Newbies Nest

[wagmor]

Pauly - I'm so sorry to hear about the really difficult and heart-wrenching time your daughter went through, and you with her, a few months ago. The brightest spot in that whole story is that you were sober and completely there for her. I'm sure that made a significant difference for both of you.

SL - Glad you were able to book the trip to see your family in June.

DTBA - As I wrote on your thread - Welcome! The Nest is a very lively place these days, and we're glad you're here. Personally, I appreciate that you posted your story, and I'm guessing many other people feel the same. I think one of the main purposes of the Newbie Nest is to be a place where we CAN be honest, to share our ups and downs, to deal with triggers, and to find support when others in our lives don't even know we have a problem (or perhaps they know, but we haven't told them we're quitting).

I'm one such person. My friends and family all know I'm taking a break from drinking, but I have not told any one of them that I feel I have a real problem and that I'm quitting for good. And I'm on day 173 of "taking a break." I've recently started to say things like "I feel so much better I'm just gonna continue my break - it seems silly not to when the benefits are so clear" but I still haven't said "I have a drinking problem and I'm trying to save my life." I'm sitting right next to my partner right now as I write this, and I have never said anything like this out loud. My plan is to be more forthcoming this year, but baby steps - the most important thing to me is to preserve my quit.

TLDR; Glad you're here - you're in the right spot and we welcome you with open arms and wings

[wagmor]

I'm sitting here this morning on yet another "snow day" in our city. I live in the Pacific NW where snow is uncommon enough that it cripples the city with just a few inches. We got more than a foot of snow Tue into Wed, and this was the third snow or ice storm in the past 4-5 weeks.

I'm self-employed as a teacher and trainer, and on days like this I lose work, which is hard financially. When I was single and drinking, these would be days where I would have scurried about before the storm to make sure I had enough al to get me through several days. I would start drinking early in the day, and stayed buzzed or drunk most of the time. Now I'm married (one year anniv coming up in Feb!), but during the first 18 months or so of our relationship I was still drinking, sometimes a lot. I would have resented days like this because my partner is also a teacher and stays home. I would have resented "losing" my opportunity to get smashed in secret.

Instead, on Day 173, I have had a very different type of snow days. First, the only scurrying about before each storm was to stock up on healthy foods and a few treats, to split firewood for the week, and to get a few extra items from the library. We've spent our days hunkered down inside by the fireplace, or snowshoeing right out our front door. Yesterday was a fantastically fun day spent with friends and family, traipsing about all over town in the snow. We have 4wd, so were able to pile 5 in our car and head to one of the few restaurants (and pubs) open for business in the storm. The atmosphere was festive and celebratory, and everyone decided to indulge in a special drink. It would have been easy to hop on board, but I didn't. It wasn't too difficult to hold tight to my quit, and I'm SOOOOOO glad I did. In fact, after I ordered "just water" with my meal, one friend canceled her drink order and stuck with water as well. I like to think I made that easier for her.

It's sunny this morning, but we're still locked in with snow so no school or work. We're enjoying a slow start to the day, followed by plans to 4wd our way through a few errands and then go snowshoeing again this pm.

Such a lovely sober way to spend some bonus time with friends and family. I'm still losing money from not working, but I'm gaining great memories that I'll actually remember!

Have a great MAE everyone, and hold tight to your quits!

[Orimus]

GMAE all. Just a quick check in during my lunch break. Check back in tonight.

[scottish lass]

j-vo - that is a strong move! Take care of yourself, so you have teh energy and resources to look after your loved ones. The analogy of the oxygen masks on a plane come to mind!

Got one of the counselors to speak in person yesterday and have a session booked for a couple of weeks with my girl - no openings before!!! At least we have something - hope I can hang on with her. A colleague said a Mum is as happy as her saddest child, and that hit the spot.

Not much to say today - but staying on track.
Hi to everyone....

[dyingtobealive]

Nosugar - I have no doubt my extended family knows nothing - as they all drink to excess when we're together. But lately I have had the feeling my husband and his family think there might be something more. Just in the way they say things or act. But I know they wouldn't say anything straight to me, which is unfortunately what I probably need. Thank you for your encouragement. Baby steps are definitely what I need. My anxiety has been so bad lately I've been a complete hermit and have accomplished nothing. House projects are really stress-reducing for me, so I think I'll try to stay on task with those things and focus on them. It seemed to help last night at least

Kensho - I never stopped to think about the fact that alcohol might contribute to my social anxiety, but that makes total sense. Usually I do or say something stupid that I probably wouldn't have done sober, which makes it ten times worse. I will keep that in mind.

Wagmor - wow, our stories sound almost identical! I had planned on telling everyone I am 'taking a break' - although I know most will assume I'm pregnant again, as that was the only time before I've stopped drinking for an extended period of time. Right now I hope to use the excuse that I'm training for a mini marathon in April and I need to focus on being as healthy as possible. For a short while this should work, especially if they see me switch to healthier foods instead of McDonald's and potato chips all the time. I'm nowhere near ready to admit to anyone that I might have a problem. That seems so far away at this point.

Part of me is just really scared. Ever since about age 12 or 13 I've had some sort of unhealthy coping mechanism. To be completely honest - I started with cutting, developed anorexia for about 13 years and then slid into drinking. Without a coping mechanism I'm feeling a bit lost. I've always had something to hold onto when things got really bad - something at work, I'd just remind myself of the wine waiting for me when I got home. Have a bad convo with my mom? Break out the liquor. Fight with the husband? Might as well just leave the bottle. Maybe that's what's making this so tough.

[wagmor]

Kensho, I just read back through your post more thoroughly... the hike and yurt trip sounds fantastic! That is exactly the type of thing we love to do. I will eagerly look forward to hearing about your adventure. Which yurt will you be going to, if I may ask? Or general - a state park or an airbnb or... I'm always on the lookout for such destinations. One of our dreams here is to snowshoe in to one of the fire lookouts in the Cascades which can now be rented for overnights. Some are very primitive, some have a few comforts, but all are pretty remote and have beautiful views!

Very excited for you!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

The point is use your tools even if you don't think they matter. I

Roobs, you said that right (IMHO). That's the tuning up your engine even though nothing is wrong.

DTBAlive! Welcome. Your story sounds a lot like mine in terms of family and progression. The first question that gets asked is "what do you want to drink!" Even after three years, my in laws offer me booze at every gathering.

I was SO afraid to tell my therapist and husband, but telling them was a very important step for me, and took a giant weight off my shoulders. I was very good at lying to myself and breaking promises to myself, but once I told them I had both the support and accountability that I needed.

I am sorry about anorexia - there is a lot of information online about eating disorders being a sister to alcoholism. I am glad you're here.

Pauly - You sound so strong and great. You are a great mom. Keep it up, sister.

J-Vo - NS said it. Put your own oxygen mask on first, then assist others...

Happy Thursday, all.

Pav

[j-vo]

Hi All,
Another long day. I guess that's good. Keeps me outa trouble.

Pauly, the story of your daughter really strikes a nerve. What a blessing to be with your daughter on the most frightening day of her life. And as a grandma, I'm sure the emotions were so difficult. But you were there and sober for her. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if she needed you in that time and you weren't able to help her. I imagine that for myself. That's a scary thought, and one that could easily happen if we'd pick up a drink. :hug:

Welcome DTBA. Social anxiety? I was diagnosed with that, and had thirty+ years dealing with it. It's a scary thing, I know. I spent hundreds of dollars on therapy for just that. I think what it took was growing into myself and I think my career helped me a lot. But I still don't eat in the lunchroom with my colleagues, but strangely enough, can do other things with them. It's a situational social anxiety which is weird. When I read your post, I pictured myself as you are 15 years ago. And you know what, the drinking got worse and worse. The consequences got worse and worse. I hope you're able to kick al in his butt now, unlike I did.

Roobs, I liked what you said. Using our sober tools even if we think we don't need them is an important tool in itself. We don't stop exercising because we feel just fine. We keep on because we know we'll lose what we've gained.

Wags, great story. Thank you.

Going to wrap things up early tonight. Watching some tv then hitting it. Have a good one.

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
Just checking in very quickly, visiting schools this week has me shattered - so am looking forward to bed tonight! DTBA, nice to have you here :hug: I'm sorry you've had such a difficult time. Being honest with myself is very hard but think it's definitely the first step toward being able to cope with the problem. And with the right support & work - no difficulty is insurmountable :happy2:
Pauly, what a tragic experience for both your daughter & yourself. I am so very sorry x
JVo - I think your situation with your son must be so difficult to see him suffering. You are really doing the right thing taking time to post here & put your health first, however hard - I really think for my two - the more stable & grounded I am with maintaining my sobriety, the more I can support them x
Roobs, really helpful advice, Thank You :happy2:
So many really helpful posts, Thank You all x
Yawn, nite nite nesters...zzz
LS

[BelleGirl]

Hi All,
I love reading these posts. They all remind me why I am doing what I am doing (or not doing).

DTBA - your first post especially struck me as being very similar to the way I drank. Mostly in hiding, and always looking for "a little more". It is great to wake up un-hungover, and it is funny how waking up hungover had become a way of life for me.

I've made it to day 10. Ive done this before, and so far it hasn't been too hard, but there have been no real stressful situations to test me. It's hard for me to post every day, but it is good to know that kindred spirits are here to help each other and to remind each other what can happen when folks like us pick up a drink. "One is too many and a hundred is not enough."

I just realized my 5 year sober anniversary would have been Saturday, had I not fallen apart starting in mid November, and drank my way through the holidays. The holidays hit especially hard this year, as I so missed my Dad who passed away last year. However, I am glad that I was sober and able to be with him and help him out in his final months. I am so glad that I have been able to retain every memory...instead of the alternative of too many nights with no memory of things the next day.

Reading back the last couple of days, there was a lot of talk about kids and being there to take care of them. So true.

DTBA's post also reminded me about the anxiety. We think that drinking will help, but in the long run the anxiety is all that much more worse.

Keep up the good work, everybody!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, that was a lot of posts to read thru. Always happy to see so many folks checking in as recommended

Hello & welcome DTBA, glad you decided to join us.
I've been around the site for nearly 8 years now & have found anxiety, social anxiety & depression to be a very common link with most of us. I had crippling anxiety myself on top of long standing depression & ended up trying to self-medicate with wine....lots of wine. That ended up backfiring on me big time & causing a good deal of harm. Quitting was scary but I am so grateful that I took that leap of faith. Looking forward to celebrating 8 years AF in March. You can do it too if that's what you really want! A good working plan using ideas from the tool box will help you meet your goals.

We were blessed with another fabulous day in the 60's today - so nice. Snow predicted this weekend, ha ha!!!
Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Believe in yourself! It will go a long way to ��Curing you. Hugs to all, all good here. Bydrie

[Orimus]

GMAE all. Long day as Thursdays usually are since it means at least two more hours on my commute. Waiting for the bus is definitely one of my least favorite activities. After soup and a sandwich it's time for a shower and bed. Will read back and catch up with you all in the morning. Night.

[Nursie]

Nest! My beautiful nest how I've missed you.
*snuggles the twigs*
Been super busy for a couple of days. Much drama with the step daughter and her mother. Long story short the stepdaughter moved in with us and it is going well. I like having her here and I'm glad I am sober to be here for her.

I am still going strong and the only guilt I felt this morning was from eating a doughnut!
Going to have a rest now and catch up on posts tomorrow.

[lifechange]

Morning Nest!!
It is hopping here. I couldn't sleep last night and finally got up around 1230 to read back on posts.. wonderful.
You are all helping me so much to keep my resolve, to remember why I want sobriety and what I have to do to get there.
It doesn't seem like a chore to me right now, it is getting easier, some of the tools are beginning to feel like habit, I'm beginning to talk to myself as if drinking is not an option, it just isn't something I do.
Roobs, I appreciated your post about not becoming complacent. For me, very most important for consistency is to write here each and every day.. if I begin to skip days or have too many fly-by's I could be setting myself up. I love to be here, but it is a bit of extra effort some days to find the time... but I know, there's Nothing more important for my sobriety than finding the time to take care of myself. If I'm doing that, I can help others! right?
Pav, also loved what you posted about realizing that letting go of our uniqueness is one of the first steps in truly opening ourselves up to recovery. This has taken me ages! To realize, yeah, actually I am just like that. Now I'm looking at all of you with years of sobriety, thinking, yeah, actually I'm just like that, too!! At least on my way..

Welcome to you, DTBA! It's good to have you in the Nest. Thank you for sharing your story with us.. I'm sure that all of us can relate to at least some part of it. I also definitely began drinking in a different way when I had the young kids.. as a was to "deal" with the stress, or to have more "fun" with my lightened state of mind, then slowly drinking more and more, finding it necessary to sneak a bit here and there, drinking from coffee cups half hidden, waking up often, if not daily with headache and nausea.. I haven't been over to your thread yet, but I will visit this weekend.. I don't know if anyone has shared the link to the Bubble Hour, a podcast that many love..Pav knows it inside out if you have any questions..The Bubble Hour Online Radio | BlogTalkRadio.
and Hip Sobriety is a blog written by a woman who has a very positive way of looking at sobriety.. great posts..Afraid To Quit Drinking? 3 Common Fears and How To Move Past Them. — HIP SOBRIETY Look forward to getting to know you better!

Wags, I'm envious of your living situation! Sounds beautiful.. I live in the PNW for a few years and miss it. The very nearby nature.. We had beautiful snow here for 1 day and the city went wild, all the kids running around the streets with sleds. For a city, this one is ok.. but still. I would love to be able to go snow shoeing or skiing outside my front door! Or have a yurt adventure/opportunity somewhere around..

J-vo, hang in there. You have more than had your share of struggles this past year. Do you have any breaks coming up with school? Is there anyway it would be possible for you to take some time off? I know it's difficult with your work, but maybe there's a way?.. thinking of you and sending strength via brain waves..:hug:

ok, I wanted to respond to every amazing post from yesterday.. but now I really do have to get up and make breakfast! TGIF.. and see you later.