Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

I'm here. Lots of stress at work - those 3Ps will be useful. I also need to remember my mantra - I can't control other people's thoughts and actions - I can just control my reaction to them. Big. Deep. Breath. Big. Deep. Breath.

Also a lot going on with one of my kids. It is hard to accept how little I can control THEM as well!

Thankfully I don't drink. I can keep my head level, get some sleep and face it all in the morning.

Night.

Pav

[lifechange]

Morning everyone!
Quick fly by for me, too, on my way to work..

SL, I love to remember what Ava always used to say.. don't take on too much at once in the beginning.. it's important not to let ourselves get stressed out. She said she told herself she'd get three things done each day.. and that could be brushing the teeth, making a cup of tea and getting to work! Just in case you haven't already, maybe you could re-evaluate your list as to what REALLY needs to get done and what can wait. I know that for myself, my list is usually filled with things I'd like to do or feel pressured to do.. but which can be put off if necessary without causing too much trouble. :hug:

Hugs to all and see you after work and the gym (one of the important things on my list! let's see..:happy2..

[j-vo]

Pav, you're right. We can only control our reactions to them...that's where I get into trouble sometimes. Thanks for the reminder. That's a skill that needs to be practiced.

LC, good advice from Ava. I'm trying not to crowd my day with unnecessary thoughts, activities, but what did I do this morning? Woke up at 3:30 and have been up since because my mind started. I'm being obersrved in a few weeks and they expect a perfect lesson because they give you time to create it. I liked it better when they surprised us, just walked in and you were doing a normal lesson, but now you're expected to do this big song and dance. I'm not good at singing, but I can dance!

. J-Vo, Understanding the 3Ps isn't a self-help technique and there's really nothing to do. It's a matter of feeling less anxious and stressed because of knowing how something works and so knowing the best steps to take.


Well, Amen to that NS. If I just have to know how my mind works and it will help with my stress and anxiousness, I'm all for that. Understanding is huge. Just like we have to understand and accept that we cannot ever drink. It's plain logic. We drink, we lose. We don't drink, we win. There's never, ever a reason to think otherwise. I have enough evidence to know that my life will never change, get better, or be worthwhile if I drink. You know, I'm teaching about textual evidence in literature. It's the same thing with us. Life's evidence. What's the evidence that I cannot ever drink safely? What inferences can I draw from that evidence and what conclusions can I make based on that evidence?

I'll write that book down, Lav. Thanks.

Have a good day all.

[Mr Vervill]

SL, LC, on taking too much on in the beginning, I once read, I think, by Steven Covey, the guy who wrote Seven Habits of Successful People, is to take small steps at first to change, or you'll get overwhelmed. He said his first step of the day is to make his bed. That one simple thing. Because if the rest of the day falls apart, at least that one task was done. It stuck with me.

[wagmor]

Kensho - Love your comment about how we basically get more of what we look for in life. I firmly believe this to be true, and try to embody this, sometimes am challenged to do so, but it's an overall goal. Thanks for the reminder and the reinforcement that it works. Glad to hear about your successful weekend and how you came back to the simplicity that "you are not a drinker."

LC and Pav - I have studied Spanish in a variety of ways. I grew up in the southwest of the US and thus had lots of exposure to Spanish speaking people, businesses, cultural events, etc. I never studied Spanish in school (took French because the teachers were so much better and that mattered to me). As an adult, I have used lots of resources including: Pimsleur CDs, Platiquemos (audio and book program), LiveMocha (website - a great language exchange learning community where learners help each other), private tutoring with a native speaker, and doing volunteer work in several countries in Latin America.

Ava, Lav, J-vo, TJ - Hope that your family members (furry and otherwise) are all on a healing path. Keeping all of you and them in my thoughts. Stay strong and please keep us posted.

Love all of the suggestions for threads and books to read - I'm gonna take a few minutes today to check all of them out and choose at least one new resource to dive into.

[tonyniceday]

Hi Nest
Back from the trip away but straight in to work - I'll have a read and catch-up later

[Overit-still]

Good morning.

I think I've had it. (I've said that 10,000 times) My darling husband couldn't be bothered to get up on time for work today. I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!! He's unemployed 4 1/2 months out of the year. We live in a very remote area that is dependent on tourists so we have a "season" although I have worked full time (and for 4 years a part time job in the evenings too) since we moved here and he had at his previous 2 jobs that he hated before this one that he hates. This year has been his worst. He has only had 1, 2 week, paycheck where he made it to work everyday on time or didn't miss a day. I work my @ss off to keep the bills paid and the least I think he can do is work full time while he's got it so we can make our bills the rest of the time. I so just want to stop making my mortgage payments. We bought in the height of the housing boom and paid double for our house. We have a leaky roof and mold, old carpet and my refrigerator keeps going out. I have ZERO money for any of this. Oh, and did I mention our only source for heat is wood which we have maybe 1/2 cord when we need 4 cords to get through winter. He hasn't even gotten our wood yet!!!! I try to be so loving and supportive of a man who says he can't love me anymore and treats me that way too. FOR 4 YEARS!!!! What am I doing? I'll tell you what I'm doing, it's my pets. I could easily pack up and leave but I have 3 dogs and a pig. There's no way I could find a place to rent with that group.

I would love to drink at him but not really. I don't even desire it and I would not allow him to be able to point a finger back at me.

Sorry to whine

[KENSHO]

Ouch Overit. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. There is no easy answer when kids (furry ones included) are involved - and no easy answer anyway. It seems that you have a few years of history showing you what to expect in the future. Being in a relationship without love and respect is not a fulfilling way to live. Maybe you could evaluate what it would look like to stay with your husband another 4 years (what would that feel like), and evaluate what it might mean to move on or move out - sometimes the decisions we think will bring so much pain are not any worse than staying in that very difficult situation. That's for you to look at, but you sure don't seem happy with this man! Either way, sending you lots of support and strength to maintain your sobriety. Drinking would just send you backwards and it doesn't seem like THAT fulfilled you either! Hugs my friend, in this hard time!

[KENSHO]

I've just caught up on lots of old items sitting around my office and kitchen - paperwork for the kids, signing them up for after school clubs, tutoring, fundraising, scheduling appointments for medical stuff and car recalls, paying bills... I feel a bit caught up on the personal side. Now on to the work side. I essentially blew off yesterday and had a ME day. Back to work today! It sure feels like a lot of work to keep up sometimes! Where is that "simple" life I'm dreaming of?

Anyway, I'm more glad by the day that I don't drink. I remember feeling so STUCK, and lost. Now I feel hope for any kind of future that I want for myself. I just have to imagine it!

Not much else to say - keep strong and rack up those days people! Someone just said recently that it is all about time, and I believe that is true.

[j-vo]

Evening,
Overit, that's a really shitty situation. When I have to make big decisions, I way the pros and cons. Write everything out. Sometimes seeing it in front of you can help. Strength to you.

I'm kinda tired this evening. Just checking in and hopefully going to bed early. Have a good night all.

[wagmor]

Overit - Yikes. I'm so sorry you're dealing with such a difficult situation. It's definitely hard enough by itself, but then even harder with your fur-kids in the picture. So glad to hear you aren't tempted to drink AT him. That would almost certainly make things much worse. Hugs to you :hug:

Kensho - I've been having a similar productive type of day. It feels good, doesn't it? When I was drinking I would never have had a day like this. Not sure there is a "simple" life, but drinking does nothing but make us fall farther behind on all the stuff we have to do. Love that you're thinking about and imagining a future that you desire - go for it!!!

Tony - welcome back!

Hope everyone else is having a fantastic AF day!!!

[Guitarista]

Yo nesters near and not so far.

Overit, that all sounds too much. Is there someone you can talk to such as some sort of womens support service in the area face to face or as you are remote, via phone? There are a few here in Oz and the phone support can be anonymous. Just an idea. Many such services deal with similar scenarios every day and might have a few useful ideas or ways forward. Take care friend. There is always a solution. You can't live like that.

Ah, the simple life. Simplicity. i know if i'm drinking, a simple happy, peaceful life has no hope! And here i am adding more work hours to my life! lol. But there is method in that madness.

have a bewdy out there.

[Byrdlady]

Gads, OverIt, you have your hands full. Making big decisions like that is so difficult. Can you ask him to leave for a while? I tell you, resentment like that feels crappy. Im so sorry you are dealing with all that.

Kens, glad you hot some ME time. I got my teeth cleaned today and that was kinda nice...odd as it seems.

Another busy day here. All I know is that nothing is improved by AL. Stay strong, eva'body! Byrdie.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Over-it, I am sorry to hear about your situation but I am glad that you came here to share with us :hug:
Is there any friend or relative you can stay with for a while? Maybe some good old fashioned alone time would help clarify things. Or, as previously suggested ask him to bug out for a few weeks so you can think alone in your own place. We are with you in spirit.

I suddenly find myself in the midst of my busy time in work. It's a good thing, once it's all done, ha ha!

Byrdie, I hope things settle down for you soon

Wishing everyone a super safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Overit-still]

Thanks everyone! Yes, I have support here through the wonderful wise women and church and of course my pastor who tells me I'm in an emotional abusive marriage and has provided me with literature regarding establishing boundaries as far as behavior towards each other. The problem, when he is down on himself he is mean to me with words, that's what people do to try and make themselves feel better.

also, neither of can afford to leave. We live paycheck to paycheck. I have $9 to last until his next paycheck on 11/2!!!!!