Newbies Nest

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
Quick check in here for me,
Nursie that is very sad news I'm very sorry to hear that. I'm also glad to have you here ane everyone in the nest and to be sober. It is very tragic to experience what alcoholism can do. I will be thinking of you.
Welcome to the nest Imagine, it is very brave to make the choice to become AF. It is very difficult in the first few days, be kind and gentle to yourself & glad to have you here x
I'm doing okay, felt very conflicted over the last week - I'm happy and proud of my wee family of myself & two little ones. It took time, patience & work after separating from my ex 5 years ago to be where we are now so I should remember that & be kind to myself.
However I feel very sad about my mum & dad's situation. I know that I can't take responsibility for another person's problems. I understand that I I did not cause them & I cannot fix them. Sigh, I will not drink today but feel sad.
Thanks for all your posts & support
Wishing all a safe & sober Thursday
LS

[jane27]

Hello Nesters,
Moving posts...inspiring & making me think and revisited the importance of staying connected to to heart of the matter (staying sober). Nursie, I wish tragedy would give you a break already. If I search for a positive in it all- here you are sharing every minute of it with us on the page, and showing us in real time how you put one foot in front of the other and trudge on- the sadness has to be felt to survive it otherwise it builds size & strength. We all know the wallup that can unleash with no warning. Thank you for your courage and for setting an example of coping with shitty weather with your head up.
Getting hair colored today. I get a kick out of giving a nod to the times Ive accumulated doing that sober. I think I'm somewhere between 4 -6. It always gives me a lift, so I am excited to be giving myself the gift of. that boost.
New Years eve is just another couple of hours. It comes and goes quickly but I know it can be a strong pull for those in the early days. A handful of hours for a set of handcuffs that stay on for an indeterminate period of time ain't worth it. The handcuffs come in the gift bag (its not a maybe- its a sure thing). For anyone feeling weak or worried, opting to nap is an easy way to avoid the whole thing and wake up feeling stronger.
Love and strength to all

[narilly]

Nursie, your story about your family is heartbreaking. I really hope you can help the little guy! I am so lucky that I don't have that kind of history in my family, it would have been so much harder to quit.
I was thinking this morning that I would have been like Carrie Fisher and probably would have died at 60 or 70 if I hadn't quit drinking. It made me so sick but I could not quit. I know it really was taking a toll on my health. That would have really sucked to die so early, the world NEEDS me! lol

Hey JVo, Ava, Life, Pauly' Yes it is going to be difficult to have my son away for so long. I will really miss him but I know it is something he has to do. Maybe I will be able to visit him somewhere on his trip. That wold be fun. The empty nest syndrome is Real, at least I can do it sober!

Imagine- keep after it. It gets easier. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but it really does. There are some days where I don't even think of drinking and that is amazing because I used to obsess about it. I loved to drink and really had to change my thought pattern and start being grateful for not drinking. Being grateful for not having to drink instead of feeling deprived really helped. "Screw you alcohol, I don't need you anymore"
Also, soda water with lime, chocolate, ice cream, exercising, doing yoga, hanging out with sober friends. All these things helped me. Breathe.
Post, Post, Post and read as much as you can about other people's stories. YOU can do it! Just Imagine the life you want.

Jane27- napping, thats a good one! I hope to be in bed early on New Years Eve. I may go to a movie but I definitely won't be drinking! The alcohol industry really loves the holidays. Well, screw them, we are not going to drink! Roobs, Pauly, I agree with your comments about the AL industry. We all know its bull shit.

Hugs to everyone.
xo

[SouthLondoner]

Spent this whole festive week drinking. Sometimes with friends. Sometimes at home. Sitting on my computer. Watching TV. Apart from heading out to the pub, I've been at home. Pretty much isolation.

Apparently that's my idea of a week off work

Funny how it creeps up on you, that Al or any form of escapism becomes a form of coping mechanism.

[daisy45]

Hi everyone. My Boxing Day day 1 fell apart on day 3. But, on Boxing Day my cousin appeared. Like an angel she is 5 years sober at AA. I told her I am going to addiction counselling. Wrote to her again today and asked for help as of Jan 1st. I want to make the most of this counselling......been for 3 and 9 to go.

On my everyday life.....another beautiful granddaughter 2 weeks ago. Her mum and her were unwell and after 8 days got home. Mum was still getting temperatures and was readmitted on Boxing Day. I went up again yo mind my granddaughter for 2 days. Got back late last night as her mum took over. Feel so sorry for the mum as she is seperated from her baby.
Found out yesterday that part of the placenta was still inside her and she went for surgery. Still not home but looking better. The most hectic and worrying Christmas ever!
But, feeling relieved and hopeful again......2017.... This is my year! I have it all set up. Done something different....got extra help.....see you in Rollcall very soon!
Oh, and heading out all day tomorrow shopping for my youngests 21st birthday.

[paulywogg]

Good to see you Daisy glad your daughter and new grand baby are doing fine now,congratulations!!

[scottish lass]

Just doing a check in - few days off work, and time flies. Went on a day trip with my girls to the snow and mountains - so good to be out in this magnificent world. Today a couple of local things that we hadn't done before.
This weekend we are heading to Old Sacramento for the fireworks and will spend the night there - excited, and think it will be fairly easy not to drink at that.
LS - just read your post (have not read back too much) - I was just perusing facebook and one of those memories popped up - today is 6 years since I left my ex, and set up home with my two - like you, feeling ok though conflicted, but truly proud of where I am at today - not been easy, but better than staying where I was - hugs to you!

[Byrdlady]

Dang it, spent most of today working! Gotta do what you gotta do
South, its quite a cycle isnt it? We know better we just cant seem to do better. I think Daisy has the right idea. Maybe its time to try something new and different. All I can do is offer you a cautionary tale...dont do what I did, waste half your life being loaded. Im so glad that you are recognizing that things need to change, I denied that for more years than I care to remember. I knew I had a problem before I was 30 and it took me til I was 51 to stop the insanity. My biggest regret is not getting sober sooner. Do whatever it takes, I promise, you will never be sorry.
Welcome Imagine we are so glad you're here! Stick with us, we can help!
Hope everyone has a nice evening! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Abbers,

Great to see everyone as always. There won't be so many typos tonight G - I'm on my laptop, not my iPad like last evening, ha ha!!

Hello & welcome imagine! Glad you decided to join us. Please settle in & make yourself comfortable. The Tool box is awesome & full of great ideas to help you put together a good working plan for yourself!

Daisy, congrats on the new grandbaby & glad to hear Mom & baby are OK

LS, keep looking forward, you are doing great!
We can't fix things that are in the past, they are what they are & that's OK. Let's all keep moving forward together :hug:

SoCali, Congrats on your 30 AF days, yay!!!
Now you can start counting weeks, months, etc!

SL, you have come a long way so be proud of your accomplishments Glad you are with us!

Hello to everyone & wishing for a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[abcowboy]

I was just over reading on SR, and saw something a member there posted, going to post it here as it's something that concerns many newbie's!

Interesting article - the last part on tips to deal with this is a an especially good read.

why do our friends want us to drink and dislike it when we don’t?

Anyone who has ever tried to give up drinking, or goes somewhere and says they’re not drinking, knows people encourage us to drink and are unhappy when we don’t. Why is this? Is it uniquely Australian? What can we do about it?

The phenomenon of people experiencing pressure to drink in social situations has been identified in many countries around the world, not just in Australia.

Research on negative reactions to non-drinking and non-drinkers has been reported in countries including the USA, Mexico, Peru, New Zealand, Japan, African Countries, and Finland. Within countries, drinking norms also often vary from one social or cultural group to another.

doing what our mates do

In some groups, heavy drinking might be normal. In these groups, individuals’ drinking can be greatly influenced by the stated or implicit norms around drinking.

Recent Victorian (Aus) research found “social drinkers”, defined as people who have drinks in a social situation outside their home at least once a week, are more likely to have experienced pressure from others to drink than those who aren’t social drinkers.

Pressure to drink more was greater for those who were “risky drinkers” - that is, those who drank more than six standard drinks in one session at least weekly. This is presumably because those of us who drink more are more likely to find ourselves in social groups where heavier drinking is the norm.

Most of the research on social and peer influences on drinking has been done with teenagers and college students. This is because the influence of peers on our behaviour is strongest when we’re teenagers.

There is evidence that young adults who are more socially anxious, or concerned about what others think of them, are more prone to drink in a risky manner as a result.

The ability to resist peer influence seems to increase from about 14, although some research suggests our ability to stand up for ourselves in the face of our mates doesn’t increase much from age 18 to 30.

Research shows peers can influence our drinking practices both directly and indirectly. Direct influences can be as overt as open encouragement to drink, buying someone a drink when they have said they don’t want one, or subtle gestures to drink up.

Indirect influences can be through modelling (observing others’ behaviour) or through beliefs about what is considered acceptable drinking behaviour. We compare our own drinking behaviour with what is considered “normal” in our group.

why the pressure to drink?

It’s difficult to find specific research on why our friends put pressure on us to drink. But there are some general indications from social psychology and sociology regarding conformity and group mentality.

Essentially, we are tribal social animals. From an evolutionary perspective, early humans had to form social groups to hunt, gather food, protect each other and survive. As a result, we have evolved tendencies to support group cohesion by conforming to group norms and shunning non-conformity.

So if we tend to associate with people who are like us and engage in similar behaviours, and we start doing things in a way that goes against the group norms, such as not drinking in a social situation, this can be a challenge to the acceptability of that behaviour in the group.

As i say to clients in my clinical psychology practice, when you decide you want to cut down or stop drinking, it can be a bit like you are holding up a mirror to your mates that says “i’ve decided my drinking needs to change and maybe you should look at your own drinking”.

At an almost unconscious level, they can try and resolve this discomfort by encouraging you to start drinking again, just like them. And of course, even if they might be supportive of your intentions not to drink when they are sober, after they’ve had a few drinks, they may be more likely to put pressure on you to drink.


What to do to avoid the peer pressure

here are some tips for dealing with pressure to drink in social situations.

* Don’t be surprised if you friends seem to undermine your efforts to cut down their drinking. They’re not necessarily trying to undermine you. They’re probably just dealing with their own insecurities about their drinking.

* Plan for and rehearse how you will respond before you put yourself in that social drinking situation. Sometimes having a cover story, such as “i’m on medication so i need to give drinking a rest” or “i’m driving”, can help in the short term.

* Remind yourself of the reasons you are cutting down or stopping drinking. A strong resolution to change your drinking can be an important part of resisting pressure to drink.

* Think about who in the group might be supportive of your decision to change your drinking behaviour and consider making them an ally. You can speak to them beforehand, explain what you are trying to do, and tell them what you’d like them to do to help deal with any pressure from the group.

* In a drinking situation, if people are buying rounds, either stay out of these or buy others alcoholic drinks when it’s your turn to shout, but ask they buy you a non-alcoholic drink. [Or stay out of the pub altogether, at least for a while - d]

* If they persist with putting pressure on you to drink, you can leave the situation. You might want to reflect on whether they are the kind of mates you want to be around when you’re trying to change your drinking behaviour.

Why do our friends want us to drink and dislike it when we don't?

[wagmor]

Sorry for my absence the past few days. Our dog has been terribly sick, in and out of the emergency vet, and I've been a bit overwhelmed and exhausted with that. But not drinking! Yet another example of how being sober can make us available to respond in the event of an emergency. It would have broken my heart if I couldn't take our pup to the ER because I wasn't sober enough to drive! Really solid reinforcement for me, right when I need it heading into the NYE "celebrations" and such.

Still trying to catch up on everyone's news...

Nursie - so sorry to hear about your uncle. That is a sad turn of events for several reasons - losing him and the likely path that led to his death chief-most among them. I hope you're able to help that poor little boy. My heart goes out to you. :hug:

J-vo - congrats on getting through your xmas. I'm sure it was hard and felt different, but you did it and now you can look to the new year with your quit and your heart intact.

Pav - loved the story you shared about your family bonding time. Wonderful!

SoCali - congrats on your milestones! Enjoy that wind in your hair

Ava - glad to hear your son might be turning a corner. He'd certainly find support here!

Kensho and G-man - enjoy your massages! Such a great gift to yourselves to invest that time in your own well-being (even if the massage itself was a gift like for K). Kensho, I went snowshoeing again on Tue and I thought of you. We were up in the cascade mountains and it was beautiful - you probably would have loved it!

Imagine - Welcome! You are in the right spot for support on this journey. If you feel the need to taper, do it - just be wary of letting it drag on longer than medically necessary. I did about a one-week taper for my quit in 2014 because I was truly afraid of the withdrawals and the medical risks. Take care, and be sure to let us know how you're doing.

Daisy and Londoner - so good to hear from you both!

Byrdie, Lav, SL, NS, Nora, Mario, Pauly, Roobs, Nar, LC, Jane, Ann, Cowboy, and everyone I'm forgetting to mention - glad you all had good AF holidays. 2017 here we come!

Will read more and get back on here soon. Big hugs to everyone :heartbeat:

[STEADFAST]

Hi everyone,

Those who point out how many great posts there are here are right; I haven't 'liked' any posts, but I love plenty of them! :welldone:

So Xmas is behind us, and we're told the 'party of the year' is approaching.....Meh! I do believe that a new year is a fresh start, and worth celebrating, but I intend to do it with no hangover, no regrets.

bye for now,
Steady
x o

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Welcome, Imagine. I remember finding information about tapering for someone else on HAMS? I forget what that stands for, but if you Google tapering off alcohol, I'm sure you will find it. I agree with J-Vo that talking to your doctor and getting some help is very useful - but I know many of us are ashamed to talk to a doctor. What about a therapist? AA or other sobriety meeting? I also got a lot out of listening to the Bubble Hour podcast (you can find it online on on iTunes). The foundation of these supports is a community of people (including here on MWO) who say, "me, too!" I know it helped me to feel less alone.

LC - I love the idea of meditating to the new year! How cool. We are going to dinner and game night with good friends. They ALL drink, one of them not very much, and I am sure I will be DD for my DH, but it will be fun. I always thought NYE was overrated, even when I was drinking. There are too many expectations that it needs to be THE BEST NIGHT ever. Meh.

Lav - I had trouble deciphering what you signed up for. What is it? Where can I find it? I like the idea of free and health. I have that same sugar addiction right now - can't pass up all of the candy in the house. Like alcohol, I need to just cut it out entirely - I'm not good at moderating.

Londoner - I am heartened that you keep checking in. We are REALLY here for you. Really. Let us help BEFORE you drink, ok? What might you try that is different?

Nar - Wow - I am excited for your son! I am also jealous. That is something I do wish I had done when I was younger. My back can't quite put up with sleeping in train chairs and bad pension cots like it used to. I do hope to travel more when the kids are gone. I can't imagine the nest being empty. I am sad considering it, but I have to admit that I'm excited, too. Both to see what my kids encounter, and also to not be responsible for someone else daily. Glad to see you check in. So sorry about the cold. We here on the north coast of CA feel like the temps in the 40s are about to kill us...

Jane - Good to see you!

Ann - You got this! Make it your LAFQ!

SoCali - Don't worry about your posts. Sometimes communicating only in text makes the nuance of face-to-face communication get lost. I try to assume positive intent with most every post (some are obvious trolls), and I think most people here do as well. Don't worry about posting your truth, either. Being totally honest has been an important part of my success.

Ok, off to sleep. I had a tough night last night after eating a big meal (let me add ANOTHER big meal) so close to bedtime.

Night.
Pav

[mario]

Hi nesters, haven't been really here for a few days due to personal affairs I trying to get in order, I had a wonderful Christmas but I think I am back home to long as I getting board going out around the families, there is only so much you can eat...That probably comes across as selfish & mean but its just the way I feeling at the moment. hope you all have a good day, new year coming up new rules, in my life anyway,

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters,Pav,NYE was never a big deal to me in my drinking days cuz everyday was a drinking day anyways, I have some boots and a watch to return today and I think I'm gonna look for a couple of board games,Louie wanted Pie Face for Christmas but nobody wanted to get it cuz you end up with whipped cream on your face haha but I think it'll be fun for new years Googly Eyes is one my daughter wanted so I'll look and see what I can find,gonna make sprite battered onion rings and chicken tenders,I tried it with beer batter in the past but the smell makes me gag and sprite works just as well,that will be a treat cuz hubs will only use his fryer once a year cuz its a pain,Mario,its OK to get fed up with family hopping,I think everyone would eventually,Wags,I'm glad your doggie is OK,wonderful to be able to hop in the car and drive anytime day or night wishing us all a fabulous AF day