Newbies Nest

[scottish lass]

Overit - so sorry - sometimes when there is a will, there is a way - maybe instead of working out why you cant leave, try and work out how you can? Sometimes things seem so impossible and then you find a way and wonder why on earth you didn't do it before - I walked out of my marriage after 17 years and it has been terribly tough - basically started all over again, but here I am and surviving. Actually more than surviving - most of the time I am thriving, I would love you to be able to thrive too....I left the house that was in my name, and had to share my girls too (human ones ) - I know have my own little home, a little money in the bank and the girls are with me all the time (hardly ever see him).

I backed off MWO as I felt that I couldn't get away from alcohol, I thought about it constantly - now I find myself thinking of it more again, but I think that I really need the support and the reminders to stop myself from going backwards...the daily checkins (accountability) are important.

Thanks for the advice to take it slow, sadly I can't really manage that - my girls are growing up and there is so much that just has to get done. One day it will be just me, and I will miss all this, but right now I would like the hamster wheel to stop so I can get off for a minute or two!

[TJAF]

Overit there are no easy answers, the tough problems never seem to have easy answers but I do know this, more so now then ever before, life is precious and to waste time is non refundable. In a blink years fly by and you don't want regrets to be all that's left. If you don't want to leave then maybe he needs to go...(or better yet, change) As tough as that sounds, it is doable. What good is the money when inside you die a little more with each passing day. Talk to your support group, see what help is available, and act. My two cents

[TJAF]

Wagmor. Thank you.

[available]

Evening nesters

Well my mads has come home with a pharmacy of drugs but i can see in her eyes that she is so much better. She has a heart problem which is the main concern and of course the drugs are expensive but if she stays this happy then i am happy. Money is just money. Off to buy a pill container for her, old age hits us all at some stage, fur or not.

Overit, im sorry about your situation and when we stop drinking our emotions are all over the place as we are mourning our best friend. Decisions dont need to be made immediately, even if the situation has been like it has for awhile as it is a big decision to be made. Take it one day at a time for a bit longer and see how it goes. I got jack of my hubs and after years of being jack of him finally left and it was the hardest but best decision i have ever made. No one can make you happy except yourself. Live your life for you and of course your babies. I had a pet pig when the kids were little and they are adorable creatures.

LC i still live with my do 3 things theory. This weekend i am putting it into practice now that life has become a bit more normal.

Well off to make my girls their dinner. Thank you all for caring, it means a lot and has given me strength and the knowledge that i dont need to drink to get through the tough times. As hard as they were this last week i knew al would not have made mads better or me.

Take care x

[j-vo]

Glad Mads is home Ava and that life will get back to normal. It's so easy to think about alcohol in tough times, but you're right, it wouldn't have made Mads better, nor would you have had the patience and strength to get through a such a difficult week.

Scottish Lass, enjoy every minute with your girlies. Oh, that's been such a change for me, when son went to college. I'm so happy he's thriving and happy, but the empty house is a bit lonely, especially after Mom passed. I feel like I lost two people. And when you think of alcohol, just know that it'll take away those special moments with your girls. Don't give al any thoughts, give it to your girls. They are so much more important than an addictive substance. It'll take your energy away, that energy that you so want to give your daughters. Son's lasts years in high school were amazing. Part of those years, I was sober, and the times I was, I was more present for him, enjoyed his baseball and basketball games so much more, and it was easier for me to enjoy other people, even if I was working the concession stand. Al doesn't give us anything good. It takes away from us. Don't let it take anything from you and your precious babies.:hug:

Have a good day all.

[tonyniceday]

Hi All

That was some long weekend - clearing out and cleaning up and virtually no internet access (I could read but not post!). During the clear out I found even more empties! a reminder of what is now the past. The last day I was on my own at the van as Mrs T had to go off somewhere else.

The last thing she did was pick up the 2 remaining bottles of wine in the place and say "I think I'd better take these with me". It got me to thinking afterwards - would I have drunk them? I actually don't know the answer and am glad I didn't have to find out.

Long boring journey home yesterday.

Byrdie - SERIOUSLY???? You get PLEASURE from the dental clean? I'm worried about you!!!

Tony

[Byrdlady]

Tony, I studied as a dental hygienist, so I am shaped from a different mold, I guess. It feels good to me, like a gum massage.

OverIt, Ava brings up an excellent point (as usual). I've heard it said MANY times around here not to make any major life decisions during the first year of sobriety. I thought it was bunk during my first year, after all, I 'get it', each day feeling better than the next. However, it is so true. It takes a lot of time to smooth out the emotions, after all, kicking out AL is the loss of a major relationship, it's a lot like a death in the family and it takes months of recovery. You will be stunned at the clarity with which you see things a year from now. I'm not saying to stay in an abusive relationship, either, but sorting ourselves out first often will really help everything else.

Off to the races over here. We'll see what this day holds. I may try the 3 things in a day approach! I seem to start 1000 things and not get them finished. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[lifechange]

Happy Hump Day, Nesters!
I actually had a real downer of a day for no good reason.. just in the dumps. Funnily enough, around 1pm, toward the end of my work day, my mood began to lift.. and now that I'm home at 3, I feel pretty darn good. I let the stress of nothing get to me. Glad it's done for now!

Over-it, I am really sorry to hear of your problems at home. I am very proud of you for thinking about what's going on , for talking to people and trying to find solutions, for posting here.. for not looking for escape with drinking. As we all know so well, all drinking does is deepen the problems.. it prolongs the difficulties in life and holds us back!. I unfortunately don't have any great advice.. but I do think the most important thing you can do is to continue on your path of sobriety.. the more time you have without drinking, the stronger you'll become physically, mentally and emotionally.. I'm fairly certain, that in time the answers with be clear to you. :hug:

Ava, so glad to hear that Mads is home and feeling better! I'm sure you're enjoying every minute you have with her.. We have 2 cats who are getting up there in age.. the male, neutered, was so overweight (he's a big, greedy pig and gobbles up all his sister's food if he has the chance!) that we were warned about the possibility of diabetes.. so I've had him on a bit of a diet (i'm the bikkie police!) and he's lost a few! He's looking like a new man!:happy2:

Tony, glad to see you here!!

Big hugs to SL, Byrdie, Lav, J-vo, Mr. V, Justme, Mr. G, EL, Wag, Pav, Kensho, TJ, AB., NS,. and anyone I missed! I always try to get everyone's name without looking back.. little memory jog!

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Overit - I like the advice to think about what you can do rather than what you can't do. Maybe there are some things that would help? One thing I was thinking was if the house is in your name you could get a roommate? My 50 year old sister had to do that when she separated from her husband. She found another woman in her situation, and so it helped both of them. Maybe if you live in a tourist area you could Air B-n-B? I know this is a giant step, but I am just throwing out ideas. Sending you strength!

SL - Ah, the time with the teens. It certainly isn't easy, is it, yet I think about J-Vo's situation - having them gone, and I have mixed feelings. I am excited to send them on their way, and I am sad about losing them. I guess as parents, launching successful adults is what it is all about. Sigh. I do know for sure that parenting teens is infinitely easier without alcohol.

I am in a terrible work situation that involves a very biased and ongoing narrative that is skewed against me and my team. It is challenging to say the least. My son had used my car and there was a Kanye CD still in the player, so I blasted it on my way to the meeting (I just tried not to listen to the misogynist lyrics - love that beat). I kept saying to myself that Kanye wouldn't take and s&$t from anyone, and if he could do it, so could I. It actually helped! Not sure what it says about my state of mind that I'm getting inspiration from Kanye West, but you have to admit, the man has confidence.

Happy Hump Day, Nest. Carpe Diem!

Pav

[KENSHO]

Morning! I read something inspiring on Facebook this morning. It was people who were very old talking about what they wished they did when younger. It was all great, but what stood out to me the most was that while they felt working hard was a benefit, none of them wished they worked HARDER. They also said, take care of your body, and go travel and chase your dreams. I opened up my bucket list and realized that there are things I would like to be chasing! I'm so grateful to have my family and my kids so close, and to be relatively healthy and have a business that I've built to some degree of security. What I've had less of in the past few years is ADVENTURE. So I looked up tree house hotels, and found one in the mountains less than 4 hours away. I've always wanted to stay in a treehouse - and I know the family would too. My elderly self would say "Go for it! Work hard and earn the money, and then go stay somewhere positively inspiring!". Also on my bucket list is to learn to play guitar, learn to do a full dancer's pose in yoga, get a meaningful tattoo, teach a class, read my poetry in public, visit central/south America, and make a huge difference in someone's or several people's lives.

Anyway, I'd better get working if I'm going to afford these things! Ciao!

[Overit-still]

Hi, Nest:

Overit - I like the advice to think about what you can do rather than what you can't do. Maybe there are some things that would help? One thing I was thinking was if the house is in your name you could get a roommate? My 50 year old sister had to do that when she separated from her husband. She found another woman in her situation, and so it helped both of them. Maybe if you live in a tourist area you could Air B-n-B? I know this is a giant step, but I am just throwing out ideas. Sending you strength!

Pav

Thanks everyone for the wonderful words of wisdom. I have decided that beyond anything, I'm going to take care of myself and put myself first for a change. No disrespecting to him but if he's not going to participate in OUR lives it certainly doesn't mean I need to stop living mine. Yes, I've thought about life being too short before and that's how I ended up with this husband But, I've never ever not once been on my own. So, maybe it's time for me.

Pav-nice ideas and I'm not thinking about what I "can't do" but I only have a 1 bedroom 1 bath home and with the mold, leaky roof and horrible carpeting I don't see getting a roommate or being a B&B anytime soon but thanks for your thoughts.

He slept in again today. I'm sure that it is VERY slow at his place of work and that not working ALL day doesn't have an horrible impact on the business but it's not time for unemployment. I would be working my @ss off getting as much time as possible but that's just me. Whatever.

Sometimes being rural helps exasperate my emotions and depression. I keep thinking where can I go or what can I do tonight instead of just going home at 5:00? There is nothing here. We have a grocery store, a movie theater that only plays on Friday nights, and a gym. It's 1.5 hours down the hill to civilization where I plan to go this weekend. No money to spend but I can roam around beautiful parks and the malls.

And no, I don't plan on moving although I could. This is my hometown, where both of my parents are from. I love being up here in the mountains in the snow with roaring fire places.

I think that if and when I let the house go, I'll still have at least 6 months before they kick me out, right? I've got quite a bit to sell and make some cash.

[Overit-still]

Actually I've said that before ^^^^^^^^ about taking my own life back. I don't know how to do that. I'm a very do-dependent person, just as my mother was with my alcoholic husband. I don't know who I am. I find my identity in my men. I've always taken care of someone else. I've never been on my own, ever.

[scottish lass]

Morning all - sneaking in early before my day gets away from me....
Sick teen - she has been sick for almost a week now - maybe it is time to see if she has something wrong?? Nurses are not good at looking after sick family members
Pav - sorry work is tough, it seemed that things were going to be so bright for you?
J-vo and Pav - yes, I love having my girls around - I am so lucky with them, they cause me worry but they are good girls and I am lucky - my oldest wants to go to community college and live at home, so I have at least another couple of years!
Overit - I am pretty independent and not at all phased by being by myself - so I am not sure I have a lot to offer you, but I did get out of a bad situation where my girls and I were very close to being homeless - all due to his choices. I did get out and would be very happy to help you in anyway I can. What happened is not what I dreampt of, nor what I wanted, but I am so glad I was able to make teh move to look after me, and to show my girls that I can survive - well...
Stay strong everyone...

[available]

Over i was married for such a long time and left and jumped into another horrible relationship where my drinking escalated and then that ended. now i have been very happily single for a long time and i love it. It took time and was scary as all hell and i was lonely as hell also but now i want someone in my life who supports and loves me for me and if i never find that then so be it, i am happy. Funny how life changes for us and always for the better if we let it.

My first full night of sleep and loving it!

[Overit-still]

Over i was married for such a long time and left and jumped into another horrible relationship where my drinking escalated and then that ended. now i have been very happily single for a long time and i love it. It took time and was scary as all hell and i was lonely as hell also but now i want someone in my life who supports and loves me for me and if i never find that then so be it, i am happy. Funny how life changes for us and always for the better if we let it.

My first full night of sleep and loving it!

That's exactly how I've ended up here.