholics. She felt it was negative reinforcement. If you keep saying you are an alcoholic, then you may as well drink like one. She felt it was an easy excuse to use when we thought we needed a drink.

I don’t think I’m an alcoholic, I think I’m someone trying to improve my life!

To start I was an Alcoholic . I needed to admit that to myself 3 years ago. Denying it only lead to delusion. However there is a good argument for getting rid of the label. It is a negative and fearful label. It has career and life changing social impacts on how the rest of the world views us. It also conveys this idea that alcoholism is permanent....that we can't be "cured" That is BS. I am an alcoholic only if I am abusing alcohol but I'm sober now and the label doesn't fit. I don't drink. Labeling people Alcoholic also infers that those not labeled somehow are safe from the danger of alcohol. Not true at all. Being truthful doesn't mean you need the label. I personally don't mind thinking of myself as an alcoholic when I drank. It doesn't impact my sobriety one way or another. If you're bothered by the label ditch it but don't ignore the reality our biology demands when it comes to our ability to drink alcohol.