Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Hi everyone!
I've had the luxury of having a very quiet and thoughtful day. It started off a bit blue so I tapered my list of things to do down to nothing and went with the flow. I took time to read about addiction and think about what I need to differently this time to make it stick. I'm feeling good that a new year is approaching. I know that letting go of relationships and people is very difficult for me and that I often (especially with love relationships) put myself second, ignore my intuition/gut so as to try and avoid pain or even worse, being left alone. I'm seeing clearly now just how co-dependent the relationship I've been in for the past 10 years has been.. it feels scary but also empowering to have the chance to figure out who I am independently. My identity, since the age of 14, has always been mixed up with some guy..I've been fortunate to have loving men, but nonetheless, there have always been a lot of messy, mental and emotional energy sucking dramas going on.. I am so looking forward to re-directing the energy to other things.. Mainly my sobriety and the girls at the moment. Then more into making my work even more fulfilling, my friendships deeper and stronger, finding ways to make life make more sense.

I think I've found what I'm going to do NYE (it's been a concern, 'cause though I know it's not the case, I do feel a bit left out).. I'm in Berlin, where you'd think there would be some cool sober dance parties going on, like in NY or London or SF or some of the other big cities in the world..but there's nothing of the sort!! Not even any AA marathons.. no late night yoga classes..can you believe it?
But I did find a meditation evening.. from 20:30-1:00.. with a bit of talking, eating and drinking and then an hour and half meditation at the end. Let's see.. Could be good.

Pav, I'm going to look up Ryan Hampton.. I really enjoy getting power from the out-loud advocates.. that's how I feel about Holly with Hip Sobriety and I love Russell Brand.. I'm also worried about my eldest daughter who's 15.. like you mentioned with your son, she's quite similar to me in temperament and has a terrible time with sugar. She's a self-diagnosed addict and knows she can't moderate it. She told me today that when she starts eating it, it's a daily/constant struggle to keep it under control. And usually she can't. I asked her again to please be very careful with whether or not she decides to drink.. that it would be better not to ever, but to at least wait until she's grown up. Also that just because other people might appear to be ok with drinking some, she most likely won't be at all considering my mother and my grandmother.. and I (finally) admitted to her that I have the same problem. I'm sure she has suspected it but I've never outright told her that I have the same problem with alcohol as my mom (of whom she knows the gory details). It's so scary.
Ava, the way you are able to support your son right now is amazing. It must break your heart..so difficult to see our kids suffering. But he is very fortunate to have you help show him the way.. that it can be done. That life can be more rich and fulfilling without alcohol. You are the proof, up close and personal.

ok Nesters, I'm off to bed. Wishing you all strength and happiness..
here's a great song G-man posted awhile ago.. for those of you who might not have caught it.. very hopeful.
YouTube

[narilly]

Hello everyone, there are some very interesting conversations going on here. I really enjoyed reading back. Ava, hang in there with your son. My heart goes out to you, I have my own issues with my son. I am pretty sure he has alcohol issues. He is going to New Zealand in March and then is off to travel the world. He says he will be back in 2 to 4 years. That scares the crap out of me even though it will be a great experience for him.

Life, glad you are here. It is tough to stay sober, we all know that! One thing that really helps to keep sober is to keep coming back and posting( I know you know this).
My Way Out really saved my life- all you saved me. No one understands the struggle like we do. Keep looking forward and establish new patterns. I don't go out as much as I used to and I do different things now that I am sober. I used to be a party gal but now I go to movies or watching Netflix, hang out with my dogs or go for coffee with girlfriends. On Fridays I try and stay busy after work so I don't feel like I need that glass of wine after a tough week at work. Eventually new patterns emerge and it becomes easier to stay sober. It is way easier for me now but I still have my weak moments and so I need to keep checking in.
Hi Pav! Glad to see you here. So crazy how many people die from addictions. That article you read sounds really good. Do you know where you read it?

Hello G! Stay warm buddy. It is really cold here. Christmas was -18 C, it has been cold for a month now with no breaks. We have a ton of snow, which is really nice. My little daschunds aren't that keen on it though!

Hello SoCali, and struggles, nice to read your posts.

Have a great sober day everyone.
xo

[j-vo]

Checking in for tonight. It was an awesome day with Son, went shopping and had the best grass-fed burger with no antibiotics in it...then I ate the fries with it! We chatted as we walked around the mall but he didn't say anything about his love loss today. He hasn't recently, but maybe that's a good thing. He had his cries, and maybe he's sorting things out in his head now. I'm glad we had the buffer here before he goes back to school next week. And he's been going out once in awhile with his buddies, so that makes me happy to see he's not so down as not to do that.

Thinking of you Ava. :hug:

DH and I are watching Breaking Bad for the second time. It's my favorite series of all time. If you haven't seen it, it's on Netflix. It's also on AMC this week.

Night all.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Great to see so many checking in today
I kept myself busy & out of trouble today by hauling in 250 pounds of chicken feed & 6 bales of pine shavings for their bedding. Goid to know the girls will be well fed & cozy for a few months, ha ha!

LC & anyone else interested -
I just signed up for a free 30 day program on TUT :: Home called Love Your Life Project
It should be a great help for setting gosls for the new yest, stsrts Jan 1.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

SoCali, if you were to post your 30 days over on roll call, you'd get a prize! Lucky for you, we deliver! Please accept your 30 day HAT!!! :guy: Great job on that huge accomplishment.
If I might weigh in on the Roll Call....its very near and dear to my heart (as Prize Patrol!). There will always be people ahead of you AND behind you. We all started with Day 1. I wish Fin, the originator of it were here, but I have to think that he created it as a TOOL to make us accountable. It wasnt meant to make anyone feel better or worse than anyone else, it was put there to keep us accountable to ourselves. Gosh knows, in real life, we sure dont tet prizes for being sober, but over there, sometimes just knowing if we hang in one more week or one more day, we can post X number of days. Roll Call works! Every single one of us know how hard each one of those days are. So whether you have 1 day or 1000, we are glad you are there. I am proud of every single day I have, especially those first ones. No one judges over there, I promise.
AlPro, I hope you will stay put, too, you are a faithful poster! You've got a biggie coming up!!!
I worked all day and Im on vacation! Dang it!
I have no plans for NYE and loving it. Who can stay up that late???! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[NoraC]

I am so sad about Debbie Reynolds!!!!!

[Guitarista]

It should be a great help for setting gosls for the new yest, stsrts Jan 1.

Lav, do they throw in a spelling course as well? :harhar:

Sounds like the Stella are well set up there.

Have a bewdy out there y'all. I'm working new years weekend and that's ok for now. Should keep me outta trouble, not that i'm tempted at all. Funny, i was beginning to stress out about something the other day, and realised that AL didn't even enter my mind as a solution/'quick fix '. That's progress. Noice.

[Roobs]

Congratulations socali! I hope you treated yourself to something fabulous!

There's so much reading to catch up on so I'm just going to post real quick and then go back and read.
Pauly, what you said about the whole alcohol industry is so frustratingly true. It's the big gigantic elephant in the room that nobody talks about. I've had discussions with my teenagers about this very topic. I try to paint a picture of what really happens at a party the red cup, only a little bit of vodka, then a little more and how trouble starts to snowball. Of course I'm speaking from my experience and a majority of overall truth. I'm not trying to scare them as much as I'm trying to arm them with information and tools for when they're in a party situation.
Ava, thanks for sharing your experiences with your kids. You are the very best role model they could learn from! I'm glad your 23 year old had a come to Jesus moment. I was 28 went I really recognized I was drinking more than others. That was the first time someone said to me "if you think you have a drinking problem, you do." I tried really hard and for a long time to disprove that shitty statement. Sigh.
Happy Wednesday all. I'm going to tuck in and read everyone's posts.
Roobs

[lifechange]

Morning!
SoCali! I forgot to congratulate you on your 30 days! Very well done.. you can be proud of that accomplishment. I'm so looking forward to celebrating 30..:happy2:

Nar, you've hit the nail on the head. It has been difficult for me to accept that I have to change my lifestyle in order to stay sober. That's what I meant about growing up a bit. I'm finally seeing that "growing up" doesn't have to be boring.. since I was 10 I've been on a roller coaster emotionally and even though it's exhausting it's what I know. (I think a lot of us are in this situation?) So when things are quiet for too long I look for chaos.. I honestly think that's what I've been doing with alcohol. I make it so bad, go so far down, that the only possibility is up. But then I only go up to a certain, known level, and then don't know what to do with myself, freak out and go back to chaos. This time I'm determined to get to that said point and then figure out how to go beyond it. That's what I'm interested in seeing and being. And to do that I have to be ok with what is/my reality.. not worried about what everyone else is doing and feeling left out. Like you said, being here is essential because we're all on the same page. Music is helping me a lot now. There's a lot of old stuff that I can't listen to right now so I've been searching for new singers/bands.. think I'll start a thread to share and get some new inspiration from you all!

Lav, that is a lot of hauling!! Thanks for the TUT recommendation.. heading over to check it out.

Hugs to everyone and see you in a while.

[imaginemore]

I'm so glad to be here. I feel so scared, guilty, shameful and alone right now. So great to find a support group to help me through this. I'm tapering down now (believe I developed anemia), and plan to come off as soon as I possibly can. I just hate the tremors, anxiety, and depression. It's impossible to function! Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

[available]

evening nesters

Lots of great posts in the nest.

LC when i stopped drinking, i was the main priority, i felt guilty as i had to learn to say no to the children but the end result is worth it. now i know when to say no if i dont want to do anything. Take each day as it comes.

Nar, i am hoping my son stops drinking completely. New years will be interesting to see if it is his last binge or not. God if my son was going away for that amount of time i would be a basket case. They are all our babies.

Hi Imagine and welcome. We all stop drinking that is best for us. I just stopped and went through the withdrawals but realising that if i needed help i had to go and see a doctor. Anxiety was the worst but it does settle down when the al leaves our system. I took some valium for the first few days. all you need to do is look after yourself, eat, drink and sleep. Believe us when we say it gets better as time goes on.

I am so over this heat, feel like a slug which is fine. Am on some steroids to try and get this skin condition under some form of control. the heat is making it horrendously itchy and burny. Oh well not much i can do, at least i know its now not from drinking!

Take care xx

[lifechange]

Welcome, Imagine! In signing into mwo and posting in the Nest, you are making a huge first step in the right direction. We all KNOW and understand exactly how you are feeling. Most people begin to feel better and more hopeful after just a few days of getting the alcohol out of the system. What is your tapering plan? Have you been to a doctor to see about the anaemia? Often a lot of these issues improve when we begin to feed ourselves real food instead of alcohol and I think most of in the first days go crazy with eating and drinking anything our hearts desire as long as it's not alcohol. It's been proven that the people who are most successful with remaining sober make the commitment to be very active in their chosen support group.. here, that means connecting and posting and reading a lot.. Here's a link to the Toolbox which has super tips and a lot of inspiration..

https://www.mywayout.org/community/monthly-abstinence/24253-tool-box.html

:hug: to you! Stay close..

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters and welcome Imagine the first time I tried quitting I tapered by taking the kudzu stuff you've probably read around about, I don't think anyone uses it anymore but it did work for me,I just couldn't look at a beer using that stuff, Ava,I'd be a basket case too,it's very hard to have my two daughters living so far away but at least I see the youngest throughout the year, Narillys is going so far! But they hafta live their lives, I'm just feeling a little empty nest syndrome that just hit me recently, I didn't drink the first 10 years of raising the kids but the 10 years I did drink I was there physically but mentally I was in another galaxy and I'll NEVER get that precious time back,me and my youngest talked about this just the other day, stolen time! Even Louie's first year is cloudy cuz I was still having binges,just really sucks,Roobs,I always wanted my kids to be afraid to drink, I'm too scared cuz my drinking started off so small and just blew up,I don't want the same thing happening to any of them,the oldest I worry about, she's still in party mode the middle quit cuz she finally realized that drinking makes her anxiety flare,the youngest daughter understands how it could be a problem cuz she's had addictive urges when shehad painkillers from teeth extraction, she said she was looking too forward to taking them,yikes! my son I'm not sure,I'd like to say he's an angel and would never drink but I'm not with him when he hangs out with his friends, of course when I ask he says no but who knows, sheesh,I rambled haha,wishing everyone a great booze free day

[j-vo]

Welcome Imagine! Glad you found this site. I hope your tapering works for you. Have you been to a doc? Maybe they can prescribe anti-anxiety pills so that your tremors will decrease. Sleep is a big go-to for me. Try to get as much rest as you can.

Nar, that's too long and too far away! How are you dealing with that?

Ok, have to get ready for this long day. This memorial service is three hours away. So lots of driving today. Have a good day all.

[j-vo]

OMG! I just saw Debbie Reynolds passed. I saw she was in the hospital yesterday but didn't know she passed. So sad. One day after her daughter. :sad: