Newbies Nest

[Nursie]

Lav, sorry about the hubs. I bet it feels great to be sober and available when Things like that happen! Hope he feels better soon.

My step daughter was home from college this week-end. I was so happy I wasn't drinking. I took her shopping for some essentials, cooked, cleaned, woke up early and busied myself around the house. Made her cookies to take back with her.
I feel good about that.
I had the dumbest fight with my husband last night because he misunderstood something I said and then called me a liar. Duh! It was sooooo stupid but he was so upset about it! I just let him have his bad mood and I went to my room and read. He realized later he was overreacting and that I wasn't lying to him.
I don't want to go to work tomorrow!

[paulywogg]

Lav,hope everything goes smoothly with YB

[Lost Soul]

Evening all,

Quietly marking my place as my day 15 is coming to an end : happy2: The nest is so full & moving like a steam train... so much support & advice & is without a doubt a really helpful place to be when hoping to achieve sobriety regardless of where we are on our journey :happy2:

Lav, sorry to hear about your husband - I'm glad he got diagnosed & treated so quickly & hope he has a speedy recovery xx
Kensho, good to hear you had a good week :happy2: looking forward to updates!

LC, sorry to hear you had a tough time as a young person. Id quite a difficult time as a teenager & think it brings very complicated emotions growing up in an 'unconventional' setting. In relation to my troubles I think we try to compensate by accepting alot of blame that is not ours. In some ways this helps restore a sense of 'safety' & control but is so damaging to carry shame this way. In truth, I think we have nothing to be ashamed of but it's hard to admit this because we have to let go of an illusion of safety in a situation we'd no control of & that is frightening...but ive found also very empowering as letting go of that which we cannot control & overcoming obstacles which we can are all positive steps towards healing emotionally & well worth taking. Apologies if babbling on about my tale of woe has no relevance! I wish you strength & confidence in the changes you are facing in your life x
Ava, very wise words, thank you for sharing your thoughts on time & acceptance, very comforting x
Pav, More often I get the feeling so few families are as they look to others...& the anecdotal phrase 'happiness is not a certain set of circumstances more a certain set of attitudes' rings true.
Mario, thinking of you - I know whatever changes you have going on at the moment, your positive attitude will see you through x
Waves to Pauly, Byrdie, NS, Nursie & nice to see you wagmor :happy2:
Roobs good job on 13 days!
Hi Ann, I think discussion on labels comes up from time to time & I think it's personal preference how we choose to view our own struggles & whatever works for you...& it's obviously working - 42 days is fantastic!
G, not sure where your at...no one's counting eh? So pleased for you anyway! ☺
Hi action girl, glad you visited the nest - I've flown in quite recently & the current motley crew has helped me to 2 weeks, it's so helpful x
SL, sorry to hear you had a slip. I think you've been very brave to post & glad your feeling better on your 2nd day. It's really good that you didn't as you say slide away into a longer bender x

Wishing you all a safe & sober Sunday
Many thanks for helping me through
LS

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Evening Nest,

The half century is almost complete for this old man. 49 3/4 days sober.

Had a really busy day today. Got up at 6am, made a big Sunday breakfast for my family. Did a couple of hours yard cleanup with my toddler boy (always fun ) and about 5 hours of construction - putting the roof on a new 12x16 storage shed I've been building. Then cleaned and re-organized my garage and did some painting.

Sobriety is treating me really well. What the hell did I ever do with my free time when I was drinking? Looking around the house, I can answer that easily - almost two full decades of half-finished shitty jobs started halfheartedly and partially finished while angry-drunk. 50 days sober and I've redone them all to my new sober standards :smile:.

I talked to my wife last night while we were lying in bed together after getting the little one down to bed. I have been feeling so incredibly grateful for her lately and I just started talking from the heart. I see everything she does, how loving and caring she is, what an awesome Mom she is, how accepting she is, how resilient and hard-working she is, how much I value her opinion... and wow.. how incredibly beautiful she is. I just told her all this stuff I have never even told her, or at least never told her and really meant every last word of it. She was silent. The lights were out and I couldn't see her face. I asked her if she was ok, and then I realized she was crying. She thanked me, told me how much she loves me and our life together and we fell asleep.

It's amazing how much better the world looks through sober eyes. I am loving it so far, and I never, ever want to go back.

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving Holiday.

ThirdTimesACharm

[Roobs]

Yep.

[Roobs]

Oops, sorry about the last post. I thought I could reply directly to someone's post.
Good night peeps!

[lifechange]

Morning Nesters,
i'm up even before the birds!
Lostsoul, thank you, thank you so much for sharing your tale of woe. It is very much what I'm experiencing, how I've been living my life. "the illusion of safety in a situation" I've realized that a lot of my sadness has to do with the fact that in many ways I'm still dealing with my childhood and with finding ways to let go/change behaviours that don't in anyway suit me or the people in my life. Every relationship I've been in has been somewhat+ dysfunctional because I couldn't fully trust and accept the person I was with. Add to the fact that I've always chosen people from a compromised state of mind and being.. not that I haven't had beautiful relationships but they've always been very tumultuous, co-dependent, not built on any sort of solid foundation. I've also had a problem my entire life with dishonesty. Not being honest with myself to begin with and then finding it often easier to lie to others rather than be faced with the truth. I lived a huge lie for a very long time, acting as if I might be able to drink moderately.. and that directly affected so many areas of my life. Last week I made a promise to myself not to tell any more lies, ever. No white lies, no exaggerations.. (i told myself this once before, but forgot!) if I find it impossible to tell the truth, then I won't say anything. It's a difficult habit to break because it's been so deeply ingrained in my coping with life strategies.

Nursie, sounds like such a nice day with your step daughter! I am also so happy to be taking better care of my girls. Being fully present to listen and help them deal with their lives. On Sunday my younger daughter, turning 12 in 2 weeks, called me to tell me she was having problems deciding whether or not it would be better, for her birthday, to make cookies for the class and brownies for her swimming party or vice versa.. I was so happy to be distracted by these sorts of "problems". I have been very self centered these past years and am happy to focus more of my energy on what's truly important!

3Times, congratulations on half a century!! You sound great and I am very happy to hear you so happy! I had to laugh out loud regarding the 2 decades of half finished shitty jobs around the house! Good for you getting them done properly now.. That you and your wife have been able to work through it all and find each other again is truly a blessing.. you are really on the right road. Thank you for sharing that with us!

ok. off to read a bit more and then work. will check in this afternoon.
xx

[available]

Afternoon nesters

Lav i hope hubs is doing well and home soon. You can put all your nursing skills to use now. How has your daughter healed after her op?

Third, what a beautiful post about your wife, i cried when i read this as i realise that is the person i am now. I suppose i was this before i drank but i now realise that i am a wonderful person. I still find this concept of myself hard to grasp but my self worth is growing each and everyday. You are a very special person and your wife is a very lucky woman.

Congratulations on your two weeks LS a wonderful achievement by you. I agree we hold a huge amount of emotions in us that we covered up by drinking and it is a great feeling to understand why we drank and to forgive, forget and move on. I have my mother visiting on Friday and i have a lot of angst about her visit but at the end of the day she is my mother, she is what she is and she will go home and all i have to do is smile a lot and get through each day. I know she will get the shits with someone and fly home and be a victim but i cant be responsible for her actions just as she is not responsible for mine. I have the control now to not drink AT her ever again.

Pauly i hope your daughter is safe now and those stress levels have lowered for you.

Where are you Daisy and J? Hope you both pop in soon.

Off to do some course work.

Take care x

[mario]

Good morning nesters, This thread is really busy now its great to read every ones progress or not every day, By writing it down & sharing it helps life some of the burden, It mighten get rid of the problem but it helps to share & to know that we are not alone .

For all those struggling & starting of, except defeat to our addiction, this wont make you weaker it will make you stronger as you are moving our fight to a different playing field, One in which you are in control, Have a great positive day nesters, its a pleasure every morning dropping in here & thank you.

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters, lots of wonderful posts,congrats on 50 days TTC Ava,I'm still not sure what's up with my daughter,I have no way to contact her except texting the creepy boyfriends mom just to make sure she's ok cuz he threw her phone into a fire pit! I've distanced myself from the situation like Lav says to do..detach,I worry of course but if Michelle is crazy enough to stay and "work it out" well then that's on her,I just hope his controlling doesn't turn physical,good luck with the mom visit, we love them so much but they drive us bananas haha,house is all dressed up for Christmas and the lights give it a peaceful, warm look inside during putting up the stuff though I had fond thoughts of back in the day having beers while putting up the decs,I hate those intrusive, ugly thoughts! Hafta realize they pass,wishing everyone a great AF Monday

[Mr Vervill]

No more fog



Today i no longer keep myself in a fog of alcohol to protect myself from my own painful feelings.
In my fog i was unable to get things done, I was usually late,
I had trouble making decisions and moving on with my life.

In my fog, I did not have clear answers to questions and did not really know what i was feeling, I found it hard to be straight with other people and ask for what i wanted.

Since we have been willing to move towards recovery, we discover our buried feelings and the fog is beginning to clear.
It will be hard to experience feelings that we haven't felt in a long time but it will be worth it to have my self and my life back, begin slowly to enjoy this life again.

We will discover that this can only be done with the help and support of others.

Thank you all.

This nails it, Mario. Thank yo

[j-vo]

Good morning. So much to catch up on. We picked my sister up at the airport last night. She'll be here until Dec. 11. It makes it so much easier for me to fly home later, knowing she's here. Then Dad will be by himself for a few weeks until he flies back north for xmas. He's got a lot of friends here, and he said yesterday he's going to start walking and practicing his golf. The thing is, he's still very tired, and already in for a nap at 9:30.

I don't want to be selfish right now, but I'm going to be. I will be putting myself first and begin to build my days one by one. I need my routine, as not having one always throws me off. I'll be leaving at 1:00 and my flight is at 3:15. I'm just rambling right now.

Thank you for all the love and support. I'll be up bright and early tomorrow posting at my usual 5 a.m. Before showering...the beginning of my familiar routine. Amen.

Lav, hope your DH is doing better. LC, strength to you. SL, thinking of you.

[scottish lass]

Morning all.

Hugs j-vo - selfish works, we need to be - we have to be able to do what we need to succeed. I was not selfish this holiday weekend, and it bit me, took some soul searching last night to realize (and Facebook memories that showed me what we did last Thanksgiving, which was sober and so much more fun, and more of my plans!)

LC & LS - hope you continue to work through everything.
Lav - hope you have the patient behaving appropriately!

Let's see how much I can cram into a Monday.

[madonmehndi]

Hi Nesters,

Just wanted to pop in and say I am still here (on day 23) but I can't keep up with this thread, every time I log on a few pages of posts have happened and I haven't time to read them all!! Hope everyone is where they want to be and had a good Monday

[KENSHO]

Hiya! My gosh, things are moving here! I am glad to be back, and have a keyboard!!!

LAV, glad your husband is ok. I thought it was pretty rare to get appendicitis after 35 yrs. old? What a bummer!

3T - Yea for you at 50!!! Keep going!!! You won't regret it!

JVO, so glad you are still here and posting. Just. keep. posting. You will get yourself sorted out, and one day enjoy a life without alcohol.

Hi Madon, Lifechange, Nursie, Pauly, LostSoul, Roobs, Ava, Mario, Pav... where's Byrdie? I'm sorry for those of you I missed - so much to catch up on! Thank you all for being here.

With some distance from this recent trip to the in-laws, I am able to see the situation so clearly. My FIL is a control-freak and an abused man who abused his wife verbally. He pulled some really childish things right before we left, and then things blew up. My husband respectfully stands up for himself, and then gets shamed by his dad AND mom - as she enables the bullshit. Besides their twisted, dysfunctional relationship, what I really noticed this trip is how she drinks, and then says stupid stuff. I watched her, and knew her tricks well - the sneaking 3-4 glasses before people even arrived. I clued my husband in to this behavior and reminded him that often it was the alcohol talking when she scorned him. He knows she drinks a lot, but didn't know that she had a bunch before the party even started.

It was with understanding and sad eyes that I watched the drinking compound disagreements. SO sad.

BUT, I did not drink, and I arrive back at my normal life with my self-respect in tact and my desire to drink squashed to pieces. I never want to go back to that life. I also noticed how much easier it was to socialize with people and be MORE outgoing (not less), and more self-assured. I really, truly enjoyed talking with these people and I didn't give a crumb about what anyone thought of my drinking or lack thereof.

SO, keep trying. To all of you who have slipped or are new - if you keep trying and keep coming back here, it WILL click! And you will be infinitely happier. Not the all rainbows, sunshine & fairytales type of happiness, but a real, deep, honest gratitude and appreciation for all of life's moments - good and bad. Have faith that this will happen, and get through the daily grind! It will get easier, I promise!!!