Newbies Nest

[Justme Again]

Hi Nursie!

I remember you. I used to be Steady Hands.
This is not an easy journey, but it is so nice to "see" you!

[Overit-still]

Good morning everyone.

So, he's still in bed and it's 11:40. Anyway, here's my plan as of today. I will talk to my husband tonight and explain where I'm at. I can't make the house payment this month. After talking to him I will decide if WE will continue to make any house payments at all in the future or just be late at this point. When I married him I promised for richer or poorer, better or worse. I do not have any clear answers at this point so I will continue in this relationship until I do BUT I will not live a lie and I will lay out on the table everything I'm feeling and everything I want and everything we had planned and exactly where we are. Then I start living for myself as I posted before and see if he comes alongside or not. I just can't give up if our miracle is right around the corner. But I think this will either uncover that miracle or let me know that there isn't one coming at all.

The mortgage is not just an issue of him not working. It's been a struggle with both of us working full time for awhile. So, in my mind I'm thinking "am I just ready to move on to ditch the financial burden?" If that's the case I will sorely regret it later. So now I'm thinking that maybe I'm taking my burdens (which he should be carrying not me) out on him unfairly. I mean, I still feel that he needs to be the one providing for me/us but if that burden is out of the way, will I still feel the same for him or not. If not, then I've been projecting unfairly.

So, we'll see what happens. My pets are still a worry. I can't imagine just giving my babies away!!!!!

[j-vo]

Thank you G. That made me feel good. ❤️

Welcome Andrea! This is a great, supportive group. And yes, I have those feelings too. It's a big break-up between you and something you've depended and relied on for so long, but it's a destructive dependency. People in destructive relationships need to get out and live their lives, learn tools to deal with the loss, but so many people here have long term sobriety and they'll tell you it's worth the hard work you must put in initially. Glad you're here.

Wags, I'm getting ready in a few to meet her. I think you're right. Doing things like this will help me in my grieving process. Lately, I've had moments throughout the day about mom. I miss her terribly. I get angry, and I swear at ALS. I hate the disease. I'm angry it took my beautiful mom's life. So angry.

[abcowboy]

Hi Overit, sorry to hear about all your troubles, life sure has a way of throwing things at us! I can’t give you much in the way of marital advice, I’ve been through a divorce myself, and you are truly the only one who knows where your relationship is headed and if it’s worth trying to salvage it.

But I wouldn’t be too hasty on defaulting on your mortgage. With the downturn in the oil industry the economy in Alberta has never been lower. One of the major financial institutes in our area took out a full page newspaper ad telling their customers to come in and talk to them before just handing over the keys. They are willing to negotiate smaller payments instead of having to go through the foreclosure proceedings. I suggest you try that option first, see if the financial institute who is carrying your mortgage can help in any way. It doesn’t hurt to try and it would be one less headache for you to deal with.

[j-vo]

Just me,
You nailed it. We are responsible for our sobriety. We can hav loved ones support, receive support here, but the only one that can make it work is us.❤️

[Guitarista]

Hiya nesters near and not so far,

Welcome Andrea!

Hi Overit. Married for richer or poorer.....What's hubs bringing to the table? Is it 50/50? That's about all i know about re....rela.....relationships. I reckon there will be a way to keep your pets. Take care.

Day 76. Sober living is just the best. There are NO negatives in being sober. Get through the first couple of days and you're on your way to freedom and a life of no limits. The joy will slowly come, along with the clearer head.

[Overit-still]

Hiya nesters near and not so far,
Hi Overit. Married for richer or poorer.....What's hubs bringing to the table? Is it 50/50? That's about all i know about re....rela.....relationships. I reckon there will be a way to keep your pets. Take care.

At this point, maybe 10%

[Byrdlady]

Andrea, welcome aboard. I was just like you also, I couldn't imagine a life without drinking. How could I get thru _____? Im in the business community, how can I socialize with customers if I dont drink? I live at the beach, how can I possibly not drink on weekends with the neighbors? The answer? Im doing better than ever! Now I can interact with people without making an ass of myself. I am finally living! Yes, its scary, but AL is making you feel that fear. Truth is, it wasnt as hard as I thought it would be, I took it a little bit at a time. I think it was No Sugar who said so eloquently "Addiction is chasing the relief that perpetuates the misery" No truer words. Once you get out of the cycle, things get much easier. Just jump in and we'll be right by your side!

Nursie, great to see you and congrats on your 6 days! Check back in tomorrow and we'll crack open your prize!!
Hang in, everyone, it IS worth it!! Byrdie

[Wilson1]

Hi Andrea -wow, we have been where you are and it can be as scary as hades. Please believe what these folks are telling you. That which you feel now will soon go away after being alcohol free. It does take some time and there will be times that you may not even recognize yourself. The booze will encourage you to return to it so that you will feel "normal". It is a lie that your brain tries to use to normalize itself. It all passes in due time.

Byrd -Great post:
"Andrea, welcome aboard. I was just like you also, I couldn't imagine a life without drinking. How could I get thru _____? Im in the business community, how can I socialize with customers if I dont drink? I live at the beach, how can I possibly not drink on weekends with the neighbors? The answer? Im doing better than ever! Now I can interact with people without making an ass of myself. I am finally living! "

[Lavande]

Good evening all Nesters old & new

Hello & welcome Andrea! I remember the fear, it kept me from doing what I knew I needed to do for way too long. It turned out there was absolutely nothing to fear, nothing to lose & everything to gain, honestly!!! Make a good plan for yourself & stick by the nest!

Welcome back nursie! Make this quit your last, no regrets ever. Great on your 6 AF days!!!

Justme & Overit, I really wish there was something we could do or say to both of you. Your troubles are intense today but your tomorrows will be much better. Always keep the faith :hug:

Ava, glad your pup is home & doing better.
I got the 2nd itty bitty beginners egg today, so cute. When the entire flock gets cracking I'll be swimming in eggs once again. Weird but fun hobby

G, you will be turning 100 before you know it, great work!

Hello to Byrdie, j-vo, Pav, Wilson & everyone checking in today.
Wishing a safe & comfy night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Inthesky]

Hi All,
I'm at Day 1 AGAIN and it is awful. This has to be my permanent quit, I know fear is what keeps me from being successful. I also know that I have to stay in the nest and keep improving my knowledge. Everyone here has been so encouraging and helpful I just hate to disappoint and believe that I need to be held accountable for staying with my quit. Thank you all for your support.

[Guitarista]

Hi In the sky.

Day 1 is awful, but it's also you saying out loud to yourself that you want a new beginning. Go for it. Let's git it!

[abcowboy]

You can do this Inthesky, be accountable to yourself and lean on us when you need it!

[tonyniceday]

Hey Sky

The difference between this time and last time is that you have posted on here...
You know how important that is, it keeps you going when it seems so dark.

How is Mr S doing?

[Inthesky]

Yeah Tony you are very right. I need this support in place otherwise I fail. Suffering with insomnia tonight but I know that will get better too. Mr.S is starting his quit now which will make it much easier for me. He is having bad withdrawal symptoms so his quit is involving more a four or five day tapper. It's actually scary it feel so ill but we are at least on the same page to get better. :heartbeat: