Newbies Nest

[Eloise]

Very nice you could be there for your son Available.
And I could not agree more about not looking back too much, maybe just enough to keep us on the straight and narrow?!

Happy 100 days Tony.
You should be very proud of yourself... :dancin:

[lifechange]

Happy 100 days, Tony! A great accomplishment..

I've also had regrets about how I've been with my girls. Though at the moment this sounds ridiculous to me, it's because of the guilt and wanting to escape it that's led me to drink more than once. I'm trying really hard now to stay in the present and enjoy the time I still have with them. Grateful that I'm able to be there for them.. each time it happens, that they need me unexpectedly, I think, thank God! Such small things sometimes, but important for them. And for me.

From the talks NS linked a few days ago, one of many things that really stuck out for me, was the link between mental stress and distress and mental illness.. he said that external circumstances are not "stress", they are challenges which life is full of.. whether or not we take on the stress/how we deal with the challenge is a different story.. it helps me to realise that I am creating the stress in how I deal with the challenge. Just in renaming it helps me to deal. Challenge..

I have a big one coming up next week where I have to sit on a panel and discuss in front of an audience for one hour. I've been doing the work for 10 years, but I'm not trained.. I've learned by doing. And because of my self confidence issues and the fact that I hate (always have) talking in front of people, I'm scared to death. I'm going to try and look at things from a different perspective. I'm going to pretend that I am an "expert" or at least take a bit more seriously what I've learned and know to be true.. and I will try not to put myself down. To be confident. I took this on as a challenge..then thought, what the heck was I thinking?:happy2:

[Byrdlady]

Lifechange, I hate talking in front of people, too and I'm a blooming sales rep! It's awful! I just know that I know 1000 times more than most people sitting there, so that helps a little. I've used the image of the people naked, that doesn't really help at all. For me, it's just something to get thru. GOOD LUCK! If you find anything that works let me know!

Congratulations to Tony on 100 BIG DAYS! Speech!!!!!! We are massively proud of you! I will bump up the 100 Day Thread so you can officially post! Well done! :horse:

Have a great day, all! Byrdie

[Fin]

Dedicated to Tony on his 100 Day Mark.

Good Morning on Day 3. Amazing. The feeling of confidence and power gained by abstinence returns so quickly. I'm already feeling 100% better and I swear, like I said in Roll Call, my dog who is with me today even seems happy to have me back.

Next, figure out the relapse cycle. I'm headed to my first AA meeting today, have an appointment to explore medication to help with cravings, am working with an addiction's psychologist weekly, am reading and working on really trying to understand the relapse cycle that happens with me around the 100 day mark.

It's at this time that the physical part is cured, but the mental side still needs a lot of work that I have yet to do. I'm now looking forward to facing the mental side head-on and learning to recognize that recovery takes regular practice. That's what's different this time as I historically end up letting my recovery support and process slip in various ways which then obviously leads to relapse. It's a similar cycle to drinking daily, but over a longer term. I'm on a 100 day cycle! Sigh... as we all must do, we must push through and explore our own personal cycle and emotional history. In time we learn. In time we ultimately succeed. The key is to never ever give up.

Being good again,
-Fin

[lifechange]

I don't know how you do it, Byrdie, being a sales rep.. but, yes, what you said about probably knowing at least more than the people attending.. and to think of it, in a way, as a bit of a teaching experience. And for me, I have to remember to be and remain open minded. Not to shut down because of fear. And get myself ready for questions I hate to answer, but which I know will be asked. There are a couple of standard questions I get which I really dislike and instead of hating or avoiding them, I need to come up with some good answers! I definitely won't be thinking of the people naked! The last thing I need is to start laughing.. that mixed with nervousness..?:egad:

[lifechange]

X-post, Fin.. so glad to see you back!!

[KENSHO]

Ava, I'm sorry to hear your son is so down. It's so hard to have perspective when we feel such loss. Glad you could be there with him. Nothing hurts worse than when our kids hurt. :heartbeat:

LC, I like your thoughts on stress being challenges. For some reason, I take on a lot and then feel worn out. Trying to take on less so that I'm ready for those "challenges" that life hands me (not just the ones I take on myself!)

Fin, happy to see you back. It must be extra hard avoiding alcohol in the music scene. I feel for you there. It is good hearing you're on board for a long term recovery.

I am really, truly surprised at how hard it has been to start again. I thought at 175 days AF, I "understood" the process and could go right back, but it seems you really DO start over. At nearly 6 months, I really had no cravings. But they have been a bit relentless this go, and I'm tired of them. I know I can choose to be done with them (mostly) if I just keep moving forward, so that is what I will do.

Happy Wednesday.

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

Ava - thank you for the bit about your children. We really can't do anything about the past. And the guilt over it isn't healthy. I would also like to be there for my kids like you are now for your son. Think it means the world to him.

Fin & Kensho - it is interesting what a relapse does to us physically. Also found it much harder to quit again and al intake always increased. But my quits were mostly 4 day breaks, except the 4 months 5 years ago. What I remember mostly now is how ill I was after 2 glasses of wine after 4 months sober. I couldn't lift my head before 11 the next morning. It is a serious poison!!

Tony - what a great day! The 100th one!! So happy for you!

Need a bit of chocolate. Then of to lala-land.

Till tomorrow

[tonyniceday]

Hi nest,

Thanks for all the good wishes today... Byrdie asked for a speech here and on the roll call... I don't really know what to say except that I have been going round in a state of slight bemusement today that I, Tony the drunk, the guy who got into an incessant series of embarrassing messes over a large number of years has actually got to 100 AF days...

How? Well I haven't got here alone. That would have been impossible. I've mentioned before all the people who have been part of it but one of the biggest parts has been right here. It is so true that coming here and even just typing a post has been enough sometimes to get me over an issue or a trigger and sometimes I've not even posted what I've written... but mostly when I've asked something or shared something on here it has been constantly amazing to find that someone else has had the same experience and is able to give the guidance through a tough day or situation.

What has worked? For me it really has been the odaat and checking in, and not wanting to ever have to go back to the nightmare of day 1. I did that a few times (a lot of times) before I found MWO.

Moving forward from here the next mid term goal is December 14th which will be 6 calendar months. I'll do that one day at a time again!

It's been good to see other newbies joining along the way and equally sad to see some fall away. I only hope we either see them back or they have found their own way to be AF elsewhere.

Thank you to all of you who have become such an important part of my sobriety. It is so good to know you are all there. Special thanks for all the wisdom and support from the "long timers". I was going to do a list of special thanks but I'm not going to because I don't want to miss someone out!

I'm still on that bloody tightrope... but onwards and upwards and for now, as they say on another thread, I'll just take another 24!

Tony

[available]

Morning nesters

I am bloody exhausted to put it nicely. Dropped said son at airport to go to his nans and managed to get lost on the way home. I have driven to that airport so many times so now it might be time to unwind. Have not been to work since Tuesday and i dont think i will make it tomorrow. Missed my course on Wednesday and had a drinking dream last night. I remember drinking a lot but not how i ended up. Not even going there! After nearly 3 years sober the last thought is for me to drown my stress in anything other than a cup of tea.

Just, you will get there eventually. Becoming sober and dealing with life takes a lot of time but you will heal and life will be better and your children will love you even more than they do now. I always thought i was there for my children but al stopped me from being there 100%, i know that now especially after the last few days.

Tony a huge congratulations on 100 days. I totally believe, like you, that coming on here each and everyday was a major part of my sobriety and to know we have all been there and done that did not make me feel so alone. Have a wonderful day.

Kensho i must say it is the best to not have those al thoughts and they do go with time. I never believed Lav/Byrd/NS when they kept telling me but they certainly do except for the occasional f**ker that meanders in when life is out of control. I just dont want to drink now and the reasons are a mile long and growing.

LC you will be fine and sober. You have got this! I hate talking in front of people too. We do scenarios at this course and it is getting easier now but i thought i would wet my pants the first time!

Im off to nap before the drs. Take care x

[Byrdlady]

Tony, I wonder uf you would tuck that speech into the Tool Box for safe keeping? It was a beauty. Thank you for writing that and sharing it with us. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Hump day is about over but it looks like it was a good one for everybody

LC, sorry you were so sick, ugh. Feel better soon & stick with us!

Fin, great on your 3 AF days & your plan sounds rather extensive, nice!

Justme, keep doing what you're doing. You are definitely getting there

Ava, sorry about your son's breakup. I hate seeing my grown kids unhappy & hurting too. You have been a great Mom & will continue being a great Mom. Take care of you too!

Tony, CONGRATS ON YOUR 100 AF days :welldone:
I am very happy for you, you deserve the best!

Hi there Byrdie, Eloise, DD & everyone!
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi Everyone:

I started reading old posts but ran out of steam.

Everyone has a lot of shit they're dealing with. That's the rub. Alcohol does NOT take care of the shit life brings. Read Ava's post though - getting rid of alcohol really helps us deal with shit better.

A very good friend lost a parent. The memorial was amazing - she was so loved and loved freely. 30+ years sober and many of the speakers were AA and sober friends. They were wonderful, funny, flawed people, too. It was very sad but an inspiring life, for sure.

I'm back from an excellent conference. Feel over my head, but I am working on that confidence piece, too, LC.

Pauly - thanks for your post.

Pav

[tonyniceday]

Tony, I wonder uf you would tuck that speech into the Tool Box for safe keeping? It was a beauty. Thank you for writing that and sharing it with us. Byrdie

I'd be happy to do this... is there a magic way of doing this or do I just copy and paste it into a new post over in the Tool Box?

[Eloise]

Good morning... one thing I have been meaning to mention is how I find that my memory has greatly improved.
Even over the past 6 weeks or so I notice a marked improvement.
I find myself in those strange moments less and less when I dash into a room and wonder 'omg, what am I doing here?' or 'what am I looking for?!!'
If that is not a bit of inspiration to quit drinking for good, I do not know what is.
And, I had read this but naturally did not believe it, with sustained abstinence the memory continues to improve, whoopee! They are right, this has been true for me!

And yes, I do believe this is what you need to do; open toolbox, create new thread...