Newbies Nest

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters, Madon,you're another one on the list who drank while decorating, jeez,wonder what our houses REALLY looked like? Probably acrooked angel,half assed strung lights,etc but it looked good to us haha,off to work in a bit,hope everyone has a wonderful AF Day

[KENSHO]

Hi Everyone! It's beautiful here in the mountains with snow. We took a train to our destination and it was magical. The train crowd is interesting though... a mix of adventurous families, older people who don't want to drive, and a vagabond type. One couple was traveling cross country by train, I'm convinced, so they could drink. At 8:45 am, the guy had two mixed drinks in front of him and two beer bottles. That continued the whole day. The crazy think is that he must have been plastered, but he held it together except for the distant, tired delay in his eyes; he was a real professional. I am SO glad I'm not trying to escape my life any more. I'm 41, and though I wasn't at the two bottle a night blackout stage, I have NO doubts that I would have gotten there by 50 or sooner had I continued.

Enjoy the moments everyone, it's what it's all about.

How do I know that I'm going to 200 days and beyond? I exhausted my "tries". No angle works for me- i.e. I ended up in the same unhappy place every time I drank.

[j-vo]

Happy Saturday,

Slept like a baby last night. Ready to delve into some school work and later finish the decorations. I was a drunk decorator, too, but very meticulous were my decorations! I almost feel as though I'm not as good at it, doesn't look at pretty because I'm not spending every second making changes, and being as creative as I normally am. But maybe this year is just like that because of circumstances and not necessarily the drink, because I really do love to do those kinds of things.

Mario, I think it's beneficial for us to replay those God-awful drinking binges in our heads so as not to forget what we are leaving behind. It'll make us think twice about picking up that drink and thinking as Pav said, "enough time has passed, I must be cured." There is no cure, we will always drink the way we've always drunk, and I know that. It will never change, but we can change without the drink. We can be our best selves without it. I really do like myself when I'm not a drunk. I feel the difference.

I've been watching interviews of alcoholics on youtube and connecting with their stories. Not much different from mine. One of them, Elizabeth Vargas, had a sad tale to tell. And hers started with anxiety. Did you know 67 percent of women alcoholics have had severe anxiety and depression? I'm one of them. My anxiety was through the roof, it was a form of social anxiety. I couldn't hide it because when I'd have episodes, which was always, I'd break out in read blotching skin which sometimes was from head to toe. It was so very bad, I hated myself every minute of every day. That's where my loneliness started. In my 20's. I actually didn't even realize to drink over it, but I'd cry a lot, have insomnia, and it was a living hell. It still happens, but very rarely. I grew out of it I guess. But the low self esteem, feelings of not being good enough, and just life's circumstances I believe led to that point. Whatever it was, I'm much better with anxiety and depression, and now it's time to work on getting on with a full life, without alcohol to depend on. It did me no good depending on a poison, as I've experienced for too long. It's evil, it has caused me nothing but pain.

Kensho, I visualized the man, and I'm sure he was having those fragmentary blackouts after that much alcohol. That look, feeling empty inside, hating himself. It's a sad life.

I'll check in later. Have a good day.

[Struggles 106]

Hey nesters

Another beautiful day here in NC. Day 55 and doing fine.
Pav-I like the description "full technicolor" . That is how it is without the fog of drinking and being sick from drinking.
My daughter and granddaughter will be gone for about a week soon, and it will be nice to not waste that time, and/or use it as an excuse to drink and be stupid. Not to mention potential damage to be done if I allowed that to happen.
As I recall, back when I was doing very badly-a few years ago I used to cry a lot. I'm all for a good cry now and then as a release from being overwhelmed. But being overwhelmed at every little thing I think is part of the drinking repercussions. Emotional instability.
What a mess I was. I'm sure people at work thought I was nuts, which of course I was.
So glad to be off that crazy train

Thanks to all for being here

Ann Carolina

[scottish lass]

Hi all - trying to get to gift wrapping - really don't enjoy it, and used to drink my way through it - not today, just have to encourage myself to get it done.

Wet and rainy here - girls are out at the ranch, hence I need to make good use of the time.

Had some pangs last night, but kept pushing them back....

Watched Bad Moms with my daughters, little too much bad language and sexual references for my likes, but some good laughs and a good story behind - my girls asked if being a mother was really like that, and I said that it was exaggerated for the movie, but pretty much so! Got big hugs at bedtime!

OK - got to get motivation - if anyone has any to spare, please send my way (or come and warp for me - even better!!)

Decorating will be next weekends work - I try and wait to put my tree up, Christmas Eve works just fine for me, but we like a real tree and have got caught desperately trying to find one. I like to keep it up to twelve night...

Have a great day all - I am sure I will check back later...

[Pavati]

Good soggy morning, everyone.

I think I've said it before, but I am not a lover of Christmas. I do love the lights on people's houses, but otherwise I get sad this time of year. I don't want to and I wish it wasn't so, but I do. I remember visiting my grandmother when I was young in her old folks living facility. I got so sad at seeing the lonely, alone old people there that I had to go into the bathroom and cry my eyes out. I think the have/have not is amplified this time of year and I get crazy from the crazy consumerism. I do wonder if my melancholy this time of year causes me to not like the holidays, or if the holidays cause me to be melancholy - either way I can't wait for January 2. Sorry to all of you people who love it. I have some of your types in my family - their overt cheeriness gets me through. Keep up your sober decorating. Bah Humbug and all that.

I slept in today - usually that is impossible for me. It felt GOOD, and actually like all I want to do today. Instead, I'll clean the house and do some errands and get ready for the TWO holiday parties I have tonight.

Happy SOBER Saturday.

Pav

[Guitarista]

Hiya nesters near and not so far,

Yes Pav, xmas is an emotive time. I used to get drunk and watch xmas movies and cry and feel sorry for myself. A combination of knowing many folks are alone and forgotten about this time of year, and wanting that happy family relationship i was seeing on the T.V. lol. But i don't have it bad at all. My family are pretty cool, and i am loved, so i count myself as fortunate. Family and togetherness is highlighted at christmas and that can be tough for those of us who have lost love ones or are far away from them. If anyone is feeling alone this time of year, remember you have us here in the nest.

Lovin livin in technicolour!

The self pity, poor me scenario's Mario. I remember them well. that's no way to live. The world owes me nothing. In fact, the world has lots and lots of treasure out there just waiting for me to power up, hit my ignition switch and go git it.

Day 120. Sheesh kabab. that's 4 months umpire. Next stop - 200 days and a cuppa with friend Kensho.

Have a bewdy out there pilgrims.

[j-vo]

Happy Big 4 MONTHS G!!! You're awesome and I love your posts. Please always stick around. I/we need you.

Pav, that's a sad story...sorry. I've never been a fan of the craziness. I'm already crazy to begin wtih and to add the extra pressure was always hard. For me it really was the social aspect of it all. Never good at it, and the pain of having had been through years and years of being afraid of people was magnified at this time of the year.

Ann, emotional instability...emotional stability is hard even when not drinking!! Gosh, I wonder what long term sobriety can do for this! Glad I'll be able to find out right with you Ann.

SL, I can't give you any motivation...but I can still give virtual hugs. :hug: And that's so awsome that you and your girls can spend that quality time together. And get hugs and appreciation after the movie. I've wanted to see that one. I like Mila Kunis.

So wasn't motivated as much as I wanted, but there's always tomorrow. And an unhung Sunday is what I'm talkin' about. Have a good one.

[j-vo]

One more thing...when I said about anxiety that 67 percent of women who have a problem with alcohol have an anxiety disorder of some sort. The other piece I forgot ot mention was that it takes twice as many tries when quitting than people without the anxiety. Just a piece of trivia, as we all know we can't believe everything we hear or read...and for me, it's not an excuse, but now, it encourages me to keep trying and know that CAN stick and happen for good.

[Byrdlady]

IMG_2627.jpgHey Nesters!
Mr. G, what an awful cycle it is. When I was drinking, I wished I werent and when I was sober, I wished I could drink. Thats what the gift if time does, like Pav said, even if I COULD drink, I wouldnt. Life in technicolor is better than any drink. AL doesnt do anyone any favors. I used to think that a couple drinks would help me make sales calls more easily. If I were having surgery, would I want my dr to have a couple drinks to steady his nerves before my operation? Hello no! AL improves nothing, it just wants you to think it does.
Busy day making cookies! I still like to keep busy, idle handsIMG_2611.jpg and all that. Have a great evening!

[Nursie]

Hello all Nesters!
I had quite the day! You're not gonna believe this, lean in real close! Ok here we go, my husband and I took our little boy to a roller skating/arcade type deal. We were invited there by another couple and their child. We have known them forever, have been on vacation together a few times, spent a whole lotta time with these people. Ok. But we were always drinking. I was always drinking.
Today at the place, I ordered iced tea and got to the business of having fun. Skating, playing, i mean I was really in the moment ya know? Now the couple we are with decides to have some drinks. My husband and I do not. The wife and I skate around and help the kids with their skating and have a great time.
When we got back to the table....the husband of the woman....he starts accusing her of gossiping to me about his family (no we didn't) and yelling at her when she tried to tell him to stop. They got into a full on argument and my husband and I took our son and left the area. The husband kept following us and trying to get us to take his side. (What??) I was hiding around corners trying to get rid of him and finally we just left.

Now, that situation has happened before but because I was drinking I tolerated it and laughed it off. I probably would have been drinking more than the both of them and had my own dilemma so I wouldn't have cared what he was saying. BUT I wasn't drinking and he scared me. I was upset for my friend and her kids.

The guy also said to me "I k ow you want to drink but it's good that you're not drinking. I'm going to quit January 1. I'm gonna go to the gym and quit smoking and quit drinking and get healthy".
And that's when it hit me. He has said those exact words every year forEVER. He is saying the same words now. The difference is that I am doing those things and it made him feel uncomfortable.
Anyway, thanks for listening if you got this far lol. I'm sober! Got the washing done and the Floors done. My husband keeps thinking he is dreaming. I feel good.
Ok, see ya'll tomorrow!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had another busy day which is OK - keeps me out of trouble, ha ha!!

Nursie, sounds like you need to search out some new friends, geez.
That guy sounds pretty obnoxious to me.

G, Congrats on your 4 AF months :welldone:
This quit sounds like the keeper

J-vo, long term anxiety & unrelieved depression are what drove me to drinking madness. I remember exactly when I 'hit the wall' & decided f*ck it, I'm just going to drink now & not think or worry about anything anymore. My usual coping methods were no longer effective, I was in a pretty sad state. I had to do a whole lot of work to change my thinking & have to avoid getting into self-pity again. AL blocked a lot of emotional pain for a while but then it just got out of hand. I remind myself of all this from time to time - it's a good tool

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!
Nice cookies Byrdie

Lav

[available]

Evening nesters

Quick check in and hello.
A lovely day in Ausland, just the temp i like, not hot enough to really sunburn and great to get some vitamin D.
I managed to do a fair bit of my course work, spend time spoiling the twins and quality time with the man.
J my anxiety was horrendous when i was drinking and getting worse by the minute. i could not do without a xanax a day and i was worried about becoming addicted to it without worrying about my al intake as it apparently relieved my stress. god that al brain has us brainwashed. Now i may have 1/2 xanax on occasion and only when i have talked to myself about why i feel anxious and if i can manage it. I am on no a/d's at all but it all took time to feel like i do now.
Nursie that sounds awful for the partner. We seem to lose friends and gain new ones in sobriety and we realise we can only fix ourselves as we are the first priority. I was always giving up al on the 1st January, always giving myself promises to break.
G congrats on 4 months, time flies when you are having fun.
Well off to make sushi and watch the idiot box.
Hi to everyone
Take care x

[mario]

Good morning nesters, lots of interesting & informative posts about the way we all live our different life's in different areas of the world, Unfortuanlly or fortunally we are all connected to one another in having the same disease/addiction, more or less. I take the positive from it.

Nursie if you don't mind me saying you need to be away from folks like that , for your own strength, who needs the drama of other peoples problems when drinking when I am sure we all have enough of our own to deal with.

I looking forward to Christmas, I go back to Ireland for it, but this year be different as I not with my partner no more, So I staying with my Ma, Which should be fun as she has the same temperaments & attidudes as me, ha ha ha

Have a good day folks & don't quit quitting.

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
I just realised I mixed up my AF date - rubbish at keeping track haha & it's the 13th not 24th November! So I am pleased to be AF four weeks yesterday ☺
Congratulations G man, that's an awesome achievement x
Pav, agreed Xmas isn't alway a happy time for all. It can be a reminder to anyone they don't have that 'chocolate box family' guess that applies to EVERYONE because what the media & commercialism says Christmas & happiness is couldn't be further from reality anyway? Have you ever tried using a light box for SAD?
Hope your husband is doing well Lav x
Hoping everyone has a lovely Sunday
LS