Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Hi Peeps. I grew up with a step-dad who promoted drinking as harmless and fun, talked about his "tea parties" in his fraternity. He means no harm, and doesn't have a drinking problem. But it instilled no fear in me growing up. I am so glad that I can (and regularly do) have conversations with my kids about why alcohol is dangerous to our health in general, and to people with addictive personalities even more. I am SO FREAKING GLAD I don't have hangovers any more. YUCK!

We leave on the 19th to spend a week with the in laws. We go every year for Thanksgiving. I have been considering my approaches if they have more snarky comments about my lack of drink. Many of them are very colorful, but I think something along the lines of, "Have you ever asked yourself why it is so important to you that I drink?" or "I feel disrespected that you would judge someone else's decision to drink or not; I don't judge yours." Not sure if it will even come up - at some point they will have to get used to my choice. They were the ones who put the pressure on heavily when I caved and drank on my international trip after 6 months AF. I will not do that again. I just need to visualize how happy I am in my day to day life at home, and not let ANY thought get to me for one week away from home.

Thanks for sharing Ann. Keep it coming.

Happy for you and the pup Ava. Looking forward to the 3 year party!

Jvo, I do SO admire teachers in general - and those who work with more challenging students even more. I have a 10 and 7 yr. old in school now, and dedicated teachers make all the difference. You are changing lives!! Gratitude for you!

On to work that I DON'T want to do!! Eye on the prize... need to check things off the list so I can move on to the furnishings part of my projects. Happy Thursday!

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Add me to the list of people so thankful I don't drink. Those 3am wake ups with anxiety and fear? No thank you. I have seen the negative effects of alcohol in so many places in my life - bad health, bad marriages, bad work. It is so sad. In California they are trying to pass a law to legalize marijuana. To tell you the truth, I am not sure how I am going to vote, as I can see both sides of the argument. What I do find fascinating is the "pro" people talking on and on about how much better it is than alcohol, yet no one is saying let's ban alcohol. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

Ava - sorry about your friend's ex. Looking forward to celebrating with you in less than a month.

Mr. V. - WOW. So gross. So glad I'll never have that feeling again.

Happy Thursday, Nest. Go get 'em.

Pav

[Inthesky]

Good Day Everyone,
Just catching up on the reading and makes me want to stay AL forever. Thank you.
Ava, I'm very sorry for your friend as that could have been me if things hadn't have changed 8 days ago. Mr.S was in a severe accident 4 yrs ago and now has to live with pain. It's a vicious cycle he ends up on opiates and addicted from there he goes off opiates and becomes addicted to alcohol this has happened five times in the last 4 years and every time it becomes harder and more severe. Dr.s offer rehab, pain clinics etc....his eyes had turned yellow and I have taken him to Dr. to no avail and his liver function has been none existent 1469 should be under 40. What I have learned is you can't make someone want to make themselves better they have to do it.. It's broke my heart more than once...I have also learned I have been enabling him by drinking with him. I'm happy to say Mr.S is on day 5 AF now(+ 3 days of tapering). Byrdie you must have been sending me good vibes as I was able to talk him into 30 days, and I will take it! Lol
Kensho, you got this! You don't have to justify being AF to anyone. I'm sure your in a better head space than last time too.
Wagmor, I've really noticed on everything media that drinking is promoted everywhere. Crazy society that we live in when being AF is foreign.
G, I'm not taking my AF for granted this time, I'm going to protect it and get my life back!

Have a great day nesters
Sky - thanks for all the support day 8 rocks!

[Struggles 106]

Good morning, or afternoon actually.
Like a lot of us I have read LOTS of books about alcohol abuse, memoirs etc. I just finished one about stopping drinking.
Not surprising that the author points out that it is simply poison, a hangover is basically withdrawal. It's important to me to realize that blackouts are lost time,time that could have been spent doing something good.
Right now I'm saying never again. I appreciate all of you here, and so glad to hear j-vo has experience with special needs kids! All information helps, but her syndrome is so rare that it's around 1 in 25,000 births. Four in the triangle area where we live. I will say that the neurologist who gave us the diagnosis was speaking as if he was saying she has a cold.
HE was cold; I wanted to blast him but I did not. ��

My story today is about the Sunday long ago that I was supposed to meet my then husband and daughter at his moms house. I had to visit a couple to pay the husband for some computer work before that. Instead of paying him and leaving I stayed and drank for hours.
They drove my car to my house , my husband was furious and rightfully so.
I had to get up Monday for 6 am flight. I made it but nearly collapsed at the airport
Later that evening speaking to him I told him that I was sick of being a f---ed up mess.
He says (oddly) "you are not a f---ed up mess." ????
Of course I was, and that led to 10 months of sobriety, the longest period of my adult life without drinking.
He left me eventually ...but I'm ok
I try not to look back with regret or ahead with fear,but around with awareness.
Fighting the good fight

Peace and love to everyone--especially Byrdie. I am the lucky one here to be able to see her in 2 hr drive! She has always been there and I am so grateful.

Ann C

[tonyniceday]

Hi Nest

Ava - re your friend - all I keep thinking is "There, but for the grace of God, go I"

On a far more positive note, I see that Elvis has clocked in with 730 days today... I know we've had a leap year so the dates might not exactly match, but in my book a year is 365 days and 2 times 365 is 730.... and by the time we've "rocked around the clock" the date will be right too.... so FANTASTIC Elvis on 2 whole years!

[scottish lass]

Quick drive by here - all good, doing fine - busy at work, trying to work out how to make time to stop and smell the roses, at the same time knowing that there will be plenty of time for that later on in life.
Good to see all here....
Will try and catch up one day

[j-vo]

Evening,
So, my day was not good. Had more issues with the same two kids from Tuesday. I won't get into details about it, but my, oh my, words hurt. I feel for my bullied students so much. And the same words and actions can hurt adults which is what happened to me today. In the end, one of the kids is headed towards an alternative education program, as his record is getting no better with many interventions for his misconduct. The other kid will be moved to another teacher and will not be in my classroom anymore. I feel as though I've failed in a way, but then again, I cannot save nor help everyone. What did I do as I cried like a baby in my classroom (two of my wonderful colleagues covered my classes as I couldn't quit sobbing and I love them), and cried hard? I texted two people who have been supporting me and my quits. I text-cried to them. I did this because I was afraid of where this feeling might take me...back to the bottle. That's what I'm used to doing. Accountability means so much. Having support here, chalking up my days, and knowing I can call someone is a big deal and big difference than trying to do this on your own. Had I not had the accountability and support, there's no doubt I would have stopped to pick up a big bottle of wine. No doubt in my mind. But I'm home safe and sound. I slept when I got home, and that always helps me. I cried more. Am I more emotional because mom just passed? I don't think it matters how emotional one can be. It matters that I didn't pick up wine at the store. If I have to cry until my the cows come home, then I will. I'm lucky to have supportive people at work and here. So, thank you. Stay accountable here and have a phone number or two programmed into your phone. Use these resources of love and support.

[Guitarista]

Well done Jvo. Take care of yourself.

[KENSHO]

Just heard a famous designer speak (my career). She might have been trying to appeal to our field, but she mentioned that she works a lot of late nights because she has kids and "thank God for red wine." In fact, she mentioned wine multiple times. I'm not saying she has a drinking problem because I don't know. But I was struck at how she said it like we would all understand, and then the moderator said, "see, she's normal!" That used to be me. I skipped the cocktail party after.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Sky, Congrats on your AF week :welldone:
It keeps getting better & better too!

Ann, keeping our thoughts in the present is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves. We can't change history & we don't (most of us) have a crystal ball to look into the future. I hate wasting my energy worrying about something that may never happen

I am grateful every single day for my AF'ness & will never allow any person or situation drive me back into addiction hell.
Do you hear that kensho?? I would pack my suitcase full of snarky remarks & unleash them on anyone giving me sh*t about my choice to not drink poison, ha ha!!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Struggles 106]

Interesting experience this afternoon. In line at convenience store; there was a drunk woman about my age in line who randomly started complimenting a young black girl in line.
She was saying " you are cute; everything about you is cute. I'm a hairdresser so believe me"
The girl was nice about it but it was weird and goofy.
Could have been me at one time. Rather depressing

Ann C

[Guitarista]

But I was struck at how she said it like we would all understand, and then the moderator said, "see, she's normal!" That used to be me. I skipped the cocktail party after.

Haha. That ol chestnut. Well, good for her Kensho, because the way i drink is definitely not normal! lol. And that's okay with me. Acknowledgement and Acceptance. :happy2:

[lifechange]

Hello all you lovely Nesters!
just spent a lovely hour+ reading the last 20 pages here! can't think of a better way to have spent the first part of my morning..:happy2:
So much going on here.. what an inspiring place with the stories, advice and insight, everyone doing their best to change the direction of their lives.
Sky, it's really apparent with you.. having begun with reading your first day back in the Nest and ending with your day 8 yesterday.. you're sounding like yourself again, like a person who is being freed from hell. That's how I felt after my last drinking episode.. I literally felt like I was escaping Hell.. the real thing. I'm happy to hear your hubs is on board..We are all capable of living a happy and healthy life. I think Lav hits on it often, simply and so well with adopting a mindset of Gratitude. We gain so much (and realize what we're gaining) when we make this switch!:hug:

Ann, so happy to see you back, too. I'm very relieved that you were able to avoid the last disaster and that it gave you full clarity. It's great to post your stories here.. like Byrdie said, it helps us all. Even if we don't have exactly the same stories, we can relate! And shudder along with you.. and remember our own depths.

Wags, Late Congrats on 100 days! I love your posts.. and am in awe of how you manage such thoughtful responses. Do you take notes while you're reading or do you have a steel trap memory?:love: I have to say my memory is improving the longer I'm sober and it's becoming easier to remember which stories belong to whom..

J-vo.. damn, you've definitely been having your share of days. You are doing such an amazing job using your tools, everything you have to stay sober. You're exercising that "muscle" and I'm quite sure that each and every time you get through stress/sadness/anxiety without using alcohol as a false sense of support, you are becoming stronger. I'm so happy to have you here to help pave the way.. I appreciate so much your ability to share. You've got a tough job, Lady, and your kids and the families of your kids are so fortunate to have you in their lives!:hug:

Pav, I was thinking about you.. I have similar issues with lack of sunshine. Here it's cold and grey for a good 6 months (at least it seems so) and I feel myself at this time of the year getting quite anxious every day between 3 and 4 as it begins to darken and I feel as if the day is ending. One thing we try to do at home (I was recommended this by someone in the school) is to embrace the winter months as a time to retreat a bit.. not to completely hibernate, but to go within oneself, to make the home cozy with candles, warmth, nice music and scents (we often have yogi tea type spices brewing on the stove top)..I don't know. It helps me a bit.

Justme, great job with quitting the smokes! I haven't been a smoker but I know through my sister how difficult it is to quit.. good for you with taking help from the nicotine gum. You're improving your life in yet another way..

G-man and Kensho!! up into the 80's. Super! Both of you have such inspiring and helpful posts.. thank you.

Ava, I'm very sorry to hear of your friend in the hospital. Terrible. I can't think of a worse way to go. So unnecessary. I'm so grateful to be leaving that all in the past.. so sad that for some people it really is too late. Hugs to you and Mads..

All is well here.. Sorry I wasn't around much last week.. I know how important it is for myself as well as for the group to check in and post often. I was slammed with work and daughters who needed my full attention..I was panicked about some puberty issues going on but after a couple of good talks I think we're back on track. I am so terrified of my girls and drinking.. I know that all I can do is warn them about the dangers, let them know of their genetic predisposition, listen openly and let go a bit. My eldest (15) told me recently that she wished I could just listen better and not try to "solve" her problems..I hadn't realised how bad I was! I am very solution oriented so now I'm working on listening.. and biting my tongue a bit if my insight isn't requested!!
Other than that, plodding along. Resuming morning meditation, keeping up with Spanish, exercising a bit, learning to be gentle with myself.. I DON'T beat myself up nearly as much as I used to.. I've always been one to set unrealistic goals for myself and I'm learning to go a bit easier.. to realise what is really important in life. It sure feels good.

Lav and Byrdie, NS, Mr V, AB, Dutch!, Nursie (welcome back!), El, Tony ( I like Mosquitos..lots of limes, mint, brown sugar and sparkling water..mmm. and here we do a lot of juice spritzers), SL., Overit. and everyone else.. HUGS!

[j-vo]

TGIF Nestees,

Woke up with 'still' puffy eyes, but I'm not beating myself up because it's NOT from the sauce. LC, you look as though you're handling your life so well. Good for you! I worry about the same thing. What your daughter said is right, but we want to do more than just listen. And I think it's our job to teach our children everything we know...but then again, they have to live and experience and figure things out, too.

Here's to a happy, sober Friday! Have a good one all.

[lifechange]

Yeah, I'm finding it's a fine line, J-vo.. I think. What I also realised is that I wasn't listening well enough. And I was jumping in too quickly with "answers".. now I'm trying to take a breath, ask more questions aimed at helping her to find her own solution and asking, "can I give you my opinion?", which so far as been answered with a yes. I guess I'm afraid of her choosing not to talk to me at all.. which is what she had been doing the weeks previous to these talks. I'm finding this to be a difficult time indeed! I'm not quite ready for it, but she's growing up anyway!