Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Good morning,

Nursie, that's a good story, one that I told many times, too. I'll quit after the 1st of the year, I'll do this and do that. I never kept my commitments, and I believe that if we can't commit to quitting al, then no other commitments will be kept. Jut like I read about 3T's experience at his xmas party, and watching people getting drunken by the minute, you saw it in your friend. It's definitely good to see what we looked like, and I can say, I probably looked that much worse. Good reminders of why we don't want to go there.

Lost Soul, congrats to you on 4 weeks!!! That's a huge accomplishment.

Ava, my severe anxiety began way before my hard drinking days. It was in my early 20's. That's when I started college (I started college at 22) and I was so freaked out that I wasn't good enough to do what I was planning. I had no self-esteem, and all of a sudden, everyone was better than I was. I was out of my league. If i went to college and became a teacher, then everyone would find out who I really was...a fraud. Unfortunately my anxiety was very noticeable. It was mortifying to say the least. After a few and a half decades, I can say it happens once in a while, but I'm on medications to help with my heart rate spiking in certain situations (beta blocker). Maybe someday I can go off them. We'll see.

Mario, enjoy the xmas with your Mom.

I'll check in later. Bitter cold here with snow in my part of the nest!

[Byrdlady]

My pants wont zip. :eek-new:

Aside from that...all good over here. Lost, congrats on your 4 weeks! Here's your hat!!! :guy:
Starty has 100 days today, that's BIG!
GMan has 120+, yooooge!
Listen to the people who are DOING! (Not the ones that tell you you can't). I believe that getting sober is within ALL of us! Do whatever it takes to get thru this day sober!
Happy Sunday, all! Byrdie

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters, Byrdie, those cookies are cute,love the leg lamp ones like my avatar on the anxiety, I'm someone who never even knew what it was before the drinking started, now I'm a sufferer here and there but I remember it easing up a lot after the 60 day mark,now my issue is like Pav,I'm having the holiday blues,not sure why but it sucks however I know it'll pass....eventually, off to the grocery store, meh,that'll give anyone the blues haha,have a safe,sober,Sunday all

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Well, after some amount of anxiety and whining to my husband, we got out and got some exercise and then got ourselves to the TWO holiday parties. We were on our way out the door to go home from the first when we ran into a friend and started talking and laughing for a good hour more. Then we were going to go home from there, skipping the second one when I got a second wind and said let's just stop by. Well, so glad we did. I saw some friends I hadn't seen in a while, got pulled on to the dance floor and stayed for another two hours. Ended up having a great time. That's how it goes for me. Once I overcome the inertia, I generally end up having a GREAT time. I really do love my friends. We left at a decent hour, I drove home, slept the night through, and no hangover today!!!!!! So grateful.

Lost Soul - I should try that light box. Do you use one? Anyone? Recommendations for type/brand. It has been recommended before.

Nursie - Sorry! That sounds awful. The skating part sounds like a lot of fun. I have some clarity on some things with sobriety as well. There is one couple who I never noticed but I think the guy is partially drunk most of the time. Her hyper need for control makes more sense.

Byrdie - what type of cookie is underneath that lovely decoration? I would feel so bad eating them because they're so pretty!

Congratulations to Starty, G, and Lost -- LOVE those big numbers. Keep 'em coming.

I am off to do some decorating with the family and forcing my son to do some homework to catch up before the end of the term. I didn't realize how far behind he is...

Happy SOBER Sunday, folks. Take good care of yourselves and don't drink, no matter what.

Pav

[madonmehndi]

HI nesters, I typed out a long message earlier then deleted it by accident - hate it when that happens!!

Can't even remember half of it now but I know I wanted to say love the cookies Byrdie and JVo I love your signature!!

Hope everyone has had a lovely sober Sunday? We went out for lunch then a look round a local garden centre, bought some christmassy scent Yankee candles and some sweets for a treat and been doing a spot of crochet this afternoon whilst watching crap on tv!! Feeling ok about not drinking today, not really had any urges as such, still wondering whether to tell the inlaws I have quit before they come for xmas dinner or whether to just leave it!

[Byrdlady]

Madon, I had my hubs' support and other than that, I didnt feel it was anyone else's business. That's just ME, just come up with a reason you can live with and stick to it. I have Crohn's/Colitis so I just say that AL is like battery acid to my innerds. Works for me! Make a good plan, you will be FINE. Ill give you my number if you want it, to be used in case of emergency!
Pav, they are sugar cookies (with a hint of lemon to brighten then up a bit). Thank you for the kind words!

[madonmehndi]

Aw byrdie thanks so much!!

[scottish lass]

Hi all.
Pav - so get it - I find this time of year really difficult, and feel guilty for feeling so blah when everyone seems to want to be happy!
I saw a saying that worked a bit about you can keep your snowflakes, I will keep my seashells - and that seems to do it for me!!

My youngest had a meltdown last night - it has been years coming, and even though it was really hard to stay present through, I am so glad we have got there - her self esteem is non existent, and she doesn't like herself very much. I believe this all goes back to when her dad and I split (6years ago) and has been percolating since then. At last she has agreed to see a counselor. Her sister managed this about 3 years ago. I have hope that we can climb out of this pit and be better for it - a long journey we have, but at long last we can take the first step (she is 15, soon to be 16). Her relationship with her dad is toxic, so getting that out will be great.
so...off to spend item with her - she slept well last night (chronic bad sleeper) so I think that is a good sign....

Congrats on the 4 months G - hope you hang tite to this one!! I am in your footsteps, so no slipping allowed!!

[Guitarista]

Hello nesters,

Self esteem. Low self esteem is at the root of a lot, if not all of our addictive behaviour. This is my belief and observation. So my thinking is if i build my emotional and psychological toolbox and strength, i will be raawkin. Building a strong mind is my first priority. To me a strong mind begins with understanding how the fecker works. Now i am understanding that i do not need to attach to every thought i have. I realise i can control which thoughts i want to dwell on, and leave the ugly thoughts to themselves to drift away in their own time. I now try to greet all thoughts with a neutral compassion, no favouritism lol. But i will attach to the thoughts that make me feel good. I will not attach to thoughts that make me not feel so good. But i'll examine all of them, and decide which ones to leave alone, and which ones to allow to stick around. This is what i 'm aiming for anyway, not always successful, but i have the instruction manual now.

Self esteem. How do i build it for myself? I'm just a bloke off the street, but i reckon it must begin with loads of self care and positive self talk and thinking. No more 'geez, i am such an idiot!' Noooo. Now i say....'ok, not the result i was after. How can i do that better next time?' There is nothing wrong with any of us. We are amazing works of art, and we are capable of more than we realise.

Today it's onwards to self care, self lovin' and the magic that can come with just doing the best we can with what we have, no matter what the situation. I believe that some daily self care and self love will change our world. Take 5 minutes out of your busy day for YOU.

Just do your best friends.

xpost hi SL! All the best to you and your daughter.

[Roobs]

Hello nesters,

Nursie, your friends sounds full of resentment. I agree it's time to put some distance between you all,my ou need to protect your sobriety and your family.

Congrats on 120 days G man! You're awesome! You and Kensho with be celebrating again just around the corner.

SL it sounds like you're on the right path to helping your daughter. I hope she can see how wonderful and unique she is. It breaks my heart when our kids don't have the self confidence we've always wanted for them! I hope she can sort out her relationship with her father. You're a great mom, doing the best that you can!

Jvo, my anxiety ratcheted up after I stopped drinking for awhile, or at least that's when I recognized it. I think it was because I didn't know how to handle stuff straight up and I thought others would judge me so harshly for not drinking. I didn't want to have "that" label of oh, she quit drinking there for she's a loser alcoholic. I know that sounds stupid now and I think this time around I'm not as worried about it.
Pav, you give me hope for sober party fun!
Byrdie, I squished my sausage legs into my jeans today so that I could go to brunch,,I don't know why I didn't just wear my yoga-ish tights.

Day 27 for me. Plugging along, some ups and downs but nothing too desperate, so I'm grateful for that.
Roobs

[Roobs]

Guitarista, you nailed it. Self love, stop the insanity of negative self talk. No more, no more!!!

[narilly]

We are having a really long cold snap here, it is brutal. We had -36 windchill yesterday and today is not such better.
So Pav you are lucky to be able to go for a nice walk. I am a little jealous, the only walking I do is to the car. Oh well, at least I am sober. It is really easy to drink when it gets this cold but then it's really easy to drink when it's nice out too. There is always an excuse to drink.

SL, hang in there with your daughter and G, yes self love is so important. I think we all beat ourselves up a lot. I know I do. I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others which is so dumb I know.

Talk soon, big hug to you all and to myself

[NoSugar]

We were all born feeling good about ourselves. Babies think they are the center of the universe! That self-esteem doesn't go away - it just gets covered up by all the judgements and labels we and others put on ourselves - not smart enough, too fat, wrong religion, wrong race (another totally made up idea), incompetent, selfish, unlovable, anxious, too shy, and on and on. None of these things are true! Someone (usually ourselves) made them up, decided they were true, and they became our realities. But that is not who we really are. We HAVE self-esteem - it just needs to be uncovered in the same way we're uncovering from addiction by stripping away the false beliefs and revealing the healthy person within (who has been there the whole time :smile.

[Struggles 106]

Hey nesters on Sunday evening, US EST.
Aaahhhh...sobriety. No more "lost" Sundays.
G man-I certainly agree-I am working on the exact same thing. That voice in my head that says "You should be ashamed." is being shut down. Also being shut down and let go is the resentment that my mother said that to me so often that I believed it.

I'm looking forward to a nice week, and I'm so glad that I don't "do" Christmas. I'm quite generous all the time, and I do get gifts for some people but all the rest of it-no.
It's just a personal choice and the day has no real signifance for me but I understand if it does for anyone else.

Nursie-amazing how clear things are when we're sober huh? Actually I'm not sure I know anyone who,was a worse drunk than I was.

I find it so interesting that some people are destroyed by alcohol so much quicker than others. This is in reference to the drunk that my sister lives with, as I've mentioned many times. It is beyond comprehension to me that he can drink SO much and get up 4 hours later and go to work. I would feel sure that his BAC is NEVER 0.0, since you body cannot possibly process all that without a break in the drinking at least once in a while. It boggles the mind! He is not young, 58, so,it's not like a college student with some resilience.
I sure wish she would leave but she does not have what it takes. She was treated as badly as I was as a kid so I know why she has no self esteem. Sad.

Let's all,have a great sober week. I think I have 8 weeks today. Yay

Ann C

[Guitarista]

We were all born feeling good about ourselves. Babies think they are the center of the universe! That self-esteem doesn't go away - it just gets covered up by all the judgements and labels we and others put on ourselves - not smart enough, too fat, wrong religion, wrong race (another totally made up idea), incompetent, selfish, unlovable, anxious, too shy, and on and on. None of these things are true! Someone (usually ourselves) made them up, decided they were true, and they became our realities. But that is not who we really are. We HAVE self-esteem - it just needs to be uncovered in the same way we're uncovering from addiction by stripping away the false beliefs and revealing the healthy person within (who has been there the whole time :smile.

Yo SB! How are ya? I agree. Thanks for ext....extr.....extroop.....extrapolating.

Congrats on 2 months booze free Ann! Raawkin!

Well done on 27 days Roobs!

Keep warm with your hugs Narilly!

Sun's out. Off for a run on the beach. I'd be running in the cold rain and wind too (probably not - 30!). It all has it's unique magic.

L8tr g8trs.