Newbies Nest

[available]

I agree with G Tony, you were so positive and you posted on here every day and the Army. When left to our own devices us alkies we will pick al over everything. We can be as disappointed with yourself and ashamed but at the end of the day only you can get back on here and do what worked for you before. I want to see that damn garden done and one wonky gate not anymore.

[tonyniceday]

Hi

Well I've decided to go right back to square one and do what I did before so I've put myself back on the Antabuse - it's the only way I know how to kick this off right because the dose I have would be in my system for 2 days so any drink in that time would have horrible consequences. As long as I continue to take it I know I can't have a drink even if I want one. It may be cheating a bit - but hey ho it'll do for now.

[j-vo]

Tony, whatever works for you, do it. It's not cheating. It's a tool that has worked before. Glad you're back right away.

Wagmor, that thought...it's just that. A thought. Thoughts come and go all day long. I've learned that if you don't focus on the thought, it'll fade away. Don't give it any attention. Create a diversion if you have a thought, but don't try to fight it, as it loves attention. I really don't think we should be shocked that these thoughts show up in our heads. It's what we do with the thoughts that matters. Have you read the thread "relapse in retrospect?" Great read. It's in the general discussion area.

DD, glad you're here, too.

Ava, yes, visit was great. It's so comforting to know he can come home when he wants, even if he doesn't. But we've seen him a few times this past month and it feels good. Oh, the man-flu! We know how that goes...hope he's feeling better. Sorry about your friend, and soooo young with a little one. Another good example of how this beast can take our lives.

Here's to a great Tuesday.

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Tony,

Good job with the decision to get back on the Antabuse. I don't think that's cheating at all. If that's what works for you, stick with it until the alcohol has released its insidious grip. Then you can start looking at a longer-term solution. Every day you're sober is a GREAT day!! Hang in there, man.

ThirdTimesACharm

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Morning Nesters,

I just wanted to say a huge thank you for making this community what it is. These last 11 days would have been very lonely without you all. Without being able to read all your stories, your day-to-day struggles, your triumphs and tribulations. Knowing that there are so many that are going through, and have gone through, what I'm experiencing right now is really helpful and so motivating.

I haven't told anyone in person of my quit - not even my wife. I am sure she must have noticed, but it's not something we have talked about yet. I imagine she doesn't want to get her hopes up. We have an 18 month old son who is the most amazingly funny, playful and happy little guy I have ever known. And while my drinking may have caused me to miss out on much of his life so far, I know I will not miss another moment.

If you have a moment today, please share something in your life that you're incredibly thankful for. I'd love to read all your positive and uplifting thoughts. Sometimes when I'm feeling down, I just take a few minutes to write down all the things I am thankful for, and it makes me realize just how fortunate I am, and it puts the stressors in perspective - it often changes my whole day.

Have a great day everyone. We are all lucky to be here.

ThirdTimesACharm

[starty]

Hi TTC and everyone.

I am incredibly thankful for so many things. Even things that piss me off sometimes like my job. I am mostly thankful that I have got back on the wagon and I have the chance to create such a good life for myself that is being true to me and not some fictional character that arises when I use or drink. Right now that is what I am most grateful for.

[NoSugar]

So, I had this surprising (and fortunately fleeting) thought today... I'm alone in the house for a few nights while spouse and kids are away at outdoor school, and I found myself thinking I could have a few drinks and "nobody would know." I was shocked by the thought, as Ive been doing very well with this quit and am really not very tempted to drink. Fortunately, I swatted that thought away immediately. I told myself that I would bloody well know, and that so would all of you cuz I'd have to come clean. I don't think there was ever any real danger that I'd drink tonight, but wow did it shock me to have those thoughts sneak in so quickly - like a sneaker wave at the beach that you never see coming. It woke me up pronto - I cannot rest in this journey, must stay vigilant and keep my mental guard up.

Anyone else ever experienced this? Any other tactics for preventing those sneaker thoughts or swatting them away when they arise?

I have that thought often, Wagmore, when I realize I'm going to be Home Alone with No Commitments and suspect I always will. I'm conditioned to after all those years of practice :eek-new:. It doesn't mean anything, though, and the thought passes almost as quickly as it popped up if I let it.

I used to analyze thoughts like that and wonder if they meant I was heading for a relapse and Oh No, what am I doing wrong, and what are the million reasons I shouldn't drink and on and on and on. The more attention I gave the idea, the more it would start to seem inevitable if not now, then soon. Thoughts like that made me think I was doomed. Now I'm conditioned to respond with the thought "I don't drink" and simply move on. Once you've surrendered to that idea, there is no battle. We need to stay aware but we can relax. This is one of the things in life where you'll gain strength (and peace) by giving up.

[Byrdlady]

Tony, hate is a good place to start! I hate AL, too and it took a while to get to that place. I thought I loved it and couldnt live without it. I thought it actually helped me. I thought it made me more social and relaxed. It took a while, but AL is the total opposite of what I thought it represented. Instead of giving me anything, it sucked everything out of me. I do not need or want AL in my life ever again. We can help you get there, too. Stick close and do what made you successful the first time.

As I was working that trade show yesterday, there was a produce salesman across from me so during the slow times, he and the lady selling soup next to him would huddle with me. Thru the curtain behind her, they were selling the energy tea. So they gave her several cans and she wanted to share with us. I declined as I was already hyped up on coffee, she said that the lemon lime one would be good with vodka. I made a face. The produce guy said he hadnt had a drink in 16 years. Woke up one day and said "That's it". I didnt get into the details of his quit at all, but thats pretty much how it goes. Enough. No more. It is a decision. Once made, on to other things!

I hope everyone has an easy day....on to my next hotel. Byrdie

[abcowboy]

Tony, I’d never heard of drugs like Antabuse or Baclofen before I joined this site. And to be honest, when I first read about them I thought they were the “get rich quick” kind of thing for sobriety. For the people looking for the easy way out, for the people not willing to do the work. Why did people look to drugs when so many before them got sober without? I don’t think that way anymore…

We all need something to believe in, something that will finally get the quit to stick! If it’s Antabuse, Baclofen, or whatever, then I’m all for it! Most people know that I consider that God is the reason that I’m sober, but I guess it wasn’t God who got me sober, but I believe it was Him who gave me the strength and courage to get through each day, and He still does. But, that’s just my belief. Ask 100 recovering alcoholics why they are sober today and you won’t get just one answer, you’ll get many answers! And to me that’s a great thing, if one thing doesn’t work for someone, there’s lots of other things to try. So whatever it is you use to try and get sober, it isn’t cheating because it still comes down to you, you’re the one that has to do the work. Everything else just gives you what you need to get the work done.


The thing I'm most thankful for is the freedom I've gained from sobriety, freedom to do the right things everyday, the freedom to make up my own mind about things, alcohol used to do those things...

[NoSugar]

LC - that was just it - not bad enough to need to be back, I can handle it - right??? WRONG! And so don't want to go back to the very start. I know how good things can be, not sure why I am mucking around with it!

Hi, SL, It is good to see you. You might be back to day 2 in terms of continuous days AF but nothing takes away the periods of sobriety you've experienced. You KNOW what it possible and you KNOW what you want. Now you're pushing aside that stupid ego that trips us every time so that you can get it. Welcome back! :heart: NS

[ThirdTimesACharm]

So, I had this surprising (and fortunately fleeting) thought today... I'm alone in the house for a few nights while spouse and kids are away at outdoor school, and I found myself thinking I could have a few drinks and "nobody would know." I was shocked by the thought, as Ive been doing very well with this quit and am really not very tempted to drink. Fortunately, I swatted that thought away immediately. I told myself that I would bloody well know, and that so would all of you cuz I'd have to come clean. I don't think there was ever any real danger that I'd drink tonight, but wow did it shock me to have those thoughts sneak in so quickly - like a sneaker wave at the beach that you never see coming. It woke me up pronto - I cannot rest in this journey, must stay vigilant and keep my mental guard up.

Anyone else ever experienced this? Any other tactics for preventing those sneaker thoughts or swatting them away when they arise?

This is exactly my weakness too. Reading your post makes me confident that if/when that opportunity arises, I will be able to let the thought evaporate as quickly as it arrived.

[paulywogg]

Cowboy, I'm glad you changed your mind on thinking meds like antabuse are an easy way out,it's not,people still have to get into a non-drinking mindset or else the consequences of drinking on abtabuse can be really bad, it a not a crutch or an easy way out,it's just a little enforcement and obviously if someone is taking it they're trying to do everything and anything to kick the hell out of the al prison

[wagmor]

NS, Ava and J-vo - I love what you said about not fighting the thoughts of "I can drink cuz I'm alone (or whatever)" - not engaging with them because that gives them energy. Great advice. I think that's actually what I did yesterday and why I was able to swat the thought away with relative ease. Make it non-negotiable, I don't drink. I know I've learned that before, and yet here I am learning it again. Seems to be kind of a spiral, this AF path we're all on. Glad to hear your insights, as this will help me when those thoughts arise in the future. Been meaning to check out the relapse in retro thread - will do that today!

Ava - Sorry to hear that your son is sick - hope he feels better soon! Do the test results re lymph nodes mean that he'll be ok after this flu passes? Sad news about your friend on dialysis as well. AL does nothing but take take take - this is a somber reminder about what we risk each and every time we choose to drink. Sounds like you are staying strong through everything. :hug:

ThirdTime - I think the comments from NS, Jvo, Ava and others are essential - don't engage with those thoughts as it just gives them strength. Join me in checking out the relapse in retrospect thread? We can help each other if/when those temptations arise.

Love your request that we share things we're grateful for. I look forward to posting about that this evening.

Tony - I wouldn't say it's cheating at all. That's not you saying that to yourself, it's AL trying to undermine your efforts to help yourself. Use all the tools you've got! Glad you're jumping right back in the nest.

[KENSHO]

Quick check in here.

Third Time, I am SO thankful to have the family I have. I am surrounded by truly good people and was raised by energetic, dedicated, hard-working, creative, patient parents. SO thankful to have had their influence!

Off to work, I will catch up more later, but I wanted to be here and accountable.

[NoSugar]

Seems to be kind of a spiral, this AF path we're all on.

I like to think of it as a spiral, rather than a circle of recovery.

We don't have to be content with going back round to being the person we were before we became addicted - we have the opportunity to learn, grow, and evolve upwards and outwards, becoming people who don't have the mistaken idea that we need something from the outside to be okay. It is hard to believe, but I think we all can benefit from having had this experience if we choose to let it be the springboard to awareness and growth.