Newbies Nest

[available]

morning nesters

Nursie, so sorry about your uncle. Its so sad when al takes another person.

Starting to relax now after the xmas rush. The man is moving so i have been helping with that. Not because i want to lol.

After posting about my son yesterday he came out with really bad depression and i told him it was the al and what was he going to do about it. he said he wanted a calendar to mark the days and be accountable. well funny that but i had a calendar. We had a good talk and i mentioned to him that he needs support and maybe he should come on here and just read or i could look into counselling for him. i bought up how good he felt when he stopped drinking previously and how i would love to go back to the gym with him and we could if he didnt drink. I hate seeing him like this and his xmas binge was not good. I could see that he could not remember things when i mentioned what he had done. I could see me in in.

Yes Pav, we are all different with regards to our sobriety and how we tell people and yes i will tell anyone if i know it may help them. I have had close patients who i have told who then go on to tell me about their partners or friends who drink too much and want to know how i did it. Nearly everyone i speak to knows of someone who has a problem. This keeps me talking but sometimes i falter in saying i am an alcoholic due to shame but i wont be made to feel ashamed anymore. My friend who lost her ex hubs in november was telling me that when people ask how he died she does not hide it now because of me. Its not shameful and the story needs to be told but there is so much shame associated with us alkies and how we are perceived as weak as we cant handle a drink. We have done the walk of shame, guilt and remorse within ourselves we certainly dont need to be judged by others as well.

Pauly i agree with you 110% on your post. I wish people would understand how hard it is to be an alcoholic and how its not easy at all. The man asked me how i felt over xmas and not drinking. I told him that even after 3 years a major occasion like xmas is hard as we want just "one" to sociable and that all i can do is wake up telling myself i wont drink each and every day. He is basically a non drinker which to me is like finding gold, nearly impossible.

Cali happy 4 weeks, run naked through the streets girl! You will have pity moments for awhile yet but they get easier to deal with. Each day for us is different in early sobriety, its how we deal with them that is important.

well another coffee for me.

Take care xx

[Guitarista]

Ava, have you heard of this program? I know it's good cause i've done it. Starts up again in february i think. (no cost).

Catalyst Rehabilitation - Uniting Care ReGen

Congrats So cali! 4 weeks is a real milestone friend. Here's to 60 days and beyond! :thumbsup:

Gr8 post Pauly. You took the words right outta my mouth. Hope you're good.

I believe there are no probs AT ALL if we want to keep our sober story to ourselves. We each have valid reasons to share or not and/or choose the circumstances in which to talk about it, or not talk about it.

I'm like a few of us in that i will share my relationship with booze/drugs if asked and i think my experiences could be useful. Either way, i am proud of my battle and my now sober self. And i am proud of each of you amazing people whether you are currently drinking or not. If you are here, i think that is a massive statement of self care and self respect.

Letting all negative thoughts be , and float on through. I don't mind such thoughts stopping by at all. I welcome them in (for a short time), look at them, let them wash over me, then let them be and let them go. I won't fixate on any thoughts that will turn my feelings into a depressed state of mind. Starting to see them coming, so i'm ready to not let them become feelings, well, not for too long.

Take it easy and NYE ain't no ticket to boozeville. In fact, i've cancelled my subscription.

Day 137 but i never been one fo' countin. Off to run naked through the streets.

[NoSugar]

Nursie, I'm so sorry about your uncle and so glad you're not on that path anymore :hug:. The 2 well-known people who died in the last couple of days, Carrie Fisher and George Michael, also had past addictions. The reason for the shame that many of us still feel about having been addicted is clear in many of the accounts I've read about these talented, apparently generous and kind people: a list of all of their good qualities and then... but s/he struggled with an addiction to --- for several years - almost as if that accounted for their untimely deaths and that they were somehow responsible. It is no wonder that so many of us stay quiet about our addictions and recoveries. I've gradually opened up to a few people but would love to be as open about this as I am about other chronic conditions I have that I can easily talk about because no one thinks I'm weak-willed and responsible for my fate.

LC, I'm happy to see you posting again. I don't want to sound like a nagging mama but we've been friends for almost 4 years now and each time you've come back, I've observed you posting regularly (and being very strong in your AF commitment), drifting away for "reasonable reasons" such being busy, having needy kids, etc. (but still voicing strong intentions to remain AF), to disappearing and returning to drinking. Last time you had hoped to not repeat that pattern and to stay involved here. I really encourage you to do that this time - no matter what. I imagine there are other ways to quit drinking but I know for a fact that daily involvement here can work. We have many examples of people with short, medium, and long AF stretches who do just that. And most of us have busy lives and needy dependents and down days etc. etc. For an online forum to work, I truly believe you have to USE it in whatever way works for you. I suspect that you're like me and that simply reading is not enough. I learned that before I joined. I read books and blogs ad infinitum and while they affected me, I didn't quit. I HAD to be actively engaged. Without that, my mind, which easily forgets the "bad stuff", would lead me back. I needed the daily tune-up that putting myself out there by posting gave me. Sorry to nag, but I'd really encourage you to put your quit first - even ahead of your daughters for awhile. Which in the long run will give them the sober, present mom they want and need. xx, NS

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters!

Nursie, I am very sorry about your uncle, so sad.
I have a brother, another post-Vietnam veteran with a severe drinking problem & multiple health issues. If these guys would just get the mental health support they really need but often they refuse.

j-vo, making ourselves top priority is a must! Waking up every day & choosing to be happy is the way to go

SoCali, CONGRATS on your 1 month AF :welldone:
I remember that good feeling! Keep going & have no regrets!

LC, hope you are OK & check in.

NS, I happen to agree with you wholeheartedly. Getting yourself involved here makes all the difference. Some degree of accountability makes it 'more real', if you know what I mean.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[NoraC]

Hi Nesters.

Nursie - :heartbeat:

Really enjoying the conversation here. I saw an article and didn't bookmark it. But, it was about how readily available alcohol is now. In grocery stores, in book stores, etc. Alcohol is everywhere - in your face.

[NoraC]

Oh - and Carrie Fisher :sad: I have read all her books. Listened to her read her books. And many times when I was having a hard moment - I thought of Carrie Fisher and it helped me thru.
RIP

[Nursie]

Hi family, thank you for all your kind words about my uncle.
There is no shortage of drama in an alcoholic family. He was living with his son when he passed. The reason for this is because he had gotten too sick to live on his own. He asked me two years ago if I would foster his son who was about 3-4 at the time. He was drunk at our family reunion (and so was I) and his blue eyes cried as he asked me to take the baby.
Now, the reason he wanted me to take him is because he was being removed from his home due to alcohol and drugs being in the house. My husband and I considered taking him but the mom went to rehab and was able to keep him. Then I got sick and didn't think much of it after that.
Fast forward to Christmas. After he died I found out that the boy was removed from his mother's home and is currently in foster care. I feel a responsibility to this child. Why has nobody in my family taken him? I guess because they have all helped so much already and can't do any more. My dad is raising my sister's daughter because of her bad choices. My grandmother is raising her great grand daughter because of her mother's bad choices. My uncle is raising his two grand kids because their daughter is an alcoholic. The list goes on and on.
Sorry to ramble... I am going to look into seeing what I can do for this child. My cousin. This little boy who has already seen and experienced too much. Who lost his daddy to the bottle. I cannot have any more children due to the chemo rendering me infertile. But I could maybe raise this boy as my own. I will at least look into it. For my uncle.

Yes, the stigma and shame surrounding our addictions can be crippling. We can't make people have an open mind, or to understand our addictions. I still hear " he did it to himself" all the time when someone is struggling or has passed away. People still say "she lived the way she wanted" about my mother and that is the furthest thing from the truth. She was in a prison in her mind and body and was NOT having a good time. So many people think it's fun to be an addict and that we choose to be this way.
But you know what? We can't worry about them. We can't waste time and energy on convincing anyone what we are going through. WE know how we feel, and the few people close enough to us understand. The rest do not matter.

Oh so I got off track. G-man you asked when the funeral is. Well, my 85 year old grandmother went and did what she could but his sons have to do the legal paperwork and what not. So when my nana dropped them off, they all got drunk instead of finding the paperwork for a military funeral. We are arranging for cremation but we need them to sign documents.
Also, some ex wives are coming around looking for money. Did I tell you he was married 9 times? Good Lord, like my Nana said "if somebody let the cameras roll we'd be rich by next week". Lol she's got a good sense of humor and wisdom my Nana.

[lifechange]

Good Morning, Nesters..

Nursie, so sorry to hear about the death of your Uncle. Gosh, your family has had so many tragedies due to alcohol.. I go back and forth between being so angry (I agree with your post 100%, Pauly) and with trying not to let it affect me too much.. I really need to focus on getting myself well and far into sobriety before I take on too much more. But obviously no one would "choose" the hell of addiction. I really hate alcohol right now and the social acceptance of it.

NS, you are right on. I can't believe I've been falling into the same hole for so many years.. it's like that great story that is sometimes posted here (Byrdie? can't remember) about just crossing over to the other side of the road! You are right, that when I just read it's easy to distance/disassociate myself. I don't know how many times I've read something, understood it, then said to myself, ok. got it. I can start on that tomorrow, feeling good about the fact that it all "reads" out quite straight forward and simple (easy, right?). Actually signing in here and writing puts the proof in the pudding. It forces me to be honest with myself about what I'm doing. Dishonesty with myself is still my biggest pitfall. I'm the queen of deception and I'm certain that some of the choices I'm continuing to make keep me in the cycle of drinking. I feel like I'm standing on a fence which I need to hop down off of.. onto the other side. I need (and want!) to know what it's all about over there but to really do it means leaving some people and definitely ways of (not) dealing with life behind. I need to f****** grow up is what I need to do and it's high time. And you're also right, NS, that in order to do this I need to put my sobriety in front of everything else.. even the girls, which is especially hard because I've already been putting my drinking in front of them for so long.. I want them to be in the forefront.. they will be more so when we're living in our own place..

Thank you so much, everyone, for all of the support and for being here, in this wonderful Nest. I feel an amazing amount of gratitude for all of you. I was just on the phone with one of my best girlfriends who was asking how she could be most supportive to me.. if it would be better if she didn't drink when I was around, etc.? and I didn't really know how to answer. In general, I don't want people to feel like they can't.. we are a group of 5 women and it normally doesn't bother me if they drink..I promised her (and myself) that if I'm feeling in any way insecure I will let them know and either not go along or ask them not to drink.. It made me realize, once again, that I don't have any completely non drinking friends in my real life. I really need to figure out how to find some!

Love this, G-man! thanks..
""Letting all negative thoughts be , and float on through. I don't mind such thoughts stopping by at all. I welcome them in (for a short time), look at them, let them wash over me, then let them be and let them go. I won't fixate on any thoughts that will turn my feelings into a depressed state of mind. Starting to see them coming, so i'm ready to not let them become feelings, well, not for too long.""

ok. Off to exercise and then, I don't know.! I also have the week free..

What are you all doing for NYE?
I have arranged that my girls are with friends elsewhere and have decided not to go to the party with my Ex.. I don't want to hang out with him at the moment, anyway, so why should I go?
I'm thinking of finding some good films, planning a very nice meal to cook for myself and writing down what I've learned in 2016 and where I'd like to go in 2017.. loosely.
I'm a bit afraid that I'll be sad being alone.. but I'm willing to take the risk this year..
xx

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters, LC,you sound ready and willing to start the ball rolling again I'm like you in that most of the time I really don't care if people drink around me but other times it irks me for some reason, last night hubs had two leftover Budweiser bottles cooling in the freezer, for some reason I got really irritated with it cuz I thought if he's only gonna drink 2 why bother? I don't know why it bugged me,probably pms haha!Nursie, please look into how you can help the child,their's sooo many children in foster care and it breaks my heart I heard on the news that it's actually on the rise cuz of the opioid dependence/abuse epidemic,these poor babies are forced into foster care cuz the parents are unfit,who knows what these future generations are gonna be like not growing up in a stable home,having some after Christmas blues today again, felt fine yesterday but it hit me this morning, tomorrow daughter flies back to Portland and I have the dentist, probably be a sad day again but I'll get over it,wishing everyone a positive AF day

[j-vo]

Great posts. Nursie, your post made me tear up. Praying has always been important to me, and I will pray for him. And you and your family. Alcohol is so destructive, and in so many families, some more severe than others.

Speaking of opioids Pauly, another boy I taught passed just the other day from that or heroin. He was only 17, two years younger than my boy. When I hear of former students passing from that (and it happens a lot) I hurt for their parents so much. I imagine what it would be like losing my son and I couldn't bare it. I know if I feel this way, I can imagine how my loved ones felt when I drank. They're afraid for me, for them. The hurt is huge.

Getting ready to go shopping with my big boy. And lunch.

Have a good day.

[paulywogg]

So sad about your former student J-vo yeah,I don't want to scare my family anymore either, I did that for too damn long,those days are over you you and I

[ALpro]

I've decided to start posting my sober days on the 100 day Long Term Abstainers thread from time to time instead of the Newbies Nest Roll Call (Although I still feel like a newbie here). I don't want to discourage any newcomers here to not post in the Newbies Roll Call, as that was essential to me in the early going.

[Pavati]

Good Morning, Nest:

NoSugar - I read an article that essentially said it wasn't 2016 that killed all the celebs, it was drugs and alcohol. It was balanced, essentially pointing out that our generation is likely going to live shorter lives due to drugs and alcohol abuse. It wasn't judgmental in tone, but was pointing out that we all avoid the topic. I started following Ryan Hampton on Facebook - he's an out loud advocate to get the stigma of addiction OUT of the conversation about how to heal it.

Ava - So sorry about your son. What a hard thing to have to watch - especially when you know you speak from experience. It is hard for humans to learn something unless they experience it themselves... He's so lucky you're there for him. I have fears for the future for my sons for the same reason. Especially one of them - his temperament is so much like mine, and I know when he does drink it will bring him a great amount of relief at first. I read the book "Tweak" by Nic Sheff about his addictions and then "Beautiful Boy" by his dad. Heartbreaking and very interesting to see the addiction from two perspectives. It scares the s%^t out of me because his heavy drug use didn't start until he was in college.

Ok, off to do some work and then get some more exercise in. I actually don't mind working this week - I can get a whole day in in half the time because there's nobody around to bother me!

G - I cancelled my subscription to Boozeville NYE as well! Plans to have a game night with good friends. They drink (some of them a lot), and I will be happy with my bubbly water and my sober drive home! Sometimes now I HOPE for a sobriety checkpoint so I can say "NO! I haven't been drinking!"

Happy Hump Day.
Pav

And AlPRO - there are a lot of long timers who post in the Super Sobriety Shoutout thread every Sunday. I started posting there when I was early on, and it gives me hope that I will get to those big numbers.

[Struggles 106]

Hello nesters-

A new year...not the first that I've vowed to be sober. But it feels like the first that I have a few months behind me and can't stand the thought of drinking. Part of that is because drinking=drunkenness=who knows what.
My sister decided that since her regular guzzling of Chardonnay makes her sick , literally, that it's a good idea to just switch to Cabernet. As if throwing up is not your body's way of saying stop the poison. Just like the drunk my sister lives with they think that because they drink at home, don't drive, that well...no harm done.
I've decided that for me, personally, I am not fond of the disease concept or the description alcoholic. I have enough of a science background to know the brain changes that go with addiction. For me though, I just feel like I have to simply accept responsibility for my own choices. You make the choice you accept the consequences.
So that is how I'm viewing it. Drinking makes me stupid, and that I am not.

Day 73 with high hopes for the new year. I recall being here at the end of 2012 with very high hopes for that coming year. Some things are different, some are not. My resolve feels solid but I know I have to never let that voice in.

Peace to all

Ann Carolina

[SoCali]

Oh my gosh Alpro...I sure hope you making this switch isn't because of what I said on the Newbies Nest Roll Call? I sure didn't mean to upset or offend anyone - you folks have been HUGELY instrumental in my making it one month AF and I NEVER want to say anything to upset anyone!!! If you doing this was in any way related to what I said, please reconsider! I just meant for ME, in my AF journey, it would be more helpful to see other folks who were also in the beginning phase of sobriety posting their little numbers like mine - seeing numbers like 600 or 700 days of being AF for ME, when I was only on, say day 14, just made my measly little numbers seem unimportant and unimpressive. Those huge numbers just felt so "far away" for me BUT!!! That was just me! Now I wish I'd have just stopped posting there instead of opening my big trap - the only reason I posted anything was so the folks there wouldn't think I'd gone back to drinking or had fallen off the wagon by suddenly "disappearing" from the Roll Call page. Gosh, I'm sorry if I have offended anyone or made you feel the need to stop posting somewhere where you felt so comfortable and so connected. Please reconsider this decision Alpro!!! I'm the only asshole who feels this way!!!

Having said that - I can't WAIT to be able to join the 100 day Long Term Abbers list!!! only 70 more days until I'm part of the awesomely amazing SUPER SOBERS! HA!!! I sort of like that...the Super Sobers! Like you should have capes and stuff....

BAHAHAHAHAHA!