Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

That sounds like a good plan. I hung out mostly with my dog for the first several months. And in the Newbies Nest.

[starty]

Hi JKM, dont despair. Your dogs are going to be one of your greatest therapies. They are also great excuse makers when you just want to be alone and not face the world. My 3 have been instrumental in getting me through my first 30 days.

[available]

Evening nest

Wow quiet in the nest and on the threads.

Congrats starty on your 30 days, life can only keep getting better and better and believe me it does. I never thought i could lose most of the emotional baggage i carried around for donkeys years but the long termers were right (yet again) and its such a great feeling.

JKM lovely to see you. My dogs were so happy when i stopped drinking, i spent so much more time with them and stopped giving them hair cuts that looked like something out of a horror movie. They were a blessing when i stopped drinking and loved going walking again since drinking did not interfere with their time.

Feeling a bit blah at the moment, my mother is visiting tomorrow and we have not seen each other since xmas after she stopped talking to me. Old feelings are coming to the fore which makes me want a drink to cope with it all. I wont but i have gathered the support of my children just in case she says whatever she wants with no feelings for myself or others. she is only staying overnight so i can sleep for a good ten hours i am thinking and i can glue myself to the nest. All plans in place.

Had a lovely four day weekend and back to work tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing well.

Take care x

[tonyniceday]

!I was having a conversation with my hubs yesterday and he asked me if I thought I could drink one now and be ok. I told him without question, NO! It just works on you and chips away at you, it eats at you until you test it again and again. Besides, if Im honest, I dont want just one I want to get wasted.

I know, I did and just destroyed all 108 days. I am so sorry everyone. I've just proved I can't have one drink. I don't want to use words like "stupid" or "idiot" because it's almost like I'm asking for sympathy which I don't want or need. I just want you all to know that I've proved a point to myself. It can't be done. we cannot moderate. We cannot drink again. Did I enjoy it? No, I thought I would, but the taste was horrible, the feeling was just yuck. I know I HAD to do this to just make me understand that I can never drink again.

[paulywogg]

Tony,when I relapsed in August it was on day 108 too,that's weird! I think we don't give PAWS enough focus, there's definitely something chemical going on in the brain at certain times, I'm absolutely positive of it,glad you're back

[starty]

Moderation just does not work for the likes of us. I didnt even bother trying it when I fell off after 6 years in 2014. I even knew then really. And each time we fall it gets worse it really does. I could drink a phenomenal amount and not even get wasted (always hated getting blind drunk) and take dozens of pills which shows how our tolerance can mount in a heartbeat. The depression, the self hatred, the financial and health worries are tenfold. But still we need to find that out for ourselves. Its a tough boat to row to come back. Tony, JKM I do hope that you guys both avoid that trap.

[starty]

Well said Pauly, we must treat ourselves for potential PAWS

[tonyniceday]

Pauly, sorry for being ignorant on this but what is PAWS?

[abcowboy]

Here's a link that explains PAWS Tony, there's lots of reading to do on the subject if you Google it..

Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms - Relapse Prevention Strategies

[abcowboy]

And I agree with starty, once you slip it's easier to stay drinking than to quit again, for most anyway. Or you'll go a few days sober then pick up again. Almost like you've convinced yourself that "Hey, I went ___ days before so I know I can do it again. I'll quit again once this _____ is over and done with" It's an easy hole to fall into and gets harder and harder to get out of.

[tonyniceday]

AB - I just had a quick delve into that link and watched the video.

I had never heard of PAWS before. It doesn't make it right, but sort of explains it...

[NoSugar]

It is easy after 1 week, 100 days, or 1000 days to think we are different than all the other people here in that we will be able to manage to drink "normally".

I had that thought just this weekend. I was at a wedding in the woods several hours away from home. It was a lovely, festive event and it occurred to me that I could drink as long as I restricted it to far-way weddings in the woods. How often is that going to come up? Add to that, I never over-drank in front of witnesses so what would possibly be the harm in having the glass of champagne that was thrust into my hand or the mixed drink that was the special favorite of the new couple???

There might be no harm. One night of having a drink or 2 might not set off the insatiable daily cravings. Who knows?

But, now that I can make my choices using the rational part of my brain that makes us human, I have no reason to make that choice. It would be stupid and illogical. It would be to take a totally unnecessary risk with one of the most awful risk/benefit ratios imaginable! What would I gain from having a drink or two?

I know I didn't drink addictively to share in a celebratory toast or to get a glimpse of a happy couple's taste in alcoholic beverages. I'm not much of one for rituals, I don't care what other people do or don't like to drink, and I only liked red wine. I didn't even drink to feel high. I drank to check out. If I had done that at the wedding, I would have missed the amazing food and fun dancing. I might not have remembered the evening. I might have tripped over the uneven ground in the darkness or fallen into the lake. As I walked with my husband down to the pier to look at the lake and the stars in the almost totally dark forest, those practical concerns actually occurred to me and I had a moment of gratitude that I don't drink. I was grateful again when I woke up feeling fine and thought about how rough I would have felt, in addition to such regret and disappointment, if I'd acted on that random thought.

We are all different here on MWO in so many ways but in this one respect, I think those of us who remain are essentially the same. The people who find they can have the occasional drink don't tend to stick around (with a couple exceptions) because they don't need the support or need to give it to keep the truth of the matter alive, which is why I stay. I don't want to allow myself to get to the point that the occasional woodland drink seems like a good choice - and I know that would be very easy to do.

We don't need to reinvent the wheel. This is one instance where we truly can learn from the experiences of others. Here's a tread that I've found useful to read when I've had the idea that I'm different, better, stronger, or more controlled and disciplined than the rest of you: https://www.mywayout.org/community/ge...etrospect.html.

[abcowboy]

I'm not sure about the PAWS thing Tony, I never experienced it. But we all experience different things because of our alcohol abuse. I guess it's like PTSD, not everyone goes through it, some are affected, some aren't. I think the importantant thing is to always be aware of your thoughts and feelings, don't let them take you to places you don't want to be..

[Jkm123]

Morning all, y'all sound good, welcome back tony! I slept good last night with just benadryl. I have ice cream in the freezer at home and pistachios and a fun size kit kat and a diet Sunkist for the drive home. I plan to snack right through the 5-6 hour lol. I'll be reading up here today. Wishing everyone a great monday !

[KENSHO]

Good to see you back Tony. SO glad you did come back and not stay lost!

It gives perspective to hear our strong long-sober members say they, too, have drinking thoughts still. Thanks for sharing NS, and I'm so glad you didn't go swimming in that lake

We camped this weekend for the last time this season. It was a mountain festival of sorts, and there was beer everywhere. My dad came up to spend time with us, and even he offered me a sip of beer (forgetting that I don't drink). I really had the urge to partake a few times during the weekend, but I reminded myself not to even go down that
"thinking about it" road, that I know it only leads me to unhappy places.

A few months ago, my husband and I did a "whole 30" - eating very clean for 30 days, and no alcohol (of course for me). He was AMAZED at how good he felt, and said on more than one occasion that he wanted to continue to eat like that most of the time, and only have alcohol on the weekends. Most of his aches and pains disappeared and his stomach (which has hurt since I met him) didn't bother him at all.

Fast forward to now. He is eating whatever he wants, and drinking during the week. He will have 1-2 drinks a few days per week, and will occasionally go a little crazy on a weekend. He has been complaining about his stomach and all these aches and pains - and I'm OVER IT. It's such a familiar instance of beating our head against the wall. He says, "It sucks having to be so restrictive with eating and drinking". I think it's more that he is fighting with his belief that "everyone else does it." I just say, "suit yourself, but don't complain because you know how to fix it." It's HARD watching someone go back and forth and make choices that don't help them. I have to focus on me - but it DOES affect me when he tosses and turns all night because he's hot (processing the alcohol and sleeping like crap). I just wish he'd make the leap and choose what works for him, instead of feeling pressure from festivals and friends. It is alluring at times, sure - but there are ways to enjoy and not feel "goody goody".

Anyway, rambling here. I'm feeling grateful that I have this day, and that I am whole and clear to experience it. Happy Monday.