Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

It is a time to step back, quiet down, and let your thoughts settle before making a choice. Calling a friend or posting on MWO is a great way to to allow that to happen as is taking a walk or simply sitting and breathing. The key is to allow the time for your thoughts to change. And they will.

I'm so happy for you that you were able to do that last evening, Kensho. xx, NS

Hi Nest. NS, that is exactly what I did. I was frustrated and weary from this project, but I stopped, changed my actions to something that nurtures my family, hung out with my dog, and changed my energy. I can't every forget that those low mind sets can be altered with simple things like a phone call, a change of environment, putting on some music, walking outside, etc. Of course, I'm so glad I didn't let those drinking thoughts get the best of me - I would be so disappointed now. Talk about low state of mind! But now, I'm about to log in my next 10 min. meditation, walk the dog, and look at my portfolio to remember that I'm not a terrible designer. Then I'll jump back in with a fresh mind set and hopefully get something done!

Ava, sorry to hear about your pooch. Let us know how she is!

Tony, I agree with NS that while in one way you are at the beginning, you are armed with experience and knowledge - you aren't a newbie. Keep thinking like your sober self and you will rack up the days in no time. I'm already halfway to where I was before! Think strong, non-drinker thoughts, and you will be too. And the morning joy - isn't that the most awesome feeling?!

JVO, thoughts with you and your friend. What a week! Good for you - but take it easy this week, huh?

Hang in there everyone. It's so amazing to me that we all KNOW in our rational minds that alcohol will only hurt us, we all have such strong urges. That's a pretty powerful and dangerous substance. So glad I am free of it.

[abcowboy]

This morning while I was at the other forum I belong to I read something that made me sit back and think. Did I really believe it? This fellow is the Byrdlady of WQK, he takes a very hard stance on alcohol and abstinence. I take the same stance as most of you know, but I’m not sure I agree with his statement….

Remember, every relapse, no matter how small undoes the gains your brain has made during recovery. Without abstinence everything will fall apart. With abstinence everything is possible.

Do we really lose the gains we made with whatever AF time we had? No one can take away those days, we did them and should be proud of them. Were they a waste if we slip or relapse? On one hand I don’t think so as we proved to ourselves that we can get by without drinking but it is a double edged sword because on the other hand, each time we slip or relapse our AV will convince us that it’s okay, you quit once, you can do it again if you really need too….

It is a statement though that would make me think twice about picking up a drink again, am I willing to lose everything I’ve gained just because I think I need or deserve a drink….

[ThirdTimesACharm]

....Do we really lose the gains we made with whatever AF time we had?

100% absolutely not. This is my third time trying to quit for good. I learnt so much the first two times and I think both those times were necessary for me to be successful this time around. Looking back, I can honestly say I wasn't ready before now. I wasn't ready to make the changes necessary - in many ways I didn't realize changes were even necessary, and secretly I knew both times were only a temporary quit.

This time is completely different. I know I will never drink again, ever. Some might describe this as my "finally hitting rock bottom". I prefer to see it as a decades-long journey of education and awareness. I certainly could have gone a lot lower than I did, but I chose to dig myself out before it got that bad.

Remember - every day we spend sober is one less day we spend drunk.

ThirdTimesACharm

[wagmor]

Ava - hugs to you as you wait to see how Mads will respond. :hug:

Kensho - Great job on redirecting yourself and making the choice not to drink!

NS - What you said in your post about acting on impulse sure rings true for me. So much so that I have made a deal with myself that if I reach the point where I'm deciding to drink (or lots of other impulsive decisions actually), I will wait 30 minutes and see if the impulse passes. 99% of the time that's all it takes. With Al, I've promised myself a minimum of 3 rounds of 30 minutes. Sometimes I make myself wait a day ("If you still feel like having a drink tomorrow, we'll deal with it then") - and when I stick to this bargain, I never drink. The impulse always passes.

Jvo - Congrats on your good week and the very good day you had yesterday. Thanks so much for sharing your thought processes and the joys you experienced but would have missed if drinking.

Byrdie - those sales will come, just keep at it!

[Guitarista]

Good friday morning from upside down land.

Thinking of you and Mads Ava. :hug:

AB, i reckon Tri fella and you make good points.

Take it easy out there. day 69 Yeah!

[Justme Again]

Morning Mr G! Just about midnight here, so yeah, finally friday!

Kensho - proud of you girl!!

Ava - sorry you have to go through something like that with your dog. Hope it turns out ok. Living in the guest house this week and miss my doggie so much I bought him pigs ears and will give it to him on Sunday. Those little creatures play a big part in our lifes.

Pav - yes, yes, the surrender and the relief! I am an alcoholic. No more reasons, other side of the arguments, wondering, protecting a dirty secret. Its done. And the relief is almost like a new drug. High on the "lightness" of sobriety. It feels great not to stress about what others think of me or how to act so that they would like me.

J-vo - sounds like you are a busy sober bee! You can do so much more without the obligation to your addiction. The way you describe the interaction with your nephew shows how in the moment you were. Sad how AL keeps us preoccupied.

TTAC - I had a good giggle that you thought you woke up hungover ! My sleep in this guest house has been really crap! Stress and big decisions to make. And my eyes are RED, but I don't bother with eye drops, because I am not "guilty".

Byrdie - Really feel for you working so hard. It sucks. Wish you many good sales.

Lav - how are your daughter doing?

Off for a bit of sleep...zzz

Till later

[Justme Again]

Oh, wait...
Wanted to tell that in the last 24 hrs I shared that I quit drinking with two friends that I had roaring drunk times with.

Friend #1 is a normie (but likes a party) and asked why. Think he was probing for addiction answers, but my excuse was " when I started working so much and I feel much better without AL". He accepted it and it was over in under a minute.

Friend #2 is like us. I told him. He wasn't glad or sad, but said when he reaches a,b,c in his life he will stop.

It was interesting. Feels good to say it and bring my sobriety into old friendships.

[Justme Again]

NS & AB - I agree that all is not lost with a relapse. It is practice runs towards the quit that will stick. I just know out of experience that if a relapse is looong, the AL use is worse which can totally overshadow the progress made during a sober time.

[scottish lass]

Very quick check in - busy couple days and more busy days to come - excuse for a reward, probably but not that kind! Maybe some flowers???

[j-vo]

. One thing I've gained from an understanding of the 3 principles, is that it is never a good idea to make an important decision from a low state of mind. For an addict, deciding to drink alcohol is a life-changing choice and should never be made lightly or impulsively. And when a person is saying f-it, it is a clue that the state of mind is very low. It is a time to step back, quiet down, and let your thoughts settle before making a choice. Calling a friend or posting on MWO is a great way to to allow that to happen as is taking a walk or simply sitting and breathing. The key is to allow the time for your thoughts to change. And they will.

Well, from my positive and feeling good post this morning to a low point. My sister had texted me at work and told me to call her when I can. So as soon as the kids left, I called. My Dad is in the hospital in Philly, across the state. He left my house on Monday, went to visit his brother who has advanced cancer in Harrisburg, then went to my other sister's house in Philly yesterday. Well, he's had weakness in his legs, and high blood pressure. We got him to the docs and for a few weeks he's been on a higher blood pressure med. It's still be up and down, as he's been taking his own blood pressure at home. Well, when he went to my sister's house in philly, she hadn't seen him in a few weeks. He didn't look good. They went to a few CVS's to take his BP, and it wasn't good. She took him to the hospital, and they asked him about his symptoms besides the high blood pressure. Unbeknownst to my sisters and I, he rattled off that his legs have been very weak, shortness of breath, blurry vision, heart pain in front and back of his chest. He never mentioned this to me or my other sister that live here on this side of the state. We did know about the weak legs and I witnessed his difficulty in walking up my front steps. Yes, it concerned me. I attributed it to my mom's loss, stress...Well, he went through a CT scan and it showed something abnormal in the lower left quadrant of his brain. They admitted him after that and did a series of other tests that we don't have results for just yet. Then he had an MRI a few hours ago. He'll have another CT tomorrow. Why am I giving you all of this background info? Because this is what happened to me...

I acted on impulse, or almost did. I started crying when I was talking with my sisters. I couldn't stop. I got so upset and worried and I began panicking. I thought of mom. ANd cried more, because mom can't be with him right now. I cried for a few hours, and I thought the whole two hours about drinking. I wanted to drink. What's the difference? I only have 11 days today. What NS said...my state of mind was very low, and is still low. I think since my mom has been sick, passed on, I've been in this low state of mind. I cried, f-it. And cried more. No better way to explain it than what you did here NS. Because that's what happened to me. But I didn't drink. I kept crying, and I didn't drink. I was thinking the other day that if something really bad happens, I don't think I'd be strong enough not to drink, as I only have such a short time in sobriety. I can't handle it right now, not after mom's long illness and her death. I'm at a really low point, and I don't know how I'll get through this if one more big thing happens. I'm scared. I want to be sober, but I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle one more thing. Wagmor, what you said too...give yourself 30 minutes, or three rounds of 30. I think that's what happened to me. After that amount of time in which I cried, couldn't get control of myself, I almost didn't need to drink. It's like I cried out the urge or something.

Ok, I'm exhausted now. Again, thanks for listening.

[Byrdlady]

J-vo, I hate to hear about your dad. Gosh, you have had your share of trials. Im so happy that you were able to take a step back and regain yourself. All of our thoughts and prayers will be with you. Hugs dear lady.

Cowboy, that guy on your other forum IS hardcore. There's just no question about it, relapses suck. Id like to think that if we learn something from each one, that all is not lost. I operate out of fear, I do not want to find out any more about relapse, I had my fill.

Thirds, I like the way you think.

NS! You ALWAYS have the right words, we are so lucky to be sharing this journey with you.
Work is nuts. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Geez J-vo, so sorry anout all the stress. Please be kind to yourself & remember to breathe. We have absolutely no control over all these things that seem to happen all at once in our lives. We do have control over our reactions & responses though so just treat yourself well :hug:

Ava, I sure hope you are OK & your doggie is doing well.

Justme, my daughter is doing OK, thanks for asking. Being immobile is a huge problem though but she got a knee scooter & is making the most of a tough situation, ha ha.

SL, glad you are OK, keep your focus

Tony, nice to see you back on the sober bus with the rest of us!

Wishing the entire crew here a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[paulywogg]

((Hugs Jvo))

[Guitarista]

Hi nesters near and not so far,

Jvo, i hope your dad is as comfortable as possible and hope the docs can sort it out. I'm just a fella on a forum with 69 days sobriety, so i wouldn't give advice, but i can make some observations........

Don't forget, drinking is nothing but a quick fix. A short term band aid. That's handy if we don't have a problem with booze, but the trouble for us is, it opens the door to depression, anxiety, low self worth, zero confidence, crying and babbling, not present or functioning for ourselves and our family. The list will go on to include job loss, relationship bust up, loss of family, and more. I have come to see that more often than not, sober pain and discomfort is much better to go through than drunken pain. Less damaging and is easier to manage, but no, not easy either. hang in there champ! You're doing gr8.

[tonyniceday]

........ Don't forget, drinking is nothing but a quick fix. A short term band aid. That's handy if we don't have a problem with booze, but the trouble for us is, it opens the door to depression, anxiety, low self worth, zero confidence, crying and babbling, not present or functioning for ourselves and our family. The list will go on to include job loss, relationship bust up, loss of family, and more. I have come to see that more often than not, sober pain and discomfort is much better to go through than drunken pain .......

In my recent experience it is only perceived as a quick fix...even in the midst of that first drinking session of the relapse you know, deep down, the damage that your doing, but do it anyway. Even at the time it fixes nothing.

Also, in my recent experience, those you love who sort of tolerated your drinking for years, and were your biggest supporters through a reasonable period of sobriety, seem to lose any tolerance at all to a relapse and are far more angry over your relapse drinking than they were before you quit in the first place... maybe that's just my experience, but it adds another item or 2 to the list of things I don't want to experience again!