Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

It gives perspective to hear our strong long-sober members say they, too, have drinking thoughts still. Thanks for sharing NS, and I'm so glad you didn't go swimming in that lake

I've given up thinking I can control my thoughts, Kensho, any more than I can control my dreams. We have something in like 60-90k thoughts per day. There's no way any of us can control all of those!!

It used to upset me and make me think I was set to fail when a drinking thought occurred to me. But, why wouldn't it? I used to do it daily and I'm surrounded by it! It's natural to think about drinking when you find a glass of champagne in your hand or while during dinner, the conversation is about the attributes and nuances of beer that is available only in particular states or the composition of the various mixed drinks people were having. I wasn't interested in all of that back in the day and now it is mind-numbing boring. I would have liked to check out!!

I think we'll always have the occasional thought to have a drink but that doesn't have to be scary or mean anything. No one gets drunk on thoughts and they can't hurt you as long as you don't act on them. And at this point, why would we?

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters!
After a day of feeling blah and kind of sad and very tired, I'm coming out of it around 7pm. We had a public holiday today and I had my youngest daughter at home.. we relaxed and watched films and I had a couple of naps. I even went to the gym so as not to let my bad mood go too far..I sort of just went through the motions which bummed me out.. but it finally came to mind that it is normal to have days like that.
Sometimes I can't figure out how to get myself back on track with positive thinking.. and maybe that's when I just have to sit back and be patient. Make friends with the discomfort.

I'm happy to see everyone back, comfy and cozy in the Nest.:hug:

[NoSugar]

Hi Nesters!
After a day of feeling blah and kind of sad and very tired, I'm coming out of it around 7pm. We had a public holiday today and I had my youngest daughter at home.. we relaxed and watched films and I had a couple of naps. I even went to the gym so as not to let my bad mood go too far..I sort of just went through the motions which bummed me out.. but it finally came to mind that it is normal to have days like that.
Sometimes I can't figure out how to get myself back on track with positive thinking.. and maybe that's when I just have to sit back and be patient. Make friends with the discomfort.

Hi, LC
I just read a post on FB earlier today that seems to relate to what you are describing: Rohini Ross | Optimal Performance Doesn’t Require Perfection

[Matt M.]

Hey friends
Checking in for the first time in a while. I am fortunate that I have been able to maintain my sobriety time, yet I have not been in a good place mentally for several weeks now. Things havent been going the way" I think" they should be, and when I needed to be closer to my lifeline, I have found myself drifting further away. Makes absolutely zero sense?
I am fortunate to have people in here I can share with privately, but I know there has to be more to it than that.
This weekend I really found myself in that all to familiar feeling of restlessness, irritability and discontented, no matter how busy I make myself, how many projects I start, it's not feeling the void, and that has been a feeling that I have felt every single time, before I stepped back out.
I havent had the desire to drink, yet I know from experience that when I'm scrambling to kill that hamster wheel spinning loudly in my head , my Alcoholic brain can and has convinced me to numb it and slow it down with just "a couple" of drinks, and for now I can play those drinks out over the the next 24-48 hours, and know we're it would leave me.

Stay Hard my friends

[Byrdlady]

Great to see everyone! Matt, Im sorry you've been in a bad place. I hope that by sticking close to your support, you can negotiate your way thru it. Everyone has tough patches, they are a bear, but they do eventually pass and better days prevail. You will be so glad you put in the extra work to keep your quit going. Its 1000 times easier to maintain a quit than to start a new one. Stick close!

Work was a bear today. A goodly bit of my problem is my lack of computer skills, coupled with Windows 10. UGG!

All eyes are on that darn hurricane.
Hugs and stregth to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I'm keeping an eye on that hurricane too Byrdie. Living on the east coast does have some drawbacks.

Matt, every time the season changes I go thru a little funk myself, I always have. But it doesn't have to be fatal! We are smarter now & know it's a temporary thing & we don't have to do anything but wait it out, right?

LC, good to see you. I hope your day went well.

Jkm & Tony, you are both stationed in the nest with your safety belts on place. Good, stay put

Kensho, wouldn't it be easier if we could make up other people's minds for them? Ha ha! Every human feels better when they eat well & avoid AL but they just don't recognize the fact themselves. I hope your husband figures it out soon & treats his stomach with kindness.

NS, glad you enjoy your woodland wedding ~ sounds nice

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Good to see you, Matt. Sorry you're in a bad place and I'm glad you checked in.

It took me such a long time to read back that I already forgot who posted that Hip Sobriety link. LC? Anyway - thanks so much. Those self care and boundaries reminders are needed right now.

NoSugar - I love your pearls of wisdom. You, too, Lav and Byrdie.

I feel blah, too. I know from experience that it will pass, but I really do had this feeling. Blue. Sad. Short with my kids, etc. I did get a bit of exercise today and that helped. I think I'll try some meditation now and get to bed.

Congratulations on 50, Kensho and G!

Tony - I wouldn't say that you "ruined" those 108 days - you learned something, including how good you feel not drinking. Stick close.

Ava - Ack. Your mom. I guess I didn't realize you hadn't seen her since Christmas. I'm glad you told your kids about your issues. Remember - you can't control her, only your reaction to her... Good luck.

Safe travels, El.

Hi, everyone else. Happy SOBER Monday.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Hi everyone. Decent day today. A storm is rolling in and we expect more fall-like weather the rest of this week. I have checked two huge (I can't say that without hearing the Donald say it) items off the deadline list. I told myself that I just need to complete billing and then I'll scheduke my haircut and new phone activation. I say it too about Pilates, but that really does need to be a mandatory thing.

Who here meditates, and how do you do it? Just think of nothing and maybe focus on breath and let thoughts pass? I have read more times than I can count about people who's lives have been significantly improved by a simple dose of meditation daily.

Yes, was it LC who posted the hip sobriety list? Thanks! I loved it and needed it. I love her perspective about "maintaining sobriety"; that it's more about living the life we were meant to live than "trying not to drink". I adore her.

Nighty night nest. Matt stick around. Laws of the universe state that everything strives for homeostasis-balance. It won't/can't stay bad. Unless, of course if you drink.

[wagmor]

... but it finally came to mind that it is normal to have days like that.
Sometimes I can't figure out how to get myself back on track with positive thinking.. and maybe that's when I just have to sit back and be patient. Make friends with the discomfort.

LC - these are some of the very same things I've been having to learn to accept, and also learn how to deal with in ways that don't involve drinking. Thanks for sharing this - sometimes it's just helpful to know that others are wrestling with the same issues, the same realizations, the same struggles. Good for you for going to the gym, even if it wasn't the effort you wanted from yourself. I can understand feeling bummed out about that, but going through the motions is still far better than many alternatives.

[wagmor]

A few months ago, my husband and I did a "whole 30" - eating very clean for 30 days, and no alcohol (of course for me). He was AMAZED at how good he felt, and said on more than one occasion that he wanted to continue to eat like that most of the time, and only have alcohol on the weekends. Most of his aches and pains disappeared and his stomach (which has hurt since I met him) didn't bother him at all.

Kensho - Your post really resonated with me. Doing something similar to a Whole 30 is what kick-started my quit this time, and I did it largely because I just wasn't feeling "well" much of the time - aches and pains, discomfort that I'd gained weight my body didn't want, etc. Prior to giving up all drinking plus all wheat and gluten, I toyed around with almost every "half-way" compromise I could think of - drinking only on weekends, or only a certain number of days per month, etc etc.

None of these plans lasted very long, and I truly believe this was a chemical or physiological thing. I'd get to a 3 or 4-day quit and start to feel a bit better, then would hit a weekend or other "pre-approved" drinking day and indulge. Soon my weekends became Fri-Sat-Sun, or it would be my birthday mid-week so I'd extend through the whole week, or it was vacation, or whatever. Before I knew it, I was drinking every day again.

I'm glad that you have seen your way clear to understanding that total abstinence is what helps you the most. Good job resisting the temptation or excuse of the festival, and to sticking with your quit. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this as well.

[wagmor]

Deprivation isnt not having any, its just having one or two!

Byrdie - I feel the same way. It's WAAAAYYYYY easier for me to not drink at all, zero, than it would ever be to drink and stop after one or two. I have little to no interest in having just one or two drinks. I never really thought of it in these terms though (zero being easier than one), so a lightbulb went off for me when I read your post. Wow, that's great ammunition to tuck away for future temptations. Next time I try to convince myself it'd be ok to "just have one" I'll remind myself how very much harder it will be to stop after that one (or two) than to just not start at all.

[wagmor]

Tony and JKM - so glad you're both back in the nest. Hugs to you!!!

[available]

Afternoon nesters

Matt, Matt, Matt lovely to see your face again on NN and believe me you cant not have enough support. Even the oldies go through some rough patches but its all about having your support network around, talking about how you are feeling and admitting you are thinking about that drink. I know you wont drink just as i know i wont even if i feel like i could drink 100 and it would never ever be enough.

Life is throwing me some doozies at the moment. I am overthinking seeing my mother though i know she can shoot me down in 5 minutes and thanks for the advice Pav. My friend Roberts birthday is in three days and he is not here anymore and those memories are hard and still fresh. Work is driving me batshite crazy plus a million other issues and how does an alkie want to deal with it all, by drinking of course. As i well know a relapse starts long before that drink and so i have told all and sundry how i am feeling, i hate to admit how i feel wanting al but it is how it is. All my bases are covered and i truly know i would make the biggest mistake of my life if i drank and so i wont but it annoys me to feel like this, like i have an ache that needs to be filled, that al will fix that ache. I also know that is total bullshit and al will not win this war within me. And it is so good to know that i can come on here and have the understanding of how it feels.

A co-worker also told me today that her ex-husband is in ICU with liver failure and his blood is not clotting so he is not in a good way at all. She told me how he stopped working due to issues with his boss, said he was not drinking much as could not afford it, said he had anemia and that was why his eyes were yellow. I told her he was sick and he was an alcoholic and he needed help but he would only take it if he really wanted to. She knows i am an ex drinker, i wanted to just hug her and tell her it was ok but as we know us alkies are sneaky and will say what we think others want to hear. A stay in hospital may be enough to change his life but it also may not. I hope he changes, i hope he lives. Hearing that story was pretty much just what the dr ordered for me today.

Thanks for listening and take care. x

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

Really great posts about PAWS.

Think I am experiencing some of it. Tired, but can't sleep. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate...
Even gained a bit of weight and have a reunion in 2 weeks - damn!!!
And my throught closes up every day. Its frustration and emotion that wells up and choke me. It is not that bad to experience it with sober time under the belt, but I remember that as my ultimate sign that I HAD to drink.

This October is going great so far. Have a lot more time for myself. And I want to work with these choked emotions and move on. Time for recovery!

Happy Tuesday

[Byrdlady]

What a day!
I pulled a muscle in my neck and it hurts like a banshee. Its keeping me awke so Im exhausted. This dang storm is making a bee line to us so we started moving some stuff in from the porches. I hit my toe on a nail that was coming up and broke the skin open on my second toe. Took my mind off my neck.
I have a ro-bo call session at work tomorrow, was going to do it on Friday but will be evacuating so moved it up. I dread it. What a week it has been...but at NO time have I considered AL as a solution. What a blessed relief.
Stay strong all! If I can do it, I know you can!! Byrdie