Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters
JustMe, I spent most of the day Saturday working, too. I will be glad when I have the hang of this job and tasks dont take me 5 times longer than they should. I notice that a large part of my issues stem from a lack of computer skills (Excel, to be exact). Something tells me a class is in my future, may check out some You Tube videos. The time its costing me stinks.
I guess like anything else it takes practice and skill. Just like getting sober.

Hope everyone has a peaceful day. B

[paulywogg]

Tony, that's wonderful you've planned a getaway for January, defo something to look forward to I was trying to think if I ever had a pink cloud and I don't think so, just kinda the normal ebbs and flows, I just wanted to say enough with the bad vibes on the thread,DD,you felt like Byrdie gave you a generic response but I felt it was just a quick supportive answer, she's not an employee here just a really good volunteer that has a life too,every response can't be long and detailed, Satz,was just asking you a question about the drinking, sometimes when we're actively drinking, every response pisses us off,trust me I've been there, I'm sorry for all you've been through these past few years! You are a very strong woman wow! I'm amazed by how quickly you got back to work and are recovering, just gotta find some of that strength to beat this addiction once and for all,obviously that's what you want, I wish you all the best

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Busy weekend & it has gone fast!

DD, I hope you are OK & will consider staying in the nest. We like to keep an eye on folks, keep them close :hug:

I don't want to sound stupid but I honestly don't remember what I was feeling when I hit 90, 120 days, etc.
I do remember feeling absolutely empowered & like I was reborn or something as I approached 1 year! That was a powerful but wonderful feeling. I wish that for each & every Nester

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest. Hang on, make yourselves proud!!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Hiya everyone. Good Sunday here. I did the second round on an extensive garage clean up. I organized our stuff, vacuumed edges, and filled the entire center floor with stuff we don't need and don't want. It's crazy how much we accumulated in 13 years. We still have to deal with that pile, but it feels airy in there, like I can breathe better - and I know where to find things. There's something profound about weeding and loving our spaces.

DD I'm so sorry that you are going through such struggles. I send you positive thoughts and hugs :hug:

JustMe, I love the rain too. It really does feel like a good, nurturing cleanse.

Tony, how awesome that you used your "booze $" to upgrade your hotel! What positive reinforcement! Good job.

Byrd, it is SO frustrating being held up by computer issues. I've had the same thing going on with a drafting program I'm using... I just need some education on it. I don't know how you learn, but I've had success with the "for dummies" books on different software... I bet it could help with Excel. In the mean time, don't throw your monitor through any windows :egad:

I will admit I've really had drinking thoughts daily recently. I'm annoyed with them. I've been working hard (when do I NOT?)... And I keep having visions of escaping the moment. Why I haven't figured out to take more breaks is beyond me... Duh. Anyway, going to read my son's adventure novel about Egyptian gods that I can't get enough of. Ra and I have a date. I guess I like to escape that way too.

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters....
Off to the races again. Hope everyone has a productive week. Good to see you, Kensho, the best antidote I know for drinking thoughts is spending time in the nest, at least that's what works for me. I hope we get our computer issues sorted out! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Fin]

Yep, off to the races again after a busy festival season. Had our last mountain gig on Sat and now time to get back to work on the bigger projects.

[KENSHO]

No one here all day?
I had a rough one - nothing went as planned. Worked all day and have nothing to show for it! Ack! I guess that happens sometimes. Headache and still dinner to make and laundry to fold... would love how I used to feel just escaping. I know it wouldn't really do what I wish it would do, and I would regret it. So I will distract myself. Ugh. I wish there was a "pissy face" emoticon, because I would use it.

[Byrdlady]

Slow day in the nest for sure, Kensho.
Im sorry you had a pissy faced day. Those happen from time to time. Im going 100 mph and it seems like Im just running in place. UGG.

My cousin had a house fire on Sunday and lost everything. His wife was at work and he was burning some brush outside, there was a gas leak and the house just exploded. He ran in and got his two dogs but the cat ran under the bed and he couldnt save her. Fire is just deavastating, I mean it burned everything. I feel horrible for them. All they have are the shirts on their backs, but they have each other. Puts a lot of things into perspective.

Rest well nesters, stay strong. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Rain day here in Lav-land. It was much needed so no complaints from me
Got a little work done, made a pot of soup, a big bucket of dairy-free granola & found a loaf of homemade dairy-free pepperoni bread in the freezer to go along with the veggie soup. It should rain more often, ha ha!!

Kensho, I just saw a post on Facebook that said something like 'When you learn to accept instead of expect, you'll have fewer disappointments'. So true, for all of us in every way! The wisdom of Facebook, LOL
Shitty days are just shitty days, nothing more. Enjoy the book

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Justme Again]

Hi Nesters

I was online last night. Tried to type a post a few times, but my head was rambling!! Decided to sleep on it. This morning things are clearer.

All my plans to move to the city, to raise my kids together with my ex, are one by one failing. I am stuck in a little town 2 hrs away. Can't believe I moved my daughter back, before I had surety of how things will work out. But I was very sure that at least one of my plans would work within the next 6 months. Dumb struck!!

Yesterday was emotional. Think it also had to do with coming down from a hectic work shedule. So far I've been home 4 times before the sun sets. I didn't know how tensed up I really was.

The biggest emotions come up with my children. I already regret that I drank so much up until a few months ago. It had a huge impact on how I mothered and I feel very guilty about it.
To add to this guilt ( I struggle to type this...) is ... the... secret longing to have a few months for myself. To focus on me. It feels very wrong in terms of what a mother should do for her children!! But to be honest - they are better off with their father at this time. My alcoholism wasn't good for them. And so far I have managed to stay sober, but did not get round to recovery.

As horrid as this feels, I will slow down, say no to more money and only have one easy job. I am going to take this time to focus on my recovery. That will make me a much better mother in the future. And I hope one day that they will understand it. That I can get a chance to explain this to them.

Yesterday was a blue Monday. Today teary-eyed Tuesday. (Very dramatic!!)

I keep telling myself: come on! This might be the best thing ever.
I just don't believe it yet.

Till later.

[Justme Again]

Byrd - really horrible about your cousin's house!!

Kensho - I feel for you. Getting no where while working your arse off... strengths!

[Guitarista]

As horrid as this feels, I will slow down, say no to more money and only have one easy job. I am going to take this time to focus on my recovery. That will make me a much better mother in the future. And I hope one day that they will understand it. That I can get a chance to explain this to them.

Yesterday was a blue Monday. Today teary-eyed Tuesday. (Very dramatic!!)

I keep telling myself: come on! This might be the best thing ever.
I just don't believe it yet.

Till later.

Just me, great post. You go for it friend. Do what you have to do. :happy2:

C'mon Kensho. Rawk on big buddy!

Sorry to hear of the fire Byrdy. As you say, they still have each other and that's a great foundation for anything.

Take care out there nester's.

[Eloise]

You know Justme again it sounds to me like you are making the right decision and thinking clearly.

I might also suggest some support, at least a few discussions, with your children about your drinking problem. And that nothing the children have done caused you to drink. You will know what to say. I bring this up because my mother has always blamed me for her illnesses, the birth was very hard for her and she never fully recovered? This is what I remember being told, more or less, over and over and over again. Looking back at my own childhood it rather amazes me how overlooked the mental and emotional health of my brother and I was. My mother has a chronic illness and was a severe alcoholic. My mother talked constantly about her death to us (she is 73 now and indeed STILL alive). She no longer drinks, but both parents are in complete denial about their own alcoholism. My dad told me the other day he could always take it or leave it. He has had at least 3 DUIs that I can remember. I guess he just always decided to take it on the road?
An open discussion about this would still be welcomed today. So, good for your for seeing things for what they are.

It must be very hard for you as it sounds like you have sent your daughter back to live with her dad. I am sorry about all this. I hope you are right that it is all for the best. You could very well be right.

[Darkest Diamonds]

Hello Nesters,
Have been reading through the posts and there is so much on here that I identify with I felt compelled to reply!! Firstly Byrd Lady so very sorry to hear about the fire at your cousin's. Also really understand how you feel about your computer, if mine goes wrong or I have problems in any way I feel I am falling apart. Years ago I went to some courses in the eves after work and loved it, lots of excel stuff, sadly because I don't use excel every day I have forgotten a lot of what I learnt!

Justme Again I really understand you needing time for you!! I had nearly 2 months AF time until last weekend but it has all been really hard, sorting out things for dad, huge decisions to make there on a daily basis and there are no quick easy answers, lots of different living situations are going to be tried out to see what works and makes dad happy. He constantly cries and falls over, my life at the moment has been totally centred around him and my job. I feel so protective of him now that he is so vulnerable, it is like having a special needs child. Sometimes decisions are not easy they have to be revised and reconsidered etc. With your children it is clear that you love them and want what is best for them but you have to think of you!! You are right you need time to reflect, also have some peace in your life, in order to grow. I do understand how heart breaking family decisions are, but please try to let go of the guilt, that is such a destructive emotion, think of all you have done recently for your children and what a great mum you have been!!

Kensho I feel your pain of the intense business, it certainly can be back breaking, well done for not drinking, even when you wanted an escape. I did drink at the weekend after about 55 days as I wanted out, I just wanted to relax and block out all the things that I can't solve and come off this treadmill of fear, worry and intense activity...... but the drinking for me did not work.... it added another layer of guilt, and made me feel physically very ill. It did not help me relax properly, as I had hoped, it just gave me self disgust and loathing, which I do not normally feel. So Kensho, I really wish you a huge well done for not drinking!

I realise that my plan to stay sober failed as I have not learnt to relax while sober. The last few months I have faced the hardest challenges of my life so far, I am good at being a "thinker" also when necessary a "warrior" but so far not good at finding peace. For me to stay sober I need to learn to find peace whatever is/isn't going on in my life, so this is my mission! It is almost impossible for me to sleep, I am so worried about dad and all that I am doing for him seems not enough, all those two months that I was sober I was a wake every night for a few hours, I would either get up and do silent housework (gleaming home) or research different living arrangements for dad, or do school work, it was miserable as I alwaysfelt so tired the next day.

Last night I did sleep, not that well , but well enough not to have to get up for a few hours in the night and work. The difference it makes when I sleep is incredible! I need to sleep as physically it is healing, mentally it is refreshing. The other thing I do is read, I love reading in bed but my favourite books are psycological thrillers, not sure how inducive they are to a good night's sleep. Also i have tried getting up and solving complex maths problems to see if I can exhaust my mind but that has not worked. I am really going to have to work on learning to sleep, it sounds so basic but it is so hard for me!! (In the latter stages of my drinking I would drink myself back to sleep!!) After work I try to walk each evening, always in the hope that it will make me tired enough to sleep. My bedroom is beautiful, it is a haven, looks lovely etc so I don't know why sleep always defeats me!! I would be grateful for any tips!!

Anyway I am now working on staying sober for life, I like myself sober, I need to stay sober, it gives me added strength for the cancer not coming back, also I want to do all that I can for Dad and do my job well too. By the end of this year I will have 100 days and that gives me a lovely chunk of AF time to start the new year.

Love and light to all, for too long I have battled with this, during the sober times my life has always been so much better, this is the way I want to live my life!! DDx

[Darkest Diamonds]

You know Justme again it sounds to me like you are making the right decision and thinking clearly.

I might also suggest some support, at least a few discussions, with your children about your drinking problem. And that nothing the children have done caused you to drink. You will know what to say. I bring this up because my mother has always blamed me for her illnesses, the birth was very hard for her and she never fully recovered? This is what I remember being told, more or less, over and over and over again. Looking back at my own childhood it rather amazes me how overlooked the mental and emotional health of my brother and I was. My mother has a chronic illness and was a severe alcoholic. My mother talked constantly about her death to us (she is 73 now and indeed STILL alive). She no longer drinks, but both parents are in complete denial about their own alcoholism. My dad told me the other day he could always take it or leave it. He has had at least 3 DUIs that I can remember. I guess he just always decided to take it on the road?
An open discussion about this would still be welcomed today. So, good for your for seeing things for what they are.

It must be very hard for you as it sounds like you have sent your daughter back to live with her dad. I am sorry about all this. I hope you are right that it is all for the best. You could very well be right.

Hi Eloise, while I was posting you posted the above. That is tough, you have had a very hard upbringing, no one else in my family has ever drunk (alcoholically) I was the only one. I feel for you it must have been bewildering for you as a child. xx