Newbies Nest

[tonyniceday]

...Suffering with insomnia tonight but I know that will get better too....

Thought you might be...it must be about 1 am with you!

[available]

Evening nesters

Welcome back Sky, being accountable is a must in getting sober. Left to our own devices is dangerous when we are newly sober. Us old timers are still logging in daily to keep ourselves accountable and to help others.

Lav so glad those chicks are now laying, big eggs for you when it gets warmer.

All good in Ausland, Mads is doing well, i am still a tad paranoid about every breath she takes but i am trying to not stress, she is just as happy as a two year old again.

My friends ex hubs is still in ICU, 3 weeks now and the his liver is still failing, he is on dialysis for kidney failure and his blood still wont coagulate. Today he is confused and delirious. The doctors cant give a good or bad prognosis. All due to al, and its so sad as its hard for his 6 year old daughter to comprehend and other family members that this is what drinking does. They did not realise he had such a problem.

J how did your lunch go? I hope you had a lovely time.

LC where are you?

Well i am on date night but wanted to check in. Consuming non al cocktails which is just divine.

Take care x

[j-vo]

[COLOR="#FF0000"][e. I think it was No Sugar who said so eloquently "Addiction is chasing the relief that perpetuates the misery" /COLOR]. Amen!

Hi Sky, welcome back. We all all such different people, yet, This addiction makes us all feel the same...insecure, fearful, anxious and I could go on for days. My point, we know exactly how you feel. But take it from the old timers (not me...yet) that all fades away in time and is replaced with all the good feelings like confidence, clarity, and life.

Glad Mads is doing well Ava, dinner was two hours of chatting, laughing and crying. A great combo IMHO. We shared stories of our mom's, as they both had the same nasty disease. It felt so good to talk with her.

Lav, that's great your chickadees are producing. I eat eggs every morning!

My dream last night was not me drinking, but me being in social situation and drinking people around me. I wish I could tel you it made me feel good, but I remember feeling uncomfortable and outa place.�� But the good thing is that I wasn't drinking and making a fool of myself.

Have a great day.

[Eloise]

hey folks!
well i survived week 3 of the new job.
i had a quick drinking thought on the way home, but it fluttered off quickly.
the last thing i want to do is invite wine back into my life.
how are things here??
between poor internet connections and a 10 hour work day I am sorry to be so absent.

I hope everyone is doing well!

[Nursie]

Hello Nesters! It's almost 8am here.
Checking in on day 7! (Wink wink Byrdie) lol
It's so nice to see everyone and catch up.
I have never regretted being sober, only drinking. So every day I wake up sober is a relief. I have a lot of drinking dreams and wake up upset, and then calm myself down.
I have my therapist appointment tonight at 7. It will do me good as I haven't seen her in some time.
I will check in from work later on!
Oh, and I made a tres leches cake for my husband! It came out wonderful. I'm happy to be cooking and baking again!

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Morning Nesters!

3 weeks on the wagon and as I sober up and slowly get some of my brain function back, I'm doing a lot of thinking.

One thing that is forefront in my mind is an upcoming Christmas party (work) that my wife and I will be attending in early December. Relapse does not concern me at all - I know that will not happen. Nor does having to justify my AL-free evening to anyone who asks.

What I'm struggling with is that I find myself becoming completely *intolerant* of binge-drinking. I have no desire to see so many people drink themselves to the point of throwing-up, doing stupid things, making a fool out of themselves etc.. And for this party, historically, that is usually around 60% of the attendees.

The party consists of drinks/hors d'oeuvres for 2 hours followed by a 2-hour dinner with assigned seating, speeches/awards etc. then drinking and partying into the night. There will be around 200 people total.

I'm looking for your thoughts, advice and counsel on how I should get my head into the right place to attend this event.

Thank you and have a great day, Nesters!

[NoSugar]

One thing that is forefront in my mind is an upcoming Christmas party (work) that my wife and I will be attending in early December. Relapse does not concern me at all - I know that will not happen. Nor does having to justify my AL-free evening to anyone who asks.

That's a great place to be! So much peace :smile:

What I'm struggling with is that I find myself becoming completely *intolerant* of binge-drinking. I have no desire to see so many people drink themselves to the point of throwing-up, doing stupid things, making a fool out of themselves etc.. And for this party, historically, that is usually around 60% of the attendees.

That's a pretty common experience. The fact is, drunk people are insufferably boring to people who aren't.

The party consists of drinks/hors d'oeuvres for 2 hours followed by a 2-hour dinner with assigned seating, speeches/awards etc.

Time to leave :wink:

then drinking and partying into the night.

That's a choice - and not one you have to make anymore! You'll have met you social obligation by going to the dinner and listening to the speeches.

There are a lot of social events I just don't go to anymore. I didn't go to them in the past TO DRINK (I was more of a solo drinker) but having a glass of wine or 2 made them tolerable. Now, when possible (and it usually is), I just don't go. And when I do, I make sure I can leave at any time I want. Which usually means that I drive and don't give others rides in case they want to stay longer than I do. Sounds kind of asocial, I know, but boundaries are important.

Congratulations on feeling so strong, Third time. It's really smart of you to make plans for upcoming events.

[wagmor]

Lav - Your post reminded me of something I learned from a friend a few years ago - she said, "Everything you want is on the other side of fear." Such a simple statement, but very true and a really effective way to re-frame that fear and choose to respond differently to it.

Ava - so glad to hear that Mads is continuing to do well. You will reach a point where you can breathe easy as you see her continue to thrive. Very sorry to hear your friend is still in such a precarious situation though. It's a very clear reminder of the damage Al does, and also of how "easy" it is for an alcoholic to have a much worse problem than those around them realize.

Eloise - Hooray for surviving week 3 and for staying so strong with your quit! Sorry you're having such long days though. Will that be the norm, and is it just part of the learning curve in your new position?

Nursie - Congrats on day 7/week 1!!! I totally agree with you - one of the best parts of my AF days are the mornings when I wake up, pause, and then realize with relief that I did not drink last night or yesterday. Such a great feeling!

TTC - Congrats on 3 weeks! Yep, seeing people drink themselves stupid becomes completely un-fun when you aren't part of it. AND, it also show how stupid we used to look/be ourselves. You definitely don't want to partake in that. I'll mull this over and offer input soon. I'm sure many other nesters will have ideas as well. Fantastic that you're planning ahead now!

Byrdie and NS - Love the quote about addiction. Thanks for sharing that again - I missed it the first time around, and really appreciate it for its honesty and simplicity.

Have a wonderful day/night everyone!

[KENSHO]

Hi! Quick drop in! Hi to Andrea, Inthesky, Wilson and Nursie, glad you are here!

ThirdTime, you sound good!! I hate watching people drink to excess too. I was thinking before NS said it that you can participate and then leave before the serious drinking begins. Can you just attend the first part of the event?

It's warm here today. I have a quieter day today. I have to be in the city and available for consultations, but we don't get many walk ins so I have the better part of today to do work away from the office. Since there's not a lot I can bring with me at this point in my projects, I get some free time to socialize, browse and maybe read through the state ballot booklet so I can get it filled out and turned in. It's nice to have a lower stress day.

Congrats on 3 weeks Eloise!

Happy for the egg LAV - I would love to own chickens. The eggs are so much tastier... and I eat a LOT of eggs!

Hope your night went ok JVO.

I'm sure I'm missing addressing a few of you, I will have my computer and keyboard back tonight

[abcowboy]

Hi TTC, social activities are always a tough call when we quit drinking. I know when I first quit I passed on a couple of those activities just to be on the safe side. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to say no to all of them. So I knew I had to come to some sort of an understanding with myself regarding social functions.

My drinking sure wreaked havoc on my social life, not because of the functions I attended, but how I acted at those functions. And now it seemed that my not drinking was affecting my social life as well. I expected everyone else to put up with my drinking, I could at least try and do the same. And for the most part I do because I remember that I was once the same as them. So Bubba and I don’t turn down attending social functions anymore, I’m not going to let a few drinkers spoil my chance at relaxing and having some fun. We stay as late as we want and we do have fun. It’s actually more fun now because in the morning I remember the fun I had!

Do what you feel you have to do to protect and maintain your quit, but don’t let being a non-drinker stop you from having some fun as well!

[Inthesky]

Day 2 and staying close to the nest. It's been a better day today I was able to get some food into myself after 3 days eek. I was also finally able to shower and not feel dizzy and may actually do my dishes and that will be a big accomplishment. I have had to turn down a few engagements for this weekend because it's still too new and I don't trust my drunken sailor brain yet. I agree with you Cowboy that we do need to add social life back just not sure how to do that at this time. I personally can't be a moderate drinker so I will always have to keep the plug in the drink. Sorry for babbling my head is still super messed up from my Shanigan's this week.

[NoSugar]

I agree with you Cowboy that we do need to add social life back just not sure how to do that at this time. I personally can't be a moderate drinker so I will always have to keep the plug in the drink.

I pretty much hibernated for about 4 months. If you know you want to quit for good, it really helps to take a long view. At the time, it seemed like those 4 months dragged on and on. I wanted just to be over the hump and "happily AF" like all the people I would read on MWO. I didn't feel great and so only did what I wanted to do. I avoided situations that I knew would be challenging because there was no reason to add to the stress. If doing something socially seems like a positive thing - go for it. But I sure wouldn't go because you "should" be social or because of someone else's expectations. Hopefully in terms of your future AF life, a few months spent nurturing yourself and your nascent quit is a very short time.

Have a good weekend, all, and don't drink :wink:

[Guitarista]

Yo nesters near and not so far,

Congrats on day 2 Sky. Keep it going and take it easy on yourself.

Congrats on day 7 Nursie! Legend.

Gr8 to see you Eloise. Exciting times!

Congrats on 3 whole weeks 3T. Arrive late as possible - leave early as possible after commitments have been met? Ensure own transport.

Day 77 and no turning back. The weekend ain't no ticket to no boozeville see. Find some joy and grab it.

[scottish lass]

Hi all - lots going on in the nest, and some wonderful posts - I keep making a mental note to respond to someone, and then the next thought pushes the last one out - only so much room in my tired little brain!
Sick teen seems better - she is doing a clinical rotation in a kindergarten class - a petri-dish for sure! Hoping she keeps the germs to herself!
I wish I was close enough to get some eggs Lav, I know they will be wonderful.
Jvo - sounds like a good opportunity to open up to someone who has walked a similar path - should be good for you both!
Overit - 10% is by no means enough - I hope you are able to open up to him and start to eat the elephant (remember one bite at a time)
Hi Nursie - so glad to "see you"
My car had to go to garage a couple weeks ago and I reluctantly shelled out $2000 plus to keep it running - then that dang light came on three days later - this time it is nearly $7000 so I have to give it up - I am so not ready to get another car, or get a car payment. I had just managed to start saving and getting a level of financial comfort - but what is is, and I just have to go do it - won't get much for my wonderful car (190,000 miles!) and I did love it - and can't afford anything like it anymore...and really don't want haggle of getting a pre-owned car - but that is what tomorrow will be!
Wet and rainy here - got my plants outside for a wash - don't think they ever got 'washed" last year! Great start to the season, might just get a start on getting away from the drought??
It is good to see so many posting, and in such various stages - glad to be in such good company...
Wish me luck tomorrow - and no, its not so terrible I need to drink, it wont be so maddening I need to drink, and I know I won't get such a good deal that I will have to celebrate!!

[j-vo]

Great to see you in the nest, El. Where are you living now and what is your job? 10-hour days! Yikes!! But I'm sure you have the energy. Alcohol takes so much of our precious time and energy. I've noticed my energy level increasing, feeling more calm, and getting so much done. It feels good.

Nursie, I have lots of drunken dreams as well. It's not a good feeling, but then again, it reminds me of where I don't want to be ever again. We have to let that play out and give ourselves time. Maybe they'll decrease at some point. I'm hopeful and confident they will.

Third Time, I like NS's recommendation - leave after dinner. Another idea...don't go for hors devours (spelling??? Never could spell that word and just go with appetizers!) and just do dinner, or go the last half hour of the hors devours and just dinner. Shave off time in the beginning and the whole end. If that were me at this point in time, that's what I'd do.

In the Sky, NOT ONE OF US HERE CAN MODERATE EITHER!! You're not alone. You did enough in your day two, which is stayed away from AL, and a few things. That's all you need right now. Don't worry about social issues for now. Our brain doesn't need that kind of crap to stress us out.

NS...nascent?? Nice word!! I had to look it up to make sure it wasn't a fake word or that you misspelled something! Of course it's a real word!

After work today, I went to get my hair colored, highlighted, and cut. I was way overdue. It feels so good to have decent hair again. Had I still been drinking, I never would have made an appointment on a friday after work. NEVER. But I didn't have to rush home to drink and ruin my whole night. Pretty awesome feeling.

Tomorrow is the fundraiser for our friend who had brain surgery. It'll be a day-long event. I told my husband I'll be there early to set up (7:30...YIKES on a Saturday) but I'm going to leave later to give myself a break at home, then go back. I don't feel the need to be super woman, there's plenty of help, and I know that I need to get away from constant talking to people for awhile. Two hours is my limit, but we'll be working, so it's kind of not the same as just socializing, which is fine by me. There will be beer at this event, but I'm not worried at all that I would ever cave. I never drank around these people much, and I certainly won't now.

Have a good Friday night.