Newbies Nest

[scottish lass]

Hi all - checking in quickly (as others are for accountability!) - tried yesterday, but not enough minutes in the day!

Playing phone tag with counselors to try and get one for my daughter - it is so hard when they are only open to phone calls, and just have voicemail - I don't know when they are with clients, so can never catch them - and they only call in business hours, so I am often in meetings etc - we keep missing each other and I really want to get this going! Not sure if she is getting worse, or she is sharing more now she started! It is wearing....but we will survive and come out of this better & stronger!

So much rain last night!!! We are getting waterlogged over here, luckily some snow in the mountains now, so that should help the drought...

Listened to some of the farewell speech last night - have to say he made me cry when he talked about his wife and relationship - that's what dreams are made of. Regardless of political preferences, I love the way he speaks of his family.

Booked flights home for June - hope Dad lasts that long....

Happy Hump day all....

[narilly]

Morning Everyone, Hey Wags, waiting 30 minutes for the 'I want to drink ' feeling to subside is a good one. That has worked for me numerous times. I try and distract myself in the meantime and quite often just forget I was having a craving.
I started trying to quit drinking when I was 17 and it took until I was 49 to actually quit. Hang in there everyone that is trying to quit! Persistence not Perfection will win this game.

I don't know if I mentioned that I lost my job last week...I think I did. Anyway, I am so happy not to be in that place. It is really nice to wake up UN Hung everyday, I am so Grateful to be sober and never want to go back to that place. I know if I started drinking now it would be a long road back. I would probably end up like Carrie Fisher and die and early death.
I went to a funeral yesterday and met a lady I knew about 20 years ago. She is a very heavy drinker, probably an alcoholic and her husband is too. He looked pretty good but the lady's face was all swollen and puffy. I could just see that she was still drinking heavy. I bet she was hungover at the funeral which started at 10 am. I kept thinking I was so glad it wasn't me who was hungover.

Have a great sober day everyone!
xo

[Guitarista]

Hi nesters near and not so far,

SL, must be a small relief to have booked that flight home to see your dad. I know you have been talking about it. Hang in there with the phone tag counsellors. You will finally connect soon enough and move forward. All the best with your daughter.

Jvo, how are ya?

Hi Narilly! Yeah, sober is just the best angle to come from. Sobriety is my anchor, along with some very simple daily stuff i do for me fat head/mental health, such as not calling myself fathead, daily simple 6 minute meditation, and a 5 minute basic yoga (sun salutations). This i can handle. Can i handle a 30 minute, 60 minute, 5 day meditation in a cave yet? Maybe, but probably not daily at this point. And that's totally ok with me. Keeping it simple over here at the beach pad.

Day 152. Go git it.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Narilly - sorry about your job. I know that was relatively new, right? Hope you can get another, soon.

SL - Happy you could get your ticket home, and I do hope your dad is ok still.

ADP - For us, there is ALWAYS and excuse to drink. EVERYTHING, is better without alcohol. I know that is hard for you to see right now, but even boredom will be better. Without a cloud in your head all of the time, you will find the strength to reach out to people and activities that can stimulate you. I am reminded of a post a friend shared with me way back when I first quit:

"But you don't understand!" we spluttered, trying to cover up. "I'm different! I've really got it rough!" We used these lines over and over in our active addiction, either trying to escape the consequences of our actions or avoid following the rules that applied to everyone else. We may have cried them at our first meeting. Perhaps we've even caught ourselves whining them recently.

So many of us feel different or unique. As addicts, we can use almost anything to alienate ourselves. But there's no excuse for missing out on recovery, nothing that can make us ineligible for the program- not a life-threatening illness, not poverty, not anything. There are thousands of addicts who have found recovery despite the real hardships they've faced. Through working the program, their spiritual awareness has grown, in spite of-or perhaps in response to those hardships.

Our individual circumstances and differences are irrelevant when it comes to recovery. By letting go of our uniqueness and surrendering to this simple way of life, we're bound to find that we feel a part of something. And feeling a part of something gives us the strength to walk through life, hardships and all.

Just for Today: I will let go of my uniqueness and embrace the principles of recovery I have in common with so many others. My hardships do not exclude me from recovery; rather, they draw me into it.

I hope that helps you figure out this is for you - not being done to you.

Happy Sober Hump Day, all. Take good care of yourselves. Byrdie - treacherous travel in most of the country right now. Stay safe.

Pav

[j-vo]

Evening all,
Tough day at work. I haven't been sleeping much. Son still having a difficult time. His meds should kick in soon, and am I glad we went ahead with getting them because I can see he needs the help for sure. He has a therapist appt. next week so that'll be good for him, too. Talk therapy. Even though he's still very down and says his thoughts are a mess, we've got good things in place for him.

As for me, I don't feel good. Just overtired, worried, and very down. I'm going to watch my show and head to bed. Another early day tomorrow.

SL, Im so glad to hear that you're going to see your Dad. Wonderful. And Nar, sorry to hear about your job. I sometimes wish I could just quit as my head isn't in it anymore. Maybe it is, maybe it's just the circumstances. I don't know.

Have a good night.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Hump day is just about over, yay!
We were treated to spring-like warmish temperatures today, nice

Narilly, sorry about the job. Could this actually be one of those blessings in disguise situations?

SL, glad to hear you have that trip planned. I hope you get the counselor situation straightened out soon for your daughter. It's hard being a kid these days no matter what is going on.

J-vo, hang in there!
Take care of yourself so you can help your son. You two can help each other :hug:

Wishing everyone a peaceful & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[narilly]

Thanks everyone, yes Lav. I think it is a blessing in disguise for sure. It is such a relief not to have to go back to work there!

I just went out with my mom and son, we had some great Thai food. Gotta love that stuff- pad Thai, fish in tamarind sauce, chicken with cashews, and some coconut mango dessert. YUM!!

Have a great sober night everyone. JVo, you have a lot going on, I am sure you are just going through the motions with your job. Life will get better, this is just one of those really sucky times. <3

Pav, exactly! There is ALWAYS a reason to drink and EVERYTHING is better without alcohol. I couldn't agree more. I think we've got that figured out!

GMan- 5 minute meditation, yup, that is about what I do. Hey, we do what we can right?

Have a good sober night everyone.

[KENSHO]

I love biting off what you can chew G - great reminder. Way to get in your meditation and salutations every day; I'm impressed.

PAV, thank you for that post. I definitely thought I was "different" than everyone here, that I didn't fit in - until I realized I did. Alcohol was causing me pain and it was time to stop. I'm so glad I did. I worried that I wouldn't fit in. I worried that people would think less of me. I worried that my husband wouldn't want to be with me. I worried that I would be less productive at work, and that I would be boring. I worried that I would fail. NONE of that was true. While those were genuine worries, I gave them more credit than they deserved because no one really cares when you become healthier and happier - THAT is what they see

JVO you sound solid. Think of how strong you will be when you get through this sober. It's your time.

Glad you had some moderate temps LAV. Thanks for always putting in your 2 cents!

Have a thankful night Nest.

[Justme Again]

Hi Nest

Just want to pop in and say HI!
Things are going real OK with me, shouldn't complain.

Going to read a bit back now.

Best wishes for 2017 Nesters!

[j-vo]

Early checkin today. I left the house a wee bit earlier just so I could get a head start on my day, but I feel as though I need to post.

I haven't been strong or I don't feel strong. I was thinking about the antabuse that I have, but that scares me to take as I don't know how it'll work combined with my other meds. I was talking with Ava about it, and I may buy a new batch just to have "in case." I have a lot of "in case" situations, and I'm afraid of those times.

The last several weeks, I have been putting my son before my sobriety. How does a mom NOT put their children before them? That's the obstacle I'm trying to get through right now. I have been so absorbed in his problem that I haven't been thinking about myself. I need to find a balance as I will fall if I don't. If I fall, what kind of mom would I be? I wouldn't be able to be there for him. I wouldn't be able to support him, listen to him, and give him the advice that he needs now. So, I'm going to take a step back today, still be there for him, but try not to lose myself in it. There's only so much I can do, and I need to take care of myself.

Alcohol will never solve any problems, only make them 1,000x worse. I won't let that happen.

I'm sorry I haven't been much of a help to anyone here. So self-absorbed in my own crap. I'll try to be more attentive and supportive. Thanks everyone.

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters,J-vo,even a half of an antabuse tab is effective, I haven't taken any in a long time actually but I have comfort in knowing that its in my purse,we always put our kids first,as it should be actually but we're absolutely useless to them drunk,its more selfish to drink than it is to stay sober,a few months ago I had to take my daughter in to terminate her pregnancy, she caught a virus and the baby caught it and the outlook for the baby was not good,I cried,she cried but we mourned together and I was there for her at what she calls "the absolute worst day of her life" can you imagine how shed have felt if I dove into a drinking binge?! Alone,scared,probably disgusted with me,let down,etc oh hell no! I can't do that to these kids or my hubs,or myself anymore! Drinking feels so dirty to me now,the smell,the feeling, cripes all the money I'd spend and that was buying cheap beer,just a lot of it waking up feeling crazy..literally crazy,wanting to jump out of my skin,wanting to be sober sooo bad but scared of being shaky and hot,fuck that shit! I'll do whatever it takes even if its going to bed at 5 pm haha,dentist yesterday and I swear he rubbed some of my enamel off with his grinder thing,it feels thinner or maybe I'm trippin and just not used to having a filling there,anyways,I'm wishing us all a wonderful AF day

[dyingtobealive]

Good morning all,

I'm very new here, just joined yesterday!

Wow, they weren't kidding when they said this thread is active - I've perused a few of the pages, forgive me that I do not have time to go through 6894 of them! The support I see here is absolutely amazing.

I'd like to share my story if that's all right - mostly because I'm currently alone in this fight. No one - not coworkers, family, husband, friends, even my therapist know that this is something I believe I'm struggling with. If it's triggering or any part is triggering please let me know and I will take it down.

Yesterday was my first full day of no alcohol in I don't even know how long. The urge was strong, but I kept myself busy with a few home projects before heading to bed very early. I slept horribly, even with melatonin. But, this morning I woke up the most clear headed I have in awhile and without an awful headache and nausea.

I'm not a 'normal' drinker, but I guess no one has ever really noticed the extent of my drinking because much of it is done alone or in hiding. In college it was acceptable - everyone was doing it. However, not everyone was embarrassing themselves quite like me or getting ridiculously emotional. I don't think I've ever been the 'fun drunk.' Even after college in our early 20's it was pretty acceptable. Maybe because it didn't happen every night is what saved people from wondering about my consumption. But lately, as I'm married and have a toddler I've slowly realized that it's not acceptable. And it's only been worse in the last 6 months. Since my husband drinks and my extended family drinks, it's not hard to find alcohol free flowing at events and once everyone looses up a bit I suppose how much I drink isn't as apparent.

I think it hit me hardest when I realized I was waking up every morning with a hangover. And that once I poured one drink, I couldn't just stop at one or two. I was back to the liquor cabinet again and again for "just a little more." It didn't matter how much I told myself during the day I would stop or tried to remember how horrible I felt in the morning. Every day it got worse.

I think most of my drinking stems from the intense anxiety I feel in every day life. I have pretty bad social anxiety and it's only been worse as I've aged. Drinking helped curb that. It helps me fall asleep of course, which otherwise I'm up for hours analyzing my day. It turns my brain off and I don't have to think about all the stupid stuff I've done or said or what other's think about me. I'm in a vicious circle because while I'm on anti-depressants, I'm not on anti-anxiety medicine. I'm terrified of the weight gain that it will cause and that causes depression/anxiety which leads to more alcohol, etc. I don't want to be the person who can't go out and have a glass of wine with her friends, but I'm thinking maybe I am.

Since I'm only on day 1 - I'm pretty optimistic at this point, but there are a few things I'm trying to hold myself accountable for.

When I drink, I eat terribly the next day and never exercise. But exercise (specifically running) helps my anxiety and depression. As does eating healthier. When I don't have a hangover, I of course have more energy to wrangle a toddler, which makes me a better mother (something else I struggle with immensely.) While this positive thinking is great, I do tend to have an obsessive personality, so I can take things to the extreme. I know taking 'not drinking' to the extreme is actually a good thing, but I don't want to start getting obsessive about healthy eating or exercise as I have a pretty extensive history of anorexia as well.

OK - well I have to get back to work, thank you all who took the time to read this, it really was amazing to get that out of my system.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

[Roobs]

Hello nesters,

Jvo, do whatever you have to do to not drink. If that means having a supply of fresh Antabuse in your purse that you never even use then so be it. Don't give in and don't give up. I was just reading on a blog about setting up boundaries and using sober tools BEFORE you fall. Such as, post everyday even if you don't have anything to say, call someone even if you don't want to talk, meditate like Gman even if your brain is going 100 miles an hour, listen to podcasts even if you don't have the attention span or desire to listen to anyone or anything. The point is use your tools even if you don't think they matter. I'm putting this out there because in the past I have not done this. I get complacent, like right now, I'm just cruising along thinking everything is going fine, feeling like I don't have time to post or listen to anyone. That's when the thoughts of what's the big deal start to slip in, maybe just a little, why am I doing this, I'm ok and on and on. This time I'm making an effort to build my fence, use my tools before I slip. So much of me wanting to get this right this time is due to all of the nesters here. Everyone's dealing with different life stuff, it's so hard sometimes but we're not alone.

Welcome dying, you can do this. Stick around and post everyday. Don't worry about what your anxieties might turn into, just try to chunk pieces of time together. 15 minutes, an hour, another hour etc... Get a little distance from your last drink and start setting your plan in place. You deserve it, you do!

Pauly, you crack me up!

Happy Thursday all! Off to work.
Roobs

[NoSugar]

The last several weeks, I have been putting my son before my sobriety.

Putting your sobriety first in the long run will be the best thing for your son, J-vo. It all goes together. None of us can be the best anything if we're drinking. In fact, we're more often part of the problem than the solution. Your boy doesn't need to be worrying about whether he is "causing" his mom to drink and about whether something bad will happen to her, too. He needs you to be there for him like you were when he was small. Even though you can't fix this like we could when they were little, it means everything for you to simply be there - fully present and controlled.

I suddenly had to travel yesterday to help out my fully grown son due to he and his wife getting sick and there being a toddler to wrangle, as DTB wrote about. As I hurriedly dressed and threw stuff into a bag to try to catch a train in 45 minutes (!), I thought about how this fairly big interruption in my life was really no big deal. And why? - simply because acquiring, consuming, and recovering from drinking isn't part of it anymore. I am so grateful to be totally available to the people I care about and not distracted by trying to figure out how to surreptitiously feed a raging addiction.

Like you, DTB, I was alone in this, hiding the problem even from the people I love and who love me.

I'm not a 'normal' drinker, but I guess no one has ever really noticed the extent of my drinking because much of it is done alone or in hiding.

I went to great lengths to hide, too, DTB, and I think the people around me saw what they used to see and what they wanted to see. Denial works both ways.

...I think it hit me hardest when I realized I was waking up every morning with a hangover. And that once I poured one drink, I couldn't just stop at one or two. I was back to the liquor cabinet again and again for "just a little more." It didn't matter how much I told myself during the day I would stop or tried to remember how horrible I felt in the morning. Every day it got worse.

The malfunctioning off switch pretty much defines addiction in my opinion. Anything you can do or consume at exactly the degree you rationally choose is not a real problem. For most of us here, alcohol stopped falling into that category.

...When I drink, I eat terribly the next day and never exercise. But exercise (specifically running) helps my anxiety and depression. As does eating healthier. When I don't have a hangover, I of course have more energy to wrangle a toddler, which makes me a better mother (something else I struggle with immensely.) While this positive thinking is great, I do tend to have an obsessive personality, so I can take things to the extreme. I know taking 'not drinking' to the extreme is actually a good thing, but I don't want to start getting obsessive about healthy eating or exercise as I have a pretty extensive history of anorexia as well.

I find that if I'm taking care of myself in one way, I want to do the others as well -- all the positive things feed on one another -- so maybe you can look forward to that :smile: ! In the short run, however, the main thing is not to drink. I spent almost the first 4 months hibernating. I didn't exercise unless I felt like it, didn't socialize, took many hot baths, went to bed really early, and spent hours on MWO reading and posting, rewiring my brain to be one of a nondrinker. Other people start exercising more or take on new hobbies and projects. Sometimes I would read their posts and think I should try to be like them but then realized that just wasn't what I needed. There is no "right" way to do this. Find what works for you and please try not to judge yourself. What feels right to you IS right.

It is good to have you here, NS

[KENSHO]

Well said Pauly - “F*ck that sh*t!” Alcohol is dirty and I’m over it too!

Dyingtobealive! I’m so glad you shared your story here! I love that your avatar includes the word “alive”, because I feel more alive now than I have in 15 years - after stringing 150 days together.

Your story is a lot like mine. Drinking was acceptable growing up, if not encouraged. I think my relationship with alcohol was always unhealthy, but it wasn't until I had my first child that I started drinking heavily to deal with the stress. I also had extreme social anxiety (which is a catch-22, because we think we are helping it with booze, but then the booze actually causes MORE anxiety…). I can say for sure that the me now, vs. the me 2 years ago when I joined here is so different. All kinds of great things happen when you stop drinking, including becoming so much more self-confident, self-assured, mature, and you sort of stop caring what people think.

Please visit the toolbox (someone else can link you to it if you haven’t found it already), and consider making a “plan” as to how you are going to handle your cravings. Above all else, please stay here and post often! We know what you are going through, and we care! As long as you come and talk about what’s going on (no one expects perfection here), you will find a much better life ahead!!

On another note, I’ve been in accounting hell - almost done, and then I enter purchasing hell. I used to drink to get through these times. But hey, in the end, I would drink to get through any time! Tomorrow we plan to hike to a yurt and stay 2 nights! They have about 5 ft. of snow at the top of the pass and until now, all roads have been closed. It should be a very winter-y experience! If I don’t post for more than two days, send the snow plows in - we may be stuck! I’ve already talked with my husband and we both feel we may be better suited to live in the woods anyway - so maybe we’ll stay

Have a good day nest, and never question that the pain you are going through now is worth it! Quitting is WORTH THE WORK! I Promise!!