Newbies Nest

[NoraC]

Happy Thanksgiving

I have been struggling but I am fine. Day 39 today and I'm as determined as ever.
My daughter and granddaughter are visiting my ex for the holiday so it would be easy for me to drink and act stupid.
The way it works with the Antabuse,for me, is that 125 mg every 4 or 5 days is enough to have the desired effect. It's a conscious decision to not take it,which of course is the first step to drinking.
I left my office at 6 yesterday, thinking of stopping at my favorite BBQ place down the street for beer and BBQ. I couldn't do it. I just feel like I can't do this,crap to myself anymore.
This morning I was thinking of how it's like digging through a tunnel, with a light at the end that you can't see yet. The debris shoveled slowly out of the tunnel is all the denial,pretense,guilt and shame that go with living a life bogged down by addiction. I find that my determination is fueled by something more this time. I think part of it is fear.
I'm not questioning it; I just know that for,today I am not drinking. I had invitations to different friends homes for today, but I really don't want to be around drinking. Also I'm relishing the peace and quiet at home.
I feel like I'm ok
Thanks to all for being her-

Ann C

Ann - just my personal experience....so take it with a grain of salt. But, when I was never able to be successful with antabuse when I took it every 4 or 5 days. It was very easy for me to 'forget' to take it if I was in a depressed state. I would tell myself...oh shoot, I forgot my pill, I'll take it tomorrow. But, when I had it in my pill case and took it every morning with my regular pills while my mind was still determined, I had good success when I used it.
Great job on 39 days!

[Justme Again]

Morning Nest

Hope the American birds had a lovely Thanks Giving!

G-man - the laziness is something else sober... It must be that our brains are still adapting in the first couple of months. I remember getting a big glass of wine ready whenever I started some dreadful task. Didn't matter what it was - dishes, vacuming, personal admin, gardening, parenting.. it was a start-up ritual!
It takes way more energy and mental pushing to get things done these days. I wondered what was wrong with me!!

Have a happy (black) Friday!

[available]

Evening nesters

It has returned to winter i think in Ausland, it will be nice to have some warmer weather.

I hope everyone "over there" had a lovely thanksgiving.

Just, i needed a wine just to vacuum on the weekend too or to hang the washing out or when i wanted to breathe really. Oh the memories, thank god they are just that. I find now if i dont feel like doing anything then i dont. If i think about it enough it will get done eventually. I dont have the guilt now that went with drinking.

J you are sounding great girl, i am so glad you are having a good time and much needed after the last year or so.

Tonight i am with the man and his twin 4 year old grandsons are staying over. Not sure about twins as they are identical but twice as much fun. I'm kind of there Lav!. Spoil and give back.

Not much else to report other than TGIF.

Good to see everyone plodding along af. I love plodding along day by day.

Take care x

[mario]

Good morning nesters, I did copy some of the previous posts to say hello to but they disappeared :egad:, Try again tomorrow.

Good to see we all more or less still happy with our progress and we all still moving forward, Its good imo to remember the horrors of where you were this time last month last week last year etc , As we don't have to live in our past but its best not forget it either. Don't forget to scream or just quietly smile to yourself to congratulate on how far you have come and the accomplishment you have achieved so far. This battle aint easy.

See yis all tomorrow and have a great positive day.

Don't quit quitting.:welldone:

[j-vo]

Good morning,
So sad to hear of Florence Henderson's a.k.a. Carol Brady's passing. RIP. What a great woman she was. Of course I grew up watching the Brady Bunch and reruns. I probably know their lines better than they do!

So it's Black Friday and I'm not shopping. I think it's a pool day. My days are limited. I leave on Monday, so must take advantage of this beautiful weather.

Ava and Pav, you have a big party coming up soon. Three years is huge and I hope someday I can say that I made it that long.

Ava, little four year olds! That must be a lot of fun, and exhausting. They're so full of energy.

Daisy, I hope you're doing well. Thinking of you.

Mario, I need to remember the horrors and consequences of drinking because that keeps me in line, but also to be grateful that I don't have to live that way anymore.

Have a good day.

[Roobs]

Good morning nesters,

I made it through thanksgiving dinner. it was a wonderful spread of food. I'm really grateful to have these people I my life. They all knew I wasn't ( because I told them via texts before thanksgiving. )drinking and it was no big deal . I'm glad I told all of them because I was feeling a little wobbly when everyone walked in with a bottle of wine. It crossed my mind, it was right there, I wanted it for about 5 minutes but I moved passed it. I was also grateful that one of our guests when offered a drink, said " no thanks I'm driving." Just like that. I'm still feeling a little melancholy but reading through MWO has been unbelievably helpful. I don't want to let myself down and I don't want to let any of you down. Accountability!!

Thank you all.

[j-vo]

Good for you Roobs. And that feeling passed in only five minutes. If we don't give it attention, it goes away much quicker than if we get angry at it.

[paulywogg]

Morning all,J-vo I hadn't heard of Florence Henderson passing, that's so sad Marcia Brady was on DWTS when the season first started and it was strange cuz from far away she was still Marcia but up close you could tell she's in her 60's she still looks good but older of course, I had a nice Thanksgiving and I drank....tons of coffee and soda! I ate like a friggin horse and got tired so I needed the caffeine and then I ate again and needed another coffee haha,Ava,twin 4 year olds,howfun but exhausting! Louie(g-son)will be 4 in March and he keeps me on my toes constantly,Roobs,I think that melancholy feeling is normal, when I quit for almost 5 months I had it on and off,also during the summer I had 100+days felt it on and off,it's not a depression,just more of a "meh" feeling, the good news is that usually if I feel like that the next day is amazing, I need to remember that!! Hope everyone has a positive, peaceful, AF Friday

[j-vo]

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!! Years ago, I read her memoir. She had a severe alcohol and drug addiction for years. I'm sure she's clean and yes, she does look good. As they say, this disease of addiction does not discriminate in any way. We are all susceptible to the horrors of it. We also can walk away from it and have a good and productive life. It's our choice.
I haven't gotten off the couch yet. Too much turkey yesterday. I need to move!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

SO thankful that my belly is still full but I slept well and have not an ounce of regret about yesterday (well, maybe that second piece of pie). When the conversation took a turn that I know my in laws were going to upset me, I got up to "go to the bathroom" and spent some time in the other room until it was safe to come back. All in all a fine day, and I am glad it is over.

Re: lazy. I have discovered podcasts to get me through those mundane house chores! There is a podcast for everything - and for everyone. I know that it is also good for you to let your mind wander, but I love the podcasts so much that I actually look forward to some "time alone" washing dishes so I can listen. Current favorites (other than the Bubble Hour) - This American Life (the daddy of all podcasts); Reveal (really good investigative journalism); Radio Lab (great investigations into odd things); More Perfect (a Radio Lab spinoff about the US Supreme Court - sounds dry but is SO good!); Reply All (investigations into Internet things); Revisionist History (Malcolm Gladwell looks more deeply into something that may be misunderstood); Heavyweight (the host helps people resolve longstanding conflicts in their lives). There are so many more - I sometimes listen to comedy, interviews, etc. Anyone else listen? Have one to share? The only problem for me is that I listen to music less now - sometimes a great playlist serves the same purpose. Anyway - I ALSO enjoy being lazy on the couch.

Mario - that description of the fog NAILED it. Once I quit and the fog cleared, I was able to see that alcohol was affecting my life and relationships in ways that I didn't know. I gained confidence, the ability to discuss instead of argue with my husband, patience with my kids, clarity at work.

Pauly - oh, yes. I do have those regrets from past Thanksgivings. Thank goodness those days are over.

There was more I was going to reply to, but I have had too many distractions and can't remember.

Happy Friday, everyone. No ticket to boozeville here!

Pav

[scottish lass]

Made it through, even though temptation hit hard! Satisfied this morning, and need to move to deal with the turkey.

Going to a gathering tonight, and I know I will be tempted again - so starting the defense mechanisms now!

Glad to see all doing well and relating successes!

Thankful to be unhung this morning!

[Byrdlady]

I found my post that I ghought I lost! Yes!!
Here it is:


I am crawling out of the pits of death, Cancer, grief, and addiction. I am climbing higher and higher. The air is nice up here. My family is so happy. Everyone has a sense of calm that they haven't had in some time. My last drunk was my worst drunk ever and I am glad it is behind me. I think all of my drunk behaviors and episodes will always hurt a bit. They must, or I would feel like "researching" (drinking) again to see if I could miraculously control it.
I am no longer stuck in the swinging pendulum. I do believe I am finally going to make it.
I do believe that everyone can have sobriety and a happy life. I do believe that it takes some people more tries than others. But I pray that we can all live in sobriety peace and safety before anything worse happens because of our drinking.

Nursie, I wonder if you would consider tucking this into the Tool Box? I believe anyone who wants sobriety can find it, too. A beautiful post! Someone said a few weeks ago that chasing (and losing) the dream of moderation was the final piece of the puzzle. We all have to offically try that.
Those 'Rain in my Heart' Documentaries scared the beejeebers out of me. I recognized myself in them. There was one guy who drank a whole tumbler of wine without flinching. That was becoming me! I have done that. When my hubs would run to the store, I would sneak down to the other fridge and pour a tumbler of wine from the box and down it right quick before he came back. Then brush my teeth. Then worry about my next drink. What an awful cycle. Is it easy to break free of addiction? NO! Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!
Happy Black Friday, all! Byrdie

[madonmehndi]

Evening nesters, after a rubbish day (both meetings i tried to attend were no go's and I don't know why but have reported both, one AA and one Smart) so been feeling fed up as I really needed a meeting today, managed to get through the day however and been drowning myself in non-al drinks tonight and trying to keep occupied, done some embroidery, watched some tv, read some trash mags in the bath and now I am going to have an early night I think as my headache has just come back!

Thanks everyone for being here with your words of wisdom and encouragement, it means so much to have somewhere to come and just be

Byrdie, I watched Rain in my heart and cried - very hard hitting and very very sad!

[j-vo]

I drank yesterday and today. I must not have it in me, the strength and all of that stuff that makes one a sober person. It sucks to feel like a loser, losing over and over again. I thought I had it. I was struggling this whole week, feeling the absence of mom, Dad's depression, and the loss of my beautiful mom. Yesterday when we went to the neighbors we cheered to mom, and after that, it was over. Today, when I was paying my hamburger bill at the bar, the woman asked me for our number and name (they charge it through home owner's association) and I told them my dad's last name. She asked, how's your mom doing? I should have known that would happen. I came home from the pool and dad is in a very depressive state, and crying (not like I cry, but still). My heart hurts and that's no excuse to drink. I need outside help is all I can say. I thought I was doing well, doing everything I needed to do. Then this week happened. Was I not expecting this to happen? Expecting to feel this emotional? No, I posted last week this will be like a retreat. Really? A retreat! Sounds lovely. No, this isn't a retreat, this is memory after memory in my face. I think when I was home, occupied with work, I didn't have reminders of how wonderful my mom was. Now people are telling us, "oh, I loved your mom, she was a wonderful lady." I don't know when or if I'll be back, but I'm grateful for all of you and what you've given me. I know that i cannot drink, should not drink, and that's a big difference from all the times I fell off the wagon and insisted I could drink moderately. I have no false hopes of that. At all. I'm an alky, and I need sobriety or else I'm gonna die. Plain and simple. I'm sorry I let you all down, and mostly I'm sorry I let myself down. And my mom.

[paulywogg]

:hug:J-vo:hug:I know it's a hard situation that you're going through, I don't really know what to say only that I hope you'll stay here with us, thinking of you hon