Newbies Nest

[starty]

Hey struggles, where do I find the episodes of Dr G? Is that what it is called?

[scottish lass]

J-vo, thank you for posting - I was going to sneak in and read and not post. I too drank last night - I was feeling sorry for myself, for so many reasons.

Holidays get to me, I feel so far from home - its my choice that I moved so far away, but doesn't make it easier. My kids miss the concept of family. Their dad hasn't seen them for over 6 months and didn't contact them. On Thanksgiving, we were in kitchen getting dinner ready and there was a large family playing street football outside - one of my two looked at me and said have we ever done anything like that. the expression on her face was so sad. I tried to talk about the best of both worlds, but it was tough.

Last night it was a big gathering, lots of families and I just felt out of it - so I took the glass of wine offered.

My father is doing really badly - his diagnosis should be coming soon, he has some kind of dementia. My mother is doing a good job looking after him, but he is falling all the time. I should be there to support her.

Sorry - feeling so sorry for myself - I don't like drinking or how it makes me feel - how many times do I have to try once more to work it out?

J-vo - let's do this. You and me, we can - we are better than this, and we deserve so much more.

[j-vo]

Thank you all for your support, words, and everything I just don't have words for. Everyone makes a difference here in their own special way. I've read over all your responses at least three times and I know I need you all. It just seems this week I'm so empty and I never imagined the hurt to be this bad. Dad called while I was at the pool telling me it was hard to even get in the shower. He's very depressed but he has an appt next week with his GP. I am going to suggest a higher dose of antidepressant (I don't even think he's on one but not sure). I will be leaving Monday to go back to 'normal' life. Truthfully, I don't think I can handle much more sadness. But I can and will be back to receive all of your amazing, kind, and loving support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

SL, please hang in there. Yes, let's do this together.

[abcowboy]

SL, JVO, and PW, you three ladies are the definition of never give up! Not sure what the feminine saying of the 3 Musketeers is, but it's you 3! The tenacity and determination the 3 of you have will undoubtedly end up in a quit that sticks for all of you. I have no doubt about that. Keep trying and take it as a reward every single day you say no to that first one!

[NoSugar]

SL and J, As I read your posts I had the thought, why in the world wouldn't they drink? What they're dealing with is awful and would be so hard to take. Of course they had to give themselves a break. So, not that this really means anything, but I don't "blame" you. The more important thing is, I hope you don't blame and beat up yourselves. You're human and were overwhelmed by strong, hard, emotions.

The thing is, if you can find a way to be AF long enough for not only your brain biochemistry to change but also for the way you think about alcohol to change, having a drink won't seem like the inevitable choice. In fact, it might not even occur to you. Many people don't ever drink and so when they face the same losses and feelings of despair, other ideas pop into their heads. That was me for the first half of my adult life: stuff happened and I dealt with it. Having a drink never occurred to me. Then for years, it seemed like a drink was the answer. Now, after nearly 4 years AF, the idea of a drink still pops into my head in times of stress but even when I'm really upset, it's so clear that it's not the answer. Some people like Byrdy and Ava have written about getting through crises and not even having thoughts of a drink! That is where we all can be.

Please stick with us and give yourself time. And remember, you haven't lost what you've learned and experienced from your long AF periods. Those can't be taken away.

xx, NS

[Struggles 106]

Hey Starty
There's a guy who posts them on You Tube
His name is Rich Kutney
The ones involving Dr G are usually called " What Killed Leesa?" Or whatever the name is
Leesa is the one I spoke of

Ann C

[scottish lass]

The thing is, if you can find a way to be AF long enough for not only your brain biochemistry to change but also for the way you think about alcohol to change, having a drink won't seem like the inevitable choice. In fact, it might not even occur to you.

xx, NS

NS - I long for this time - I have gone well over a year AF, this time was well over 30 days. In 2016 I have frequently had over a month - the times I have had a drink have been few and far between - I can't wait for the way I think to change, I desire that more than I can express - I am so cross and upset with myself today. Drinking was so stupid, and way too easy. It seems in two seconds I can give everything away....I was getting ready all day to be able to not drink, I posted, I confirmed to myself what my plan was - I was so ready to not drink, and in a flash it was over. Senseless!

[NoSugar]

The brain biochemistry kind of takes care of itself once it's no longer being poisoned, so that's good news :smile:. I changed my thinking about alcohol in several ways. Learning everything I could about the science of addiction and the toxicity of alcohol helped the rational me understand why I couldn't control my drinking and to make better choices. By constantly noticing how just about everything in my life was better (or at least less bad) directly because I wasn't drinking, I sort of brainwashed myself into preferring to be a nondrinker - into giving up the hopeless and unnecessary fight. I still am always aware of what not drinking brings me --- self-confidence and peace of mind. PRICELESS.

All of this took time! In the meantime, I immersed myself here. I read memoirs by addicts. I listened to podcasts and watched movies and videos. I promised myself I would post here before drinking (to put the brakes on that "flash"). Unable to do that one time, I texted Byrdie from a bathroom stall . Embarrassing, but at least I didn't drink. I'd be happy to be your flash-breaker :hug:.

[Nursie]

Scottish, boy do I know that feeling! I started really hating myself because I had sober time, had gone through so much work of reading, posting, working on stuff....then BOOM it's 3am and I don't know where my car is.
Other times I would be set with a nice long AF streak. ️Life going along fine. Then at the stop light instead of making a right to go home, I took a quick left to the liquor store. I did that several times, as if against my will.
Now I take Antabuse and a different route home.
I know I won't always take Antabuse. But it is helping me get through the first few months. After too many failed attempts I had to do more than what I was doing. Therapy, meetings, journaling, practicing gratitude, meditating, and listening to sleep hypnosis is all helping me to feel the peace I need.
I'm sure I'm on the pink cloud right now but I will keep working as hard as I can to stay this person. This sober person that I love. The sober person people can depend on. I feel so grown up lol.
Let's keep kicking butt!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

It was chilly today so now I am parked in front of the fireplace, surrounded by dogs - see the excitement? Ha ha.
I am actually doing exactly what I want to do at this point in my life, the drama has ended, thank goodness!

J-vo, glad you checked in & are OK. I know you will figure out what you need to do & just remember that we are all here for support!

SL, I imagine it must be hard being so far away from your family. I watched my sister-in-law go through this with her family back in Europe. Can you manage a quick trip maybe to help ease your concerns?
Your girls are relying on you for support too so you must feel overwhelmed. I hope you can work things out & give yourself a chance to succeed.

Meditating & the sleep hypnosis were both very effective tools for me. Distraction was probably my #1 tool. Every time I would start to think about drinking I would stop whatever I was doing & go do something completely different! I can't tell you how many times I opened the door & stepped outside to do a few quick laps around the yard - it worked every time

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Hi lovely people. I'm running on fumes; up at 3:00 am to catch a flight that shouldn't be allowed. I'm beat. Made it through the week. Not without drama on the last night; but not about drinking! I'll say that drinking by others played a part though! I can elaborate another time. Glad to see read so many posts and so much progress. Keep up the work everyone. It pays off.

[lifechange]

hi Nesters!
Very early Sunday morning and I am happy to be un-hung and to have had 7 full hours of sleep. The past week has been a roller coaster of emotions and I've been living and working on about 3 hours a night. In the moment I'm faced with moving apart from the man I've been living together with for 10 years (with his son and my daughters) into a flat of my own with the girls. It's something I was dreaming about last year, wanting to break away from a failing relationship, and would've given anything for.. and now I'm feeling very scared. I have never really lived on my own. I'm realising that I'm quite uncomfortable with being alone. I'm afraid. It's ironic because the past couple of months we have been finding each other again, looking to see if there's some way to salvage what we had and begin on new ground. It was going well but now new circumstances have come into play, Everything is up in the air and I am being asked to be patient.. which is not a strong point of mine. When there is chaos in my life I try to pack everything into some sort of manageable order. And now I'm finding it necessary to sit with very hurt feelings, angst, the complete unknown. Which I'm trying to turn around and be excited about. I was reading again somewhere that with addicts, our personal growth tends to stop at around the age we began with our drug of choice. I'm always quite embarrassed/ashamed at the fact that not only did I begin drinking to escape and deal with life at the age of 14, I also had a drunk mother who wasn't around to teach me about dealing with relationships and life. So I've often felt like an impostor in love relationships, very unsure and dependent and unable to trust. I've learned some along the way, but still..
Having to do with this site.. I am not drinking! Sometimes the discomfort has been so great that I wished I could crawl out of my skin. My heart felt like it was breaking and I had some terrible panic attacks. I didn't come here because I couldn't put anything I was feeling into words and couldn't concentrate.
Now after 7 terrible days I feel slightly more calm.
Like I won't die of fear. And I need you all. I need to be here. I realized during this time that the only thing I really have is my sobriety. It is the one thing that assures my sanity. If I decide to drink it will bring me so far down I might not be able to get back up. This I KNOW! Been there, done that. Nothing makes me feel more sad or helpless/hopeless/terrified/panicked than drinking on top of these feelings. I just wish my meditation practice would kick in to work.. and the 3P's haven't helped either at this point.
Today I will read back here and catch up with all of you, go to the gym.. and then I have a fermentation workshop this afternoon.
Hugs to everyone..:hug:

[lifechange]

J-vo and SL, I'm sorry I wasn't around to offer support. You both know we all know and understand how it is. I truly believe we all have it in us to be sober and happy and that the LAFQ does happen. But we can Never give up. We can't allow ourselves to get stuck in thoughts of despair about what we have done, but have to concentrate on the moment. It might really be necessary to get some outside help, J-vo. I've been thinking the same thing.. therapy, meetings. You do have it in you to do this. You have learned so much these past weeks and those AF days mean a lot. They don't disappear.. it's just necessary to hook right back onto them with more AF days. I hope you are beginning to feel more hopeful and that you will stay here. Both of you. This is an important place to be. One of the many important tools of staying sober. Love to you.

[available]

Afternoon nesters

A nice quiet day today and Lav i have the heater on ad there is 3 days till summer. Puppies around me too!

Lovely to see you back LC. I do hope everything works out for you. Its hard making decisions as a grown up and without our crutch to lean on. I left my hubs after 17 years and then got with someone straight away. I dont think i wanted to be alone either. Now i have quiet happily been alone for 7+ years with kids although i did seriously get a worse drinking problem at the start of this journey. I covered up everything with al. The more time we have away from al then the more clarity we have. I still have shite i need to sort through emotionally but now its not as important as it once was. I can live with it and deal with it whenever. It is not going to make me drink. I think i am grown up enough to have a relationship now and thats after 3 years of sobriety. When i stopped drinking i figured i had been drinking bad for over 10 years and if it takes 10 years to get it together then so be it. I am in no hurry anymore (me being the 2nd most impatient woman after you). Maybe when you move what you thought you want may change. Life is like that.

Good to see you popping in Kensho.

J, i hope you have a safe trip home and get back to normal life. Sending you hugs.

I am off to make some sushi and prawn rolls. Its nice to make food for someone who appreciates it. I know the children dont.

Take care x

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

SL - I agree with NS - don't beat yourself up. I believe in what Lav says - meditation and gratitude galore. Sounds SO hokey, I know, but sometimes I am amazed. For example - I am that family playing football in the street. What you don't see is that my BiL is addicted to pain pills, my sister and I aren't talking, my mom and I disagree about how to take care of my dad, my FiL is being an asshole again, I have to make sweet potatoes even though I don't like them because it is tradition and I've been assigned. Blah blah blah. I LONG for the days when I lived far away from my family and could spend time with the family of my choosing - the friends I still believe to be a part of my extended family - during holidays. I long for eating Chinese food instead of turkey (which I don't even like), or skipping all together and going for a long hike. I sometimes feel burdened and encumbered by living so close to so many family members. I am not belittling your situation or saying that being away from your parents, especially in a time like this, isn't hard. I'm just saying that sometimes perspective and gratitude for what you DO have can change that thinking. Of course, dealing with illness and death is not something you can put a rose on and make ok, but we can still have gratitude even in impossible situations. As I held my wonderful old friend as she died, I could find gratitude that she was able to die peacefully at home. It seems impossible, and even like some bulls&*t new age stuff to say that it would help, but thankfully I am like NS and like science behind what I do - it is THERE for gratitude and for meditation. It actually works. You will get there - don't beat yourself up.

Ann - thanks for sharing that. It must have been very scary - both what happened and sharing it with us.

Off to bed. I already have that Sunday night anxiety about what I have to get done at work this week. Time to meditate, get in the moment, read my book and get some sleep.

Night,
Pav