Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, I just love reading everyone's AF numbers rising & know you are doing the right things for yourselves & the people around you. CONGRATS to everyone

The holiday season is here & we need to be extra cautious. As long as we keep planning ahead we will find success, right?

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Oh, I so appreciate you all. It has helped me to sit and read. I've had thoughts today of not caring about the consequences; actually thoughts saying "just go back to the addiction. You were managing." Really?? OMG! WHERE did that come from??!! I think I'm just very tired and looking forward to a break this week. I did step one and made sure the hubs was fully aware I wouldn't be drinking. Then I said, I hope your family is respectful of that. I reminded him of what his father said to me in Puerto Rico, and he said "it shouldn't affect their time if you drink or not." Good, that's out there. Now, to just see those thoughts as "thoughts" - and let 'em slip by. See ya later. I love my life now. You all reinforce that every time I read here. So thanks for that. Happy flippen Friday - its a hundy for me tomorrow.

[Roobs]

Hello all,
This thread is so great. I'm so grateful I found you all. I have more to say but I'm just so dang tired. Going to bed at the close of day 4.
Good night.

[mario]

DONT BE FOOLED BY ME ,



Dont be fooled by me. Dont be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask.I wear a thousand masks that I am afraid to take off, and none of them is the real me.
So dont be fooled, I'm good at pretending.
I give the impression that I'm cool & confident, but inside, its different.

I am not in command.
I'm often confused,lonely and I desperately need some one to understand me.
But I hide and I dont want anyone to know.
That's why I franticlay create a mask to hide behind,

I'm afraid to show you the real me.
I'm afraid you will not accept me.
I'm afraid that you will think less of me and laugh at me.

You see deep down I'm afraid that I'm nothing,that I'm no good,
and if you knew me, you would reject me.
So I play my game, my pretending game, and thus begins the parade of masks.
My life becomes a front to protect the real me.

I chatter idly to you about everything but tell you nothing of whats going on inside me,
My fears, my worries, my doubts.
So when I am talking, please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying, what I,d like to say but cant.
I,d like to be honest, genuine and sincere, but I cannot without your help.

My trust grows very slowly, so you will have to be patent with me.
Each time you are kind, gentle,and encouraging, each time you try to understand, I am given new hope and I start to believe in myself in a new way.
You let me see its ok to be me.
So I can take of the mask and be happy in your company, I can let you see the real me,

Who am I you may wonder ?
I am someone you know very well,
For I am every man & woman you meet.


I posted this back in the day :-) I can still relate to it, well done everyone here, we are moving forward...

[j-vo]

Good morning. Wow, yesterday seemed like two days in one. Work, then a long drive to VA. We stayed at a Hampton in (still here) then we'll get on the train around 1:00 to head to Orlando. Another long day ahead, but I have plenty to keep me busy.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and advice. It is helping me. I have to say, it still doesn't seem real that Mom is no longer with us. We've left her in PA, and we have to move on now. Dad is very sad, but he and I are talking about our feelings. My heart aches.

Hope everyone has a great saturday.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Been a bit MIA again - a lot going on in life right now, and thankfully none of it marred by alcohol.

J-Vo - I appreciate your public struggles. That is the power of a community, in my humble opinion. Your asking questions allows the rest of us to help ourselves by helping you. I know this must be a hard journey you're taking to Florida. Something you said stuck with me, that you tend to overly worry about things that don't turn out as bad. I completely understand THAT one. This is a major milestone for you and your dad without your mom. It will be bad and sad, but maybe it will have some other benefits as well. You can have GOOD memories of your mom without her illness, you can connect with your dad on a different level, you can take care of yourself. I hope you have a wonderful week.

Pauly - Sorry about your week. It must be hard to see the girls go. I am glad you came back here.

Hi, Daisy. You, too. Keep coming back. I know you might be irritated by my asking, but what are both of your plans for next time you get a craving or a thought? I have found that if I have something very specific, it helps. For example, if I am trying to eat healthy and get a hankering for a giant pizza (notice I didn't say SLICE, but whole pizza), I will eat pizza. If, however, I have planned - if I get "hungry" or a craving for gooey cheese, I can have a cheese stick and I'll walk around the block - or something like that. So maybe next time you're sad about the girls, Pauly, you can have a plan for what you're doing to do that is specific and doesn't involve alcohol. I know, I know, easier said than done, but I am so much more free without alcohol being my go to.

Byrdie - I am doing the same! Working harder than I have in a long time. I love my work right now (not sure you do?), but it is like the biggest roller coaster I have ever been on. I am learning SO much, maybe too much? I can see the end of the ride, but I know there are several more hills to go before I get there. Good luck nurturing those seeds.

Hi, Rahul - You sound FANTASTIC. So glad you checked in.

Happy SOBER Saturday, nest.

Pav

Ok, nest, off to get on with my day. The weather is cold and wet, so maybe part of my day will be lazy on the couch with a movie!

[Byrdlady]

Hry Pav, its great to see you!
Yes, I like my job and its a great company, Im lucky to have landed it, just hoping to get up to speed sooner than later. Every day it seems Im just lost.
I went to the grocery store today to get my turkey, man, what a zoo! As I stood at the deli counter (yes, I bought a hunk of turkey) I was reminded of when I used to come to this store to buy my little wines in a hox. I would load up my purse with as many as I could so hubs wouldnt see how many I bought. I also took the bags up first with wine in them so I could put it away while he went down for the other bags and he couldnt see how much I bought. Had to make sure and throw away the receipt, too. I tell you, being a successful alkie was a lot of work. Im so happy that I fought my way thru the tough days to find the freedom on the other side.
Hang in ther, Nesters, no matter what!
Where is Tony???
Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Hi nesters,

Byrdy, i reckon if you throw in some of your amazing cookies you'll have customers lining up around the country!

gr8 post Pavi. Hope your weekend is a relaxing one.

Safe travels Jvo. As tough as your current journey is, you sound like you are there with the best attitude possible. :happy2: Keep us posted and stay connected friend.

Thanks for that post Mario. My attitude now as i live sober is that i try to be as honest and true to myself and the world as i know how to be. Living sober helps me be honest and true. There is no more reason for me to hide or lie. Nowadays, if i don't know something, or understand, i will say so and ask. e.g. At work, i put myself forward and out there for various tasks or situations. I might not know exactly what to do, but i am willing and will say 'show me' if i am unsure. Just turning up is a winning move i reckon.

Day 99!

Friend Kensho, you must be on day 100 by now!! :spin:

Sober living absolutely raaawks. Go git it.

[paulywogg]

Byrdie, I was wondering about Tony too,I haven't seen him in a bit

[available]

Morning nesters

A lovely weekend in Ausland. Off to the markets and an art gallery today. Life is good without the hangovers and i can now just enjoy what others take for granted. I have their life now but with more appreciation for it.

Pauly i remember driving home from work when i first stopped drinking, fighting with that al voice on whether i deserved a drink or not. of course the al brain said yes and sensible me of which there was about 5% of said no you dont. The struggle was horrendous and i would ring one of my children just to distract myself for that moment. they all knew if i rang it meant i wanted to drink so they were my first port of call. As long as i made it through my front door and into the shower and into my pj's life was going to be okay. They are still my go to if i have a "moment" or MWO.

J glad your trip is going well, it will be great to spend some time with your dad and share the memories. Enjoy yourself and keep on here.

Kensho have a great trip and happy 100 days.

Roobs great work on 4 days. I gained 6kgs and i dont care. As long as i dont drink life is good.

Well i had better get ready to go out. 31 degrees today so a warm one.

Take care x

[scottish lass]

Oh, I so appreciate you all. It has helped me to sit and read. I've had thoughts today of not caring about the consequences; actually thoughts saying "just go back to the addiction. You were managing." Really?? OMG! WHERE did that come from??!! I think I'm just very tired and looking forward to a break this week. I did step one and made sure the hubs was fully aware I wouldn't be drinking. Then I said, I hope your family is respectful of that. I reminded him of what his father said to me in Puerto Rico, and he said "it shouldn't affect their time if you drink or not." Good, that's out there. Now, to just see those thoughts as "thoughts" - and let 'em slip by. See ya later. I love my life now. You all reinforce that every time I read here. So thanks for that. Happy flippen Friday - its a hundy for me tomorrow.

This is so much the truth - yesterday I knew I was in dangerous waters - late Friday shopping, in a bit of a holiday mood - and the idea that I have been managing just fine, so what"s the worry was so very strong, for so very long. I eventually got grumpy and a little snappy and pushing the girls to get done so we could get back home (to safety) - home I got, but it was not the easiest. I am glad I posted first, would have made it even harder to confess!

Cleaning the oven here today and did a little bit of start to Christmas shopping, happily sober! Bought lots of chocolate - oh well, better for me than wine or whisky - right???!!!!

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,

Wishing you all a safe & sober Saturday night & soothing Sunday morning - completely hangover free ☺

Thanks Pauly, though I've been here before so i'm aiming for the slow & steady approach & have pinched my current mantra from the Rudyard Kipling 'If' - 'If you can meet with Triumph & Diasaster And treat those two imposters the same' so I ain't counting my chickens yet cause we's got a job to do �� I'm so grateful for the wonderful support from MWO that without, I don't think I'd get too far.

Hi Scottish Lass, your very wise - self care first (which we all too easily can forget) & all the rest follows, thanks for sharing.

Thanks for popping into the nest Rahul - nice to hear the positive effect being AF is having in your life - well done for making 1000 days ☺

Hi Kensho - Sorry you are feeling tired - are you on holiday from work this week? I think at times recovery can feel a bit of an anti-climax & doubts can slip in - glad you could talk it over with your partner & hopefully a break can rejuvenate you & I always find reading the long term abstainers posts helpful.

Roobs, hope you've a restful night - I am slightly less flat/drained on my day 7 so hopefully tiredness will pass for you too in a few days ☺ Well done on day 4!

Mario - great post, thanks for sharing ☺

J Vo - I can't imagine how difficult a time you are having, thinking of you & think your incredibly strong x

Lav, thanks for your endless positivity - you know, I think it's infectious?!

Pav, glad you managing what sounds like a hectic schedule AF, Its quite an achievement to stay strong when under pressure so well done ☺

Byrdie, your deli counter story reminds me of things I did (not too long ago) like rotate the off licences & hiding my bottles... such wasted mental effort & when you write it down, it seems so crazy? Time definitely better spent elsewhere...

Hey G & Available (waves!)

Sending positive thoughts to everyone
LS

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Having a great day here with daughter and her family here visiting. They are spending the night because we are getting some icy rain all of a sudden, crazy because it was warm this afternoon.

I would love to address everyone personally but don't want to be rude to my guests.
G, tomorrow you're an oldie, yay!
Jvo, hang in there and remember the good times with your Mom. You are helping your Dad in ways you cannot imagine.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Landed in AZ. A flood of memories are coming of how I used to drink here. Unrestricted addiction. I feel like I'm fighting with that a bit. Otherwise glad to be on vacation.

[Nursie]

Kensho, I know that feeling. I hope it passes soon. The more sober memories we make, the less power the drinking memories and urges have.
It's been so busy at my house with the in-laws. My FIL was discharged from the hospital yesterday and is recuperating at our house. They will fly to Florida tomorrow and start their new life.
I'm so grateful to have spent this week with them so closely. I have truly enjoyed my MIL and her special way of living us is so precious.
I could never have done this drinking. I would have snapped by now and would have been sloppy drunk more than once.
My brain feels good. My heart is lighter and I do have more energy. My husband is thrilled with the change he sees in me. Look at me doing all these normal things without pouring poison down my throat!
Check in tomorrow!