Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Hi again, Nesters!

Congratulations on 60 days, Nursie!! It must feel extra good after that horrible dream! I hope you find a nice way to celebrate a little today..:love:

Welcome back, BelleGirl! I remember you well and am happy to see you back in the Nest. I've been up and down on a roller coaster since joining MWO. Before that I was completely in the dark, but since then, I've known what I need to do.. just haven't wanted to completely give in. haven't wanted to completely shut the door on the possibility of drinking again at some point. As long as I wasn't 100% honest with myself, I could keep the hope of "moderation" alive, even if in the very back of my mind.. and even with being 100% honest with myself, sometimes I didn't keep up with the work that needs to be done, especially the first year at least it seems, to give myself a fair chance.. Now I think (I know) I have squelched any flame of hope that I might one day be able to drink. Now my work is to do everything in my power NOT to drink.. whatever I have to do. Which at this point takes a lot of energy but I'm actually enjoying figuring it out. It's helped me these past days to allow myself to become the newest newbie.. to look at the whole recovery process, this site, all of the experiences being shared here with brand new eyes...'cause I definitely missed something before! I really look forward to hearing more from you!

Jkm, you're sounding really well! Like you said, taking it one day at a time is key.. but I am slowly learning how important it is to have a good plan, especially for days/occasions we're feeling worried about, ahead of time. So I'm wondering if you could be specific about your worries this weekend.? And then write down a plan of possible ways to handle different situations.. Just a suggestion... Kensho reminded me of the importance of being specific (while of sound mind), so as not to have to come up with some great idea/distraction in the middle of a craving or stress..

Ann, :hug:. I can just imagine how you feel. Of course you want to help your grown children when they need help.. but the nice thing about being a Grandma (says my Mom) is that they (we) all leave at the end of the day and peace and quiet is restored. I hope you'll find a solution that you're all happy with..

So today is day 6 and even though it's so early on and I'm so excited about the possibilities awaiting me in my sober life, I thought about drinking today. A lot. It kept entering my mind and I kept letting it go.. and finally, what helped me to get back into my positive state of mind is coming here.. all of your posts put me IMMEDIATELY back in my place. I'm so very grateful for all of you people taking part here right now. As a team we are stronger! The very last time I drank, I drank before coming here and then even avoided being here for a day or so afterwards because I didn't want to be stopped.. so I see this as progress!:happy2:

[lifechange]

p.s.
Jkm, I would also say forget about counting calories or trying to cut back now! You could possibly try to think of a few healthier substitutes for what you're eating..? But my experience has been, better to be full at this point.

[Byrdlady]

Nursie, it must have been all the talk yesterday, but I also had a drinking dream where I blew it! I was JUST SICK with shame and remorse!! OMG! I said I would just have a little drink and no one would know! I woke up and I must tell you, it was disturbing to think that here I am days from my 6 year mark and blowing it over an inconsequential drink! That is enough to convince me to stick with this (as if I needed anything else to convince me!) Yikes, that was AWFUL.

Belle I remember you well! I'm so sorry you've had so many trials in your life. Surely you remember that it doesn't take but a few AF days to make you feel all right with the world again. I'm so glad you are back, you always were a wonderful poster!

Interesnting, I lost a decade also, 2000-2010....as if I totally missed my 40's. It makes me sick to think about it, but my 50's have been very good!! I'll just have to make up for lost time!

So good to see everyone! Keep at it, I promise it's worth it! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

How did you get past your lost decade NS?

Well, Wags, I think I finally realized that I no longer saw any point to my life although I still had a vague feeling "of course I won't (actively) kill myself". Given that I wasn't going to do that, something had to change. I just couldn't take it anymore. And deep down, I knew what I had to somehow do. The problem was, I could not imagine just quitting (I had tried several times and could do it for fairly long stretches but then would fail) and there was no way I was going to out myself by going to AA or telling a doctor. So, I did what many of you probably did, too - I googled it! In those days, MWO came up on page one, as did a couple of other similar forums. I read on all of them for a couple weeks and one night, with my heart pounding, I registered here, and committed to not drinking for 30 days. Sharing my story was a huge relief - all the hiding and lying was tearing me apart. And the support that was so lovingly and freely offered made me feel part of something bigger than myself - something I didn't want to betray, as I'd come to so easily do to myself. It took awhile before I liked myself enough to be quitting for me - the group gave me something to hold on to while I healed and I'll be forever grateful.

PS: the reason I chose MWO was because of the beautiful support I saw people giving one another in the Newbies Nest, in NoraC's One Step at a Time thread, and one that you had going in 2013, Ann Carolina/Struggles. You all seemed like such lovely people - and you are!

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

NS - I'm glad you came when you did! I started lurking here a year before I joined, and was rooting for you from the sidelines. I have been cleaning out a messy closet and looking at a lot of old pictures. I realized that in so many of them I was drinking or hungover - makes me feel uneasy. I would say my lost/last decade of drinking was not great. I can get stuck in the negative - how awful the awful times were. But I can also look to many good times then, too. I think that it would have been better if I had just admitted at that point that alcohol and I weren't friends. Actually, when I look at my pattern of drinking - lacking and "off switch" as I've heard it called - from FOREVER ago, it is clear that I have had issues with alcohol for a long,long time. It never occurred to me that I would have to quit, though - I didn't understand that just because I would go months with "normal" drinking it didn't prove I had it all under control. All I can say is THANK GOODNESS that is over...

Nursie - that dream! I hate when I have such realistic dreams that take forever to get over. I always have a fear when I order a non alcoholic drink at a bar that it will get mixed in with someone else's drink accidentally. I smell it before I drink it every time. On New Year's Eve at a friend's house, they poured champagne for everyone in wine glasses, and then poured me a sparkling water, also in a wine glass. It made me so nervous drinking from that glass - EVERY time I picked it up I smelled it to make sure that I hadn't accidentally switched with someone.

Ann - Sorry about your daughter. I support your talk about boundaries as well. My kids are younger, but they do like to take advantage of me sometimes.

I had a small pity party when someone was having a glass of "really good" red wine and I wanted some. Red wine wasn't even my drink (gave me a headache when I drank a "proper" amount), but it was a drink that I could have sensibly with a good meal. It was a MOMENTARY thought - that's the good part. No prolonged pity parties here...

I woke up with a pretty bad cold - stuffy, achy, sore throat. I think I'll get a bit of work done and go back to bed.

Welcome back, Belle - stick close.

Pav

[available]

Morning nesters

A busy nest is a good nest!

Welcome back Belle. God teenagers are horrendous, grunting from boys and "i hate you" from girls. I am so glad they are behind me and i have normal lovely adult children. I drank through those years and i dont recommend it but it was easier to let them do what they want without arguing as i had al. Drinking does not make life better Belle, learning to live life without it is hard but so much better. I too have an older dog and the thought of her dying scares me but she has been with me for the good times and the bad and i know she so loves me better sober and there for her now.

JKM eat and keep eating. It is early early days for you and being deprived is not a good idea as you will turn to al. The weekend is just that, it is another sober day. Keep busy and keep on here. No al in the house either and you will be fine. when i did my first week without al i thought i finally was doing ok and just wanted to hit 14 days. One day at a time JKM.

60 days Nursie, woo hoo to you and a drinking dream to remind you why you dont want to drink! A huge congratulations.

Ann, it might be time to put your foot down. My kids took a bit of adjustment when i stopped drinking to realise that this was the new me and i would not be walked over like i let them when i drank. They eventually understood that whilst i still loved them dearly that my sobriety and my life were my priority and they needed to be with me for the ride, good and bad.

Im settling back into work, still not fun but doable. Yesterday i went to buy fuel and dropped my wallet. I thought that surely i could pick up said wallet whilst filling up the car. A good plan except the nozzle fell out and i drenched myself in fuel. God i felt and smelt horrible but i did manage to make a lot of people laugh when i told the story so thats a bonus!

Well off to work i go. Take care x

[Jkm123]

Hey guys, checking in. Went to pick up lunch for the office at a taco place with a full bar....I'm still having drinking thoughts from it. I have really been ok until just a couple of hours ago. I'm reminding myself that i am not drinking in 2017 period. I know what its like to drink and be drunk, its not fun any more so no!

[scottish lass]

Here in the NY and keeping sober, happily!

[narilly]

Hello everyone,
Belle, thank you for the reminder on why we need to stay sober. The thoughts enter my mind once in awhile and it scares me. It helps me to hear stories like yours. I don't want to have to re-quit. It was hard enough to get to this point and starting over would be so hard. Thank goodness you are here and are sober Belle. Your 5 years will get here soon enough. Hang in there!
Jkm, just let the thoughts go by and think of something else. The worst thing is to obsess about drinking. There are so many other things to think about, try and take your mind there. OR remember the last time you got plastered and blacked out, thats where the first drink will lead you. It my not be this time but it will be the next or the next after that.
I quit so many times before this final quit. At least 10 times, but it never stuck. I always thought I could drink again and that it wasn't so bad. I finally got so sick of being sick and losing control that I was able to do it. Of course it took some nudging from my fellow MWOers- NS, Ava, Pav, JVo, Byrdie, Lav, G, SL, to name a few. I am so Grateful to be sober. Everyday I wake up feeling good is a gift and I am living the life I want.

Gotta go, I am at work.
xo

[narilly]

Here in the NY and keeping sober, happily!

Hi ya SL! xoxoxo

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
A big wave hello to all fellow nesters, Im popping in for a quick check in tonight, yawn - can hardly keep my eyes open... I hope everyone has got through their day well.
It's lovely to see your here Belle, there are a few of us, back at our first week - hopefully we can all help one another through? Glad you found your was back x
Jkm123, doing well & sounding great x
Ava, you mentioned the challenges of teens, Im not quite there yet - but this September my eldest will move onto secondary school. It's hard to imagine as although I don't baby him, he's more sensitive of my two so wonder how he'll adjust? I have no doubt it will be the start of an exciting new stage for him & I hope to be able to maintain this quit so I can be fully there for him.
Wishing all a safe & sober Wednesday
LS

[BelleGirl]

Thanks for the warm and fluffy Nest welcome! Byrdlady coming up on 6 years!!! Wowee now that should be a celebration. Has a prize for that even been invented yet? I remember when you were hitting your 1 year mark!

Nursie, congrats on 60 days! I'm glad you are keeping at it and never giving up. That dream was awful! I haven't had those in a while but they will probably start popping up again. Also great to see available, ScottishLass, Pavati, narilly and any others that were with me when I was here before and also not giving in to the devil. As avail said, when you are drinking, you let the kiddos do what they want because that is easier. My son is 1.5 years away from college and I need to be on top of things or it will all go to crap. And I have to be especially vigilant with a 13 yr old daughter. Hubby works long hours, so I have to keep an eye on things. I don't need Mr AL's I don't give an eff attitude.

I really need to go back and read my old posts if they are still out there. I know what I need to do. My "trick" was to envision the end game in my mind if I was thinking of the first drink. Mmmmm good. So good, let's go for number 2!! Well, I just can't get the same feeling that drink 1 gave me so maybe I need more. And on it goes. Until I wake up the next morning with little memory of the night before.

Last time I quit, nearly 5 years ago, it was after a phone conversation with my brother and he asked me if I was drunk. I said "no" and later felt horrible for lying to him who I love dearly. It was obvious. Hiccups and all! A year later I found out he had a problem with AL and was able to share with him about my experience and quit. He joined AA and I believe he is keeping his quit.

This time it was after AL caused me to almost "throw my son under the bus" because I did not remember him telling me something. He wanted to stay up past his bedtime to finish watching an episode of Sherlock. He said he asked me and I said it was OK. Then at his bedtime I started yelling at him as to why he was not going to bed! Husband was confused. The next morning I gave him the benefit of the doubt (and AL) and said I must not have been paying attention when he told me that. But I felt awfullllllll.

On to day 3! Who's with me! :hug:

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,
Wow, the nets is hopping again - great

Hello & welcome back Belle!
I've been hanging out here nearly 8 years now, they can't get rid of me. Stick with us, OK?

Drinking dreams are harsh BUT I really feel that they serve a purpose, at least they did for me. Nothing like an 'in your face reminder' of why you wanted to quit! Ha ha! I quit smoking shortly after quitting drinking so I had to deal with smoking dreams too - ugh! They are both long gone now, thank goodness

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Guitarista]

On to day 3! Who's with me! :hug:

Hey Belle. I'm with you!

Day 145. Slowly but surely i'm getting it through my extra ultra thick head (hey wait a minute. where's the poz self talk? you're a star pilgrim! oh yeah, that's right) that there truly is a big wide fascinating world out there totally aside from the AL world and AL circles i have dwelled in. Now ain't that somethin?

Happy 60th Nursie!

Take it easy out there.

[lifechange]

Morning, Nesters!
I was up with the birds today, worrying about a work project coming up. It's something I don't even know if I have to do, but feel like I should do.. and it could even be a good experience. It would be a lot of preparation and I would have to speak publicly, which I dislike immensely.. I have to figure it out and make a decision today.. will let you know.
Today is day 7 for me. An honest to god, really strong day 7. A sober week I feel I've earned the right to be proud of.. because I know in my heart I'm thinking about it and doing the work. It's different because I am making decisions and necessary changes necessary for my well-being.. something I know I've done before, but it's been a loooong while!
ok. just a quickie right now..
wishing you all a lovely Thursday.