Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Good morning,
It feels great to wake up on a monday morning feeling good. For that, I'm so grateful. Yesterday, I got so much accomplished. Did what I said I'd do, which if I was the drinking
J-vo, wouldn't have happened.

Pav, glad you had a great weekend. I hope I can do those fun things again soon, and not think about booze, but like you all say, time is the key. I have lots of time!!

Ava, so sorry to hear of Mads regression. Crying helps, as we don't want those emotions to stir around inside of us. Let it out. Our furry friends are more than just friends.

LC, you sound great. Glad you got that much needed rest. Are you taking Spanish for pleasure or for your job? Good luck.

Have a great un-hung Monday.

[wagmor]

Good Monday morning all.

TJ - So sorry to hear this devastating news, and to be so late in responding. My heart goes out to you, your family, and the family of your future DIL. Thank you for coming back to share this story and to show us all how we CAN face life's challenges without drinking.

Ava - sending good thoughts to you and Mads as well. It's so hard to make these kinds of decisions, and you are right that it's much more do-able sober, regardless of how this turns out. I hope they figure her meds out quickly and that she has much more time to be comfortable and enjoy life with you.

LC - Hey, I'm learning Spanish too! Is yours for personal reasons or for work? Mine's a bit of both, but mostly personal. I consider myself "functional" in Spanish, meaning I can speak and understand enough to travel or to have conversations on familiar topics, but I'd like to reach a more advanced level of proficiency. Right now, when I walk by a group of native Spanish speakers who are chatting amongst themselves about who knows what, I sometimes feel like I don't know a word of it! I need to get back to my studies as well - maybe we can support each other's efforts!

Jvo, SL, Lav, Byrdie, NS, Pav, Eloise, G-man, Mr V, abcowboy, and everyone else - Sounds like we're all chugging along together. Hope you all have fantastic AF days!

Much love to this wonderful nest of ours. So glad we can all come here to share our challenges and successes. This is really a very special place, and I'm so glad to be back and snugly tucked in with all of you.

[KENSHO]

Hi Everyone. I'm feeling grateful this morning. There are so many things in my life to appreciate, and alcohol is not one of them. The sleep over at our friends house was really fun. I did find myself eyeing and thinking about the wine. I had some thoughts that were obviously alcohol being manipulative, things like "You could be a person who drinks once per year.". What kind of bullshit is that? It amazed me how inciting it is to me in that environment. Alas, I kept all of your words in mind - and Lav's usual concise but powerful statement "You are a non-drinker, end of story," and I did not drink. I was not close - just more thoughts than normal. Everyone was hungover the next morning - except me and the kids of course, and I completely enjoyed it!!! Mostly, we had a lot of fun, no alcohol required for me.

I am such a believer that what we focus on is what our life becomes. We have some challenges right now, with both our kids' sleeping, our daughter's potty habits and our son has some ongoing coordination issues that we are going to try to see an occupational therapist for. But - what FAR outweighs these challenges, is that we have each other. We live with a fair amount of security, in a safe place, with healthy food and good schools and jobs. I choose to feel grateful that I have another day to wake up and see the sun and my children's smiling faces - and that we get another day together. I recognize that is not guaranteed and I choose to cherish what I have, not what I don't. Oh, ya, I have all of you, and I have sobriety. And I choose to keep kicking ASS in that department, because life is too short to piss it away being numb.

That is all.

Have a good day!

[lifechange]

awesome post, Kensho!! I'm also such a believer.. it's amazing the difference in perspective, mind-set, gratitude, confidence, honesty while not drinking. Although I know it can catch me off guard any old time, in this moment I can't believe I ever made the choice to drink..I can't imagine wanting to block out life, with all its ups and downs. I think, like all the old-timers say, it is time that we need. We need the experience of living through situations that frighten us, cause anxiety or stress or sadness or one of celebration without our old coping/reward go-to.. learning, teaching ourselves that there are other options. It's feeling like it's getting the slightest bit easier.. today I had to do a small interview which was recorded, which I HATE and am scared to death of.. normally I would have had a drink to "calm" myself down.. then I would have been nervous that someone might smell it, my mind wouldn't have been as clear to concentrate, I would have left feeling quite insecure because I didn't have full control of my senses.. This time, I drank a nice tea, I prepared myself ahead of time, then preoccupied myself the hour before by doing busy work. And it was fine. I'm really glad you enjoyed your weekend away.. so nice to be up and about Unhung!

Ava, :hug: I'm so sorry to hear that poor little Mads is back in ICU. Like J-vo said, and as you know, it's good to get it all out with crying. I really hope the doc's can get it all worked out with the meds so that she can come home to you. Praying for you both and sending strength, dear Lady.

J-vo, you had such a busy weekend compared to mine! I was like a bump on a log.. but it was exactly what I needed! It's really hard for me to do nothing.. I guess by nothing I mean I only do things I really want to do with all my heart.. I did have a walk to the flea market and ate some lovely empanadas at a food truck and watched a film and wrote some emails to friends..that's something! :happy2:
I'm learning Spanish for personal reasons..do you speak, J-vo? I have always had an affinity for the language. I grew up around a lot of Mexican Spanish and began to learn as a kid.. and now I have so many native speakers in my life from Latin America and Spain, there's no reason not to learn.
Wag, I'm like you in that I could pretty much get by (in the present tense in my case) but was always a bit frustrated that I couldn't really express myself. I've begun taking classes again and what seems to be helping me most is being consistent in spending 15 minutes (usually turns into longer) each and every day learning. I used to always procrastinate and try to cram in 3 hours the evening before class.. but this is working much better. It's sticking.. and when I get into it, 15 min easily turns into an hour. I found a book I love and I'm going to start a tandem with a Spanish girl this week. My weakest point is just spitting out the words.. they get all jumbled up inside my head!
I would love to support each other..Is there a lot of Spanish influence in your life/around where you're living?

ok, quite a ramble. I'm just feeling very happy to be here. Thanks you all!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

LC and Wags - what are you using to learn Spanish? Can you recommend a program, or are you doing it on your own? I have a basic high school education in Spanish and want to up my game. I am afraid of shelling out a bunch of money for an online program that doesn't work.

Thanks,
Pav

[Overit-still]

Good morning.

TJ-So sorry to hear about your son, the others that didn't survive. I'm so glad that AL wasn't even a thought for you. That's great!

So, I told you last week that I "smoked" a little to numb myself. Well, I did it again, and again. My thoughts this morning were thoughts I've had before that I have an addictive personality. I can't stop thinking about a "smoke" That's all I want. I knew YEARS ago that I had an addictive personality, long before I ever drank but knew that if I did, I could become a drunk. Anything I've done or tried becomes addictive past a healthy level. Eating, working out, working, church, drink, drugs, etc. BUMMER!

So I guess that is something I need to work on. Breaking addictive habits.

[NoSugar]

So, I told you last week that I "smoked" a little to numb myself. Well, I did it again, and again. My thoughts this morning were thoughts I've had before that I have an addictive personality. I can't stop thinking about a "smoke" That's all I want. I knew YEARS ago that I had an addictive personality, long before I ever drank but knew that if I did, I could become a drunk. Anything I've done or tried becomes addictive past a healthy level. Eating, working out, working, church, drink, drugs, etc. BUMMER.

It is human nature to want to "feel better" whenever we're aware, consciously or subconsciously, that we've lost our innate wellness. All of the addictive things I've done over the course of my life were misguided attempts to regain the peace I was born with. And they worked - until the consequences outstripped the soothing. I used to look back at things I did when I was young and think what a weird kid I must have been. Now I have more compassion for that little perfectionistic overachiever who must not have felt she would be loved unless she was the best in everything. No wonder I sucked and twirled my hair, had middle of the night panic attacks when I couldn't understand my homework, self-medicated with sugar/carbs and later, alcohol, exercised excessively, etc. etc.. I no longer harshly judge myself or anyone else. We're all doing the best we can given what we know at the time. The key for me is to learn and know more so that I no longer need those things from the outside to feel fine, which we all are underneath all the stuff we make up.

[lifechange]

The key for me is to learn and know more so that I no longer need those things from the outside to feel fine, which we all are underneath all the stuff we make up.

Love this, NS..

Overit, I can relate completely to what you're saying.. I have a feeling that most of us here can. Have you visited the 3 Principles Thread in General that NS started? Lots of great conversation and videos that have helped me SO much to begin to understand the nature of our thoughts.. and that we really are all doing the best we can given what we know.. It has also helped me a lot to slow down, to try to stay in the present, to become aware of what's really going on inside when I feel the need to escape, and to find different ways to cope.. I'm learning slowly that I CAN sit through discomfort and panic and the feelings do pass. I haven't yet had to try it out in a tragic situation.. but I think the more we practice, the more confident and sure we become...maybe at some point a bit like auto-pilot.? I was also smoking weed when I quit drinking.. to relax and also to still fit in with some of my drinking friends. But I realized that I was using it in the same way I did alcohol and at some point didn't feel good about it anymore. Now when necessary I'm using meditation, teas, yoga, baths, deep breathing, running.. trying not to get obsessive about any of it by following what NS said above. We are all just fine and worthy and lovable underneath! :hug:

Pav, I'm taking a super old fashioned in-the-flesh class. It seems to be the only way I can stay motivated.. I need the one on one+
class interaction and am lucky to have a language school right around the corner. I did Babbel for awhile and found it was "ok" for refreshing my memory a bit.. but not great. I learned German at a community college and found that to be a great experience..of course one has to have the time when the classes are offered! It's fun to be learning again!



3 Principles Thread

https://www.mywayout.org/community/general-discussion/92144-principles-discussion-thread.html

[j-vo]

Great, uplifting posts Kensho, NS, and LC. I'm learning so much from you all. We must all have that addictive personality. I, too, can become addicted to anything I do or try. It's scary! I've got to eventually make my journey over to the 3 P's. I got my "Clarity" book out but haven't begun to read. I don't know if I'm ready to get into a self-help book just yet. I just want to keep myself on my schedule which isn't hard during the week. I know with the 3 P's, I might find relief. Just don't know how yet.

Another productive, chaotic with some peace a moment here and there. Oh, that peace was when I was in the bathroom...nonetheless, I still had it! So the bathroom might be my new hangout at school. The big stall. I do lock my classroom door at lunch, as I need quiet time. I still don't want to eat with others, and its because I know I need quiet time. And I'm good with that. I do make it to coffee club sometimes when I don't have morning duty or a.m. Meetings. So I'm not isolating myself, just when I need it. I'm an introvert by nature, but I do like people. Sorry for rambling. Just getting my thoughts out.

LC, no I've never learned Spanish. Sounds like you're enjoying it. The only thing I know how to do is swear in Italian, which my Grandfather lovingly taught me when I was young!

Have a good night Nestees.

[j-vo]

Marylou,
I just read your post in the nest you wrote awhile back. It's posts like these that give me the strength to get this thing done, once and for all. Thank you.:love::hug:

[NoSugar]

J-Vo, Understanding the 3Ps isn't a self-help technique and there's really nothing to do. It's a matter of feeling less anxious and stressed because of knowing how something works and so knowing the best steps to take.

I don't understand how my computer works and so freak out when something goes wrong. I basically understand how my sewing machine works so when it acts up, I can put my knowledge to work to either fix it or to realize I need to (calmly) seek help.

Knowing that my feelings come only from my thoughts, and knowing that thoughts aren't real and so on their own have no power, allows me to not be afraid of how I'm feeling. I know that when my fleeting thoughts change (and they will), I will feel differently. And usually that means calmer and better.

[scottish lass]

Dropping in to say hi - computer woes today, will have to go ans sweet talk the IT guys tomorrow and see if they can fix.
Not a lot to say today - one of those days...
Still have a list that I keep writing aiming to get at least a few things crossed off, but not happening so I will have to address that as it gets me anxious when I am not keeping on top of stuff, and I know where life goes when those feelings start to kick in....
Hope all are well and strong, SL

[Byrdlady]

Quick check in for me, too. Im spent.
Ava, wishing you the best with your dog. I hope she rallies again so you have more snuggle time with her.
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Great to see everyone checking in on a regular basis. That is one tool that has really helped me along all these years & it only takes a few minutes.
Has anyone ever heard of Rick Hanson, Ph.D? He's a psychologist who specializes in neuro-plasticity. mindfulness & all that good stuff. I have a few of his books & one you all may enjoy is called "hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm & Confidence'. Definitely a good one for all of us

Wishing everyone peace & contentment & a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Mr Vervill]

Such great posts today, Kensho, NS, LC, J-vo, and Over-it. Gonna go back and reread them, and let'em sink in.
Ava, so sorry about the set back with Mads.