Newbies Nest

[paulywogg]

Hey all, Daisy,we want you to be happy again too Ava,I hope everything turns out ok,keep us posted, lots of drama with my oldest daughter but I've already posted about it in other threads,she's basically stranded in FL cuz she sure knows how to pick loser boyfriends I could barely sleep last night, my heart was racing with worry but I'll make it through, I can't drink over every single thing that happens in my life or shit,I'd never be sober! Besides I've used up all my excuses,wishing everyone a great AF day

[Roobs]

Good morning nesters,
Way to go Daisy-45! I bet your mom and daughter are very proud of you. They've probably wanted to help for a long time but now that you've actually asked, together you can accomplish so much.��
Paulywogg, I don't look forward to when I may have to worry about my kids out in the real world adulting. Mine are still in the house under our supervision although they are growing up so fast it won't be long.

Nursie, glad you could enjoy your in laws and congrats on day 18.

On through day 8 for me. It's so crazy to think how only 8 days ago I hated myself. Not today, I feel great!

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

G - congratulations. Great post and thanks for that song (I like the line - I might catch a glimpse of me.) Glad you and Kensho have each other as quit partners! Around 100 days started to be a hard time for me. I was feeling BLAH and frankly like "is THIS all there is?" I had a long pity party, felt sorry for myself and was irritated. The one thing that did not change was my daily confirmation with myself that alcohol wasn't the solution no matter what I felt. All these long timers reassured me that that period would be over, eventually. Lav talked about gratitude, so I thought every day about what I was grateful for. I still checked in here. I listened to the Bubble Hour. Basically, I accepted the idea that I don't drink and went about supporting myself to make that happen. Happy to report that after a few months those feelings went away (although they DO surface from time to time). It turns out these long timers were right. Stay strong during these next few months - it will challenge you.

Londoner - One of the biggest revelations to me was how much MORE I like live music without drinking. I thought there was no way I'd want to go again. It turns out I can enjoy the music so much more, and see more of it as I am not always off buying beer or standing in the bathroom line. Keep it up!

Daisy - Welcome back. What a relief that you came clean to a counselor. Onward and upward.

Welcome back, MinStar. Stay close!

Holidays schmolidays here in the U.S. I used to struggle against the controlling nature of my in laws at this time, but now I chalk Thanksgiving at their house up to something I have no control over. I just eat, smile, and do my best to stay away from the brouhaha. Grateful for stuffing, gravy and the street football game we'll play.

Pav

[madonmehndi]

Evening nesters

Some great posts to read as usual, thanks Guitarista and Mario for your wise words, you inspire me so much!! Day 17 for me today and I am still feeling great, happy and healthy and feeling grateful for staying sober!! Went to my SMART meeting today and it was really good, I was invited for coffee afterwards with a couple of group members which was lovely and I learnt more about their addiction stories (SMART is for drugs too), it really helps me to be around people who understand me, I don't have that with anyone except you on this lovely forum and the people in group so I find it very therapeutic, wondering whether to venture to another AA meeting I have found tomorrow lunchtime and a SMART on on Friday morning or whether I am overdoing it?

[KENSHO]

Hi fellow Nesters. Hi Minstar!

Good job Daisy. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got(ten?). Way to shift your strategy to get a different result. You won't regret it!

Last night was interesting. Muscle memory of the excitement of drinking at 4-5ish. Everyone mixing drinks and getting silly. It was a little nostalgic, but I know why I don't drink, so I didn't. As the evening passed, maybe after an hour or two, I watched moods shift. My MIL got tired and irritable, and I recognized that state of drink where the phrases are minced to hide the slur, full escape achieved but with a quiet "down" too. Others got tired on the couch. Husband slept like crap, shifting, sighing. I slumbered peacefully and got up early for my Pilates class.

Besides recognizing that the "high" and excitement only lasted for an hour or so, I also noticed my behavior. When MIL used to get buzzed and quiet, I would take it personally and wonder what I had done to annoy her. Last night, I knew I had done nothing and without the guilt & shame of drinking, realized that her mood had never been about me. The self assurance we get from not drinking FAR outweighs missing that hour of a high. It still amazes me too, that that hour is followed by ten of yuck... irritability, stumbling, nausea, sweats, bad sleep. Not worth it. So I've learned that if I can stick out that hour and pretend I'm "looser", I can enjoy my time as much as drinkers AND avoid the consequences. Win for me... win for us!!

I have no doubts that I know what I need to know now to never drink again. G, lets have this conversation again at 200, and see how much better it is then than now, K?

Happy Tuesday.

[available]

morning nest

No work for me today, im sore and slept like crap. I shudder at how many days i had off due to a hangover, god i feel my life was a big hangover for years.

Daisy so pleased you are getting outside help and you have your family as support. Ultimately it is our choice and you are so making the best one. I took every ounce of support from my family and i am sure i drove them nuts as i was around them a lot when i first stopped but they knew i could not or did not want to be alone or go out alone, that al voice was maddening and i really didnt want to lose my best friend (al). I didnt trust myself at all and they helped me immensely and for that i am eternally grateful.

Thanks for your prayers J, I hope you had a nice day around your mum as hard as it may be.

Pauly i hope you get your daughter back soon and she is safe. I had a chuckle when you said you cant drink at everything or you would never be sober! I get that one! It does get easier to deal with shite sober as time goes on. I am a constant worrier over my children also, drive me and them nuts.

Pav, i agree, i think the first 6-8 months are the most trying times in recovery and then that elusive year is nearly upon us and the realisation that "hey i can do this and i have been doing this sober stint and its good" hits.

How is it going Min? Keep popping in and saying hi, the nest is busy but great reading.

Take care all x

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Sitting in front of the TV with two dogs & a cat, husband is out at some dinner meeting or something. My life is not terribly exciting but that's perfectly OK with me

Ava, try not to worry about the biopsies. We do worry way more than we need to, right? Just keep taking good care of yourself!!

Daisy, I'm glad to hear you have taken steps to ensure your success. Good for you!

j-vo, hoping everything is going OK for you & your Dad. I had the sole job of taking care of my Mom's things after she passed, not an easy thing to do but you will be OK.

G & Kensho, I am anxious to celebrate 200 with both of you so hang in there guys

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest, still chilly around these parts!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

A busy nest....its great to see!
What a day, but I have tomorrow off, well, except a phone call I have to make at 8:30 with a cowrker who has offered to help me on a quote. Im going to decorate my
cake for Thursday. I think Ive got everything done for the big day! So glad Im not trying to figure out how to drink thru all this.
Hope everyone has his PLAN in place, I am ready!! Hugs to all! Byrdie

[mario]

Hi Byrdlady and fellow nesters,

Great to see the nesters thread bubbling away :-) and everyone getting through day by day, There will always be problems in our life's to sort out, always, Not drinking alcohol does not make them go away, but at least the more sobriety you have you can actually deal with them in a clear mature and intelligent way.And slowly but slowly these huge problems are not as huge as you think they are, have a good day all :-)

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,

Moving along with day 11 AF, getting confused at this stage & having to work it out...Sorry for the nest clutter but I've a worry I dont want to give to much power to (that doesn't even deserve it's own thread). I've been an alcoholic for 13 years I've had 6 years 9 months dry in two spells over the last decade which sounds ok. But both started when I was expecting. So I guess I'm frightened I can't do this for myself because I never have before. Thanks for listening
LS

[available]

LS i didnt drink when i was pregnant 4 times but my giving up drinking is for me. You deserve to put yourself first now to have the life you want. I have put my family first forever and really when i was drinking they never came first to al. I was scared of losing my best friend al more than anything else in the world. Maybe this is what is scaring you not doing this for yourself. I thought of giving up al as me losing a friend that had died. We all grieve for al in a way. You will be fine.

[Guitarista]

We sure do have to work it out LS. We have to work out what we want don't we? I have asked myself this question. What do you want G man? What are my possibilities and alternatives. the life scenario's i see before me involving any sort of drinking aren't very exciting and i can see where they lead. Cost benefit analysis, pros and cons. It's good for me to work it out and pick my path, and down to me only. time for some self care and self lovin? day 11! Yeaah! Stick with it my friend. :thumbsup:

[j-vo]

These posts are so great. Everyone has their pearls of wisdom, and it helps to see al from different angles and views. Thank you.

LS, 6 years and 9 months is phenomenal. You did it for a long time, and you can do it again. Can I ask what helped you stay away for that long, and what was the trigger that made you pick up the drink?

I've been struggling a lot in the past two days. When we got here, so many memories of mom surfaced, and although they're wonderful memories, it hurts so much. I've been crying a lot, sleeping a lot, and I have wanted to drink a lot. What you said, Pauly, that we can't drink at everything and we have to find a way to get through it. I hope you daughter gets home safely.

Going to get a new tv for dad today and continue our organizing. Hopefully get to the pool for a little while, too.

Have a good day.

[Nursie]

Good Morning Nest!
I think I lost a post yesterday. I did post!! But I don't see it.
Off to work but I have a super easy day just paperwork and office stuff. So I will give a proper check in later!

[SouthLondoner]

Just checkin' in again. Each relapse is a chance to learn - once out of the dark cloud, anyway.

My current plan of action:

- Look after my foundations; sleep, nutrition, exercise, meditation

- Be mindful of my self talk and practice more self compassion, loving kindness and gratitude.

- Isolate/avoidance for a while; being with certain people in certain environments is a trigger that I am not strong enough to deal with yet. Even talking about drink/partying gets the dopamine firing - my brain anticipates a perceived reward. On top of this, be super aware of my feelings/emotions/chatter at home on Fridays/Saturdays nights. Thinking I am missing out on something only makes me beat myself up more and make me want to go out.