Newbies Nest

[available]

Afternoon nesters

Congratulations on your 30 days Roobs, looking good and feeling great. Fantastic work.

God i am so tired, why do people get so short tempered around xmas time i wonder?

just took me two hours to drive 33k's so i am done with today but tired i can do.

Glad everyone is ok. Where are you LC?

Take care x

[mario]

Good morning nesters,
Well done on your 30 days Roobs, great work .

Hi to everyone else, Christmas can be a very stressful time for some folks, & it can put an extra pressure on those of us who are still struggling daily, Put & have your plans & outs in place, keep posting & sharing and be aware. have a great day folks.

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters,stupid AV tries to lie to me saying that drinking will get me into the holiday spirit, cure my blues and stress,Meh,such ugly thinking here and there,I know the reality of what really happens,I'll start crying, get loud, it will be a few day bender,I'll throw up,I'll feel powerless over my life,I'll wake up feeling awful, I'll hate myself for letting myself down again, I won't be able to eat,I'll be dehydrated, etc,no thanks! Just wish the thoughts would hit the road! Wishing us all a peaceful ALCOHOL FREE Day

[j-vo]

Pauly, keep repeating that last part of your post. The poison does nothing to improve us, only hurts us. Its not safe for us to drink in any amount, because you know we don't drink normal and acceptable amounts, so all the bad consequences are waiting for if we pick up. The amount of time that slight, acceptable buzz lasts is very short compared to the amount of time we have to put in feeling shame, regret, remorse, dehydrated, throwing up, and feeling overall awful. It ain't worth your time. Hang in there.:hug:

So we did end up getting to sleep in this morning. 7 a.m. And so well-rested. Shorter day with the kids, too. We are reading "The Diary of Anne Frank" one of my favs and they're enjoying it so much. We're reading the drama, so they are having fun playing the parts.

Have a good day nesters.

[wagmor]

Pauly - yes, that's exactly what Al will REALLY do - the "holiday spirit" part is a total lie. Glad you were able to think all the way through that and arrive at the truth. We just have to keep pulling the mask off and knowing that any way al presents itself to us in a positive light is all false, fake. If you're an old-time SNL fan, it's like that classic skit where the shark keeps coming to the door and pretending to be candy-gram or pizza delivery or something good, but they figure out "it's that shark again!"

Ava - That's a lot of time to drive a short distance. Glad you made it home ok. People definitely seem to have shorter fuses this time of year, and it doesn't seem to matter which hemisphere we're in.

Roobs - Congrats on 30 days!!! And you can show up more rosy or more often - whichever you prefer

Ava & Roobs - speaking of spending a lot of time driving - my area got hit with a snow storm yesterday, and traffic on our highways was reduced to about 5mph/8kph throughout the whole region. We don't get snow more than about once per year and thus we don't have very many snowplows, salt or de-icer trucks, etc. We also don't have a lot of people who actually know how to drive in the snow. Those of us who moved here from mountain areas or cities like NYC or Chicago wish the fair-weather drivers would just stay home! My strategy yesterday was to stick to snowy side roads in my subaru - most people were afraid to drive on those roads, so I had the roads almost to myself and it only took me an extra 20-30 mins to drive a regular hour round-trip.

All - During the snowpocalypse last night, one of our friends/neighbors texted us in the early evening to say the trains had stopped running and her bus was trapped in total gridlock so she was walking 3 miles home in the snow. Fortunately, because I hadn't been drinking, I was able to hop in my subaru and go back on those side roads and pick her up! Wouldn't have dared to get behind the wheel after even one beer in yesterday's horrible weather. Just one more benefit of being AF - we are available and ready for our friends and family members when they really need us to "show up."

[wagmor]

Byrdie - I agree, I definitely appreciate many things more in life BECAUSE of the challenges I've faced and gotten myself through, including quitting drinking. I actually think that things circle round to be faced again if we drink our way through them. Now, after coming through several storms and emerging intact and stronger on the other side, I have a new perspective on life and a desire to appreciate at least one thing about each and every day. Good reminder, and yes - stay vigilant!

J-vo - I have many many teachers in my family and in my social network, and they pretty much all say the same thing about the testing. It's really interesting - I heard a great interview with a professor at Cal or Stanford (can't recall which, but prestigious Bay Area university) who is originally from China and whose research focuses on educational practices in the U.S. vs China. He said that over the past several years, the U.S. has started trending towards China's traditional test-driven education model in a misguided effort to increase our students' competitiveness with regards to things like math scores. At the same time, China has started recognizing the types of successful creativity and innovation and entrepreneurship that have come out of the U.S. (e.g., people like Steve Jobs), and they have started trending more toward the former U.S. model of school being fun for kids, letting them learn at least some things through play. He was saddened by the trends in the U.S. and works actively to try to influence policy and standards so we don't go farther in the "wrong" direction.

On a different note, sounds like you and I both got good reminders this week that when we have triggers, if we just wait long enough and ride them out, they will go away all by themselves. I think we all *know* this but sometimes in the heat of things it's easy to discard that knowledge. So grateful for the reminders and for emerging on the other side still AF! Good job and hugs to you :hug:

Lav - Thanks for the recommendation re: dairy-free recipes. I have not yet embarked on that phase of cleaning up my diet (cheese is my comfort food of choice lately), but I'm planning to give it a go in the new year. How your hubby doing?

Kensho - sorry to hear of your recent challenges at work and with the difficult balance of work-life. It's sometimes very hard to manage everything. Kudos for being honest about your feelings, and for not drinking at or through your current situations. Yes, it will all even out - hang in there!

[Pavati]

Hi,

Life's been full lately, and the kiddos have been using the computer during my usual check in time. I'm here, counting the days until 12/22 (!) and working on taking a lot of deep breaths. The weather has been crappy (well, good as we need the rain), so my exercise plan has been thrown for a loop. I need to either just bundle up and get out there or come up with plan B. (Narilly, I know my 50 degrees doesn't phase you, but we are not good at weather here in California.

I thought this was a good read - from Sarah Hepola, the author who wrote Blackout that J-Vo posted about. Staying Sober Through the Holidays. For those of you who don't click, here are a choice few sentences:

What I wanted, more than anything, was to belong. That's what I wanted from alcohol in the first place, and it's what I was desperate for in the months after I quit. I also wanted to believe that people still liked my company, which was tough at first, because I really didn't like my own.

But in time, I got used to this new world, and more accepting of myself. I still go to holiday parties, although I tend to arrive early and leave when everyone starts talking really loudly, but I don't struggle with that sense of radioactive weirdness anymore. I feel at home in my body, and in the world, in a way I did not for many years.

So if you're struggling to stay sober, hang in there. Because that feeling of comfort — of no longer being wracked by shame for who you are or what you did — is a gift the bottle can never give you. But it is a gift you can give yourself.

Have a great, sober Thursday, nest.

Pav

[Byrdlady]

Wow, Pav....that is a wonderful article, and so true. All any of us wants is to be validated and BELONG.

Pauly, you did great in coming here and posting. We all know the outcome when we get the Feck-its. It took me a while to learn it so don't be an old stubborn coot like I was. You are doing GREAT keep up the good work!!

I cancelled my ro-bo call today. I just couldn't do another one yet. They make me want to throw up! During our last team call, one guy said, 'Yeah, I have a couple bloody mary's before I do a session". Holy moly, that would have been me. To 'loosen' me up. Can you imagine how wrong that is? I'm going to reschedule it, but just couldn't face that stress today.

Kensho, hang in there. You work so hard, I hope the boss notices....eheheheh. (you are the boss, no?) xo

Hope everyone has a wonderful afternoon! Byrdie

[scottish lass]

Wow- can't believe it has been so long since I checked in, lovely to see a busy, thriving nest!

Work is busy, lots of celebrating - hanging in sober here though. Seem to have no problems not drinking when out and about - not even an urge or a sadness at not having one - even free drinks! The quiet time at home is where I get a longing, but nothing too much.
My girl is doing good - seems a bit 'lighter' since starting to face her feelings. Have calls out to some counselors, but my insurance changes in a couple fo weeks so have to wait until then to ensure that I get someone she can stay with.

I had been told I have a stress fracture in my foot - went to a specialist and was told that it is my arthritis progressing. Little down in the dumps about a more chronic situation that seems to be advancing, but will have to start working out how to slow it down, and live with it. Mainly in my hands and feet at present...

Good to see so many reaching out and sharing successes, makes me feel good, and glad I came back!

[NoSugar]

Glad to hear the good news about your daughter, SL. Buried stuff is the worst. I hope you find a counselor that she feels comfortable with.

I have arthritis in one of my hands, too. The worst things for it are gardening (pulling those dang weeds with my sore left hand while digging with my right) and inflammatory foods (especially sugar ) and the best things are fish oil, turmeric, and a small TENS device. The one I have has foot options as well, which feel great.

I was just lying down with my grandson while he took a nap, watching the things he did to soothe himself so that he could fall sleep. Suddenly it popped into my head that our "behavior" is not so much different than thumb sucking. Each of us, from the age of 2 to 92, is just trying to feel better. We find something that seems to work and do it again and again until it becomes a habit that seems like something we can't live without. Animal brains are set up to work that way - food and sex make us feel good and so keep the species going. Drinking alcohol works in the same way, making it seem like we have to do it.

It is hard for an addicted thumbsucker to quit doing that behavior. Even when they are getting older and are getting a lot of negative attention (my son was still doing it at 5). To everyone else, it looks like it would be so easy to not stick that digit in the mouth. But that's just not how it feels.

As I was drifting to sleep, I got an image of all of us sitting around sucking on our thumbs and it really cracked me up. Next time an idea to have a drink pops into my head, I'm going to think of that :smile:.

[j-vo]

Great post NS! But I'm gonna need my blanky while I'm sucking my thumb...

Any habit is hard to break. Habits don't carry the shame of addiction because they're behaviors without being toxic or harmful, just maybe unacceptable? I read somewhere more than once it takes 21 days to get rid of a habit. Imagine how long it takes to get an addiction under control. It's not just a behavior. Or is it after we get the al out of our systems. I guess anyone could argue either way. But rebuilding ourselves during recovery, to me, feels as though it would be much harder than to break a habit. A habit for me would be, for example, learning how to wake up at 7 instead of 9. Training. Anyone can be trained to do something differently. But addiction goes much deeper and it takes a lot more time, patience, persistence, and support. There's so much to rebuild. A life we didn't let ourselves live for so long. Addiction took that life away, made our lives unbearable. Habits don't go that far. So, one day at a time we can do this.

Bitter cold here again tonight. The fireplace is blazing, doggie next to me, xmas lights on, and now I must get school work completed. BTW, Wags, that was a very interesting post that I didn't know. Thanks for that. And the pendulum may swing back, but I'm sure not until after I retire!

Hi SL, glad your daughter is doing ok and glad she's still willing to see the counselor. That will help her lots.

Have a good night all.

[Nursie]

Hi all!
Pauly, I was having the same thoughts today.
There is some kind of spark in the air right now, with the cold and the holidays, and the hustle bustle...something hard to put my finger on but it makes me want to drink. I'm glad I am on AB because several times today I thought about it. Not to be negative but it's the truth. I guess if it was easy all the time we wouldn't belong on this forum.

NS what a great post!

I really want to spin off what Kensho wrote about it not being a reward or stress relief. But it's hard to articulate. It's so hard to keep it in perspective sometimes. It is not a reward it is not time to drink just because it's christmas. I should be glad I'm not drinking, but why that little spark?
Glad I have you guys to check in with. I'm also watching the videos about al. Gotta keep making those statements stick!

[Guitarista]

Hi Nursie and all,

This is a vulnerable time for us. I think as a newly sober person i need to maintain some sort of routine and structure regarding my sober plan, especially this time of year which is fraught with temptation and emotion. Sticking ruthlessly to my current AF daily plan is key for me. just sticking with my little daily AF routines which include basic meditation, basic yoga, some exercise, a check in here. If i stay away from potentially emotionally charged situations that helps me too. Not always possible, but i can minimise my exposure as best i can.

Just do your best friends.

[NoSugar]

This seems about right to me - Habit vs Addiction: Habit or Addiction – What’s the Difference? | The Addiction Advisor

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Looking at my phone just now I see it's 16 degrees out. Pretty chilly for this neck of the woods!!
Looking forward to going to my granddaughter's school tomorrow for their holiday show, how fun
I have determined my husband to be completely healed from his surgery - pretty much, ha ha!

Pauly, don't fall for that BS voice in your head. There is no way AL can improve your mood. Good old fashioned self-care will do the trick!

Nursie, start thinking about all the good you are doing to your body by not pouring AL in it anymore. It takes a good long time for us to completely detox I think. I realized that as I was approaching 1 year AF because I suddenly felt like a brand new person. I am sure you will too so just hang in there, your reward is on it's way

Wishing everyone a safe & warm night in the nest!
Lav