Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Uh Oh! I can't remember who asked about making amends. For now, I would let that go and focus on your sobriety. I think when we begin to worry about others in our fragile state, we've already put too much on our plate. Take care of yourself. Like someone said (sorry, so many posts), I think in time your actions will speak much louder than words. Although maybe later you'll be ready for that. Take care.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Looks like it was another busy day in the nest - wonderful

Kensho, I am glad you checked in & I hope those nasty thoughts are history now. Here I am pushing 8 years AF & I have an occasional drinking thought too BUT I don't let the thought hang around. I recognize it as the BS it is & push it out of my head. Distraction has always been an important tool for me. It works every single time, give it a try

MrV, that story about the Kindergarten teacher was very sad indeed. I hope when 'normal drinkers' read it they can begin to understand that addiction does have root causes & is not simply a character flaw. That concept is extremely difficult to explain in a way that people can understand.

I think our friends & loved ones will understand if we don't immediately fall on our knees & offer apologies for past behaviors. I think they appreciate the new & improved, healthier AF you

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[tonyniceday]

Hi Nest
Just checking in at the end of day 2... G-Man ... what you say is so right about how we look at ourselves. I think it's so hard NOT to put yourself down and to look at yourself negatively sometimes.
Kensho... all I can say is that I acted on those thoughts. I regret that so much now and I think that had I come on here at the time of those thoughts, or got off my arse and gone for a walk with the dogs, or done anything else then I would not now be back at the Beginning!!

Ava... my thoughts are with you. I know, only too well, what it is like when you get towards the end with a dog, who has been such a huge part of your life for so long...

Well it's now Thursday (just) goodnight all... see you ĺater

[Byrdlady]

Hang in there, Kensho. Drinking AT issues just makes them worse. I wrote the book on that one. I have been overwhelmed at work, too, but drinking isnt going to make anyone buy more or make me more productive. In fact, I cant think of a more destructive thing to do or anything that would sabbotage the hard work Ive done more! The only way out of this anxiety is to soldier right thru it. If all else fails, remember how you felt last time you surrendered....it didnt taste good, you found NO relief and things were MORE stressful! Dont listen to the lies!
Remember the kindergaten teacher and remember the friend of Ava's who is only 40 years old in the hospital fighting for his life. We are no different from those folks, just maybe a little further down the scale.....hang in there!!!

Had a great meeting today with a potential new customer. Fingers crossed!!

Ok, who's gonna tell Mr G that ThirdTimesACharm doesnt translate to 3T? Its 2 T's and a C.....:/

[KENSHO]

Oh my god, I love you guys. You know exactly what to say to me. Thank you. I stopped working, got my hands into some raw chicken and fresh herbs and then picked up the kids - their smiles can be like medicine. It WILL all work out is right, and a break won't hurt the project. Y'all are some of the most real, honest, and empathetic people I know . Thanks for being there fur me! :heartbeat:

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Oh my god, I love you guys. You know exactly what to say to me. Thank you. I stopped working, got my hands into some raw chicken and fresh herbs and then picked up the kids - their smiles can be like medicine. It WILL all work out is right, and a break won't hurt the project. Y'all are some of the most real, honest, and empathetic people I know . Thanks for being there fur me! :heartbeat:

Woo hoo! Great job Kensho!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Way to go, Kensho. There IS some great advice here always.

LC - PERFECTIONISM! That was a strong reason for my drinking. Interestingly, drinking always made me feel worse in that regard, as I was always worried what people thought of me when I over drank at parties and in other public settings. The serenity prayer (I am not religious either) has REALLY meant a lot to me. Accept what I cannot change - that doesn't only apply to drinking. In particular, I can't change the ways in which other people act and react. I can't make everyone like me (I sure tried for a good portion of my life), or make everyone's reactions to MY crap be the way I want them to be. What an awakening I have had. I have no control over others. Not only did that save me some worry time, it helped my marriage as I realized that I can't actually change my husband. That was a relief, actually, to not worry about being perfect in everyone's eyes. Accept what I can't change.

Ava - my thoughts are with you and Mads. I am glad your daughter can be there with you. Thank goodness you aren't drinking.

G - More pearls from down under. You sound great.

Hi, everyone. So many great posts. Thanks for being here for me.

Pav

[available]

Afternoon nesters

Just a check in to say Mads is in ICU, of course her condition kind of got better when we got to the vets and then she had a breathing attack. Her heart murmur is more a loud freight train now so they want to do tests and due to her age she will go to ICU. I just looked at my daughter and cried, i so dont want to lose her but i know life is life. Today Robert has been gone 10 months and i did mention to him he does not need maddison for company as yet. They are a wonderful vet hospital and i have a great deal of faith in them. So fingers crossed and i will find out tomorrow what is happening.

Thank you for your thoughts, it means a lot and i know you all have my back.

Take care and great job kensho. I know a drink will fix nothing in my life.

xx

[Guitarista]

Fingers crossed Ava. Keep us posted on Mads. Take good care of you at this difficult time and you have plenty of support here.

[j-vo]

Ava, thoughts are with you. I hope Mads gets through this. :hug:

Today, a good friend of ours is undergoing brain surgery. He's in the Cleveland Clinic. He's been sick for over six months, and they've finally made a diagnosis. He's 48, has three kids, and one of them is my son's roommate. He was son's baseball coach for 10 years. It's on my mind, so I thought I'd just write this. He's a wonderful guy and I pray that they can fix him.

So I was thinking...last week I made it the full week to work. It wasn't easy, but I did it. This week, I'm on the same road. I'm gonna make a second full week, and that would never happen if I were drinking. Is it easy. Nope. Is it tiring? Yep. Yesterday, I realized that I could have never gotten through without a breakdown in the bathroom had I been drinking. Up at 5, lost my lunch because I had to cover another teacher, faculty meeting after work, and to boot, I went to my sister's house where she was babysitting her grandson, my great nephew, to visit because I hadn't seen him since mom passed. I had one break yesterday at 9 a.m. And went through the rest of the day until I got home at 6. Could I have done that if I were drinking? No way. I know that I would have lost my mind, crying (although at one point, I wanted to but felt a bit stronger than I normally am) and I would have cancelled on seeing my beautiful, sweet great nephew becuase I would have been rushing home to drink. I got to play with this angel of a boy who is 9 months old, laughing, crawling around with him (my knees ache), playing peek-a-boo, looking in the mirror with him, watching a ceiling fan (wow, that's amazing...!). So simple, so enjoyable. As I lay in bed last night (I didn't make it past 8:30 p.m.) I realized how great the day was even though it was hectic, exhausting, but so fulfilling. I'm laying in bed so grateful that I was going to sleep peacefully, and not passing out, dreading the next day.

Thanks for listening.

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Available - I hope Mads recovers. My thoughts are with you. At least you have a clear head to process it all.

Pavati - Your comments on perfectionism and control hit very close to home for me. I have so much work to do in that area (I'm not perfect at it yet lol)

J-vo - Congrats on the full and busy week at work! I think keeping busy is what seems to work well for a lot of us. It's so funny you mentioned your little one's ceiling fan fascination. Our 18-month old toddler does a full "inventory" of all our ceiling fans every day. He walks around the house pointing at them all, letting us know if they are on or off. Very helpful! :-)

I didn't sleep well last night at all. I blame the Presidential debate. Woke up feeling groggy and my first confused thought was "Oh god, how much did I drink?". For a brief second or two I had forgotten I had stopped drinking and I was robotically going through my old morning routine of questioning myself about what I had had to drink, who I had offended, how many hateful emails did I send, where did I hide the empties. And then I fully woke up and - MY GOD THE RELIEF KNOWING I AM 12 DAYS SOBER!!! I can't tell you the pure JOY I felt when I realized I didn't have a hangover - I just didn't sleep well and all is good.

I'm going to hang on to that feeling of euphoria for a while, and try to recall it when I hear the little devil telling me I deserve a drink.

Have a wonderful Thursday everyone!!

ThirdTimesACharm (TTAC, TTC, 3TAC, 3T - it don't matter)

[Mr Vervill]

Hi all,
Sending love and strength your way Ava.
Just want to let you know I am grateful for everyone here.

[Mr Vervill]

J-vo, sorry about your friend, but he's in good hands at the Cleveland Clinic, one of the best places in the world for Neurosurgery. I have a family friend who practiced Neurosurgery there, but he's now retired. Strength to you and yours.

[NoSugar]

Kensho... all I can say is that I acted on those thoughts. I regret that so much now and I think that had I come on here at the time of those thoughts, or got off my arse and gone for a walk with the dogs, or done anything else then I would not now be back at the Beginning!!

You're not at the beginning, Tony. You've learned a lot in the time you've been here and a night or a week or a month of drinking doesn't take that away. It affects your brain and nervous system, meaning you have to do the re-wiring again, but you now know that it is possible and that you can do it. That is power.

It seems like most everyone who is struggling is feeling the impulse to f-it and take a drink. When I read that a common characteristic of alcoholics is that they act on impulse, I used that to confirm that there was no way I was one because I am one of the least impulsive people on this planet! But... that is with everything except alcohol. Once I had started trying to quit, my first drink of the day was always an f-it, I'll start tomorrow GULP - often straight from the bottle or box.

One thing I've gained from an understanding of the 3 principles, is that it is never a good idea to make an important decision from a low state of mind. For an addict, deciding to drink alcohol is a life-changing choice and should never be made lightly or impulsively. And when a person is saying f-it, it is a clue that the state of mind is very low. It is a time to step back, quiet down, and let your thoughts settle before making a choice. Calling a friend or posting on MWO is a great way to to allow that to happen as is taking a walk or simply sitting and breathing. The key is to allow the time for your thoughts to change. And they will.

I'm so happy for you that you were able to do that last evening, Kensho. xx, NS

[Overit-still]

Good morning. I can't really read through the post except to say KENSHO, I'm glad you made it through. Thanks for posting and showing us how it's supposed to be done.

Good day everyone!