Newbies Nest

[Justme Again]

Oh, LC - it was a choice between roasted meat or barbecue yourself. But when a bunch of people cancelled the remaining had to decide the one or the other. The holiday resort would roast a whole sheep at a costly price per head. I knew my kids would run around all day and eat crap, so it would be a waste. And it was a whole weekend which made it costly enough.
The head girl/ organizer (who thinks the sun shines brightly out of her arse) called for a group vote. So I said no, no,no, you cannot force people to pay for food they don't want because the group shrank. Cannot "vote" on it.
The poor soul was offended and I informed her that I get offended too when people try to get money out of my pocket to get what they want.
After that it wasn't worth talking to me anymore, which I preferred.
We barbecued!
Half way through the evening a storm ran through the party place. Fires got wet. Probably my fault too. I organized the storm. Just a big mess!! People didn't eat much and got so drunk!! I left early with the kids.

There is about 4 couples that comes from this school group. My ex and I are one of them, sort of.
What really got to me was that they would try very hard to seperate us. God forbid we ever sort out our differences.
First night they phoned 3 times to get him to meet up at the restaurant while we made dinner at the camp site. He left at 11 for one drink and fell into the tent 3 am. Wasted.
Second night they partied till 4am. He was useless to me and the kids on Sunday.

This "reunion" was an opportunity to spend a whole weekend with old wounds.

They get the best of him and I get the hungover mess. It was my married life. I thoroughly remembered why I decided to get divorced.

Fuck, it hurts!!! To be second in line for love and loyalty.

I remember I gave up after my son's birth. I joined the party! We would get so wasted that we couldn't drive home with our babies. Waking up in his friend's house, so hungover I wanted to die and not really able to care for my babies... but, hey, 2 drinks later and I was ok again. Bad, BAD memories!

I had a drinking problem before we even started dating. But picking someone who suited my addiction nearly killed me.

Phew! Its out! Everything I didn't want to think, remember or type.

Sooo, soooo, sooooooo glad I am sober now!!

[Guitarista]

Hiya nesters,

Good work on the meditation Kensho. I'm a lightweight coming in at 6mins med preceeded by once through sun salutation yoga, but for now it's about daily practice (first thing every morning) of these 2 gr8 things in a way i can handle and ain't too overwhelming. I make sure i have my morning coffee after this def not before a meditation.

Sounding good there JVo! Hope ur having an easy day.

Yo SL! Good to see you.

A few classes/study here this week and have checked me head. It says all good g man. Big waves to Elsie, JUstme and y'all to come.

[mywayin]

getting rid of my ego and doing something that makes me feel good about myself, and about everything else - day 1 (again!)

Me too, Day 1. Let's be quit partners...😀

[scottish lass]

Deal mywayin! Happy to have a partner.
Had a wee weep after posting, ashamed I am back - how crazy that I care more about what others think of me than I do for my own sanity!
Feeling a bit relieved now that I am no longer lurking.
LC - that was just it - not bad enough to need to be back, I can handle it - right??? WRONG! And so don't want to go back to the very start. I know how good things can be, not sure why I am mucking around with it!
Love your list j-vo!

[starty]

Hi SL and Myway. Glad you are both back in for the ride. I too fell after a looong time and thought I could manage alone. I cant, and it really helps once we all accept that. My ego was bruised too but that is a pointless worry. The main thing is to start again, be humble and gentle about ourselves.
Welcome back

[Justme Again]

Wow, just got through everything I missed in the Nest.

Really, really good posts.

And sorry for the hardships of some Nesters.

J-vo - would you consider starting a thread : "I wish I could drink so that..." ? It helps when one look at it that way. Thought it was great.

[Byrdlady]

Good evening, Nesters!
Long day! Not sure how much business will come from this tradeshow, but it cant hurt. I ate so much, yuck.
SL! Great to see you back. Its safe to say that AL has made all of us regretful. It certainly made a fool of me. Getting it completely out of my life has been the best decision Ive ever made. Settle in and know that you are among people who understand!

Stay strong, everyone, I promise, its worth it! Byrdie

[j-vo]

Great to see you back SL! Let's do this thing and surrender to Al.

Thanks LC. Glad to be on this journey with you chicks again.

Welcome Myway in. Listen to the the wise words of so many long timers here. Read as much as you can and post as much as you can.

Just got home from taking son back to college. So glad he's close!

I'm about ready to fall over. Good night.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Welcome back SL & Myway - you both know the nest is the place to be when you need a tune up so stick around for a while.
Letting AL squirm it's way back into our lives is always a disaster as far as I'm concerned. We don't need it if we truly want to live our best lives

Justme, that sounded like the reunion from hell, sorry.
I wanted invited to a class reunion this coming weekend - no thanks!! I am happier living in the present, ha ha!

Byrdie, stop eating now, Lol

Hello to everyone checking in & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Wow, sure do hate it when I spend time writing a long-ish post with comments to loads of people, only to be logged out due to time, and then lose my whole post

I'll try again, but I'm sure I'm gonna miss a few I wanted to reply to.

JustMe - I agree with others, sounds like the reunion from hell. Sorry you had to endure all the multiple challenges therein, but so proud of you for declining (repeatedly) the bottle put in your face. Sometimes seeing others act like total PITAs while drinking is just what I need to reinforce my own quit - did you get any strength from the reminders of what you DON'T want to do or be? Yes, it most definitely does hurt to feel like (or to be) second in line. Sorry to hear all of the painful reminders this weekend brought back for you.

Kensho - thanks for sharing about your new meditation practice. Good stuff in your thought process - especially the "what do I really want" part. Sometimes, as J-Vo said, that might be the immediate and tangible piece of chocolate. Other times, we can find a few moments of peace to dig deep and touch base with our true wants and wishes. Love how you're going about it, and look forward to hearing how things unfold.

SL - glad you're back, although sorry to hear about the fall. I'm another who has come back to the nest after falling hard. You're right, a big piece of this whole process has to be setting aside ego. You said an important thing - you did so many things while not drinking. Hang on to that as part of your motivation, and strap yourself back into the nest!

LC - It really resonated with me when I read your words about surrendering, about giving up the fight with yourself. I hadn't thought of it that way, but I believe that's the point I've finally reached as well. There's something different about this quit for me, and perhaps you've just hit on why. I'll have to mull that over a bit, and I thank you for sharing this wisdom. Sorry about the party pooper song though! But great job with a flat full of teenagers!!!

J-vo - glad to hear you had such a clear-headed start to the week!

Byrdie - hope your trade show turns out well for you. At least you won't be drinking in your room like you said you used to do!

Good night in the nest to NS, Ava, Lav, G-man, Pav, and all the others I know I'm forgetting!

[wagmor]

So, I had this surprising (and fortunately fleeting) thought today... I'm alone in the house for a few nights while spouse and kids are away at outdoor school, and I found myself thinking I could have a few drinks and "nobody would know." I was shocked by the thought, as Ive been doing very well with this quit and am really not very tempted to drink. Fortunately, I swatted that thought away immediately. I told myself that I would bloody well know, and that so would all of you cuz I'd have to come clean. I don't think there was ever any real danger that I'd drink tonight, but wow did it shock me to have those thoughts sneak in so quickly - like a sneaker wave at the beach that you never see coming. It woke me up pronto - I cannot rest in this journey, must stay vigilant and keep my mental guard up.

Anyone else ever experienced this? Any other tactics for preventing those sneaker thoughts or swatting them away when they arise?

[available]

Evening nesters

Lav i hope your daughter is on the mend and she is not overworking you. Children always want their mum when sick.

Wow Just sounds like a great reunion NOT but you made it through and have come out stronger than before. I hate that people assume that all people drink, there are a few dedicated to not drinking. Showing respect is always novel. I was married to a man like yours, i remember thinking one day if i cant beat him i may as well join him and thus my drinking career began in ernest. He has not changed over the years and i am so glad my ex best friend has got him, they never ever change or grow up. Thank god we do and that shows who is the smarter one. Letting go of the guilt and shame is a step forward. You did what you did, you regret it and now you move on. It worked for me and it hurts to think what we did but we cant hold onto that hurt if we want to move forward. You are a good person, never forget that.

J, glad to hear the wedding went well, a first done and dusted, it can only get better. I hope you had a lovely time with your son on his visit. As time goes on your anxiety will lessen. I always needed to get everything done 5 mins before i asked or wanted, now its controllable but i think it is just me also and i just have to live with it, we all have our idiosyncracies.

Welcome back SL, just realising you dont need al is a great start and you know you can do this. What is important is what you want and think, we are here to support you.

Hi Myway, nice to see you back. keep on here and you cant go wrong.

LC what a horrible aunt and its sad that that is what you remember. Good thing it is not you now.

Wags, i used to think i could drink if i was alone in the house but as you said "you would know". You would fail yourself. I spent so much time talking to myself i thought i would go nuts but working it out in your own mind seemed to me to be logical. that al voice used to drive me insane but no insanity now except just normal insane me. Now if i am alone never a thought of a drink crosses my mind. God forbid i would come on here and say i drank, that is my biggest fear of letting the nest down and letting myself down.

Things are good here at the moment, weather could be so much better but it will come. Children are ok, lymph nodes were the culprit for his lump but now he has the flu. Boy/man flu poor tot. he is my baby!. My friends ex is now on dialysis. It seems that they fix something and something else breaks down. All due to drinking. He is scared now and very worried that he will die. I still hope it is not too late but things are not looking good and he is 40 with a 6 year old daughter. Alcohol sux.

Take care x

[Darkest Diamonds]

I am glad to be here. I have a lot of things to sort out. This forum is the best place for me. Sending love to all. DDxxx

[tonyniceday]

Hi Guys

I am trying to work out why the hell I think I can handle a drink or even why I want one. I crashed out (again) this weekend and I am really pissed off with myself. Just had a brief read-back of the last couple of pages - it's like Wagmore said - being alone and having the opportunity - even though I could never "get away with" having a drink. I always get caught out.

I think at the moment that it is because I got to 100 plus days and that was, deep down, the goal and I know I need to re-incentivise myself and get this gone for good.

I hate this addiction. - Onwards and upwards.

[Guitarista]

100 days is massive Tony. remember how good you felt? i recall the joy in your posts. we are all so similar with regards to AL abuse. Day 1 will be over before you know it.

Hi DD! Hi Ava!