Newbies Nest

[Justme Again]

Morning Nest

G-man - you are under pressure with work and mom in hospi. Great job for not drinking!!

Congratulations KENSHO & J-vo!!:welldone::welldone:

[stirly-girly]

Gidday nesters near and not so far.

Well with Trump in, at least a little bit of the heat has been taken off me and me hair.

Random thought number 42,011. Stick with your course Ava, which i'm sure is your intention. I know you will be a fab worker bringing immense value to the AOD sector.

Had a loooong day yesterday. day class, night class, then a 10 p.m. start at work till 7 a.m. this morning. That's ok on occasion, but mum went to hospital with blood pressure issues last night in the middle of things. She's fine thankfully and staying in for a couple of days. My point here is, combined with a 24 hr no sleep day, mum in hospital and weird working hours (just the one night), i started to feel wobbly. In the small lull between seeing mum in the evening then to work later, i began thinking of escaping. 'how can i escape all of these seemingly overwhelming RESPONSIBILITIES'?

It was a case of H.A.L.T. I was tired, and a little disconnected and feeling uncomfortable from my safe nightly routine. A nightly routine i could handle. thought of ways i could get on the booze for a few days, and even as a lifestyle again. How do i throw in the new job and start drinking whilst giving them fair notice? Can i also throw in my regular pt. time job and still survive? The answer was yes, i can survive if i had too. Sheesh kebab!

But i knew this feeling and thoughts would pass eventually. So i went to work last night, and had a good shift with good people doing work i love. All safe and sound here today. Woke up very happy to not have drank. I am thinking of all i would let down. A sick mum, 2 nephews i've promised driving lessons too on friday and monday, but what struck me most of all was how i would have felt. The disappointment i would have felt in myself. The on again/off again cycle would be back in action. Same old. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Sober today and feeling solid. Day 89!

Big waves to all!

Good morning Nesters!!

Although I have not posted here in a very long time, this caught my eye and I felt I had to respond.

G-man, you did EXACTLY what you should have done to get over the thoughts of AL that creep up on us at times of stress and especially if we are tired on top of it. You recognized the AL voice for what it is - just thoughts. Thoughts that, as they come into our mind, so they will leave our mind if we take the right steps. You realized that as much as for others, but also for yourself, you needed to occupy your mind with something else and let the thoughts be gone. Great job! I am very proud of you, friend. And very glad that you shared your experience here for others to see. Thank you. Good to hear that your Mom is okay. So very worrisome for us when our loved ones are not well.

Wishing you all a contentedly sober day.

Stirly

[Guitarista]

Thanks Stirly whirly! Good to see you as always.

To add something to my above post. I would've let people down without too much bother in order to return to drinking. That wouldn't have stopped me. It hasn't in the past. But i found it interesting and heartening that i was more concerned with letting myself down. Sounds selfish and maybe it is. But i also note that when i am well, all is well with those close to me. It starts wit me really. L8tr g8trs.

[j-vo]

Good for you G. You worked through a very difficult day, hour, moment. When we're in that moment, it seems as though nothing can stop us from throwing the towel in. It seems everything we feel and know is pointing to that bottle of booze to get away from that feeling. At that moment, that's our only escape. But that's not really true, is it? No, we have to feel that feeling, take deep breaths, distract ourselves as much as possible, make a call, post, and use every tool to get through that moment. It's scary. But it can be done. I'm happy for you and what you accomplished last night.

Have a good day.

[Wine-no!]

Hi Everyone!

I've just written a long post and then posted it in the rollcall thread by accident and subsequently deleted it!! Here we go again!

I haven't posted for a long time.... I am sure you can probably guess why.. I honestly thought that I would be able to moderate. Of course, I just slid down the slippery slope once more until I was back where I started.

I have now realised and accepted that there is no place for alcohol in my life any more and there is no way that I can moderate. I am currently on day 11 and with this new mindset, strangely, I haven't had any cravings to drink. I am literally bored of drinking and the utter waste of time of it all.

I was drinking 1.5 bottles of wine every evening with a few G&Ts thrown in at the weekend and was constantly tired from not sleeping properly and often would sneak back to bed when the kids went to school. I was boozing and sleeping my way through my life with no real desire to do anything...

I read a book called The Sober Revolution (after seeing the author interviewed on TV) and I finally accepted that enough is enough.

So here I am! Hi!

[daisy45]

Wine-no, I know exactly how you feel. Such a waste of time.
I went out last night to a market with crafts, food and drink. Mo-town live music playing.......a great night. Came home so happy and satisfied...no alcohol. And actually, had I drank, then it would have ruined my night. I probably wouldn't even have gone.
Guitarista, you are doing so well. That stop/start cycle is just crap.....that's where I keep finding myself......not any more!

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

Was listening to a homeshooling pod cast this morning. For some reason the guy said: 'people do not change until the price they have to pay becomes something they cannot afford."
It made me think about why we quit or our 'bottom'. I felt pretty entitled to my wine and was convinced I got the world fooled about my consumption. I knew I was destroying my health and hurting certain relationships, but I thought I had the right to drink and that that wasn't the problem.

What made me stop was a real possibility to loose my job. Without that I would not be able to provide the life I dream about for my children. That was something I could not afford! Without that, there is not enough reason for me to be around. It was life or death.

This morning was wonderful at work. Nobody brought me flowers or cookies. It was a normal day. I was just really, really thankful to have my job. And I did it well. I cringe when I think about how I walked in there hungover, aggitated and not able to do good work.

The two alcoholics who died this past week had my subconscious working a bit!
I try to imagine what could have happened if I continued to drink another 6 months. Or 12 months...

I am really thankful to be alive and AF!!

[KENSHO]

Hi Justme, Wine-no, G and Stirly! I was so glad to log in and see your positive hate of alcohol. (does that sentence work?) I'm so glad you didn't drink G! It is NOT selfish to address our own needs; it's called self love. Selfish means taking more than you deserve, and we ALL deserve a life free of the chaos that addiction causes.

This election threw me for a loop. I have had some strong emotions and have had to process them. I'm feeling better. I think our nation really needs to talk more about our differences, in a respectful and eager-to-listen manner. We need to learn from each other. I have hope and feel less alone. Not trying to make any political comments, just telling you how I feel. I haven't wanted to drink the past few days, even through I've experienced a whole range of uncomfortable emotions. Last night, my son was awake with anxiety. He tends to get in his head and panic. I am working with him to understand that thoughts are not reality, and that sometime we just feel uncomfortable or yucky. Those times ALWAYS pass, and to be resilient is to accept - even appreciate - ALL feelings and thoughts and just let them be. They don't define us - they just are, and they pass.

I am thrilled to be a non-drinker. G, I'm thrilled you are a non-drinker. Keep it up my friend. I'm proud of you!

[Byrdlady]

JustMe, I was reflective this morning, also. 6 years ago, Nov 17, to be exact, I got a call from my Dr telling me I had too much iron in my blood, while no one came out and SAID it, they said that it was because my liver functions were high. I had too much ferritin in my blood that could result in ailments seen in heavy metal poisoning. So that day I said to myself, I'm going to stop taking any unnecessary meds to give my liver a fighting chance (god forbid I should give up AL). One of the meds I discontinued was Cymbalta, an anti depressant. It wasn't until almost 2 weeks later that I suffered hideous withdrawals resulting in a trip to the ER where they gave me that drug for people who are withdrawing! I had already gone to have a pint of blood removed so that the new blood would hopefully have less iron in it. I was so sick over Thanksgiving that I wasn't able to go home for the first time in my life. With all this stemming from my drinking, I still did not stop. I knew the wriitng was on the wall, tho. I vowed to start on Jan 1. You can see from my date below that didn't happen....(it is the rare person who is actually to make that date stick, in fact, I'm not sure I know anyone who has, can you think of anyone?)
So Nov 17 marks the beginning of the end for me. What an awful time that was, and totally self inflicted. Do whatever it takes to make your quit stick. You will NEVER be sorry. Happy Thursday, Byrdie

[Hopeful mom]

Hi, I'm Kim. I've been back and forth on this site for so many years. I isolate and have a difficult time joining in on things. I've never felt comfortable at AA meetings. I am a mess...I tell myself that I can drink, and I can't. I had a DUI in 2010, but I'll still drive drinking. I think I'm invincible when I'm drinking. I don't like the person that I am now, but I don't change it. What the hell is wrong with me?? I'm so scared!

[available]

Morning nest

G as far as i am concerned I am number 1 now, my health and wellbeing are the most important as if i can function then the family functions. You look after you first, our quit is our priority in life and staying quit. Great work and dont work too hard.

J, congrats on your 30 days, keep it going girl, you will never ever regret being sober.

Wine welcome to the nest. There are lots of interesting doco's on youtube to make you realise what al can and will do to you. I used to watch them and think i was "not that bad" but when i really looked into myself i was heading that way fast. I realised i could not do this to my children, i could not die a senseless death. At that stage i did not care about myself at all but i certainly did about the 4 human beings i bought into this world. They now have a better version of me which they love and are very proud of. I cant ask for more than that.

Just, i too felt i had the right to drink and boy i justified why i drank every single day. I could whip out any excuse or reason as to why i deserved a drink. Sad to think that was my life but so happy it is not anymore.

I am having a much needed mental health day. I'm done with work, done with trying to run a department with no staff and no one cares. I know i was heading for a burn out so a long weekend for me. I am going to stop and smell the flowers (have none!) and re-focus for a few days and spend some time with the man and the fur babies. At no time have i wanted a drown myself with al but my stress levels were through the roof so i am my priority.

Hopeful, i think we are scared of what we will do when we stop drinking and if we can stop. All i did when i stopped was to take one day at a time or one minute or hour. Dont push yourself to do anything if you dont feel like it, stopping drinking is your priority. Eat what you want, sleep when you want. All you have to focus on is not drinking. Log on here constantly and ask for help. We are all alcoholics we understand how you feel and what you are going through. I can tell you that the life i have now, which has not been an easy ride, has been the best decision i have made. I thought when i stopped drinking that i had lost my best friend and at the time i had. I grieved for that loss and i moved on slowly. Now as time has gone on, al was not a friend, al did me no favours at all and i am so glad and grateful every day to not drink. You can do this. Get rid of all the al out of your house as then there is no temptation.

Well i am off to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Take care. x

[Guitarista]

Hello Hopeful mom, Ava, and nesters everywhere.

welcome back HM. Take back your precious, precious life. Have you read our toolbox lately? Some very useful stuff in there. What's your plan for today/tonight and the weekend? Take it easy friend.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/monthly-abstinence/24253-tool-box.html

Thank you friend Kensho. I am very proud of you too, and proud of every single person here and the life changing decision we are making. Day 90 here. Wowza!

Kensho! YouTube

[j-vo]

Welcome back to the Nest, Wine-no and Hopeful Mom. There is no moderating for any of us, just a slow torture and if we don't stop, death. I'm here in the morning and night because I've found a very comfy spot in the nest, a spot I will not fly away from anymore. Like G said, read the toolbox. This time, I started from the end and am making my way back to the beginning. There's so much valuable information there. Take the time for yourself and read. Reread as much as you can. Posting is also so important. I'm only 31 days here. I've done this before like so many people, but I know my life will never get better if I continue on the same pathetic road I've been on for so long. I'm going to trust those that have a lot of sober time that it'll get easier and I won't think about it all the time, and I will eventually feel 'normal' when out to dinner or around alcohol. That normal is not my reality right now. But I'm going to keep doing my thing 'one day at a time.' Let's do this together. There's a cozy spot on each side of me. One for you HM and one for Wine-no. :hug:

[Byrdlady]

Welcome, Hopeful Mom.
I let fear keep from from stopping for many years. As it turns out, it was not nearly as bad as I had built it up in my head. All the 'What If's'! Like Ava said, I took it one day at a time. We are glad you're back!

Awards time!
JVo, we are mighty proud of those 30 days you are sporting! Well done, lady!!! Here is your hat! :guy:
Guitarista and Kensho....two people on opposite sides of the world. One a musician, the other a designer. Two people who were brought to this site with one awful thing in common...and two people who decided on the very same day that enough is enough. We are so proud of hoth of you and we wish you a lifetime of sobriety! Well done!!
:dancin:
Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Congrats to all the prize winners today - yay!
Welcome back Wine-no & Hopeful! Great to see you Stirly

G, you are looking fabulous at 90!
Sorry about your rough day but you did great. Glad your Mom is OK. This proves that we really do have to take care of ourselves first so we can be ready to help others when needed

Yesterday's post-election anxiety has calmed down quite a bit, thank goodness.
I need to place my focus on what we can do as a nation to stay calm & civil. I don't like all this turmoil.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav