Newbies Nest

[mario]

Good morning nesters & the last day of the year .

As we look back over the year just gone,it has been a good year to the extent that we have put good thoughts,good words & good deeds into it.None of what we have thought said or done need be wasted.

Both the good & the bad experiences can be profited by, In a sense, the past is not gone.

The result of it, for good or bad is with us at the present moment, We can only learn from that experience and none of our experience is completely wasted.

Here's to 2017 folks . may it be a good one in the way that you want , its in your control.

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters.
I keep bumping my head against the wall, over and over and over again. I'm determined not to give up and I have a lot of moments of gratitude and feeling positive.. but then (on Thursday) I looked at myself in the mirror before going out the door and I saw someone I really don't like at all. I've let myself go so far down, the struggle it takes/would take to get myself on track feels unwinnable. As I write this I know it sounds like a pity party. I'm just not sure why enough hasn't already been enough. I don't know why I keep harming myself when I know the outcome of doing so full well.
Yesterday I forced myself to go to a late lunch with my best girlfriends and that cheered me up a lot and made me feel hopeful. And today I forced myself to get out of myself and concentrate on playing games with the girls.. and I've been reading a good book about recovery called, Carry on, Warrior. But I'm just a bundle of tears and I don't have PMS... I'm going stick around here tonight and have rented some movies and will cook some nice food.. It's so important for me to wake up tomorrow feeling clear in my mind. And only on day 3, but better than nothing. I want so badly to have light in my life, not to keep punishing my body and my mind and my soul and I don't know why I don't seem to want to go to any length to get it.

Well, today I am determined. I had to talk to myself several times to remind myself that I am determined.

I'm so grateful to have this Nest to come to. And happy to see that so many people are doing well.. :hug: and Happy New Year's Eve.

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters,Happy New Year to Mr.G,Ava,and anyone else from the land down under(love that song) Imagine, great on going to the docs,that shows you are determined to get well in addition to roll call there's also a 24 hour club in general, I post there everyday usually, sometimes its easier to chunk away one day at a time,hoping everyone has a safe,sober,sane NYE

[paulywogg]

X-post LC,don't ever say"only" before your days,every single day counts I've been on benders where even getting one day sober seemed insurmountable! Cherish each day my friend

[Roobs]

Good morning nesters,
happy new year G-man, Ava, Mario, who else is a day ahead? Anyway happy new year to you all! I'm really excited to have the option to do nothing today and tonight. My husband and I might go to a local bar to watch a friends band play and guess what the best part of that would be? They play from 5-8pm! Ha, right during my operating hours. I can still be in my pajamas by 8:30. Winning.
LC, so glad you got right back on MWO. It sounds like your full of self loathing right now. I think all of us can relate to that feeling. think of 3 things that you like about yourself and why your worth fighting for a great sober life.
LS, you know how to do this. Do you have one person in your social circle you can tell that you've quit drinking? For me, this time around, I have told one of my friends that I'm not drinking and as scary as it was, it has helped me become even more determined not to drink. Any new little tool may make a difference.
Imagine, so glad you went to your doctor. Hopefully you're feeling better today. I remember way back when I first quit drinking, i slept like crap and sweated for 3 nights straight literally soaking wet. It was gross but I also liked the fact that was purging all the toxins out of my body. Keep posting, there's so many great people here with all sorts of advise and support!
Happy new year!
Roobs

[wagmor]

LC - I agree with Pauly - try not to let that word "only" slip in front of your accomplishment. Each and every day, sometimes hour, is a victory to be cherished in this journey we're all on. Wrap your arms around yourself and your days and hug tight. I can really relate to some of what you're feeling. Before this quit, my final and forever quit, I had dug myself down into such a deep hole. I was distraught - couldn't believe what I had done to myself, and there was nobody to blame but me. Standing at the bottom of that pit and looking at the work I'd have to do to climb out, to undo the damage, seemed impossible. I don't honestly know what encouraged me to start, except that I knew I was going to die if I didn't. Maybe not right away, but I was surely on the path to self-destruction.

Now, I'm at day 161 of the rest of my life. I can honestly say that I've physically undone all of the damage to my body, and I've made great progress toward healing my heart and my mind. Still work to be done, and still days where I am tempted, but I feel like I'm out of the pit of doom and can see beauty in the world and in my life again.

There's a saying that's something like, "A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step." There's also "Even the person in last place is ahead of everyone who didn't even start." Perhaps somewhat trite, but also both very true. Don't give up on yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself. Stick close to the nest and enjoy your movies this evening. I'd love to come here tomorrow and celebrate a sober and clear-headed start to 2017 with you! :hug:

[lifechange]

Pauly and Roobs and Wag, thank you so much for that..
after I posted here I wrote to my 4 best friends with whom I had lunch yesterday. They know of my addiction but I hadn't been very open with them for awhile.. I hadn't told them that I had been struggling so much. I decided to quit being ashamed and embarrassed and sad and let them know what's been going on. They called/wrote back right away and helped me to see the other side of my reality.. that I'm not just the addicted loser that I feel like in the moment. They could easily tell me the qualities they love in me and remind me of some of the good things I've accomplished. God, I really want to do this. I want to be strong and happy and healthy and honest and able to love with my whole heart and to feel like I deserve to be loved and helped by others.. I will definitely be here tomorrow to celebrate, Wags..

[Pavati]

Hi, all:

LC and LS - Welcome back, and glad you came back so quickly. Something that Kensho said might be helpful - she talked about having alternatives to deal with the things that we previously used alcohol for. Byrdie calls it a plan - and talks about how to create on in the ToolBox. The key is when you're feeling crappy, celebrating, winding down after a tough day - alcohol has to stop being a choice. It is an automatic choice now, so you're constantly battling yourself and your will power. However, if you have set yourself up so that alcohol can't be a choice, you'll have to find other things to help. Actually, all I can say is that is the perspective that helped me. AND telling my husband that if I EVER said I could drink again he should stop me at any cost...

Happy NYE everyone. Off to hang with good friends. Good food and some family games. I'm really looking forward to it.

Pav

[available]

morning nesters

LC being accountable to others is so important and a relief also. we are not bad people but al has a way of making us feel like the lowest of lows when in time away from al we learn to love ourselves again. we just need to get rid of the poison in our lives.

had a lovely quiet night with the boys and no al. bed by 10.30 and woken to a lot of fireworks going off. Now awake so early. where do 4 year olds get their energy from. I am already plannig a nap.

Hope everyone has a sober New Years Eve/day.

Off to feed the hoard.

Take care x

[imaginemore]

Thanks so much for the resources, wagmor! I'm now on Day 3!! I'll definitely check those out. Thanks, guys, so much, and I'll definitely be an active part of the community. I know it's crucial.

[Byrdlady]

Happy NYE, all! Ive had my bath, washed my hair and am now snuggled in with my doggie on the couch! In the words of Mr G, I got no ticket to BoozeVille!
Getting and staying sober isnt easy. Not one of us here sailed thru it, we all steuggled at times. Like anything worth having, the reward on the other side makes it MORE than worth it. We all also did it the old fashioned way....one day at a time. There is no magic bullet, it just takes one thing to accomplish this goal: The DESIRE to do so. You have to WANT to be sober MORE than you want to drink again. I believe something so strongly I put it in my signature line....all you gotta do, is get thru THIS day. I can do that.
Here is today's cookie project!
IMG_2679.jpg

[Lavande]

Happy New Year to those already there
Happy NYE to those of us on this side of world!

LC, we are all with you 100%, keep that determination going & stay positive :hug:
LS, thinking of you as well. We can all do this, we are strong together.

Nice cookies as always Byrdie, ha ha!

Well, we are finishing up 2016 here in Lav-land by dropping over 4G today to have our well pump & holding tank replaced, ugh. I guess I'll have to cancel any spring vacation plans, LOL
Grateful for everything & not really complaining much.....

I like the stay at home plans most people have for tonight. Those of you venturing out - please do so with care.

Wishing everyone a safe & peaceful night in the nest.
See you in 2017

Lav

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
Checking in for a sober day 2. I'm not ready to 'check out' from this very valuable place. As always, I benefit from all your posts, so thank you all very much.
I have 'real life' friends who know about my problem which is a great help, however I know it's myself alone who needs to action my crisis plan before reaching breaking point.
I had an abusive upbringing I dealt with quite well about 4/5 years ago. It was too long & not really appropriate for the nest so I wrote it down in a new thread to have it somewhere.
However, my dad unfortunately was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago in January 2015 so I supported & helped out both my parents alot during the last two years. Thankfully dad went through treatment & is in remission & doing extremely well so I very grateful for that although he's been left unable to drive, so one of the reasons it seemed ok for helping them practically with shopping etc.
The difficult bit, is whilst helping them, their negative behaviour & attitudes are affecting me badly & the situation is hopeless & pointless. My mum only told us when dad was in hospital she had started getting cataracts 5 years earlier & was going blind & had been ignoring the problem (we just thought she needed glasses) and even now 2 years on - she is nearly completely blind & won't seek help.
Mum obsessed with dad's illness (she was a nurse & helped her feel 'in control) so think she used this as an excuse to delay caring for herself & ended up being hospitalised in October for not changing her socks & shoes for a year. I knew about this, I urged her to do it or seek help if she couldn't but she refused to acknowledge there was a problem at all. She is currently recuperating in a nursing home, so has food, water, shelter & medicine so her needs are being met. Dad's ok. Breathe...
I took a step back in April this year as dad's health had improved so much but got more involved again with mum neglecting her health so much.
They haven't had hot water in their home for 3+ years because of the 'hoarde' & can't have a workman in but won't address the issue. None of this will end well or get better for them until they want it to & as im dealing so badly I really have to concentrate on better coping strategies & relaxing.
Any help or support I've given isn't benefiting them so need to put it to better use on myself & the kids.
I'm so sorry this is so long & miserable but it has really been helpful to write it down xx
Wishing all a safe & sober 2017
LS

[NoraC]

Hey LS - I'm sorry about your situation. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. You are so right to reach out and write it down. :hug: Whatever helps you. I have a friend who has a very close friend who is a hoarder (ex boyfriend). He is without running water, working toilets, etc. When they were together, she cleaned it all up but he quickly stacked it up again. You are right when you say that this won't change until they want it to change.
Good for you for taking care of yourself. It's so important!
Congratulations on Day 2. Fantastic job.

[Eloise]

Wishing everyone to find a way forward to the obstacles life puts before us