Newbies Nest

[Roobs]

Good morning nesters,
Pauly, thanks for that visual and reminder of what a simple drink will do. No thank you.
Starting day 37.:happy2:

[KENSHO]

Hi Nesters! YEA for holiday AVA - I hope you are enjoying your time off! It sounds like you work so hard, you deserve a break.

Mario - I have enjoyed your posts and presence in the nest the last couple months - thanks for your words, and stick around!

G - way to be brave with those thoughts, even if they are uncomfortable. That's the way to do it - observation, not judgement. After all, we are allowed to feel how we feel. It's how we act that determines outcomes.

Byrdie, sorry to hear you are feeling down. You've certainly experienced a lot of loss clustered around this time. Hopefully you will at least get to relax, if not find a spark of something joyful this week. Thinking about you.

Pauly - it's amazing to watch those heavy drinkers and recognize their behavior. It's even more amazing to be the outsider now - and have the understanding that we never have to be there again!

I watched a ballet/performance last night with a friend in the city. It was really fun. She was running late, so I ordered her a wine and didn't think twice. I fully understand that that is not my life now. And I'm at peace with it, most of the time. I have yearnings and urges at times, but its not for being a drinker, it's for what we perceive it brings us. When we realize this is all a lie, and that alcohol doesn't really bring us anything positive - that it's just a fairy tale - those urges vanish.

Looking forward to tomorrow, as it is the shortest day of the year for us in the states. I will celebrate that darkness shows us the magic of light. We need it all.

Going to try to get some work done now. So glad you are all here!!

[j-vo]

Pauly, yes, thank you for that story. What a good reminder of how simple it is for us to end up in a bad place of regret, remorse, and all the really bad stuff, lots of it. I never want that feeling again.

Kensho, alcohol is a lie for us. What we think we will get, what we intend, what we try for, what we hope for doesn't work for us 99.9 percent of the time. What we can be sure of is only that we will regret it that night, the next day and usually for me, a good long while after that.

Getting ready to go out tonight, again! Meeting three high school girlfriends for dinner for our annual xmas exchange, laughs, and so looking foward to seeing them. No worries about alcohol for me. I'm sooooo hungry though, can't wait to have something good.

Night all.

[Byrdlady]

Thank you all for the very kind words. I was so busy today that it just flew by. I spent the day putting togther quotes so thats good, hopefully, business will follow.

Yes, I just cant imagine another Day 1 as hard a time as I had stringing a few days together I dont ever trust myself to be able to get back up so I will continue my path, it is a good one!

Stay strong everyone! Looking forward to my vacation next week! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

So we're another day closer to Christmas, oh boy, ha ha!!
No chance of having a white Christmas here as it's supposed to be 50 degrees here on Sunday & that's OK with me

Ava, enjoy your time off

j-vo, hope you enjoy your evening out with friends, sounds like fun!

Byrdie, this week is almost over then you can enjoy some time off too.

Roobs, kensho, G & everyone, great to see you all & wishing everyone a safe & peaceful night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Byrdie - so sorry to hear of the losses you've experienced around this time of year. I've had a few myself and the absence of loved ones is especially bittersweet this time of year (for me it stretches from around the U.S. Thanksgiving through early Feb). Hugs and feathers of support to you dear lady :hug:

Kensho - sounds like you have good reason to feel so exhausted. I hope you will get some time to relax a bit over the holidays with your family, or possibly even some time just to yourself? Take care

Lav - Belated happy birthday wishes to you!!! Amazing how celebrating AF has a totally different tone to it (and you can remember everything the next day!). :sohappy:

Hellos and best wishes to everyone else as I fly thru the nest rather quickly this eve. So glad you're all here, and that I get to be here with you. Happy Solstice!

[Nursie]

Jvo, to answeer your question, is having a pity oarty a surprise to a person with almost 6 years sober? No, not really a surprise, just a mood and I know moods will pass. I find Christmas to be a sad time of year for me, Im afraid. Tomorrow marks a brutal anniversary of losing my nephew in a car accident in 2007. I lost my brother Dec7, 1972 in a car accident. I try to think of the spirit of Christmas and the spiritual reason and all that, but am pulled back to my sadness. Then Jan 2, 2013, I lost my dad then Jan 2 the following year we lost my step daughters husband. All these things weigh me down a bit. Ive been working hard tho, so that has taken my mind off things, but the weekends are there and an opportunity to think. I am happy to say that drinking is not even remotely crossing my mind, that wouldnt add a thing but more misery. Just wish I could enjoy the season without all the sadness and thinking. I will stay busy, that helps!
Im sorry to complain, but may as well share the bad with the good! Im so glad I am sober!! THAT makes me very happy! Byrdie

Oh Byrdie,
I don't think I knew about all this loss. I'm sorry friend. I can relate somewhat but all our paths are unique to ourselves.
This year I am actually more in the Christmas spirit than I have been in years. My brother died in a horrific car accident 4 years ago, my step mother of Cancer 3 years ago, I had stage 3 Breast cancer two years ago and my mother overdosed two weeks after I was diagnosed. I couldn't really grieve her while I was so sick but now I do all the time.
For the moment I feel that they are all at peace and we are the unlucky ones who have to keep making sense of this crazy world!

I hope everyone is hanging in there ok! I am so tired but I had a good day. I look forward to seeing all of you every day and connecting about how we stay sober, supporting each other.

[Byrdlady]

Wags, thank you for the extra feathers of support. I will try and keep everything in perspective!

Nursie, I sure remember when all that was happening to you. My heart bled for you. This is a testimony to YOUR strength and resiliance. We all have A LOT to be thankful for! We are on our Last And Final Quits so that struggle is over. That is blessed relief!

Off to the races today, my boss just sent out our sales numbers saying that our numbers were down these last few days. Gosh, I love him to bits but considering it's the week before Christmas! I guess he's getting beaten up by his boss....and so it goes!

I hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[j-vo]

Good morning,

Nursie, that was a tough time for you. So sad about your brother, mother and step mother. My condolences. But you made it through the and I'm so glad you've healed physically and and working on the emotional losses.

Last night I met my HS girlfriends for dinner. They had wine, a few, and I can tell you the truth. I didn't crave it. We laughed hard, talked about some serious issues (our friend who has colon cancer, and three hours passed without any wish for a drink. Going back to the beginning of the night, I was driving to the restaurant, and I was thinking, had I been in my drinking mode, I would have had one or two glasses of wine before I left just to get the party started. And as I was driving I thought, I would be drunk already driving to the restaurant. I wasn't and that made me feel grateful and happy. I also thought, I'd get to the restaurant, not eat much, drink a few more, and then drive home not drunk like on the way, but drunker. The dangers of that hit me, and again, I was grateful not to be putting myself or anyone else in danger. Oh, and I didn't break the law. I got home with a clear head, but tired at 10 p.m. Way past my bedtime. But my night wasn't over yet...I got home and son had invited two friends over. They start their nights late. I was talking to son, very happy again that I wasn't looped and he wasn't looking to see that I had drunk anything. One friend came, then another, and son was texting on his phone while I was talking to the boys. Another proud moment talking to his friends not worried that I smelled or sounded loopy. Of course, if I knew they were coming and I'd been drinking, I'd have escaped to bed before they got there. But I felt free to relax as I'd just gotten home. Anyhow, I gathered my things after we chatted and son followed me upstairs. His girlfriend had just this minute broken up with him and I could see the heartbreak and sadness in his eyes. We hugged, and we talked a few minutes. He needed ot get himself together, because boys don't cry to boys about their girlfriends breaking up with them. They'd been together for three years, but she'd broken up with him once before and he cried like a baby on my shoulder. I know he wanted to do that, and hopefully when I get home from work, he'll let it go on me. I feel so heartbroken for him. The positive side to this is that I was there for him, not drunk, and could give him the love that he needed, if only a few minutes. There are so many things that happened last night that might not have happened or wouldn't have happened if I'd been drinking. There would have been bad things that happened, and I'm so grateful I was able to experience the happy and sad times.

Thanks for letting me ramble. Have a good day.

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters,J-vo,glad you had a great night and could be present for your son when he needed you Byrdie,I hope YOU have an easy day,sounds like extra work to get the numbers up,Nursie,I remember when you were going through all of that too you are doing amazing now,a true survivor alright posting before I lose it,wishing everyone a wonderful AF Thursday

[wagmor]

Nursie - feathers of support to you as well. So sorry to hear of your numerous losses around this time over the past several years. Glad you're doing well this year and feeling some holiday spirit. Most of all glad you're here and AF!

J-vo - Awesome to hear about your eve with friends, and your reflections on how things could have gone so differently (for the worse). Best of all, you got that sober time with your son and his friends, and you woke up today remembering the important and heartbreaking news from your son last night. I'm sure he was grateful for your presence last night and I hope he's able to turn to you today. Break-ups are almost never easy, but at that tender age can be even more confusing and heart-wrenching. Wrap yourself up in the knowledge that you are as available and present for him as you can be - really a huge check mark in the "pluses" column of staying AF!

I'm off today to go snowshoeing! Hoping it'll be a fun and beautiful day. So glad I'm not drinking, as that makes days like this (up early, out the door with no hangover) possible. Have a good day/eve all!

[Roobs]

Wow Nursie, you are a warrior! Best wishes to you this holiday season!
Best wishes to everyone.
Thanks as always to everyone for sharing and supporting each other.
Hugs
Roobs

[jane27]

Hi Nesters,

A belated happy birthday to you Lav :heartbeat: So many good posts...Nursie and Byrdie - wow. I knew and remember all of those events from prior posts, but seeing them grouped up for each of you - its an awful lot, and yet here you guys are. Its a good reminder that as long as we're not dead, we keep going. How we keep going every day- that's what makes the difference.

I'm still dealing with the aftermath of a bad car accident I was in last June. I didn't cause it (but could have). The other driver was a junior in highschool and the ink on his license was barely dry. He didn't survive. I sustained multiple injuries and 6 months later haven't made much progress. 3 out of 4 MRI's in recent weeks show damage that prior tests missed.Auto Accident protocol is laden with red tape, I have pity parties often, and I feel like I'm playing a game with rules I don't know anything about. Kind of- no, exactly, like math.

I think about how nice it would be to have a one off- all different scenes. If I wanted to I could create one at any given time no matter the weather. I have never come close to drinking. Haven't even considered it. Thank God for that, for MWO and you guys, for dogs and for every single moment. I've never been more aware of the fact that all we have is this moment, and tomorrow may not be the same. I'd be so mad at myself for taking even a minute for granted if tomorrow came and someone I loved dearly was no longer here. So I think about that and try to live in the now- basking in the love and life I have. Enough of the heavy stuff-

Great to see names old and new. Can't believe we have appointed moderators now!

Love & strength to all- jane with 1079 days (gonna be 3 years jan 7- there's something that makes me smile!)

[Guitarista]

Yo Jane!

Great to see you. Geez, i didn't know about that car accident and the severity of it. That is real rough. What sort of injuries? Are you able to get around? I love your words about being in the moment and how precious life is. You are an amazing soul, and coming up to 3 years. Yeaah!

Wow Jvo! What a night you had eh? All that action in the short space of a night/a few hours. And you were there for it, a strong proud sober friend and mum. Just shows the power of living sober, and a snippet of what we miss every day when we are drunk.

What am i doing here on the planet if i'm just drinking my life away, oblivious to people and the world around me? It's a serious and criminal waste of time. We must work out our personal issues that turn us to escaping reality and try our best to look at them. I don't necessarily need to accept crappy events from the past, but i can acknowledge it/them and decide to leave it be and move forward rather than remain stuck on something. Just my thoughts, not advice on how to handle trauma!

There are some bona fide heroes 'round this joint. I'm proud and honoured to be among yiz. Day 132. Let's git it.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Jane! So glad to see you here. That must have been so traumatic. And of course, I think about that poor family who lost that boy. Thanks for the reminder to be grateful for what we have and to live each day appreciating each moment. Can't wait to celebrate with you on Jan. 7!

Byrdie, Wags, Nursie and others - this is such a crazy time of year as it is. I imagine your losses and struggles are amplified. My heart and thoughts are with you and your families. One of my best friends died 11 years ago and her birthday is in Dec., so we get a yearly reminder of her as well. Sometimes I think we should just move on and not celebrate her every year, but it is a good opportunity to think specifically about her and what she brought to those of us who loved her.

J-Vo - I intentionally talk about pity parties and other struggles I have to let everyone know that the vigilance to stay away from alcohol never goes away. There is never a time when I would consider myself "cured." And from what I have read and learned, participation in a sober community and approaching not drinking with INTENTION is important to staying sober. The good news is, the effort seems to be getting less and less, and much of the intention has given way to gratitude. My current thought is - I CAN'T believe that I actually LIKED losing control with alcohol. Not that I was a wild banshee with every gulp, but I most certainly was not controlling my reactions to things when drinking. J-Vo's example is poignant - I was not controlling my relationships with my family and friends as I was avoiding a lot of situations.

That was a bit of a ramble, but it made sense when I was thinking about it.

G - You speak truth. Inviting those feelings and acknowledging them as only feelings, helps to process them and get over them more quickly. I remember one beach-running, guitar-playing bloke from Oz warning us that the only way out it through. Onya.

Kids are out of school. I am not on vacation, but this next week will be more quiet than usual, so I am feeling relaxed. Hope you all have great Thursday nights.

Pav