Newbies Nest

[Struggles 106]

!!!!!
If I was gonna drink it would be today!!! I am certainly not going to but I am feeling
very overwhelmed. Angry, resentful, just pissed
My daughter has been sick and I have been taking care of the baby - over 2 years old, not a "baby" anymore.
My daughter is taking advantage of my generosity; she is lazy and I am sick of this shit.
I hate the townhouse we live in , partly because there are toys everywhere - MOST of which have no business being here since my granddaughter does not care about them. At all.
I am sick and tired of cleaning up after an adult, and sick and tired of having no life!
Fellow nesters--I am a MESS. NOT drinking, not even considering it.
That would not help any of this bullshit situation. I stayed home from work to take care of her today, and my entitled daughter doesn't really appreciate it.
I know this is whining. I had a cute little place before all this happened, and now I have an expensive storage space where everything I like (vintage pieces etc) is sitting and collecting dust
And yes I know that things are not important. Not at all. If someone took all of it I would not care. But the point is I can't even live anymore, in peace and comfort and serenity.
And I'm damn mad about it right now.

Phew! I feel a bit better. Thank you all for being here. Btw it's day 79 ( I think )

Ann Carolina

[Byrdlady]

Lav, our ferry goes from our little island to the mainland, Southport. Southport is a BEAUTIFUL small town full of antigue shops and great eats. Quaint homes with picket fences line the streets, its just a fun place to visit. It's about 4 miles over there by ferry(about a 30 minute ride), it takes about 45 minutes to drive around. In the summer, its fun to take bread and feed the seagulls off the back of the ferry. They will take the food right out of your fingers! It was raining yesterday, but it didnt dampen our spirits.

Wags, I have said this 1000 times, MWO is a place to see our past, present, and future. Your story tells me all I need to know about me and AL. There is no question in my mind that I would go right back to my awful levels of drinking again. Even now when I see people order A drink, I wonder, WHY BOTHER? Once and alkie, always an alkie so I am so glad to not be holding out hope of 'getting over' this. THANK YOU for your valuable experience.

Ann, Im sorry you feel as if you are being taken for granted. Can you sit down with your daughter and voice your needs to her? Gosh, that is a tough spot. My heart goes out to you. Leave it to the person without kids to try and offer support, I will leave this one to the experts. I am thinking of you none the less. Congrats on NOT drinking AT the situation.

What an overwhelming day at work, good thing I worked everyday or it would have been outrageous!
Sterength to all!! Byrdie

[Jkm123]

Hi all, here i am about to complete day three. I feel better tonight, no headache, more like myself, still aggravated. Hope everyone is doing well!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, that was a lot of posts to read from the past 24 hrs. Great to see everyone!

TJ, always nice to see you!

Jkm, great job on your 3 AF days. You will be feeling like a million bucks very soon

Hello & welcome Liliane, glad you decided to join us. Please settle in & let us know how yo are doing.

Ann, it's never good when adult kids take advantage & they will if yo give them the opportunity. Maybe it is time to sit down with your daughter & make some changes - firm up your boundary lines. Keeping yourself feeling relaxed & balanced is vital to your quit, right?

Thanks for explaining that Byrdie. I guess there's a lot that I don't know about your area after all. Sounds like a nice way to spend a day, rain or shine

Mario, safe travels to home!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
La

[wagmor]

NS - 2001-2011 was pretty much a "lost decade" for me too, unfortunately. It started with a very bad car accident in 2001. It wasn't my fault - I got hit head on by a teenager who ran a red light. Everyone was amazed I wasn't killed. I did have neck and back injuries, as well as a traumatic brain injury. I was on pain meds for 5 years, and it was horrific getting off of them (I didn't abuse - just getting off the prescribed regimen was hell). I spent the better part of 3 years in various types of rehab, including PT and speech therapy. My marriage fell apart, and I eventually had to quit a job that I loved directing an organization I had co-created. I lost a lot of "friends" who weren't patient enough to stick around while I healed. Less than a year after I got off the pain meds, my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I picked myself up from my fetal position on the floor and actually did a really good job as her caregiver. She died about a year later. It took me about 2 more years to fully recover the rest of the way from my accident. I think that all the other stresses I experienced made that process take longer, but it would have been grueling either way.

My pup had been my one constant, my unconditional support and love (besides my mom and a few close friends), and when she died it just knocked me flat. I didn't want to feel anything anymore.

In hindsight, drinking wasn't the answer and it wasn't really an escape. I just didn't have any fight left in me at the time.

I had a 5-6 month quit in 2014, but I had not yet built up enough of a support system to help when a few new challenges arose, so I fell again.

The biggest difference this time, and the reason I trust that this will be my last quit, is that I have learned from my mistakes (and from those of others, like folks here). I have built a much better support system and I'm not as vulnerable if one piece or even a few pieces disappear for some reason.

I think this is key for extroverts like me. I need people. I need a community that I can contribute to and that I can draw upon. I now have a few of those - some in person, and some online.

This nest is one of my very best communities. I treasure and appreciate all of you and am so glad you're here, so glad to be here with you.

How did you get past your lost decade NS?

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
Late check in tonight/this morning - Day 6 & hoping the kids school routine starting tomorrow goes well - I expect some grumbles in the morning but hopefully will settle back in quickly. I have a few boring plans of things to do but will hopefully keep me distracted & give me a sense of achievement. Mario & Byrdie, I have also eaten far too much over the festive season...though it's so cold atm I think extra padding is quite useful!
I meant to check in last night but after putting the kids down fell asleep really early - I found it draining sharing my family issues but feel better for doing it & feel more calm & less anxions so thank you all xx
Narilly, Thank you - I learned recently a very helpful technique here with cravings. I would before have tried to actively ignore the thoughts & had a battle with myself, but letting the thoughts of drinking come & go really seems to really have worked for me & not giving them power.
LC :hug: I'm glad if anything I shared was any help, I think I also internalise my feelings & find it hard to talk about my worries, for fear of being invalidated but your right learning to overcome this is so important & is the only way to heal x
Nice to see you here Jkm123 & Liliane, hoping you find the nest helpful on your AF journey, I have found it & the wonderful members a life saver x
G, cruising through your AF time so well, & I really liked your anchor analogy. Thank you x
Roobs, I hope you settle back into work well & it's happy hump day! So nearly the wend x
Nursie, Congratulations on day 59 - that is sad about losing 13 years AF when I was doing ok AF it was hard to imagine my drinking days & here I am again! It shows though how important it is to stay vigilant x
Thanks Wags, I know what you mean about 'energy' - Ive been very glad of reading through & often one or two topics or discussions I relate to very much & am very glad of!
Kensho, sorry you were feeling restless yesterday - though I'm glad you could express yourself & feel better - your writing is beautiful x
Ann, that does seem very unfair - it's really frustrating & unpleasant being taken for granted, I think you are doing really well not drinking & hope like others said you can put some boundaries in place, having your own time & space is very important & not trivial in the least. Thinking of you x
Wishing all a safe & sober Wednesday
LS

[Nursie]

Late check in from me too.
Welcome Liliane, such a pretty name!
Ann- omg! No wonder you are so stressed out. Your daughter is so lucky to have a mom like you. Sounds like some pretty defined boundaries are in order here. My sister is very much like that. She moves in with family members and friends (with 6 children) and gets as much help as she can. She just finally got a job and is much improved but she had some depression issues to work on before she could spread her wings a bit. I hope this situation clears up ASAP!
I went to work today, great day! Came home and did things around the house and cooked a nice meal. So peaceful.
I got a pang for red wine when I saw it on a TV show. Then I reminded myself I don't drink and that's good. I was sad for a minute but I got over it. The only way to never go down that rabbit hole is to never take that first sip. So simple yet so mind boggling.
Safe night in the nest everyone!

[Guitarista]

Struth Ann! Sounds like it's time to git the amp and guitar out and crank out some tunes.....at high volume!

I heard this at an AA meeting the other night......'don't put a life sentence on how you feel today'. (Cause thoughts and feelings change and move on soon enough).

Looking forward to celebrating 60 whole super fat booze free days wit you Nurse!

Byrdy, have you heard from Matt fire truck?

Jvo. If you are reading this, always remember we are in your corner and by your side. Can you check in sometime please? :happy2:

Day hundred n forty something or other. Let's git it pilgrims.

[wagmor]

Ann - I'm sorry to hear about all that you're carrying with your daughter and grandchild. It never feels good to feel taken advantage of and/or taken for granted, but especially so when it's family or a close friend. As others have asked/suggested, is it possible for you to talk with her? I'm sure you've tried many tactics and you know your situation best. Venting here is far better than drinking, and I'm so glad you came here and shared your frustrations. Please do continue to take care of yourself and protect your quit. :hug:

Jkm - Congrats on making it through another day. You'll have a full week before you know it! Keep showing up here and use this site to your full advantage.

LS - Glad you're feeling a bit better. You've got an awful lot on your plate, but you're building your quit and that will do nothing but help.

Ava - yep, like many people I develop very close connections with my fur kids, and really feel a deep sense of loss and grief when one of them passes on. I remember the scares you had with your little one last year, and I hope she's hanging in there with the new meds.

Byrdie - very cool to learn a bit more about the area where you live. I didn't realize you were on an island - I somehow thought when you mentioned taking a ferry that you'd be going TO the island for that. Oops!

G-man - sounds like you're just trucking right along, so solid with your quit. Keep up the good attitude and humor!

Liliane - Welcome!

J-vo - where are you??? Please check in when you get a chance. Hope everything is ok.

Have a great night/day everyone, and happy (almost) hump day!

[lifechange]

hi Nesters!
Quickie from me as I run off to work.. I hit snooze this morning for 45 minutes. First day back and all!
Will catch up with you lovelies this afternoon..
Am very happy to be picking up some moving boxes today so I can begin to pack..finally!

see you all in a bit!

[Jkm123]

Good morning, day 4! I'm starting to worry about the weekend....but one day at a time. Just get through today. Morning, afternoon, drive home, and evening, thats how i break it up and get through. Trying to decide what to eat on my ride home today....maybe another frosty all chocolate this time yum! I hope everyone has and nice easy day today, take care!

[Nursie]

Running a bit late today because I had the worst dream and I couldn't shake it!
In the dream- I was hanging out with family and the event was at a local bar/restaurant. I wanted to drink so bad but I proudly ordered my gingerale with cherries. Everyone was supportive. I was glad I was on the antabuse just in case I felt weak. The next morning I woke up thinking what a nice non-al time I was able to have. But then my world came crashing in as my sisters told me how wasted I was and I couldn't remember even ordering a drink. They said I was horrible, an embarrassment, etc. I couldn't understand how I could have been drunk when I didn't remember even ordering my first drink. And more so, how did I not get violently ill since I was on the Antabuse? You follow? I was crying to my sisters and my husband saying "I have to wake up, this has to be a dream". I was planning my post to start over on day one today.
Thank GOD it was just a dream and I am now on Day 60!!!

I'm so late I gotta go, but I will check back in at lunchtime.
Love to the nest!

[BelleGirl]

Well, here I am again...I noticed that I would have been close to my 5 year Anniversar-free. But I am not the first to see how the devil can creep back in, little by little. It has been a rough 5 years. But most of it I made through AL Free. I now have 2 teenagers (and you know how they can "drive you to drink"), lost my Mom 2 1/2 years ago, lost my Dad and Father-in-law last year. Dealing with Parental care the past 2-3 years and we still have mother-in-law to look after, though it is long distance which is a blessing and a curse. Husband and I are seeing a therapist about parenting teens, though they are good kids...we just can't get on the same page. I don't know even know when I had the first dabble in AL that brought me back to this. All I know is that I am heading down the same road, and it would have a greater impact now in front of my teen kids. I feel so dark and down and want to cry...not much to look forward to lately but increasing stress and missing my parents. Never thought I would miss them this much. My sweet pug pup is getting up in years and needs more help. I don't know how I could handle losing her now. This is day 2. I feel like such a f-up. On the upside, I have a great part time job that is flexible to have me home when the kids are home.

I have seen this story a million times on this forum...about how the devil AL can creep back into your life before you know it. Just chalk me up to story one million and one. Anyone thinking that they are the only ones that can drink again...think again. Living proof here.

I see so many names/faces that i remember. We all understand. That is what brought me here in the first place. I'm not a good frequent poster due to all kinds of craziness in my life...but will pop in and fight the good fight with all of you good peeps. (pun intended, nesters). Guess I had better change my signature...

[Jkm123]

Nursie....what a scary dream!
Belle- ive been trying to quit/control my drinking for 5 years and i finally get it, if you're an alcoholic you can't drink because there is no way we can control it, once Pandoras box is opened it takes alot to clise it again so having a drink os like saying well ill just undo the latch on this box, im sure it will stay closed.
Look i gave advice guys! I must be getting better!
Question- i need to loose some weight but i am on day four and staying full helps alot. How far into my quit do y'all recommend calorie restriction or do you? I eat pretty healthy and have cut out soda and al.

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters,just a quick hello welcome back Bellegirl Jkm,screw the calorie cut for now,I only say that cuz I tried it for 2 days this week and had "thoughts" until I ate and felt normal again,amazing how the body confuses hunger with al cravings,boggles my mind,wishing everyone a terrific AF Day