Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

I'm glad you made it through that Daisy. You did the right thing by eating, and reading on MWO. Thinking everything through. Good for you.

Thank you for the support. I need to think this through and write down my plan as I feel weak at this moment. Dad is very depressed right now. We were talking last night. He's been taking a few naps a day and just has the classic depression symptoms. He'll be visiting his doc in florida and I told him to tell him of all of his symptoms. He'll also have complete blood work done, so they can see if he's deficient in anything. Maybe he'll need an antidepressant.

I know I can get through this upcoming week. I don't want to just get through it though. I want to enjoy time with Dad, and take the break I need so badly. I have the opportunity to lay at the pool under sunny skies, get some good walks in, and read. Most of all, care for my dad. I need to stay sober for him and for me. I will be posting a lot. I'm pretty good at worrying about future events. Tomorrow I'm getting observed, and that makes me nervous as well. Yep, after 25 years that still makes me nervous. Silly, I know.

I started watching the documentary again, Rain in my Heart. Thanks B, for suggesting. I'll continue that today.

Have a good day.

[Byrdlady]

Lost Soul, welcome back and congrats on your 3 days. Tell us what's been going on with you, we've missed you!

If we all take a step back and look at the big picture, I think we may be able to see what's going on. Holidays are around the corner and that AL brain is doing its best to tell us why we should drink. Like Daisy's signature line says, "The relapse starts long before the drink is drunk". Here is the US at least, next week is Thanksgiving and I'm not going to lie, there is pressure when getting together with family. It would be very easy to say, 'I'm down and depressed, I'll just start over after Thanksgiving'. But you know what? Then there is the Mother of all holidays, Christmas....the parties, etc. You put it off until the New Year. Then if you are like most of us, that doesn't happen either.
Don't let the AL VOICE win. How this day turns out is all a matter of your attitude! A friend of mine yesterday was telling me about visiting one of her friends who has lost the use of her arms and legs. Can you imagine? To have an AL problem is minute compared to something like that where you are in a care facility. I don't wish AL'ism on anyone, but coming out the other side of it has made me a better person. One who is grateful to see the light of day every morning. I try not to mourn what I don't have, but celebrate all the bounties I DO have. Try to lift yourself out of the funk! Accentuate the positve and Eliminate the negative....it works!
Hope everyone has a better day today! You CAN do it! Byrdie

[Roobs]

Hello everyone,
I need help. I've been on this merry go round for too long. I've quit for periods of time and I was doing great but I've fallen back into my alcoholic way of thinking and drinking. I'm just hating myself right now. I need to be accountable to someone other than myself. I've never really used a support system very well and I can see how that may be my missing piece. It's hard to do it alone.

[NoSugar]

Hello everyone,
I need help. I've been on this merry go round for too long. I've quit for periods of time and I was doing great but I've fallen back into my alcoholic way of thinking and drinking. I'm just hating myself right now. I need to be accountable to someone other than myself. I've never really used a support system very well and I can see how that may be my missing piece. It's hard to do it alone.

:welcome:
When that self-hatred became more than I could bear was when I finally asked for help - here. This has been my only source of support and thankfully, it has been enough so far and it has been over 3 years. I needed to be accountable to others, also. I had gotten so used to letting myself down, it didn't matter much anymore. But- after I started participating here and received such great support, like Ava, I didn't want to disappoint the people who had spent a lot of time and energy on me. Ultimately, we all have to do this for ourselves but it takes time to become a person you care about again. In the meantime, the support of a group can get you to where you want to be.

This isn't true for everyone but in general, for an online support group to work, you've got to USE it. Read and post as much as you can - at least daily. I had a good 4-6 hours of time I was no longer spending drinking that I could devote to stopping drinking. There was even more time available because I felt ok in the mornings and got all my work done efficiently. I couldn't believe how long and full the days became!

Have you got a plan in place for getting through the time of day when you typically start to drink?

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

Welcome Roobs, Hi, Lost Soul.

As for hating yourself... I got some good advice. Think of all of the words you are using on yourself and imagine using them on your child or someone you love. Would you EVER? I know I was calling myself things I wouldn't even call an enemy! Love yourselves and give yourself gentle care. That doesn't mean give yourself a pass and go ahead and drink - that means tell yourself what you would tell someone you love. You're a good person. You're strong. You deserve a quality life free from the chains of alcohol. And what advice would you give a loved on tempted? Call a friend. Log on to MWO. Go to AA. Get some exercise. Be your own friend, and take care of yourself!

J-Vo - I know you are worried about your dad, but what if you came clean with him? What if you told him you quit drinking and you're worried that Florida will cause you to drink again? Maybe you could tell him that you found alcohol to be making it more difficult to get over the depression caused by your mom's death (which would be true for me), and you could be an example of how HE can work through the sadness? I am not minimizing true depression, but maybe a team approach would help you both? Just a thought. Good luck, and use us when you need us!

Off to work - I will be sure to take my own advice and practice good self care today. I am worth it.

Hope you all can do the same.

Pav

[Roobs]

Oh, thank you for reaching out NoSugar,
I've lurked on this website and always thought I would post but kept putting it off because "I didn't have the time" but you just made me realize that's a lame excuse when I will actually have 4-6 hours I can spend on other things including posting here. My plan for today is to stay busy, eat well, read mywayout posts and use tool box. I have a meeting tonight at my daughters high school so the evening should be okay.
I will check in later. Thank you!!

[Roobs]

Thank you Pav.
Yes, self love. I'm going to work on that, it's not easy or natural. I've been thinking about going to AA. The thought of going to aa has always scared me, I didn't want people to know I had a problem but now I feel like I need a friendly face, nods of acknowledgment that I'm not alone.

[madonmehndi]

Thank you Pav.
Yes, self love. I'm going to work on that, it's not easy or natural. I've been thinking about going to AA. The thought of going to aa has always scared me, I didn't want people to know I had a problem but now I feel like I need a friendly face, nods of acknowledgment that I'm not alone.

I went to an AA meeting yesterday, it was a very quiet one, just 5 of us but I was made very welcome and I wouldn't hesitate to try another, go for it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain

[madonmehndi]

Hi everyone, day 10 for me today just wondering who knows about your habit everyone? I think my DH is the only one who knows the true extent of my addiction, my family and friends know I like a drink but I don't think they know that it has become a problem, even my DD (age 23 and not living at home) hasn't ever said anything, I am not sure when/if to tell people I have quit drinking - thoughts?

[Wine-no!]

Hi Roobs

You've come to the right place! I find it's a great support.

I know exactly what you mean about the self-hatred. What works for me is to think of a monster living inside you that wants to drink... Every time you don't drink, it gets weaker and every time you do drink, it gets stronger. Hate that monster! Try and starve it!

I used this method when I gave up smoking. I used to love smoking and smoked 30 a day. I thought of the monster and knew that even one cigarette would be enough to keep it alive. My last cigarette was twenty years ago and I can't think of anything worse than smoking now!!

I am now focusing on the drinking as previously thought moderation was an option but now know that even one drink will feed the monster and lead to more.

x

[Wine-no!]

Day 16
Still have a stomach flu type of thing. My daughter is at home with it too. Other than that, all OK!!

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Hi everyone, day 10 for me today just wondering who knows about your habit everyone? I think my DH is the only one who knows the true extent of my addiction, my family and friends know I like a drink but I don't think they know that it has become a problem, even my DD (age 23 and not living at home) hasn't ever said anything, I am not sure when/if to tell people I have quit drinking - thoughts?

Congrats on the 10 days, madonmehndi! You must be starting to feel normal again!

Why tell anyone? Personally, I find great pleasure and satisfaction in quietly knowing I'm a much better, happier, more present, more thoughtful and more purposeful person without alcohol. Let it be your little secret how you became so awesome :happy2:.

ThirdTimesACharm

[j-vo]

Evening,
Pav, my Dad knows I quit drinking 36 days ago. Or is it 37? Each day counts. Anyhow, not only he knows, but my sisters know, my husband. Everyone in my family knows alcohol and I don't mix. But thank you for that advice. My dad is drinking a little, not really a lot. I quit soon after mom passed. I was crying so much thinking about her, because I had alcohol in my system. I still cry a lot now, but not that uncontrollable crying when I was drinking. It's a real cry. Not a sobbing, drunk cry. I knew that I couldn't grieve the way I should if I continued drinking like I was. It was halting my true grief if that makes sense.

I've been watching "Addiction" with Christina Wantsilak. It's like intervention but without the surprise intervention part. The person is aware the intervention will happen. I was also rewatching Rain in My Heart. If you haven't seen it, it's a good one to watch. This is what will happen if we don't stop drinking, what we will suffer through. I've seen it first hand, but even watching these people is scary.

Hi Roobs and omg, I forget who else! My brain cells are trying to recover, too. Sorry.

Wine-no, I love the idea of the monster living inside me. I think that would be effective for me. I think the monster's been screaming my name lately. And I know you're right, that it'll shrink and die if I don't feed it what it needs. Thanks for that.

Have a good night.

[Lavande]

Good Tuesday evening Nesters,

Wow, the nest has been hopping today - great

Hello & welcome Roobs & welcome back Lost Soul.
Please make yourselves comfortable & stay in touch so we know how you're doing.
I flew into the nest shortly after it was started & I'm still here welcoming everyone

I did not tell too many people when I quit, just a few. I basically figured it was my business & I did not want or need anyone's comments or opinions. That's just the way I roll, ha ha! I will tell you though that I was ready for success, stayed focused on myself (probably the first time ever) & did what I had to do to reach my goal. I know you can all do it too if that's what yo really want!

j-vo, don't waste time worrying about your trip. Use that time to make a good plan to see you through. Wishing you the best.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Nursie]

Late check in for me! FIL still in the hospital, MIL staying with us. She's so exhausted but won't stop trying to help around the house! She needs to rest, this has been such an ordeal for them. Now all their stuff is in Florida, and they are in limbo. I wish I could wave a wand for them.
By being sobER I was able to pick her up, bring her home to our house, make her homemade soup, healthy food and give her rest. My husband didn't have to worry.
And funny story, she sat down FINALLY to eat the soup and she said to me "I have to ask you something and I want you to tell me the truth". I was like oh boy, here we go....
She said with a straight face "where did you get the soup?"
Hahahaha she said it was the best soup she ever had and she couldn't believe it wasn't from a restaurant. Made me feel good. I love to cook and I show my love through my cooking.
Anyway, gotta get some sleep because we have to leave super early to get my son to school, go to hospital and then get to work on time!! Xoxo