Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters.
Glad to see some overnight traffic here! Eloise, that is something else about your childhood. Some time ago, there was a listing floating around of contributing factors to alcoholism and child abuse was like #2! All of us here at MWO need a huge hug!

DD, so glad to see you! My hubs struggles with sleep issues and I consider a good night's sleep a real gift. Since I got laid off and started this new job, my mind has been racing and when I wake up I have a heck of a time going back to sleep because I start thinking. I count backwards from 100 while imagining water flowing down various levels in the woods....like on Japanese bamboo spouts, each getting lower. If I just count, it doesn't work, I have to occupy my mind with the water visual to make it work, maybe something soothing like that? It's a trick that works for me and it's easy enough to try! Fingers crossed for you.

Lav, it's murky here too. Ready for some sunshine. A local church is getting ready to sell pumpkins! YIKES! Where did the year go???

I hope everyone has a peaceful day!! Byrdie

[Eloise]

It certainly was DD, and continues to be. The level of denial in my parents regarding their drinking is stunning.
My parents are never able to recognise their down falls, but pretty darn quick to point out those of others.
My father is non-stop with his critics of my behaviour and choices.

It is funny Brydie because I do not feel we were abused per say (maybe I am wrong), but very much neglected and emotionally ignored.
"Forget how you feel" "Don't cry" was pretty much the blanket response to upset children.
We also grew up in affluence so there was a lot of 'look at all you have... look at where you live... you have no problems... you have nothing to worry about... look at your fine education..." I do remember thinking 'well thank god for that because if we just had my parents well that certainly would an unhappy ending.'
Geez. I do have one sensible and supportive aunt by marriage. Her father was also a ragging alcoholic so she had a lot of sensible advise about avoiding alcohol, which I naturally did not listen to. Now I remember some of our chats

Hi Eloise, while I was posting you posted the above. That is tough, you have had a very hard upbringing, no one else in my family has ever drunk (alcoholically) I was the only one. I feel for you it must have been bewildering for you as a child. xx

[Fin]

Has anyone read, "Willpower Is Not Enough"?

Amazon.com: Willpower Is Not Enough: Understanding and Overcoming Addiction and Compulsion eBook: Arnold M. Washton: Kindle Store

Lot of truths in this one. I'm finding why we relapse especially helpful right now.

[Eloise]

Good, good, good Fin!

It is so true that willpower is not enough. If it were, I would have stopped drinking for good many years ago.
I had to give it my full attention, okay I realise most of you here have jobs, children etc to look after so this makes it extra hard.
I am thrilled to see you back Fin. You ARE going to stop drinking, you WILL figure it out. Exactly what this means, I think, is rather an individual process.
I should probably read this Willpower is Not Enough book as I am headed into more stressful times ahead in this new job. And this is what I had to do, change my lifestyle COMPLETELY.
One thing I know is not to take one minute of all this for granted or let down my guard. I am already preparing what to say to new colleagues when 'the question' comes up. I think I will be going with the blood sugar excuse, and that I simply feel better when I do not drink at all, not even one glass.

[Darkest Diamonds]

It certainly was DD, and continues to be. The level of denial in my parents regarding their drinking is stunning.
My parents are never able to recognise their down falls, but pretty darn quick to point out those of others.
My father is non-stop with his critics of my behaviour and choices.

It is funny Brydie because I do not feel we were abused per say (maybe I am wrong), but very much neglected and emotionally ignored.
"Forget how you feel" "Don't cry" was pretty much the blanket response to upset children.
We also grew up in affluence so there was a lot of 'look at all you have... look at where you live... you have no problems... you have nothing to worry about... look at your fine education..." I do remember thinking 'well thank god for that because if we just had my parents well that certainly would an unhappy ending.'
Geez. I do have one sensible and supportive aunt by marriage. Her father was also a ragging alcoholic so she had a lot of sensible advise about avoiding alcohol, which I naturally did not listen to. Now I remember some of our chats

Eloise you have had a rough time! Are both your parents sober now? If they are how did they do it? Or are they still drinking. I think from what you said previously they have stopped now, most people who stop get honest about their drinking..... sorry if that is a sweeping generalization but that is what I have found! DD

[NoSugar]

As horrid as this feels, I will slow down, say no to more money and only have one easy job. I am going to take this time to focus on my recovery. That will make me a much better mother in the future. And I hope one day that they will understand it. That I can get a chance to explain this to them.
Yesterday was a blue Monday. Today teary-eyed Tuesday. (Very dramatic!!)
I keep telling myself: come on! This might be the best thing ever.
I just don't believe it yet.
Till later.

It sounds like your kids are in a safe place with a dad who loves them. You're not letting them down by taking whatever time you need to get yourself healthy and ready to be the best person you can be for yourself and for them.
When I read how busy you were, I felt just like I do when I read about people who take on a new job, relationship, or big fitness goal at the beginning of their quit. It just sounds like too much to me. I needed my 4 months of hibernation to rest, get to know myself again, read and learn, spend a lot of time here, and generally, to heal. I cried a lot, too. And it's ok if tomorrow is Weepy Wednesday. :hug: NS

[Eloise]

Oh it is nice you asked DD because it is a pretty funny story. My mom has MS and is also suffering from depression/bipolar and schizophrenia. She was prescribed Baclofen for tremors and 'for some strange reason' she didn't want to drink anymore! It was like a Miracle she said. I did try to tell her the drug is also prescribed for recovering alcoholics, but since she does not see herself as one... that did not apply to her. In her case she simply woke up one day and did not want to drink until she got wasted anymore. Lovely.
So, my mother's miracle story of quitting. I think she manages to get her hands on wine sometimes though, she was clearly drunk last Christmas when I called her. Very strange call.
My dad had a massive coronary and was in coma for 3 weeks, took about 1.5 yrs to recover. No drinking was the order. He has since completely forgot about this and blames all his trouble on cigarettes. I find him to be more like a dry drunk. He doesn't drink because he can't, not because he thought he had a problem with alcohol. Again, another kind of funny story.
The both of them love to tell me about all the other drunks in the family though. Grandfather, aunts, uncles, great uncles... etc. Only my great grand-dad (we share the redhead gene) never touched a drop of whiskey. He was in the booze biz in Boston during prohibition and did a great job of keeping track of every bottle (because he was sober!).
So, no neither parent is anywhere near what a normal person would call honest about their drinking history.
Oh well, nobody is perfect. :hyper::hyper::hyper:

Eloise you have had a rough time! Are both your parents sober now? If they are how did they do it? Or are they still drinking. I think from what you said previously they have stopped now, most people who stop get honest about their drinking..... sorry if that is a sweeping generalization but that is what I have found! DD

[Darkest Diamonds]

Fin, willpower is not enough for me, but it is a very big part of my not drinking! For me it is an "attitude of gratitude" but also a deep acceptance of the fact that I can't drink, some days I accept this more than others!! I am an alcoholic, I do not get pleasure from sipping from a small glass of wine! I haven't for many years, something Byrd once posted resonated with me when she referred to "Viking" glasses of wine. When I went back to it recently I felt wretched, for me I was pulled right back in, the minute I started drinking I was obsessed with wanting more, I had to guzzle and had two days of round the clock drinking, this was horrid. I have always to remember that I lost all ability to drink in a "normal" way years ago. Now if I drink I only want to drink in an alcoholic way. Thank you Fin for starting roll call, for me that has always been where I felt most at home on this forum, it is even better now as people post little comments as well as their dates.

Byrdlady what a lovely way of going to sleep, that is so much more healthy than the sort of numbers stuff that I do, if I am in bed and struggling with sleep I start at 2 squared and count on as far as I can in square numbers, then I go on to cubed numbers and do the same start at 2 cubed and count on as far as I can go, I have got quite good at this as I am good at mental maths and I like it but it is not restful. If I am desperately awake I do Maths problems from exam papers, i can see now that sitting online maths papers is not the best way of dealing with sleep but I was desperate!!

Are most of you in America?

I think this is so, there is something called "the Army" on here, they seem to be in UK, hope in time to get to "talk" to other Londoners, there used to be a couple of others on here but now they seem to have gone. DD x

[Darkest Diamonds]

Eloise yet again our posts have crossed!! from what you have posted it seems that both of your parents were almost forced to stop drinking due to medical circumstances! (Pretty severe ones) ! I don't know about you but for me the mental and spiritual side of being locked into alcohol were also really hard to cope with, it seems as if your parents do not acknowledge this, even if they are now free of it.

I do feel for you, I had the opposite sort of upbringing, my parents had little money, I slept in a drawer, not a cot when I was little, but I was given consistent love and it meant the world to me. DD xx

[Justme Again]

Thank you Nesters for the responses.
This place was very comforting today.

Need an early night.

Sleep tight

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, looks like we could all use a big group hug here :hug:
If it helps, please believe me when I say we are all going to be OK. We have good plans & there most definitely is strength in numbers :hug:

Byrdie, we cross posted at the same exact time last night so I didn't know about your cousin's house fire. Fires like that are just devastating, thank goodness they are safe!

Justme, everyone in your family will benefit by your taking a little time for yourself. Please don't feel bad or guilty or anything like that. You are in the process of becoming a healthy whole person again. You are reinventing yourself & that takes a little time. Please continue to treat yourself with the love you deserve.

Hello to Eloise, DD, NS & everyone! Glad to see everyone checking in regularly. It makes a huge difference, we are stronger when working together

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[starty]

Just wanted to say hi and thanks to all you guys. I read your posts each day and its lovely to see long termers (as I used to be) and newbies alike.

[lifechange]

Morning Nester friends,
Great reading back.. a lot of very touching conversations going on. I love that this place is so honest, so down to earth and supportive.

I have been quite sick the past few days with a stomach virus from hell. Fever, headache, bodyache.. it felt like the worst hangover stretched over so much time. I was thinking yesterday that I might not ever feel better.. but after a restless, but fever-breaking night, I can see the light. Thank goodness. I woke up today grateful for my health, so thankful that I don't have to deal with deadly hangovers any more, grateful that it's my choice NOT to drink.. and as long as I don't, everything else is manageable.. and so happy to come back to all of you.

DD, I am also a night time worrier and tend to wake up between 2 and 3 almost every night. It's getting better, but sometimes I still have mild panic. What helps me is to lay on my back, put my left hand on my belly and my right hand on my heart, then I focus just on the breath coming into and going out of my nose.. if my mind wanders, I gently bring it back to my breath.. sometimes it takes a while and I don't think it will ever work..but I continue to bring my mind back to the breath.. and at some point I wake up to the alarm and realize it has worked.. I hope you find something that works for you! Nothing more important than a good night's sleep! :happy2: I'm glad you've been so active here the past days..

:hug: to everyone!!

[lifechange]

NS, am listening to the Bill Pettit talks.. thank you for those!

[available]

Evening nesters

Great conversations on here and always great to read back.

Just, i have a lot of regrets drinking with my children but that is all they can be, regrets. I cant take back time, i can only be the best mum now. The children always knew they were loved and cared for but missed some of me when i drank. We have all gone through a lot of changes since i have stopped drinking as i am a different person now and they always say how proud they are of me but i have had to do a lot of growing up and have spent a lot of time doing that. Its not selfish, it is much needed to be the person i want to be.

Yesterday i drove 3+ hours to my son, he broke up with his girlfriend a few days ago and was not picking up the phone and was isolating himself. When he finally picked up he told me he did not want to be here anymore and to leave him alone, he was a failure and better off dead. The good part of this is that i could jump in the car and i could be with him, i could give him 110% of me and i could offer advice. So now he is with me at home and going to his nana's tomorrow. He is safe and he will be okay. Not once did i think about a drink and i am so very very grateful that i do not drink. I cant imagine what could have happened if i was not able to drive.

Glad to see you back LC, i was wondering where you had gone.

Tony is it 100 days yet? Must be so close.

Well i am going to nap, a huge 24 hours physically and mentally but life is good.

Take care x